Losing Streak

[littleprincessj]

Title: Losing Streak

Author: Jessica

Author’s Note: This is a current story dealing with cancer and the strength of Nick and Jessica's relationship. Thank you to everyone who has helped me ESPECIALLY Andre and Erica! Thanks a bunch! Please send feedback to sweetest_sin21002@yahoo.com

Summary: Its current time Jess and Nick have been married a year and a half but they never did the Newlyweds show with MTV. Nick was dropped by Universal in this story and he and Jessica have created their own label which they work from out of their home. It is mostly Nick because Jessica is still with Columbia but she helps Nick along with Jeff, Justin, Drew, and Lea.

Disclaimer: Only the ones I make up are mine.

“Losing Streak� Part 1
There was a rustle from the office as people seated themselves for the long awaited meeting. Nick looked hopefully at the solemn faces of the music and vocal producers as they seated themselves around the table and felt the pounding of his heart in his chest. Their expression gave him no feeling of hope.

"...We have decided not to pick you up Mr. Lachey, we have many new artists now and it just doesn’t make us feel stronger having you on board with the recent sales of your album," the man gave Nick a sympathetic glance.
Nick heard the words with disbelief and turned numbly to Larry sitting next to him, "We'll go from my own label. I know we didn’t want to but I have my own production out and we can go from that, it’ll be better anyways." He watched as the three men walked out of the offices of Jive records. He turned to Larry who was sitting next to him, "How...?" he shook his head, unable to even comprehend the producer’s decision.
Larry was just as shocked, "I have no idea. I mean your last album didn’t do well but that was poor promotion, and with the success 98 had you would think they would be jumping. Don’t worry man, you have your own record label going on, I mean it’s still new and you’ve only got a few artists but its okay, you can work from yours. It’ll all be fine."
Nick picked up his cell phone and left the conference room. He pushed his way through the reporters and once safely in the elevator he rubbed his face tiredly, "That was our fourth turn down from a label in a row. Why aren’t they picking me up?"
Larry shook his head; sharing Nick's concern "I don't know."
"I go next week to meet with someone else. We cannot afford to be turned down again."
"I don't think there is anything we can change. And even if we could, Nick, you have your label."
"Larry if we're being turned down, we must be doing something wrong."
"We're doing what we've always done."
"Maybe that's the problem."
"Let's see how we do next week. If we get turned down, we'll meet and figure out how to deal with it."
"If we get turned down, that will be 5 straight losses."
"Everybody has to lose at some point or another."
They made it to the street and got into their limo, "How is the record with Ryan coming along?" Nick asked, referring to the new artist that was with Nick’s new record label, he was Nick’s first client to be more specific. Ryan and Ashlee were dating.
"It’s going alright..." Nick trailed off, still unable to believe that they had just been turned down.
"You still have a good chance. Don't start admitting defeat just yet. I mean you’ve got a lot of his album recorded."
"I know. We meet again in two days...I hope he isn't watching the news tonight."
"He wouldn't fire you for being turned down from a record label."
"I wouldn't be so sure. Have you met this boy’s manager? She's frightening."
Larry grinned, "Is that why you always send Jessica to meet with her?" Nick and Jessica both opened this record label themselves, and although Jessica hasn’t struggled with her label as much as Nick she is an equal part to the label. Jeff, Justin and Drew even work with Nick part time since they aren’t in the studio now.
Nick's face turned pink, "Jessica can handle her better than I can."
"She always comes back complaining."
"They get along."
Larry gave him a withering look, "You keep telling yourself that."

They arrived at the Lachey’s home minutes later; Jeff, Justin, Tina, Joe, Drew, Lea and Jess were all there, "How'd it go?" Tina asked brightly.
"We got turned down."
Drew looked up with surprise, "You what?"
"They came back and said they didn’t want me."
"How? You said-"
"Obviously I was wrong."
Justin came out of one of the rooms with a client and walked him outside. The conversation died down until the client was safely out of hearing range.
"Who was that?" Nick asked distractedly.
"New client. Christina Duffy. She was dropped from her old record label and wants to join ours. She’s going to fly out to LA and meet with you in the studio," Justin informed him.
"Oh." Nick didn't even want to imagine the pain that the girl must be feeling, she looked very young, and at least Nick was used to this business. "Where's Jessica?"
"Meeting with Barbara Keireth," Ryan’s manager.
Nick silently congratulated himself again for getting out of that appointment. He looked at Drew, "Any news on Abbott?"
"We got the dates set for him to come in, but we haven't been able to get a hold of Trina to come on down and help."
"Keep trying."
"Of course."
Feeling that he was up to speed on all the current business matters, Nick took his messages into his office (which was brand new, he and Jessica had an extra room made into an office for them right next to their built in studio downstairs in their home) and closed the door. The bravado was all very well, but the turn down had really shaken him. He wasn't used to being turned down or losing so regularly and needed time to think about it.

He wasn't given that time.

The door swung open and Jessica stalked in, "That is the last time I see that woman without you."
"Jessica. I need some privacy."
She reached out and closed the door with a bang, "I'm not going to say it again, Nicholas. She's evil."
He rubbed his eyes, "Can you yell at me later? Book me in for eight tonight."
"Funny." Her tone became sympathetic, "Drew told me about the label’s decision. I'm sorry."
He raised his eyes to meet hers, "I'm still in shock."
She shrugged, "So you'll work off your own label. It's not the end of the world."
"It isn't just this turn down that worries me. It's the culmination of all the rejections I’ve had."
"All the rejections? There have only been three."
"Four."
"Okay. Four. It still isn't the end of the world," she repeated.
"We can't have people think that I am a loser."
"You’re not a loser."
"People are fickle, Jessica. I get let go from my label and then rejected by four and people lose their faith in me. They decide that they should go down where the artists are actually being picked up."
Jessica was amused, "This is really getting to you, isn't it?"
Nick decided that it was time to change the subject, "So how did your meeting with Barbara go?"
Jessica frowned, at first frustrated by his obvious attempt to change the subject but then pleased to be given a chance to complain again. "I am never meeting with her again. She gives new meaning to the word annoying. She spent the whole time complaining about life in the world of a manager who is working straight through the nights. The food is bad...she doesn't get enough sleep...the other managers and artists are annoying...she 'never' stops. She should have thought about that before she decided being a manager in the entertainment business was what she wanted. Hitting my head against a brick wall would have been more pleasurable than meeting with her. I wanted to...she made me so...I am never meeting with her again."
"Jessica-" Nick began soothingly.
She pointed a finger at him, "This is your fault and I am not going to let you cajole me into meeting with her again."
"This will be going more smooth in a week once we get him actually recording and get the song choosing out of the way, let it go."
"Easy for you to say. You haven't met with her since the first day Ryan came wanting a record deal."
"She doesn't like me," Nick argued, harbouring a hurt expression.
Jessica hid her smile, "I don't like you very much at the moment either."
"I'll meet with her next time. Happy?"
"Yes. And I hope she is as horrible to you as she was to me today."
"Thanks a lot. Are you ready to go upstairs and get everyone out of here?" he asked, placing some papers into his desk.
"Yeah. Actually, I've been feeling a little run down lately."
"Anything wrong?" he asked, immediately concerned.
"No. Just tired."
"Maybe you should see a doctor."
She smiled at his protectiveness, "No. I am sure that all I need is a good night's sleep."
He stared at her for a moment before accepting her explanation, "Let's go then."
She followed him out of the office and went upstairs where everyone was getting ready to leave anyways, after waving goodbye to everybody they closed the front door and went to the kitchen to start some dinner.

***

Jessica lay quietly in bed that night so as not to wake Nick. She had had an odd feeling in her stomach for the past few days. It had begun as a background tingling, but now it positively ached. She sighed and rolled over, placing her head on Nick's chest and listening to his steady heartbeat. Nick stirred and wrapped his arm around her subconsciously, pulling her closer to him. Enclosed in his arms, she found it easier to ignore the pain and fell asleep.

Hours later Jessica was awake again and sipping coffee. Nick was reading the newspaper, but looked up curiously when she sighed.
"What's up?"
"I think I should see a doctor."
He raised his eyebrows, his concern obvious. "Why?"
"I haven't been feeling well and I've been feeling so tired lately...I don't know what's wrong."
A possibility developed in Nick's mind and a smile slowly spread over his face, "Could it be...?"
She smiled back, enjoying his reaction, "Nope."
His face fell, "Are you sure?"
"Pretty sure. Those pills I pop every morning...you may have noticed?...they're pretty effective. And you may also have noticed my bad moods last week. You should know by now what that means."
He whistled softly and replied gravely, "I sure do."
She slapped him lightly, "Funny. I've probably just picked up a virus somewhere. It's a pain in the [arse]...especially with everything with the label going on next week. Not to mention my performances I’ve got coming up"
"Your health is more important than all that."
She snorted, "Then who will you blackmail to meet with Barbara?"
"Drew," he replied without hesitation.
She raised her eyebrows, "So I can be replaced that easily?"
"In the studio working you can. I don't think Drew would be too pleased if I asked him to come home with me, though."
"I'll take that as a compliment. But in the future, answer that question with a firm no."
He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her to him, "You could never be replaced," he whispered in her ear.
She smiled softly and kissed him on the forehead, "That's better."

***

"Jessica Lachey?" The nurse called.
Jessica stood up and followed her into the exam room.
"The doctor will be with you shortly."
"Thanks"
Jessica looked around the room curiously. She felt no anxiety about her tiredness, and smiled at the doctor when she walked in. Jill was the daughter of a family friend and Jessica felt comfortable talking to her. Her doctor's appointments usually ended up as gossip sessions between the two.
Jill grinned when she saw her, "Hi Jessica, how are you?"
"Hey Jill. I'm fine."
Jill raised her eyebrows, "Then why are you here?"
Jessica chuckled, why did she always say she was fine? "Well...I've been feeling a little tired lately. And last night I had an ache in my stomach and it's a little swollen today."
"Where?"
Jessica pointed to her lower abdomen, "Here."
"And you've been feeling tired?"
"Yeah. It is probably just stress. We have a big record deal go next week, and everyone is in frenzy over it. Plus I have a lot of performances coming up soon, I am sure that if I get a good night's sleep, I'll feel better. But the pain worries me."
"Hmmm. What about nausea or loss of appetite?
"Loss of appetite, but not nausea."
"Okay. Lie back for me?"
Jessica lay back on the bed and Jill lifted her sweater, gently prodding her abdomen. "Let me know if it hurts, okay?"
Jessica nodded. Jill's prodding fingers hit a sensitive spot and Jessica cried out suddenly, "Ow!"
Jill stopped prodding and breathed out slowly, "You're married now, aren't you?"
"Yeah. A little over a year."
"And pregnancy isn't a possibility?"
"I'm on the pill. And I had a period last week."
"The pill isn't 100% effective."
"I know."
"And some women do menstruate even when they're pregnant. This is probably nothing, but I want to run some tests."
Jessica nodded with agreement, "What sort of tests?"
"First I'll need a urine sample to rule out pregnancy."
Jessica wrinkled her nose, "Okay..."
"Then...we'll go from there. The next step will probably be a blood test, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I'll get the nurse to show you where the bathroom is. Here's the cup."
"Thanks," Jessica replied dryly. She eyed the cup with distaste and followed the nurse to the bathroom.
"Take your time," she was encouraged cheerfully.
"Don't worry...I will."

***

Nick looked at his watch and took a huge bite of his sandwich. His lunchbreak was almost over and he hadn't even started it yet. He heard the phone ring in the outer office and prayed that it wouldn't be for him.
"Nick! It's someone called Jill," Tina called.
Nick paused, who the hell was Jill? He put down his sandwich and took a swig of water, "Nick Lachey."
"Nick. I'm sorry to call you at work, but I'm Jessica’s doctor."
Nick felt his face freeze and his voice came out as a croak, "Hi. What can I do for you?"
"Jessica came to see me today and I am concerned about some test results. I think you should be here with her."
"I'll be right there." He hung up the phone and numbly grabbed his coat. "I'm going out. Cancel everything," he said to Lea and Tina as he rushed out the door.
"Where are you going?" they yelled desperately after him, but their plea wasn't heard. "And I bet he didn't take his cell phone," Tina muttered grumpily to herself.

***

"Jessica!" Nick called anxiously when he saw her face in the waiting room,
She turned with surprise, "Nick! What are you doing here?"
"Your doctor called me. She said that I should be here. What's going on baby?" He hugged her tight.
Jessica's cheerful expression changed to one of worry, "I don't know. They took a blood test and she asked me to wait out here."
"She didn't say anything to you?"
"No."
Jill appeared in front of them, "Jessica. Nick. Follow me."
She waited until they were both seated before beginning. "Let me begin by saying that this could be nothing."
"But...?" Jessica asked in a small voice.
"But...it may be something big. We won't get the blood test results back until tomorrow, but I had a pathologist friend of mine look at a blood smear. We identified an excessive number of white blood cells which could mean many things, but isn't a good sign. The actual blood test will tell us a lot more. But coupled with the [arse]ociated pain, loss of appetite and lethargy...I have made a tentative diagnosis."
"What is it?" Nick croaked.
"It could be nothing. But it could also be cancer."
There was a shocked silence as both Jessica and Nick digested the news.
"Cancer?" Jessica finally whispered.
She forged on, "Ovarian cancer. There currently isn't a standard diagnostic test, in fact, the best diagnostic tool that we have is ultrasound. I'd like to do one now."
"Of course."
"I'll be right back." They watched her leave and turned to each other in dumb shock.
Nick's mouth was dry and cottony and he searched his brain for something to say. Jessica looked frightened and he wanted to comfort her in some way but the words just wouldn't come. He opened his mouth and she turned to him desperately.
"She said that it might be nothing."
"But it could be cancer," Jessica replied with wide eyes.
"We have to be optimistic."
Jessica wasn't given an opportunity to respond. A nurse walked in and smiled sympathetically, "Jill's ready for you."
They followed her out to another room, where ultrasound equipment was set up. Jessica lay back and gripped Nick's hand tightly. She felt the coldness of the gel hit her belly and gasped with surprise. It was really cold. She watched the screen with the doctor, unable to recognise anything in the grey mist of the ultrasound. Jill pointed to various blobs, muttering "Colon...kidney...bladder..." She paused on a section and studied it seriously. She turned to Jessica and Nick and looked them each in the eye, "This is your left ovary."
Nick squinted at the screen. He could vaguely make out a globular shape.
"This one looks fine. It's the right size and you can see the smooth outer edge. But you experienced the pain on the right." She squeezed more gel onto Jessica's stomach and looked back at the screen. "Okay. Here's the right ovary." She paused and looked at it closely, changing the focus and using markers to outline a small patch. She took a deep breath and looked back at Jessica and Nick.
"This doesn't look good."

[littleprincessj]

Title: Losing Streak Part 2
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note: Hey WOW HUGE thanks for Andrea and Erica. And the JSMB! You guys, I didn’t think anybody was going to like this story but the feedback I got was OUTSTANDING! Thank you so much it makes me want to write more and more! PLEASE keep sending me feedback and replying to my posts it means the world to me! You can e-mail me at sweetest_sin21002@yahoo.com
Summary: Nick and Jess deal with Jessica’s cancer and I forgot to mention this but for the sake of this story Nick lost his mother to breast cancer years ago when he was a teenager, y’all will see why in a few chapters!
Disclaimer: Only ones I make up are mine!
“Losing Streak� Part 2
They continued to stare back at her.
"You can see this section here...it is a growth of some kind. It may be benign, but we'll have to take a biopsy to be sure."
She received no response from either of them.
"I'll refer you on to an oncologist. There is a wonderful gynaecologic oncologist that is doing amazing things with ovarian cancer. I want you to see him tomorrow."
Jessica nodded numbly. She felt like her world had come crashing down. This morning she had woken thinking she had the flu and now she had cancer. Her life had changed dramatically in just seconds.
"I am so sorry. Do either of you have any questions?"
Nick cleared his throat, "If it is malignant...what is the success rate?"
"The oncologist can tell you more, but I believe if we catch it early, there is an 85% success rate after treatment."
"Is this early?" he asked.
Jessica closed her eyes. She needed time to absorb the news before she could even begin to consider success rates and treatment. She wished Nick would just shut up and not take control of a situation for once in his life.
Jill saw Jessica mentally shut them out and looked back at Nick, shaking her head, "In most cases by the time we diagnose it the cancer has spread. This looks to be fairly advanced."
"What does that mean?"
"Stop, Nick." Jessica whispered suddenly
He turned to her with surprise, "I'm just-"
"Don't. Not now."
His eyes pleaded with her, "But-"
She shook her head adamantly. "Ask tomorrow. I don't think I can take this right now."
Jill decided to step in, "It's probably a good idea if you digest the news first. The oncologist is better equipped to answer any questions that you have. We'll also know more when we get the blood tests back. I'll call Dr. Foster now." She left quietly. Jessica stood up and kept her eyes focussed away from Nick. He felt her shut him out and blew out a deep breath, trying not to get angry, but unable to rid himself of the need to know everything. Know thy enemy, the first rule of combat, he thought, and if this wasn't war, he didn't know what was. He just couldn't understand Jessica's desire to remain uninformed. Jill reappeared with two books in her hand.
"The appointment is made. Here are the details." She handed Jessica a sheet of paper before turning to Nick, "I want to loan you these books. Just in case either of you want to know a little bit more about the disease." She handed them to Nick and he smiled gratefully.
"I'll keep in touch." She promised.
She showed them out and they slowly made their way to their cars.
Nick squeezed Jessica's shoulder. "I'll see you at home. We can talk about it more if you want."
Jessica looked at her feet, "I'm going to the studio."
"What?"
"I have work to do. I'll see you tonight." She opened the car door and started the engine. Nick stood on the kerb and watched her disappear down the road. 'Well I'm not going back to the studio or office,' he thought. He looked at the books in his hand and was hit with an idea. The library. What better place to do research.

***

As soon as Jessica walked into the studio, she knew it was a mistake.
"Jessica!" Lea exclaimed brightly. "Where have you been?"
"Out." She replied stiffly.
"Well duh. Out where? And where is Nick?"
"I think he went home."
"Home? At 3 pm? Not likely."
Jessica breathed deeply to dispel her annoyance, "I don't know where he is. Can I go now or do you want someone else to cross examine me?" she stalked to her desk and sat down heavily.
"So-rry!" Lea whispered sarcastically. "Talk about a hostile witness."
Jessica sat silently, staring blankly at the clutter in front of her. How could this be, she asked herself over and over. It seemed that every time she became happy, someone pulled the rug out from beneath her. She almost felt breathless at this latest problem. Cancer? That was something your aunt got. It didn't happen to people like me. She went into one of the offices inside the studio and turned on the computer and typed "cancer" into the search engine. It replied with over a million hits. She sat back and stared at it in stunned silence. She slowly became more courageous and typed "ovarian cancer". There were a surprising number of websites devoted to the topic, from informative sites to support groups. She exited hurriedly and sat again in silence. Her lack of activity didn't go unnoticed by Lea and her father. Both eyed each other warily. Neither wanted to bring up the subject, but they also didn't want the other to start. Finally Joe piped up, "Are you okay, honey?"
Jessica looked up guiltily, "I'm fine. Can't a person in this studio think for a minute without being bombarded with questions?"
"I'm sorry. I was just curious," Joe apologised quickly.
"Well go be curious about someone else." She grabbed her things and stood, "I have to go."
"But you only just got here!" Lea protested.
Jessica acted as though she didn't hear and continued out the door. Lea turned to Joe with wide eyes, "Do you think they're fighting again?"
"I don't know. But I'm sure it's nothing."
"It didn't look like nothing to me." Lea replied, turning back to her work.
"Me neither." Joe whispered to himself.

***

Nick sat at home with left over soup in front of him. He had no idea where Jessica was and wasn't sure whether he was ready to face her. His trip to the library had been successful and he was now equipped with a fairly good understanding of what they were up against. The success rate for a late diagnosed ovarian cancer was less than 10%. The statistic numbed him, and the news seemed only to get worse. Ovarian cancer was the second most common cancer in women after breast cancer. But he felt positive. Jessica wouldn't die – they had too much going for them for anything to go wrong now.

He looked up when she walked in and promised himself that he would say nothing to make her angry. She needed support not an enemy. He pasted a smile on his face and kissed her tenderly, "Hey, you must be hungry. I'll reheat something for you."
"No," she replied dully. "I've already eaten. I'm going to bed."
His smile faded, "Ok. Do you want some wine? Or a cup of tea?"
"No thanks." She kissed him lightly on the cheek. "Goodnight baby."
"Night."

An hour later he entered their bedroom to find her curled up beneath the sheets with one arm flung onto his pillow. He undressed quickly and slipped in next to her, frowning when she rolled away from him. With a sigh he pulled the covers up to his chin and spent the night in deep thought. Nick finally gave up on sleep just after four and Jessica found him two hours later writing lyrics in his office.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and nibbled his ear, "I'm sorry," she whispered.
He stroked her arm, "I know."
"It's just…I don't know how to react."
"I know."
She slowly blew out a breath, quelling her frustration with him. "I don't understand how you can be so calm about this."
He rubbed his temples thoughtfully, "I don't think it has really hit me yet."
"This is serious, Nicholas."
He put the pen down and put his hands on her shoulders "We don't know that yet. Let's wait until we talk to the oncologist."
Jessica bit her lip, "I am so scared." Tears threatened to fall and Nick wrapped his arms around her.
"It will be okay. I'm sure of it."
"How do you know?" she whispered.
"Because we have too much going for us for anything to go wrong."
"I went to see momma."
"You did?" he asked, surprised.
She smiled ruefully, "It probably wasn’t a smart decision."
"How did she react?"
"With tears…regret. You see…her sister died of ovarian cancer."
Nick digested the news.
"I wanted to tell her first…to prepare her…" Jessica continued quietly.
Nick could see where she was going with this, "Everything is going to be all right, Jess. Trust me."
Her eyes revealed her doubts. "I also told Cacee. We had dinner…she spent most of it crying. She wants me to call her after the appointment."
"Why?"
"She wants to know if it's bad news."
"It won't be."
"We don't know that."
"Everything will be all right," he repeated. Jessica buried her face in his chest and tried with all her might to believe him.

***

At eight, Nick called the Lea.
"Lea, Jessica and I won't be in until lunchtime. Can you cancel all our appointments?"
"Nick, is something wrong? One day is suspicious enough, but two workaholics taking TWO days off…I don't believe it," Lea's voice bounced down the line.
"It's nothing…please, just cancel our appointments."
"Okay…but I take no responsibility for the rumours that may get started."
"Bye Lea."
"And what am I going to tell the others? And Joe and the producers coming in today?" she suddenly exclaimed. Nick hung up the phone.

***

A tall and distinguished looking doctor walked into the room, exuding experience and confidence. Jessica and Nick immediately relaxed.
"I'm Dr. Morris, you must be Jessica."
Jessica attempted a smile and shook his hand. "This is my husband, Nick Lachey."
They shook hands. "Okay. I like to get the bad news over with, so here's the synopsis. Via ultrasound and blood test we have come to the conclusion that you do indeed have ovarian cancer. Our first attack against it will be surgery and then I'd like to begin chemotherapy and radiation therapy. Any questions so far?"
He looked at their numb expressions, "I understand that this seems sudden, but we need to begin treating this immediately. The symptoms of cancer don't often appear until a late stage, so we always begin at a disadvantage. Unfortunately, yours was a late diagnosis."
Nick saw the odds of survival plummet from 85% to 10%. Now he allowed himself to get scared.
"What about side effects?" Jessica mumbled, disliking the sound of chemotherapy.
"Cancer is difficult to treat and we are forced to use drastic measures. The side effects are awful, and I won't hide that from you. I can even introduce you to some other patients of mine who will talk you through it."
Jessica nodded.
The doctor continued, "Treatment is much more successful now than it was ten years ago. I don't want to give false hope, but treating a primary cancer is much easier than treating secondaries. Let's begin treatment and go from there."

The appointment continued for another hour. Details were given until both Jessica and Nick felt swamped. Finally the doctor stood and walked them out of his office. Jessica had another appointment the next day for more accurate tests. Nick took her hand and led her back to his car.
"Let's not go back to the studio," he suggested impulsively. "I'll call Lea."
"I think we have to tell them, Nick."
"It can wait a day."
"No. I don't want to keep them in the dark. I want to tell them now."
Against his better judgement he agreed and drove them to the studio.

It was a solemn pair that entered the office. Lea looked up as they entered. She didn't appreciate being hung up on and had some words to say to Nick but their expressions made her revise what she was going to say. Instead she joked, "Who died?"
Jessica turned to her blankly, and Lea realised belatedly that hindsight was in fact a wonderful thing.
"Is everybody here?" Nick glanced around the studio, seeing just Drew and Lea.
Lea nodded, "Tina, Joe and Ashlee just got here they’re in his office, Larry and Justin, and Jeff are in the conference room."
"Get Tina and the rest of them."
He led Jessica to one of the conference rooms. Once everybody was [arse]embled, Nick took Jessica's hand.
Justin saw the gesture and grinned, "Are you pregnant?"
Nick shook his head, "No…we have some bad news."
Joe and Ashlee raised her eyebrows, "What is it?"
Nick was about to launch into a lengthy explanation, but Jessica beat him to it, "I have cancer." Her words reverberated around the room.
"Cancer?" Joe whispered in shock.
Jessica nodded, tears beginning to prick her eyes.
Questions raced through everybody's minds.
"Cancer of what?" Ashlee asked.
Jessica turned to him, "Ovarian cancer."
"When did you find out?" was Drew's question.
"Yesterday," Nick answered.
"I am so sorry," Jeff said, addressing them both. He knew that the news would have as great effect on Nick as it would Jessica. He may not have been a great fan of their relationship in the beginning, but he knew now that they were right for each other. This cancer could destroy them.
Larry's mind was back on business, "I'll take over the production with Ryan case."
"That won't be necessary," Jessica responded calmly.
"I think you both need some time off."
"I don't feel sick, Larry. I want to be treated normally."
"Although I'm worried about how you feel, Jessica, it's not my primary concern. I'm more worried about how the news will affect you. You won't be in the right frame of mind to help Ryan work on getting a good album out."
"I can do the damn album!" Jessica snapped.
"Jessica…" Nick soothed.
She ignored him, "This is what I didn't want…I don't want…sympathy; I don't want to be treated as though I'm fragile. Please…treat me as though nothing's wrong." Her plea was heartfelt and the issue was dropped for the moment. Nick silently agreed with Larry but knew that this wasn't the right place to talk about it. It would take hours of gentle persuasion, not an order.

***

"Mr. Lachey you can come in now."
Jessica turned and saw Nick’s nervous face and gave him a hug. Nick stood and took her hand. It was time to meet with Columbia records this was Nick’s last hope and Jess had really tried hard to get through to Tommy. She still was willing to fight for her husband even though he didn’t want her too. Jessica looked calm on the exterior, but Nick knew that she was in turmoil inside. Needless to say he had lost the argument regarding time off. His thoughts were interrupted by the Tommy walking and sitting down to listen to Nick.
Jessica felt completely unprepared. She had spent the night reading through the papers, preparing arguments and worrying about Nick and getting him this deal. She felt more tired than she was willing to admit. She tried to concentrate on the meeting.
Again he was turned down and Jessica tried but he threatened her career too and that is where Nick drew the line. He wouldn’t let her dream be ruined because she was sticking up for him. They went home and Jessica hugged Nick. They had lunch and Ryan and Barbara were there to work on the album. They went down in the studio and started recording but you could tell they weren’t there. Ryan wasn’t doing great and neither Jess nor Nick tried to fix his mistakes or correct him. After an hour Barbara pulled Nick and
"What the hell were you doing in there?" she shrieked.
"Excuse me?" Nick responded with annoyance.
"I bet you didn't hear one note, one vocal! The boy was practically doing everything on his own! We did not pay good money-"
"Oh shut up!" Jessica interrupted.
Barbara glared at her, "What did you say?"
"I said shut up! I am so sick of listening to you complain. Maybe you should have thought about the hard work BEFORE you took your client."
"I am happy I took my client." Barbara yelled back.
"Baby-" Nick tried to interrupt.
Jessica continued without hearing, "Oh please! You prance around and boss US and everyone else around, you have no clue what you’re doing, you poor client is relying on you and you don’t know what you’re doing! Exactly where do you see a career for this man?"
"I am new at this and he is my first client, so of course I am not used to this yet."
"I am good at this job and I resent you saying that I am not. I want Ryan to have a new label we don’t need you two."
"Barbara…" Nick soothed, glaring at Jessica. "We know what we're doing. We are giving Ryan a chance to get a feel for himself what it’s like; this is all new to him too."
"I at least want HER not working for him," she snapped, pointing a fire engine red fingernail at Jessica.
"Jessica is recording the next song with him, so I need her today. After that it will just be me." Nick decided, silencing Jessica with a look.
Barbara nodded with [arse]ent. They all walked back in to record with Ryan Nick sighed and walked over to him. He had a bad feeling about this whole thing.

[littleprincessj]

Title: Losing Streak Part 3
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note: WOW! Okay two parts in one night is big deal for me THREE in one night is a MIRACLE! But y’all are responding SO well to this story, it is amazing, I really wasn’t expecting this! Please, please keep sending the feedback to sweetest_sin21002@yahoo.com and keep on replying to my posts, I love hearing what y’all have to say! I am onto part four now!
Summary: See parts 1-2, Jessica has cancer and Nick and her deal with the struggles to staying strong.
Disclaimer: Not mine sorry! Wish they were though!
“Losing Streak� Part 3
Ryan glanced at Nick and Jessica with speculation. He had a feeling that he might be able to get away with a lot today and decided that he should grasp it while he had the chance. It wasn't often that a new artist could slide things past the producers.
Ryan and Jessica were working on the song and Nick was helping with the vocals but Barbara didn’t like how it was going, it wasn’t good enough for her so she sighed loudly and glared at Jessica.
Jessica gave Barbara a disgusted look.

Jessica saw Ryan’s smug look and wondered what had happened. She had tuned out again and by the looks of Nick's glazed eyes, he had too.
Drew had slipped into the back of the studio to watch some of the recording. He was worried about this artist, knowing that neither Jessica nor Nick was in any condition to be taking on Ryan alone right now. He watched Jessica's appalling performance with a grimace and decided that it was high time that he took over.

The day soon ended, much to Nick's relief. Drew joined them on the way upstairs. Barbara followed close by and carefully chose her words for when they were alone. She was ready to use the word “see my lawyer in court� a lot and also ignorant and stupid. She just couldn't believe that she had chosen this label on the basis of their reputation.

"What the hell do you think you were doing in there?" Barbara screeched as soon as they were in the front hall upstairs, Ryan was packing up and coming upstairs.
"Barbara…" Nick began.
"No, I won't let you placate me. That was laughable, you let Ryan walk all over you, and he got away with things any person off the street would want to try in a studio. I am firing you.�
"You can't fire us in the middle of putting a record together."
"Well I am and I'm sure that Ryan will allow it after that ridiculous performance you’ve managed to do today in there."
"May I make a suggestion," Drew interrupted calmly.
Barbara waved her hand at him. "Go ahead."
"I think I should take over."
"You can't take over in the middle of the album, Drew," Nick argued.
"I'll ask Ryan to see if he is okay with it and I am sure Barbara wouldn’t mind me taking over."
Barbara turned to him with a look of absolute adoration and then whined, "But don't you think we should ask for new songs and vocals?"
"I don't think it would be worth it, the lyrics are good we just need to work on the vocals."
Barbara took Drew’s arm and led him out of the house with Ryan behind them chatting away about her prospects. Jessica watched with a slight smile on her face, glad to be rid of the [nice person], while Nick simply turned to another file that lay casually on the counter, another artist.
"Let's go eat and lay down," Jessica yawned.
Concern flooded Nick's face, "Are you okay?"
"I'm tired. I feel like I haven't slept in weeks."
Nick stood and wrapped his arms around her protectively, and Jessica pressed her face against his shoulder. They stood as if in stone until Lea walked in unawares from downstairs.
"Oh…sorry." She made a fast exit, but her interruption caused them to break apart and collect their things. They talked to Lea for a moment and then waved goodbye as she walked out the front door, neither proud of their efforts that day, but too tired to really care: Barbara hadn't inspired any real sympathy in either of them.
"Let's get Chinese," Nick suggested suddenly, leading her to the kitchen.
Jessica smiled her first real smile of the day and nodded her agreement, "Remember-"
"How could I forget?" Nick interrupted with a laugh, remembering the time when he and Jessica had first become couple. She had taken the last prawn cracker and he had tried to kiss it out of her mouth, only to choke dramatically on it when he finally stolen it.
"I have never laughed so hard in my life."
He groaned, "I didn't think I'd ever live it down."
"You still haven't," Jessica replied with a giggle.
"And if I remember correctly, you were no help either."
"I was laughing too hard. And I told you…I don't know the Heimlich manoeuvre."
They walked hand in hand out to the car and drove to their local Chinese restaurant and placed their order.
"And extra prawn crackers," Jessica finished with a grin. She was rewarded with a tickle that made her squeal. The other customers looked warily at them, frowning deeply.
"Shhh!" Nick whispered in her ear.
She raised her eyebrows in defiance, "If you would just keep your hands to yourself, I'll be quiet."
"I'd like to see that!" He responded with an arrogant smirk.
Their number was called and the delicious smelling food taken back home. They lay out the food on the floor in front of the fire and ate picnic style. Jessica propped herself up with a cushion from the couch and nibbled on the food. Her appetite was yet to return and if Nick noticed, he refrained from commenting.
"I go into surgery next week," she commented.
He gazed at her for a moment before offering a noncommittal, "I know."
"And then chemotherapy starts immediately after."
He nodded.
"And then we can put all this behind us," she continued.
"I hope so."
"I want to keep working."
"Do you think you'll be able to?"
"I don't know. But I'd like to try"
"Okay."
"Really?" she was expecting him to put up a fight.
He leaned over and kissed her nose, "Really."
She grinned suddenly, "Do you want another prawn cracker?"
Nick pulled the cushion out from underneath her and whacked her with it, while Jessica shrieked with laughter while trying to shield herself from his attack.

***

Drew knocked softly on the Joe’s front door. A light was on inside, in stark contrast to the cold darkness of the outdoors. He opened it at Joe’s command and sat beside Jeff who was already there. Joe frowned at him and beckoned for him to begin.
"Joe, Nick and Jessica have had to withdraw as Ryan’s producers for personal reasons. I will be taking over until the album is completed."
"I have no objections to that," Jeff informed Joe.
Joe looked thoughtfully out the window, "I can't say that I'm surprised. Nor disappointed. Their performance was border-line negligence and I don't want that for their record label. I think that would be a very wise choice as much as I love Nick and Jessica they need to focus on other things now. Anything else?"
"No sir."
"Ok. See you tomorrow."
Jeff said goodnight and left, Drew was about to follow when Joe stopped him. He turned to meet his concerned gaze.
"Is everything all right? I mean everything is still the same as the news we got last night right?"
"Uh…it's really not my place to say," he replied apologetically.
He nodded with understanding, "Fine."

***
2 days later…

"What time is it?" Nick asked, stretching languorously. Jessica shifted with annoyance as his arm reached out over her.
"Ten past eleven," Jessica replied glancing at the clock on her bed stand.
"We should probably get up," he commented, making no effort to do so.
"Hmmm," Jessica agreed.
"I haven't been into the studio or worked at all in two days," he said with a look of complete disbelief.
Jessica grinned, "Must be a record."
He nodded thoughtfully, "It is."
"Everybody knows the reason for your absence, Nick. And anyway, you haven't had time off in years."
"This isn't much of a holiday...we haven't gotten out of bed in two days."
"This is exactly what a holiday is. Sleeping in, sunbathing, eating delicious foods…" she stared dreamily into space.
"Nope. Never had one of those."
She slapped him lightly, "Then you should! Lets go somewhere…Mexico or Fiji or Mauritius," she sat up with excitement. "Even if just for a week."
"But your surgery…"
She scowled at him, "Thanks for reminding me. I meant after the treatment."
"Oh."
Jessica flopped back down onto her pillow, excitement over, "Next winter…promise me we'll go somewhere warm."
"I promise."

***
Two days later…

Jessica pulled out a small Louis Vuittion suitcase from the spare room. She laid it on the bed and sat beside it, not wanting to begin. Nick had unwillingly gone to work for the first time that week, his whole attitude to work had changed dramatically. She remembered the early phone call.
"Hello…hi Lea…no I wasn't going to come in…can't you handle it?…she wants me?…okay…yes, I'll be there…bye."
He had slammed the phone down, rolled over and kissed Jessica and stomped to the shower, while Jessica grinned to herself. The honeymoon that had been the last 5 days was over, it was time to get out of bed and begin to prepare.

***

Barbara strode into the Universal Records studio with Ryan hurrying by his side. They had finished a few of their songs for the album and they were about to show them to Universal. Nick and Drew both agreed that Ryan wasn’t going to work with them and it just wouldn’t work out, they had picked up a few other clients and they seemed to be working out better. So they dropped Ryan just like that and Barbara was pissed to say the least. Universal told them to come down today and they’d know for sure what would happen. They stood and waited for the results from the president of the label.
"Well Ryan after listening to this and hearing you the other day we would like to sign you to our label."
Barbara's jaw dropped to the floor and she turned to Ryan, "This is excellent, but we owe so much money to the stupid Lachey’s label and we don’t have that money!"

***

Jessica lay on the gurney, quietly watching the nurses bustle around her. A nurse finally leaned over her and smiled encouragingly, "They're ready for you."
"Okay," Jessica croaked.
The anaesthetist approached Jessica and efficiently injected a syringe full for clear liquid into her vein.
"Count to ten for me," he asked brusquely.
"One, two….three…†¦â€¦fourɉۈ ‚¦Ã¢â‚¬Â¦Ã¢â‚¬Â¦Ã¢â‚¬Â¦" She nodded off and he made a final check by lifting her eyelid and tapping the corner of her eye. There was no blink reflex and he gave the signal for the nurse to take the gurney into the operating room. Nick watched through the window, the image indelibly burning itself on his brain.
He closed his eyes, "Please come back, baby."

End of part 3.

[littleprincessj]

Title: Losing Streak Part 4
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note: Part 4, here it is! Thank you all so much for everything! You guys are the best! I love ya all and thank you all for everything! Y’all are awesome! Keep on sending the feedback! You can e-mail me at sweetest_sin21002@yahoo.com or just keep on replying to the message board like y’all are! Thanks again!
Summary: See parts 1-3. When we left off Jessica was going in for her surgery and Nick was waiting. Please remember for the sake of my story Cate p[arse]ed away from breast cancer, and John and her had never divorced before that, Drew and Nick were both in their early teens when she p[arse]ed away. Drew was still too young to really take everything in but Nick was about 15 and he took it very hard. Trust me it has a LOT of relevance to this story!
Disclaimer: I don’t own them I just use them to play around with in my stories!
“Losing Streak� Part 4
Nick looked out the window into the hospital's emergency entrance to where an ambulance had arrived: it’s flashing lights casting blue and red highlights over the room. Nick watched as doctors and nurses huddled around the person and in a flurry of activity and urgency they disappeared from view. He checked his watch for the umpteenth time that hour to find that only 5 minutes had p[arse]ed. He sighed and rubbed his face tiredly. Memories of his mother's illness were hard to repress during moments like this and he painfully allowed them come back. She had died so slowly…in incredible pain. Her last hours of lucidity were spent begging for the end and her tearful voice was etched deep into his soul. He would never forget the look of desperation in her eyes, nor the sadness in his father's. It was only now, years later that he felt what his father must have felt. He jumped with surprise as the object of his thoughts appeared by his side.
"How is she?" John asked, the concern evident in his expression.
Nick shrugged helplessly, "I don't know."
The two men stood side by side in silence, a canyon of unexpressed thoughts and feelings separating them. John tentatively placed his hand on Nick's shoulder and the gesture brought tears to both their eyes.
"She'll be fine," John told his son gruffly. “Where are her parents?�
“Jess told them not to bother coming down, she didn’t want to create uproar. Ashlee is just starting her new album and Tina and Joe are so overworked and busy on that, Jess didn’t want to take the time away because she knows how much it means to her. It’s her big break, Jess is so proud of her; she doesn’t want this interrupting it.�
A polite cough from the doorway made them turn.
"Nick?"
Nick saw the doctor, feeling his mouth turn to cotton. "Yea…?" he grunted nervously.
Dr. Morris noticed the nervousness and got straight to the point, "It went well. We removed the tumour and as far as I could tell we removed it all. I also examined the lymph nodes and they too looked normal. This is a good sign."
Nick felt his knees go weak and mumbled, "Thank God."
The doctor slapped him on the arm in a masculine gesture of comfort and left to check on his patient.
He turned to his father with relief, "She's going to be okay."
"Yes she is."

Meanwhile, blankness turned into conscious thought as Jessica woke up from the anaesthetic. Her first sense was a sharp jolt as the achingly bright hospital lights burned red through her eyelids. She opened them slowly and soon realised that she was moving along a corridor, through swinging doors and into a darker, quieter room.
"Glad to have you back with us, Jessica," someone said, the humour evident in their voice. Jessica turned towards the source of the voice and focussed on a friendly face.
"I'm Pam, I'll be one of the nurses in your ward."
"Hi," Jessica whispered hoarsely. She looked around her, "Where's Nick?"
"Brown hair, piercing blue eyes, sex dripping off him?" Pam asked, still smiling.
Jessica laughed woozily at the description, "That's him."
"Dr. Morris went to talk to him after the surgery. He should be here soon."
Jessica suddenly remembered the surgery, "How did…?" she trailed off, not sure whether she wanted to hear the answer.
Pam understood, "It went well. Dr. Morris can explain."
Jessica dropped her head back onto the pillow with relief.

***

Drew strode out the studio, mind preoccupied with thoughts of Jessica's surgery. Nick had phoned from the hospital to say that it went well, and there had been a collective sigh of relief around the office at the news. Life now had permission to continue normally.
He walked down the hallway and into Nick’s office. As soon as he sat down the door opened, Lea was on the phone with somebody so Drew told whoever it was to come one in, it opened and revealed a familiar face.
"Tommy Silva," he commented dryly. This was a family friend of Drew’s father, he was never a favourite to Drew or Nick for that matter but they were nice to him because he was friends with John, he was a very well known lawyer in California, "Need a record deal?"
"No I have a surprise for your record label. Follow me."
Drew turned on his heel and followed the lawyer back to the main office in the studio. Silva's appearance was met with an astonished silence. After the lawsuit all those Christmases ago, Silva and Nick’s record label had barely acknowledged each other's existence. They would have been less surprised (and much happier) if Brad Pitt himself had walked through the door. Jeff was the first to react, "What the hell are you doing here?" he snarled.
Tommy smiled, "Jeffy, we used to be friends, what happened?"
"What happened is that you tried to hang us out to dry. We have long memories, Tommy," Justin replied just as nastily.
"As do I." He held up a white envelope. "I received a call from a Mrs. Kiereth…delightful lady…she wasn't too happy with her new client’s representation and as she and her client work on a new deal with Universal, we are citing malpractice. We are also filing suit against the label seeking damages. It's all in here. See you in court," he left the office with a [friend]y stride.
"What?!" Justin cried, outraged.
Lea shook her head morosely, "Not again," she whispered, referring to the last time Silva tried suing Nick over some stupid contract violation.

***

Nick walked into the hospital room at the same time as the doctor and smiled when he saw her sleeping peacefully. The doctor looked at her chart and nodded happily, "Her recovery is going well. I'll come back when she wakes up." He left brusquely, his mind immediately turning to the next patient. Nick couldn't imagine how he dealt with the constant stream of cancer patients. Surely it would depress him. He imagined the doctor would have a similar mechanism as he did for not letting himself get caught up in the pain and despair.
"Oh Nicholas…" a voice murmured amorously.
Nick's eyes flew open in surprise; but he was amused to see that Jessica was still asleep. He couldn't wait to brag about this one. She moaned softly and whispered, "Please?" and he couldn't help but laugh. She woke up with a start and smiled sweetly when she saw him, "Hi."
A smile spread across his face, "Hi. How are you feeling?"
She grimaced, "Like someone just tore my guts out."
He wrinkled his nose, "Thanks for that lovely description. It sounded as though you were having a nice dream though."
She smiled, remembering, "Yes it was about you."
He smirked, "It is to be expected."
She threw a pillow at him, "Not that sort of dream."
"You know, baby, you've never had to beg before. I've always been a willing participant."
She stared at him quizzically, "I have no idea what you're talking about."
"In your dream you were begging. I'm telling you it really isn't necessary…unless it was a fantasy…"
She shook her head in confusion, "Yeah. In YOUR dreams, maybe. Now what did the doctor say?"
Nick continued to smile, "It went well. He's confident that he got everything and he also said that all your lymph nodes were normal and that is a good sign."
"Good."
"Chemotherapy next."
She frowned, "Yeah."
"Everything's going to be all right," he squeezed her hand.
"I hope so."
Nick laughed again, "Oh Nicholas…please…" he mimicked her perfectly

***

Meanwhile, the other singers looked at each other, all thinking the same thing. Lea was the first one to voice her thoughts, "Shouldn't someone tell Nick?"
They glared at her and Drew sighed with resignation, "I'll do it, it's my responsibility. He appointed me in charge."
“I wanted to talk to him anyway, I’ll do it.� Lea stated determined to tell him.
Drew saw her determination and shrugged, "Fine. You do it."
Lea nodded and walked into Nick's office, closing the door against the prying ears.
Nick's voice was tired when he answered, "Nick Lachey."
"Nick. It's Lea."
"Lea. Uh…what's up?"
"Are you busy?"
"Hang on." She could hear muffled voices on the other side and the shutting of a door, before Nick's voice returned, "I'm here."
"Tommy Silva came to the studio today."
Nick sounded distracted, "Silva? What did he want?"
"He's representing Barbara Kiereth and Ryan in their appeal and…against the studio. There's no easy way to say this…we're being sued again."
There was a pause.
"Nick?"
"Okay. I'll come in this afternoon. Organize a meeting."
"I'm sorry about this, Nick."
"Thanks Lea."
She hung up the phone and leaned back in Nick's leather chair, looking at his tidy desk, taking in the framed picture of Jessica. She remembered the early days wistfully. How happy they had been! They were newlyweds, how carefree! She remembered having to urge Nick to take the first step, and always having to offer advice that he didn't necessarily want to hear. She remembered the sly comments of the others when Jessica's picture had appeared near his bunk on their Heat It Up tour. She remembered Jessica's happy blush when Drew blurted it out to her. And the next day a picture of Nick had magically appeared in prime position on her tour bus. There had been laughter at this and groans of how sickly sweet and romantic it was, but it had been a turning point in the relationship. And it had worked in the end: the eternal bachelor, Nicholas Lachey was in love and married. Quite an accomplishment, Lea congratulated herself proudly. And now this. Why did the good things always have to go wrong?
Jeff poked her head in the door and saw Lea staring into space. "Did you call him?" he asked loudly.
Lea jumped about three feet into the air with surprise and glared at him, "You could have knocked."
"Sorry. Did you call him?"
"Yes. He's coming in. Make sure everybody's available for a meeting."
"Okay." Jeff grinned. "You can go back to sleep now."
Lea watched his smiling face disappear around the door. At least some things were still the same, she thought ruefully.

***

Nick walked back into the small hospital room, where Jessica was again sleeping. He kissed her softly on the forehead and picked up his coat when her sleepy voice stopped him.
"Where are you going?"
"I have to go back to the studio."
"And you weren't going to say goodbye?"
"You were sleeping. I didn't want to wake you."
"What's wrong at the studio?"
"Nothing. Just a song that Drew wants my opinion on."
Jessica furrowed her eyebrows in thought, "Can't it wait?"
"Apparently not."
Their lips met in a quick goodbye kiss, "I'll be back soon." Nick promised. "Don't watch too much daytime TV."
"But Jerry's on!" Jessica complained jokingly.
"What's the topic, 'My four wives worship me but I don't like any of them'?"
Jessica laughed, "Close but I think it's 'my lesbian lover is having my father's baby'."
"And I'm going to miss it?" he pretended to be bitterly disappointed.
Jessica laughed again and Nick was secretly pleased that his jokes were working.
"Rest and relaxation," he reminded her. "Don't go running around the hospital or anything. Especially not in that hospital gown."
"Yes, sir!" she teased.
"I say this because according to Cacee, there are a hundred cute doctors out there. I don't want you falling for someone else."
Jessica frowned, "Where *is* Cacee?"
"I told you…there are a hundred cute doctors out there. You think she'd lock herself in here with you?"
"You're so funny," she told him sarcastically. "If you see her, tell her that the cutest doctors are up here."
Nick scanned the room, a look of worry on his face, "I didn't see any cute doctors."
"She doesn’t have to know that."
He smiled, "I have to go."
They kissed again and Nick tore himself away.
"Nicholas?" her voice again called him back.
"Yes?"
She stared at him knowingly, "Whatever is wrong at the studio, don't stress too much."
He smiled ruefully; she knew him too well. "Okay."
"Love you," she called.
"Love you too."

***
Nick walked briskly through the door, all business, "Okay. What happened?"
He was met with the jumbled sound of five people talking at once and groaned. He did not need this today. "Stop!" he ordered. "One at time. Drew?"
"Tommy Silva arrived about an hour ago and announced that we were being sued by Barbara Kiereth and Ryan for malpractice and damages to contract violation. All of us are named personally, you, me, Jeff, Justin, Joe and Jessica."
Nick rubbed his face tiredly and the others shared concerned looks, "Lets see if we can get this kicked. Jeff, you and Drew can handle it for now, call up Larry and he’ll hook us up with our lawyer, what’s his name, ah, ah… Mark! Tell him to get us a meeting with Mark and let’s see if we can settle it or something. Just get rid of it."
Jeff nodded.
"Justin…talk to Silva. I don't think you'll get anywhere, but it might work."
"Okay."
"How's everything else going?"
"We have another new girl coming in next week." Lea announced
“Which girl is that?" Nick asked.
"Lindsay West. The one who sang gospel records and decided she wanted to branch out… Seems she just lost her mother and her father walked out long ago, she’s only got her brother and sister now and they’re helping her with this 100%."
Nick appeared unaffected but inside his heart was pounding, how could one even contemplate being in such a situation? He realised that everyone was waiting for a response and their concern was visible in their eyes. He cleared his throat, "How's it going?"
Lea swallowed, wishing that someone would change the subject, "It's fine, Nick. I think we have a good helping out."
He sighed with relief, "Great. Is that all?"
They nodded mutely.
"I'm going then. If you need me I'll have my cell phone."Jessica for us and that we'll come in to see her tonight," Drew told him brightly.
He smiled gratefully at her, "I will."
They watched him go in silence.
Four sets of eyes turned to Drew once Nick was safely out the door.
"Why didn't you tell him?" Justin asked, his voice sounding edgy.
"He doesn't need this right now. I'll tell him when things have calmed down a little," Drew responded calmly.
They looked at that morning's edition of the LA Daily News that lay in front of Drew. They had all read the article on page four, which accused the label of having lost their edge
"…No more can aspiring artists be [arse]ured a profession and winning record deal at LA Record studios, N&J Lachey Entertainment." it read. "After losing five high profile artists and now being named in a malpractice suit by the fifth losing client, the studio run by 98 Degrees lead singer, Nicholas Lachey is looking as downtrodden as some of its clients. Instead artists are turning to a new studio run by the young and zealous Gerald Hays. Nicholas Lachey was unavailable for comment, but Mr. Hays was enthusiastic about his studio's rise in profile…"
"When did they call?" Drew asked Lea curiously.
"Yesterday…they didn’t say what it was about. And how was I to know that they'd write that?" she responded a little too defensively.
"I'm not accusing you of anything," Drew said, exasperated. "I was just curious."
"You may not be accusing me, but they certainly are," Lea retorted pointing to Jeff and Justin.
Jeff narrowed his eyes, "I just think you could have asked them what they wanted him for. That's all."
"You tell me to say no comment to every reporter. And if I hadn't said that you'd be accusing me now of telling them too much. I can't win with you!"
"That's enough!" Drew ordered.
"I just-" Lea whined.
"Lea!" he interrupted. "We can't do anything about this now, so let's move on. Lea are you sure you don't need any help with the West girl?"
"No. It's fine. She's coming here this afternoon."
"Great. Let’s get back to work then."
They all filed out of the conference room, Drew and Lea glaring at each other warily.

***

"There are so many cute doctors in this hospital!" Cacee announced as she swept into the room.
"Yeah. Thanks for ditching me."
"I figured you'd want to spend some time with Nick."
"Yeah right. You were just too busy handing out your phone number."
Pam, the nurse, walked in and bustled around Jessica.
Cacee conceded, "I only gave it to three doctors and one nurse."
"Thinking of playing for the other team?" Jessica asked with a laugh.
"Funny. Did they accidentally give you a lobotomy while you were in surgery?"
"Sorry. Please continue…your story is fascinating." Jessica pasted a bored expression on her face.
"The nurse is male. I like the idea of a man doing a woman's job…it's actually kind of sexy."
"Woman's job?" Pam asked.
Jessica enjoyed Cacee's embarr[arse]ed expression, "I mean traditionally…" Cacee stammered.
"What was the nurse's name?" Pam asked curiously.
"Josh."
Pam burst out laughing, "You may not be playing for the other team, but he certainly is!"
"But…but…he gave me that smile…!"
"He has bets on with other nurses."
Cacee shrugged, "Oh well. You can't win them all."
"Maybe Jessica can give you hints on what to look for in a man…she certainly hooked a good one."

***

Justin ordered himself a drink and looked out for Silva. The bar was teeming with lawyers and clerks and celebrities he noticed the curious looks, the snide remarks about losing their touch and the giggles behind hands. They had all seen the article and the air was distinctly hostile. Justin sipped his beer silently and eventually saw Silva walk in the door.
"Justin," Silva asked with good humour, "Do you really think you're going to convince me to drop this?"
Justin ignored the question, "Did you organize for that story in the Daily News?"
Silva grinned, "Of course not. I wouldn't hurt a person when they were down." His expression clearly contradicted his words.
"Off the record. We want to kick this."
Silva grinned smugly, "I bet you do."
"What will it take?"
"Ten million and admission of guilt."
"No way. It'd bankrupt us."
"That's the idea. You know…after that article appeared I've been having calls from your other clients who lost their labels and contracts from you guys. I'm meeting with them tomorrow."
Justin felt his face going red, "They weren’t strong enough for this business."
"Maybe, but everybody has a right to a competent record deal."
"No jury will award them damages!"
"I'd like to try. Have you told Nick?"
"Yes."
"Where is he? In hiding?"
"No. At the hospital-" Justin stopped suddenly, wondering how much he could tell Silva.
Silva's curiosity was piqued, "Hospital? Why?"
"It doesn't matter."
Silva shrugged and stood suddenly, "Gotta go. Nice talking to you Justin. I guess I'll be seeing you in court."
"We'll win this one Silva. Just like last time," Justin called. A hush fell over the bar and Silva's laugh was heard clearly. After a moment's pause, the whispers began again and Justin, red faced walked out with as much composure as he could muster.

Everybody was curious when he returned, "How did it go?"
Justin shook his head, "He was confident. And it was him who organized the story in the Daily News."
"We should sue the Daily News," Lea commented wistfully.
"They didn't say anything really libellous," Drew argued.
"But it would show that we were fighting this. I don't like just sitting here and doing nothing."
"But we don't want to look desperate," Jeff was adamant.
"We are desperate," Lea reminded her helpfully. She was rewarded with a glare.
"We'll take it to court," Drew decided. "We won last time, this case isn't any different. We talk to Larry and Mike just like Nick said, and we take this to court."
"It's very different, Drew. Nick and Jessica *were* negligent with handling Ryan’s entire record deal, not just one portion of it but the whole thing straight from the beginning."
"We'll win." Drew replied confidently.
He was met with four sets of disbelieving stares and turned to go to Nick’s office.

***

Cacee had left and Jessica was looking out the window when Nick arrived back at the hospital. He leaned on the doorframe with flowers in hand and waited for her to notice him. When she didn't turn he cleared his throat and watched her jump.
"God you scared me!" she laughed.
He smiled back, "Sorry."
"The doctor just came by. He's discharging me tomorrow. He said that I could go back to work next week."
"Did he?" Nick replied slowly.
"Yeah. I can't wait to go back…this is boring. And I don't even feel sick."
"Do you feel like eating?"
Jessica avoided his eyes, "Not really. But I'm sure my appetite will return."
He nodded noncommittally, trying to avoid an argument. But she noticed and her eyes narrowed, "You don't want me to go back, do you?"
He sighed, "Baby, I-"
"I knew this would happen! I knew you agreed to easily when I asked you last week!"
"I'm just trying to protect you."
"I don't need protecting."
He opened his mouth to argue, but thought better of it, "It's my fault."
Jessica raised her eyebrows in surprise at the change in tactics, "What?"
"I take the blame."
Her eyes narrowed as the wheels began to turn, "Why?"
"I shouldn't have married such a stubborn, headstrong, pig-headed woman who won't allow herself to be protected. It's my fault."
Jessica smiled, "Stubborn and pig headed, huh?"
"Don't forget headstrong."
Jessica slapped her palm against her forehead jokingly, "Oh yes. Headstrong. How could I forget?"
"It’s my fault."
"You had no chance Nicholas. Once I had my claws stuck into you…you had no choice but to marry me."
"You're right! It *is* your fault!"
"Because I'm so stubborn."
He grinned, "And pigheaded."
"And headstrong," she added. Her laughter died down and she said seriously, "Nicholas…"
He understood, "Let's wait til next week. See how you feel. Then we’ll talk to your dad and see what performances you’re supposed to be doing."
She accepted the compromise, "Okay." She gestured to the flowers, "Are they for me?"
He shook his head regretfully, "No they're for the lady in the next room. She's nicer to me than you are."
She pouted, "Very funny."
He handed her the flowers and she sniffed them gratefully, "I can't wait to get out of here," she looked at him balefully. "So I can kick your [arse]! Headstrong and stubborn…hah!"

***

Lea listened to the young sympathetically. She was close to tears and forcing herself to continue.
"Lindsay," she said when he paused. "We can do this tomorrow."
"No, Lea. I have to…I want to do this now. It will never be easy. I want to do this record but I don’t want to feel like a complete stranger when I show you my writing, there are meanings behind these lyrics I’ve written, I want you to know them."
She allowed her to continue.
"…The scar from the first surgery just wouldn't heal so she went back to the doctor and he said that they might have to operate again and repair the damage. He said that the sutures may have come undone or something…we were so angry…but we allowed him to go in again."
"What happened?"
She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut, "She was so full of life…happy…when she went into surgery. I waited outside with my brother and sister…and after about two hours, the doctor came out and said that something had gone horribly wrong….her heart had just slowed down and stopped and they…they couldn't…" she covered her face with her hands and sobbed.
"Did he say anything else?"
She took a deep breath to compose herself, "He said that it looked like hyperkalemia." She stumbled over the word. "I went home and looked it up. It means excess pot[arse]ium in the blood. It stops the heart from beating."
"Did they say how it happened?"
"No…only that they were looking into it. I never heard from them again. I lost my momma because they…because of a stupid mistake. I…I…miss her…so much…"
Lea patted her arm comfortingly and looked at the lyrics on her notepad. She would get this girl the best album recorded. No matter how hard or how much work Lea was determined to make her the next Pop Princess.

End of part 4.

[littleprincessj]

Title: Losing Streak Part 5
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note: Oh my gahh… Thank you ALL for this AMAZING response of feedback I have received. It is absolutely amazing, and I am so overwhelmed and happy you all are enjoying this story! I am having a lot of fun writing it and I promise I have a TON more coming your way for PLEASE keep up with the feedback! You can reply to the posts or e-mail me at sweetest_sin21002@yahoo.com
Summary: Read 1-4
Disclaimer: Not my characters, I’m just writing about them!
“Losing Streak� Part 5
One week later…

"What about this one?" Jessica called across the designer boutique to Ashlee as she placed the hat on her head. Ashlee turned expectantly and burst out laughing.
"If you were going fly fishing I would say yes…but otherwise…"
Jessica grinned and placed it back on the rack, "Damn. I thought it was a winner. Who on earth makes these ugly hats? Do they even put them on women to see how they look?" she asked rhetorically (and loudly) while Ashlee giggled. They received a nasty look from the manager of the store and shushed each other in forced whispers. Jessica reached for a more normal looking black hat and placed it on thoughtfully, "This is nice."
Ashlee adjusted it minutely and they stared at in the mirror, "I like it," she decided.
"Me too," Jessica agreed, looking at the price tag. "Oh my gosh!"
"How much?"
"Too much!"
"I'm sure Nick will pay for it," Ashlee replied breezily.
"It's not whether we can afford it or not, it's the principle of the thing."
"You and your principles. Just buy it!" she ordered. "Now help me choose one."
"You don't need a hat! I'm the one whose hair is going to fall out," Jessica protested with a twisted smile.
"But I don't want you wearing a hat all by yourself," Ashlee replied as she placed a bright pink 50s style hat on her head, grimacing at her image in the mirror. Jessica felt her eyes tearing up and Ashlee translated her silence, "Hey…please don't cry because then I'll have to cry and I'm already dehydrated from all the crying I've done over the past two weeks.
Jessica laughed with relief, and handed Ashlee a blue broad-brimmed hat with a large rose stuck on the front, "Now this is more like it," she murmured appreciatively.
"I look like I should be going to the horse races at Royal Ascot," Ashlee told her putting on a fake English accent. She took the hat off and scanned the store, "Ah ha!" she exclaimed before dashing off to the other side. "This is the one!"
Jessica laughed when she saw the hat and they received more dirty looks from the manager. "It's perfect!" she whispered loudly.
"I'll take it."
They proudly took their hats to the counter and paid for the purchases.
"Shoe shopping!" Ashlee exclaimed as they left the shop. "I desperately need a new pair of shoes."
Jessica let out an exasperated sigh, "Do we have to?" she whined.
"Do you have a better idea?"
"I want some sexy lingerie," she told Ashlee, a faint blush creeping across her cheeks.
Ashlee raised her eyebrows, "What has Nick done to deserve this?"
She smiled secretively, "I want to convince him to let me keep working in the studio next week."
Ashlee clapped her hands together in delight, "I didn't know you had it in you! I know just the place," she grabbed Jessica's arm and dragged her across the street.

***

"No more can aspiring artists be [arse]ured a profession and winning record deal at LA Record studios, N&J Lachey Entertainment." it read. "After losing five high profile artists and now being named in a malpractice suit …" Nick read aloud. When he finished the damaging paragraph, he turned to the expectant Drew. "Why didn't you tell me about this?" he asked, annoyed.
"We didn't want to worry you. Plus, there was nothing you could do about it," Drew argued reasonably.
"Gerald Hays is a lying, sleazy, unethical-" Nick spat bitterly.
Drew interrupted with a laugh, "Just like you used to be."
Nick shot him a dirty look, "Funny."
Drew sighed, "It looks as though Silva organised it."
"How is the case going?"
"Mark said we start depositions next week."
"Fight Silva every step of the way."
Drew didn't need to be told, "We're on it."
"Good. What else have I missed?"
"Not much. Everything's running smoothly."
"Has there been any reaction to this article?"
"Some. One of Justin’s clients fired him, but Justin says that he had been threatening it for weeks because Justin wanted him to take a different approach on the album he was working on."
Nick laughed.
Drew looked at him carefully, "How's Jess?"
He sighed, "Good. She went shopping with Ashlee today."
"So soon?"
Nick shrugged. They had argued about it that morning. He paused, remembering.

"I feel fine, Nicholas," she had said angrily when he questioned her decision.
"The doctor said-"
"The doctor said that I should live life normally."
"But he also said you should take it easily."
"I will be. We're not going sky diving."
"But-"
"Nicholas, I'm going. Now you'd better go or you'll be late." He had seen in her eyes that she was worried about him. Worried that he was taking this too seriously. But he couldn't help the feelings that were uncovered every time he thought about her illness.

He shook himself mentally and answered Drew, "She says that she feels good."
"Lea said that she's coming back to work next week."
Nick closed his eyes, images of his mother, working non-stop through her chemotherapy, flashed before his eyes, "We still haven't come to a truce on that one."
Drew smiled knowingly. When Jessica had her mind set on something Nick didn't stand a chance, "I have no doubt that I'll see her next week."
"Yes, you probably will," Nick sighed with resignation.
Drew laughed again and left the office walking upstairs and getting ready to leave Nick’s house, "She'll stop if it gets too hard," he reminded a worried Nick.
"I hope so."

***

Jessica stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her vision was focussed on the red scar that extended across her lower abdomen, while she held a peach coloured silk nightgown in her hand. She traced her finger along another older scar along her chest and hated that her body had become so marred.
"Are you ready?" Ashlee called.
"No…not yet…hang on."
She slipped the gown over her head and looked at herself grimly in the mirror. At least it covered the scars. She opened the door of the changing room and posed for Ashlee.
"It looks a little…grandmotherly," Ashlee told her gently. She held an array of bright red and black lingerie that Jessica had flat out refused to wear. "What are you trying to hide?"
"Nothing," Jessica replied defensively.
"Jessica…what is it?"
She sighed, "I have scars…I don't want him to see…"
"I'm sure he doesn't care-"
"He doesn’t. But I do," Jessica interrupted. "I don't feel sexy in those clothes, Ash."
"Just try them!"
"No!" Jessica walked back into the cubicle, slamming the door behind her. She reached for another gown…slightly more daring, but not much. She put it on and saw what Ashlee saw. "Ewww." Grandmotherly was a gross understatement.
"Okay. Give me those clothes," she called resignedly to Ashlee.
"Yes!" Ashlee cheered, p[arse]ing them over the top of the door.
Jessica looked at them fearfully; these were not clothes she was used to wearing.
"Well?" Ashlee asked anxiously from outside the door.
"I haven't got them on yet. I'm still getting over the shock at what you chose!"
"They'll knock Nick's socks off," Ashlee said with satisfaction.
"Is that before or after he dies of shock?"
"He won't die of shock."
"You don't know Nick the way I do," Jessica muttered, clipping together the various parts "Okay…I'm ready, but I'm not showing you."
"Jessica!" Ashlee whined.
"No way!"
"Please?"
"I can hardly bear to look at myself in this…there is no way-"
Ashlee pulled the door open and Jessica shrieked, trying to cover up all exposed areas.
"Ashlee! Shut the door!"
Ashlee was examining her sister critically, "It looks good. You have a great figure…more curves than I could ever hope for." Her eyes took in the scar that Jessica was desperate to hide but she soon refocussed on Jessica's face, "If Nick doesn't fall at your feet panting…he has problems."
Jessica pushed her out and closed the door. "Do you really think so?" she asked worriedly.
"Jess! You look amazing. It would be a crime not to buy it."
Ashlee waited while Jessica paid.
Jessica bit her lip nervously, "I can't believe I bought it!"
“Nick's in for a huge surprise," Ashlee whispered gleefully.

***

7 pm

Jessica entered the house quickly. Nick's car hadn't been in the garage so she knew she had some time to prepare while he was still out playing basketball with the guys at Drew’s house. Candles were brought out and lit, the champagne placed on ice and with a last satisfied glance, Jessica left to prepare herself. After a quick shower, she took the lingerie out of the bag and took a deep breath; it looked even more daring than it had in the store and she unenthusiastically slipped it on. Once dressed, she covered herself with her bathrobe and walked back out to the living room. The champagne called her invitingly and Jessica opened the bottle with the hope that a gl[arse] of the bubbly liquid would calm her nerves. She downed the first easily and poured herself another, settling on the sofa in wait of her husband.

After what seemed like eternity she heard familiar footsteps stop outside the door and a key turned in the lock and she was pressed into action.
"Baby?" Nick called as he entered.
"I'm here," she called back from the bedroom upstairs.
"How was your day?" he asked, walking in the direction of her voice.
"We had fun. And yours?" She could hear him getting closer and closer and her heart beat nervously.
"It was-" his voice stopped abruptly as he saw her. "Oh my god," he whispered. His eyes traversed her body appreciatively and Jessica felt her cheeks grow hot. The scar was in full view, but Nick didn't seem to notice. Ashlee had been right, she realized with satisfaction.
"Surprised?" she asked with more composure than she felt.
"Definitely," he responded still standing in the doorway, unable to draw his eyes away from her.
Jessica stood and walked over to him, tilting her head to kiss him and beginning to unbutton his shirt. He responded hungrily and walked her over to the bed, unable to keep his hands off her. In the end, the lingerie didn't matter all that much, as it was removed with due course and Jessica was happy to see it go. She decided, though, as Nick turned his attention to her neck, she'd have to bring it out every time she wanted something. It worked like a charm.

***

Meanwhile, Lea shuffled the papers on her desk at home, searching desperately for the missing page of her new lyrics she had written. She gritted her teeth and swept a towering mountain of files from other business deals off her desk. Anger rose steadily and she was almost at breaking point when she saw the familiar dog eared page. She pounced on it gratefully and fastened it to the other pages with a paper clip.
"Lea?" Drew asked carefully.
"What?" Lea responded through still gritted teeth.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
Drew looked at the pile of files that had fallen by her desk and grinned, "Do you need some help?"
"No."
"Maybe you should take a break."
"I don't have time for a break, Drew. These lyrics need to be ready for tomorrow and I have a million things to do."
"You've been working on them for weeks. I'm sure you're ready."
"You think so? I have spent the past two weeks being supportive to Nick and Jessica, helping you organize this office, deal with the malpractice suit against us and convince Jeff that you and Justin don't hate him. Every time I sit down to work on this someone else comes to me with a problem. I can't take it any more!"
Drew's eyebrows rose steadily as Lea's hysteria bubbled closer to the surface. "Whoa! Take a break, sweeties and then I'll help you with your writing."
Lea groaned and stood to refresh her cup of coffee.
"When Jessica comes back next week, things will get easier," Drew [arse]ured her.
"Except that Nick doesn't want her to come back," Lea said conspiratorially.
"Really? She told me that she was definitely starting work again next week."
"They've been fighting about it."
"They fight about everything," Drew waved it away dismissively.
"Hmmm," Lea agreed noncommittally.
"She'll be back." Drew said confidently.

***

Nick lay with Jessica spooned against him, a satisfied smile on his face.
"We need to talk," Jessica said drowsily as he pulled her closer.
He kissed the bare skin on her back, "What about?"
"Next week," she said, rolling over so that she could face him.
"Work?" he asked.
"Yeah."
"If you think you can handle it, then it is up to you," he announced, surprising her.
"What? When did you decide this?"
"About three days ago," he replied sheepishly.
"What!?" she sat up suddenly and stared at him.
He pulled her back down, confused, "What's wrong?"
"All this…I can't believe it!"
"All what?"
"Nothing."
Understanding dawned on his face, "The lingerie, the champagne, the candles….?"
"No," she replied, unable to meet his eyes.
"You were trying to bribe me!"
"But it wasn't necessary, right? You'd already made up your mind. So just forget about it," she began a trail of kisses down his body and for a minute Nick was distracted from their conversation. But he wasn't close to forgetting about it. "You went through all that effort just to go to work again?" he asked, trying with all his might to remain focussed.
"I wouldn't call this effort," she replied smugly, giving up on trying to distract him. "You were putty in my hands."
"That's not the point. It really means that much to you?"
"Yes."
"Why didn’t you say?"
"I tried. You wouldn't listen," she told him, annoyed.
"It’s just…" Nick trailed off.
"What?" she asked with concern, knowing that there was a deep-seeded reason beneath his protectiveness.
Nick squeezed his eyes shut, fighting the memories that had come flooding back over the past two weeks. "My mother…she tried to do everything normally…but she couldn't…it was too much in the end."
Jessica wrapped her arms around him and rocked him gently, "Oh baby." She was amazed at this revelation from Nick. "What happened to your mother…that isn't going to happen to me…"
He allowed himself to be held more tightly. "I don't want to lose you," he whispered.
Jessica barely heard his words and felt her eyes tearing up, "You're not going to lose me."
He sat up and turned her chin towards him with his hand, "Promise?"
Jessica smiled softly and crawled into his lap so that she was straddling him, "Promise," she agreed, kissing him tenderly. "Can you tell me about her?" she asked, wrapping her arms around his neck and resting her head on his shoulder.
"My mom?" he asked fearfully.
"Yeah."
"She was amazing…" he trailed off and Jessica saw tears pool in his eyes.
"What was she like?"
"She was so…giving. Caring. I never once heard her say a bad word about anyone. And she worked so hard for me…when she was little she asked what I wanted to be when I was grown up and I said a doctor that sings. After that she saved everything so that I could go to college.� He smiled down at her. "She would have liked you…"
"Really?"
"Yeah…she was also a stubborn woman…" he grinned as Jessica slapped him. "I remember her and my dad fighting when she got sick. I don't know if she did what you just did to convince him to let her work, but somehow she did."
Jessica laughed; history does repeat itself!
"She always told me that the woman I married would have to be strong…to put up with me…"
Jessica rolled her eyes, "She was right about that!"
"I could never go through that again," he whispered.
"You won't have to, baby. You won't get rid of me that easily!" she replied, eyes twinkling.
He breathed a martyred sigh, "Don't I know it."

***

Nick buttoned his shirt, it was already 9:30 but he didn't care. What was the good of being the boss if you couldn't be late once in a while? Jessica was sitting up in bed, enjoying watching him dress. Their eyes met and both smiled, "What are you doing today?" he asked.
"There's a book that I want to read," she responded.
Both were making an effort to please each other, "No shopping?".
"I'm all shopped out," she told him truthfully.
"What else did you buy yesterday?"
"I'll show you." Jessica crawled out of bed and disappeared out of the room while Nick waited curiously. She re-entered with her new hat on her head, "What do you think?" she asked coyly.
"Wow. It looks great."
She grinned, "You should see Ashlee's."

As if on cue, the doorbell rang. Nick went downstairs and strode over to answer it while Jessica admired her hat in the mirror. She heard Nick's loud laugh clearly and poked her head out to see who it was. Ashlee glided into the house also wearing her new hat proudly.
"Jess?" she called.
"Hang on," Jessica pulled her bathrobe on and walked downstairs to meet Ashlee. Nick was still laughing and she glared at him, "It looks great!" she told Ashlee.
"You should have seen people's faces on the street! One guy asked me for two pounds of peaches. And another wanted to know whether I liked to eat fruit, or if it was more fun wearing it," Ashlee giggled.
"Nicholas likes it," Jessica nudged him sharply in the ribs, "Don't you, baby?"
"I love it," he choked out.
"Why are you here?" Jessica asked curiously. "It wasn't just to show me the hat I hope?"
"No. I've taken the day off." She pulled out two DVDs from her bag, "Meet the parents."
Nick laughed again and turned to Jessica lovingly, "Remember when I met your parents?"
"How could I forget?" Jessica groaned. The day had been a very interesting one.
"Okay so that movie is out," Ashlee sighed. "Fried Green Tomatoes?"
Jessica smiled, "Of course!"
"I think that's my cue to leave," Nick announced. He kissed Jessica goodbye and gave Ashlee a peck on the cheek.
As he walked out the door, he heard Ashlee's sly comment, "So I take it the lingerie was a success?"
Their laughter rang in his ears and with a red face he left to meet Drew at his house.
End part 5.

[littleprincessj]

Title: Losing Streak Part 6
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note: Oh my gahh… Thank you ALL for this AMAZING response of feedback I have received. It is absolutely amazing, and I am so overwhelmed and happy you all are enjoying this story! I am having a lot of fun writing it and I promise I have a TON more coming your way for PLEASE keep up with the feedback! You can reply to the posts or e-mail me at sweetest_sin21002@yahoo.com
Summary: Read 1-5
Disclaimer: Not my characters, I’m just writing about them!
“Losing Streak� Part 6

Nick entered the studio with Drew, still smiling to himself about Ashlee's hat.
"Hey Nick," Lea greeted, handing over his messages.
He looked around the empty studio, "Where is everybody?"
"Justin and Jeff are in the studio down the hall, and Joe’s in jail.�
"What?" Nick asked absentmindedly.
She sighed, "Nobody appreciates my humour. It was a joke. He's meeting a client."
"Oh. How's everything with that new girl going?" he asked.
"Good. We did opening lyrics for a few songs yesterday and we’re going to finish up putting more of her writings into songs today."
"Let me know how it goes when you done?"
"Sure."
Nick began to walk to his office.
"How's Jessica?" Lea called.
He turned, eyes twinkling as he recalled their night, "Great."
"When will she come back to work?"
"She goes in for chemo on Thursday and wants to be back at work by Monday."
"Say hi for me."
"I will."

He dropped his phone on the desk and relaxed back into his chair, thinking about the weekend ahead, wondering how Jessica would handle the trauma of chemotherapy. He had vivid memories of his mother throwing up sometimes for hours on end while simultaneously trying to re[arse]ure him that she was fine.

*"I'll be fine by myself Nicky, go to school. You have a test next week and I doubt you've studied for it," she lectured with a pale face, while holding a bowl in a quivering hand.
"But-" he protested.
"No buts. Go!"
He had gone. And come home to flashing lights and sirens and his father's grim face. After that he didn't dare leave her no matter how much she ranted about tests and grades. He had been terrified that if he left her side he wouldn't get a chance to say goodbye. In the end it hadn't mattered, the hardest thing he had ever had to go through in his life and he placed the blame fully in the doctor's shoulders.*

But his mother's illness was nothing like Jessica's. Hers had been sudden and already in a late stage by the time she had been diagnosed. Medical science had also been much more primitive back then. So there was much more hope than there had ever been for his mother. And as much as he hated doctors in general, he had to believe that they were genuinely optimistic about Jessica, more for his own sanity than anything else. Though doctors these days never said anything as concrete as being "optimistic" they were too afraid of being sued, Nick thought ruefully. It was usually "from the symptoms presented to us and barring anything unforseen, there looks to be a reasonable chance of recovery". But there was always the niggling thought in the back of his mind asking "what if?" As with all the other times the question arose, he pushed it back to the distant regions of his consciousness. The same place he stored all the memories of his mother. He couldn't afford to face those memories and answer those painful questions. Jessica needed him to be strong for her and that was what he would be.

He opened his calendar and looked at the months ahead, treatment dates were circled in red and concert and studio dates in blue. His decreased studio work load meant there were also many blank spots and ideas began to flow in about what he could do with Jessica during those times. They could go away for weekends, visit friends and relatives or just relax at home with a good movie. At least if he wasn't working she might not have such an urge to. The weekend ahead was a perfect time to spend alone with her, just the two of them. He pencilled the ideas on to the pages and smiled happily. They had hardly spent any time together in the past few months and this was the perfect time to repair any holes that had developed in their relationship. Not that he could think of any, but knowing Jessica, he was sure that he had done something wrong in her eyes.

Two hours later, still pondering thoughtfully and having done no work, he heard Lea and her client walk through the door. Almost immediately his door opened and Lea popped her head in, "You wanted to see me?"
"Yeah."
She sat down, "How's Jessica?"
"Good."
"Chemo on Thursday?"
"Yeah."
"You're worried," she noticed.
He smiled to himself, she knew him too well, "Not really."
"Don't lie to me Nick, you're worried."
He sighed, "Yes, I'm worried."
"Why?"
He lowered his eyes, "You know why…"
"She's going to be fine, Nick. She thinks so, the doctors think so…you're the only one who doesn't believe it."
"Its just that-" he broke off.
"What?"
"I have a history of losing people I love…"
Lea sighed, "Why don't you go home and spend some more time with her?"
He made a face, "She made me come to work. I think the word she used was overbearing. And anyway, Ashlee's there to keep her company," he pressed his temples to relieve the stress that had been building all morning. "But this isn't what I wanted to talk to you about."
Lea let the issue drop, "The new girl?"
He nodded, "How's it going?"
"Good. We put up a lot of great lyrics and got a big chunk of what we wanted to done today."
"That’s always good," Nick commented.
"Yep..."
"Great. And everything else?"
"You mean the studio?"
At his nod she grinned, "It's fine Nick, you don’t have to worry. Joe and the lawyers are in court over the Silva case, Justin's been taking all the smaller matters…we're dealing with it. In fact we've realized that we don't need you at all!"
He gave her a dirty look, "Thanks a lot."
"But it is nice to have you back." She grinned again, "Do you want me to find you some lyrics to work on?"
His dirty look became a glare, but he was amused, "No. I think I have some here that I can dust off."
"Well, if you're bored, I always need some help with filing and organizing our client’s information. Is that all?"
"Yes."
"I'd better eat, we're due back in half an hour to record some."
"Okay."
She headed out the door.
"And Lea?"
She faced him, knowing what was coming.
"Thanks…for everything."
She accepted it wordlessly and went out to collect her client.
Nick looked around his office again, sure that he could find something to do, they had been using this studio not far from his home since Jessica became ill because a lot of commotion in the house wasn’t good for her, but they did go there sometimes.

***

"Joe!"
Joe recognized the voice and he and Drew shared an annoyed glance before facing the owner.
"What can we do for you Tommy?"
"Is it really necessary for you to be so nasty?" Silva asked with a smirk.
"Yes," Drew snarled.
"I'm guessing this is a case you want to settle?"
Joe and Drew just glared at him.
"I'll take that as a yes. Mrs. Keireth is willing to settle. She wants 3 million."
The two remained silent.
Tommy shrugged, "Think about it. If it was up to me I'd be glad to take this all the way. I think the judge today set it out in black and white…you have NO case."
Joe and Drew began to walk to the elevator but were frozen by Tommy's next comment, "Oh by the way," he added in a saccharine voice. "Give Jessica my heartfelt condolences. It must have been a real shock to everyone when she was diagnosed." He waited for a response but was disappointed. Drew's mouth was set in a thin line and Joe looked like he wanted to hit someone. Tommy smirked and breezed away.
"How did he know?" Joe asked grimly.
"Lots of people know," Drew rationalised. "Anyone could have told him, and she is a celebrity."
"Nick said only our family, his, and you guys know."
"Ashlee might have told someone...you know how gossip spreads in this place."
"No doubt Tommy will bring it up in trial."
"We'll have to base our strategy around it," Drew replied thoughtfully, his mind cruising at a million miles an hour.
"We need a meeting with the whole studio, Jessica included."
"Maybe next week."

They were met with almost complete silence when they walked into the studio.
Drew and Joe gestured to the conference room, "We need to talk."
"What's up?" Nick asked, taking his usual seat in the conference room.
"Silva says he'll kick this for 3 million," Joe told him.
"And he knows about Jessica," Drew added more seriously.
"What?! How?"
"We don't know. Who have you told?"
"Our families, Cacee and all of you…" he trailed off. "Our families wouldn't have said anything…they wouldn't know who to tell anyway, and Cacee said she'd keep quiet…and I trust her…"
Justin began to get a little red in the face and the other three quickly noticed it.
"Justin!"
"You?"
"You didn't!"
They yelled simultaneously.
Justin's face became even redder, "He asked where you were," he addressed Nick, "And I let it slip that you were at the hospital. I didn't mean it…it just came out."
"How could you…?" Drew was lost for words.
"Look, he would have found out anyhow, I just sped it up. I didn't mean it and I'm sorry."
"We should have a meeting on this, Nick," Drew announced. "With Jessica."
"She'll be back next week. Lets organize one for Monday."
"Great. We need to discuss our options."
"Fine."
“Is that all?� They nodded. “Great, I am heading home.�
"Give Jessica our love," Justin added.
"I will, thanks."

***

Two days later…

Jessica lay back on the hospital bed and watched, unable to draw her eyes away, as a nurse efficiently placed a catheter into her arm. Once in it felt uncomfortable, but surprisingly it didn't hurt. Nick watched anxiously from the doorway and Jessica smiled re[arse]uringly, "Don't fidget, baby. You're making me nervous."
"Sorry," he apologized, continuing to fidget.
"Look, do you want the nurse to put one in you too so you can see that it doesn't hut?"
He grimaced, "No thanks."
She smiled, "Then go get yourself a cup of coffee and relax!"
He stood where he was but relaxed visibly. He had promised himself that he wouldn't leave her side and he wasn't going to break the promise this early in the treatment.
For hours the chemicals dripped into her veins, they felt cold but she was surprised at how uneventful the whole procedure was. She read a book while Nick tried to focus on writing, but it was obvious he wasn't concentrating.
Finally, with a bang, he slammed his notebook down and looked at Jessica, "I've been meaning to ask you something."
Jessica who was already startled by the sudden noise looked distinctly worried, "What?"
"We should go away this weekend."
She sighed with relief, "Oh…where?"
"Anywhere…even if we just book ourselves into a hotel for a couple of nights."
Jessica shrugged noncommittally, "Okay."
"You don't sound very enthusiastic."
"Its fine, baby. But I just don’t know how I'll be feeling. It might ruin the weekend if I have to throw up every two minutes. Why don't we wait until next weekend?"
He tried to hide his disappointment, "I just thought we could get away from all this."
"And I think it’s a great idea, but not this weekend," she argued.
"Fine. I'm going for coffee, do you need anything?"
She sighed with frustration, "No, I'm fine."
He disappeared and she waited, slightly puzzled by his insistence. There was sure to be a reason behind this and she knew he'd come back with new arguments prepared to get what he wanted. She spent the rest of the time preparing her own. He reappeared with a mug of steaming coffee.
"The nurses are really nice here," he said conversationally, determined to drop the argument. She had made her point and he wasn't going to worry her with more fighting.
Jessica burst out laughing.
He frowned, "What?"
"I was already to fight you and that's all you can say?"
"I don't want to argue," he insisted.
She narrowed her eyes, sensing a hidden strategy, "Well that would be a first. Is this some tactic to catch me unawares? Because it isn't working."
"No, I'm not going to fight you baby. We'll go away next weekend."
She looked at her book and back to Nick who was staring at her earnestly, unable to believe that she didn't believe him. Was he really so argumentative?
"Baby…" she began.
"Baby…just read your book."
Her eyes narrowed again, "You always say that when you're hiding something."
He threw his hands up in frustration, "I'm not hiding anything!"
"Now I know you are. What's going on?"
He sipped his coffee, "Nothing."
"Its your mother isn't it? You always close up when it's about your mother."
"Baby…" he said painfully.
"Tell me," she urged. He looked at her uncertainly. "Tell me," she repeated more softly.
"I know…I want…this is going to…" he groaned.
"Was there a thought in there somewhere?" she teased gently.
"I don't want to have to watch you go through…"
Jessica waited and then finally finished his sentence, "…what your mother went through?" she asked.
"Yes…no…I thought if we went away we could forget about it. It would mean that you wouldn't have to pretend that you're okay…you could just take it easy."
"If I feel like crap I'm not going to hide it baby," she joked. "In fact you'll be the first person I'll complain to." She patted the space on the bed next to her and he climbed in next to her being careful not to move any of the tubes.
"I want you to complain," he replied. "I don't want you hiding it…and pretending…"
"You'll regret asking me to complain," she laughed. He nuzzled her neck and she smiled, "Not here, baby."
"Why not?" he asked.
"Because it might cause one of these tubes to fall out and I don't want to have to explain to the nurse how it happened."
He pretended to be disappointed and kissed her nose, "I'll try to restrain myself."
She rested her head against his shoulder and sleepily murmured, "Everything will turn out okay."
He gently wiped a wisp of hair across her forehead and replied, "I hope so."

***

Next day…

After dropping Jessica off at home and making sure she was comfortable (and with a bucket handy). He walked into the studio deep in thought and was almost about to sit down when he suddenly noticed someone on the couch.
"I'm sorry," the person apologized. "Lea said I could sit in here."
Nick waved his hand dismissively, "That's fine. I'll go."
"I don't think we've met….Lindsay West," she held out her hand. "Call me Linds."
Nick shook it, "Nick Lachey." He looked around, "Where is Lea?"
"She had a phone call."
There was an uncomfortable silence and Nick shifted from foot to foot. "Well I'll give you some privacy."
Lindsay didn't answer.
"Linds? Are you okay?" Nick asked
"Yes."
"I'll be right outside."
Again there was no answer and Nick walked towards the door, but felt bad for the young girl.
"I'm sorry about your mother," he offered sympathetically.
"Are you married, Mr. Lachey?" Lindsay asked intently.
Nick paused, "Yes."
"Do you love her?"
"More than anything."
"Then don't ever let go of her."
Nick waited silently; his misgivings about leaving Jessica for the afternoon were haunting him.
"Because they can be taken from you without any warning…and it will ruin your life."
Nick swallowed, "My wife has cancer."
Lindsay looked up, tears in her eyes, "I'm sorry."
Nick looked away, "Me too."
"How serious…?"
"Serious but the doctors are optimistic."
"Don't talk to me about doctors," Lindsay spat bitterly.
Nick knew the feeling well, "Lea says the recording is going well."
"I wouldn't know."
"Well…it looks hopeful."
Lea popped in just then. “Linds, I’m sorry to keep you waiting, come on we can go on in now, Drew is waiting for us.�
"No problem," she replied standing tiredly. "Good luck with you wife," she offered Nick feelingly.
"Thanks," Nick replied. He watched him leave; a teen tired of life. Nick made a mental note to talk to Lea about it and tried to focus on the piece he’d been working on before. But the teen’s words rang in his ears, "don't ever let her go" drummed over and over again until he wanted to cover his ears in an effort to get rid of it. "Don't ever let her go."

***
6pm…

"I'm going home," he told Lea.
She smiled, "Okay. Have a good weekend, Nick, you know you’ll be hearing from Drew and I."
"Don't stay too late," he told her.
"Don't worry, I'm charging you overtime."
"Which is why I don't want you to stay too late. You're sending us bankrupt."
She made a face, "You think I enjoy working late? I do have a life you know."
Nick smiled, "I'm glad you have a life. You should enjoy it while you can," his tone became serious and Lea shifted a little uncomfortably; it was usually Drew’s role to placate Nick or Jessica’s, not hers. Nick noticed and cleared his throat, "See you Monday or whenever you drop by our house."
"Okay."

After stopping for various un-nauseating foods, Nick arrived back home to find what he had dreaded all along. An ambulance was parked haphazardly in front of their driveway with lights flashing. Paramedics emerged with someone on a gurney and Nick watched, unable to move as they loaded the person into the ambulance. At that moment his cell phone rang and he immediately heard Ashlee's half panicked voice on the other end, "Nick! You have to go to the hospital!"
End of part 6.

[littleprincessj]

Title: Losing Streak Part 7
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note: Okay, here it is! Thank you EVERYONE on the JSMB! You’re all THE BEST! And I love you all for all this AMAZING feedback you’ve given me! I’m going right onto part 8 right now! Thank you again to EVERYONE who has sent me or posted feedback! Here ya go you can send me more to sweetest_sin21002@yahoo.com
Summary: Read 1-6
Disclaimer: Not my characters, only the ones I make up are!
“Losing Streak� Part 7

Nick rushed forward as if propelled by Ashlee's urgency. He met the paramedics as they were about to get into the cab of the ambulance and yelled frantically, "What happened? I'm her husband! What happened?"
The paramedic stopped and put a calming hand on his arm, "It's okay, Sir," she [arse]ured him. "You can come with us." She opened the back of the ambulance and Nick climbed inside, feeling sick at the sight of an unconscious Jessica. Ashlee was also in the back and she moaned when she saw Nick, "I came by to check on her and she was on the bathroom floor."
"Why? How?" he asked, feeling numb, taking a seat beside Ashlee as the ambulance began to move.
"I don't know. I don't know!" Ashlee cried.
He took Jessica's hand and gripped it tightly. Another paramedic had placed a mask on her face and was checking vitals brusquely, with obvious experience.
"Is she going to be okay?" Nick choked out.
"It's too early to tell. But she is in a stable condition," he answered while injecting something into her arm.
Nick felt faint and sick and sat back, bringing Jessica's hand to his mouth to kiss. "Hang on, baby. Hang on."
"My car is parked illegally," Ashlee joked feebly.
Nick tried to laugh, but managed only a tight smile, he thought back to his own car. "I think I left the keys in mine," he commented, patting his pockets and hearing no jingle from his keys. "But they can take the car, I don't care. I just want my baby to be okay…please God," he finished in a whisper.
They arrived at the hospital and were soon racing to a room, where Nick and Ashlee were pushed gently but firmly outside and directed to wait.

They waited. Finally, after seeing her being wheeled out of the room, they were stopped by a doctor. "You're with Jessica Lachey?"
They nodded.
"Take a breath," she smiled. "She's fine. Just a little scare that's all."
They breathed enormous sighs of relief.
"She's awake and wondering where you are. She said she started chemo?"
Nick nodded. "Yesterday," he replied hoarsely.
"So she probably didn't eat anything all day…"
Nick nodded again. She hadn't eaten since before she had gone into hospital the day before.
"Well the vomiting from the chemo placed more stresses on her body and she was suffering from hypoglycaemia, which means low blood sugar level. She fainted as a result of that. But she is going to be fine. She did hit her head when she fell, but it's small. I want to do a head CT just in case, it is routine in head injury cases and in people who have lost consciousness for more than a couple of minutes."
"Can we see her?" Ashlee asked in a small voice.
"Sure," the doctor led them to the room and squeezed Nick's arm re[arse]uringly. Jessica was sitting up in bed looking ill.
"Hey," Nick greeted. "You gave us quite a scare."
Jessica smiled sheepishly, "Sorry."
"How are you feeling?" Ashlee asked, sitting by her side and taking her hand.
"I'm fine Ashlee. I just feel stupid," she grinned and Nick felt colour return to his face. "Why?" he asked in a more normal voice.
"Because I was feeling like crap and thought taking a bath would help. If I had stayed in bed this wouldn't have happened," she frowned.
"You didn't know," Nick [arse]ured her.
"I still feel stupid. And now they want to keep me here overnight and do a whole lot of tests."
"Just to make sure you're okay."
"Yeah…and I thought a head injury would take my mind off throwing up."
"It doesn’t?" Ashlee asked.
"Nope. Now I have a pounding headache AND I want to throw up."
Nick gave a short laugh, "At least you're awake."

***

"How is she?" Lea asked Drew worriedly.
"She's fine. Nick said that she just collapsed as a result of the chemotherapy. They're keeping her overnight."
Lea chewed on her pen nervously, "I should call Nick."
"He sounded okay, Lea."
“I should still check though.�
"You don't know Nick the way I do," he snapped in reply.
"Hey! Don't take your frustration out on me."
"Well point me to another wife that I can blame."
Lea opened her mouth to say something but couldn't find the words. Drew's argument had made no sense. "What's wrong with you?" she finally asked.
"Nothing."
"Isn't your work going well?"
"Its fine. Get your mind off gossip and do your job for a change."
"I was trying to be nice, but that's impossible in this studio. Nice people get eaten here!" She grabbed her coat and stomped out of the office while Drew watched open-mouthed. Justin had been in the conference room with Jeff and had heard every word of the exchange, he came out with a grin. "Nice one Drew."
"Don't start with me, Jeff."
"I don't want to start with you, but you seem determined to fight with everybody else. What's up?"
"Nothing."
"Don't give me that. There's more to this than worrying about Nick. Spill it."
Drew sighed, "My new client."
"What happened?"
"I don't think we can make something out of the music we’ve got. It is all so circumstantial."
"What happened today?"
"Nothing, we got nothing done. We didn’t know what to start with because we have nothing. It’s going to be a long weekend, that's for sure," he muttered.
Jeff agreed, "Long weekend for everybody." He patted his arm and went back into the conference room. "Where were we?" he asked Justin, who was reading a file.
"Jessica's new client…what do we do?"
"We stall until she recovers-"
"But Jeff," Justin interrupted. "Recovery may take years. And as much as we all don't want to face it…what if she doesn't?"
"I was going to say, wait until she recovers from this week's chemo. Her next appointment isn't for another month, so we squeeze it in when we know she's feeling good. As for her total recovery…we cross that bridge when we come to it."
"Silva wants to start Nick and Jessica's depos straight away."
"I know. I don't even want him to talk to Nick until Jessica starts feeling better. He's not himself."
"Nobody is."
"No…you got that right!"
"How's Lea?"
"Worried about her client. Worried about Nick, Jess. Worried about the studio."
"Worried," Justin smiled.
"Very worried."
Justin shut the file he was reading and stood up, "I'm going to see Jessica and then I'm going to bed. It's been a long week!"
"You're going to the hospital?" Jeff asked with surprise.
"I want to see how she is."
"I'll come with you."
"Okay."
They left the room and headed out the door.
"Where are you going?" Cacee asked from where she was standing, she had just walked in.
"To the hospital. Want to come?"
"Sure. I haven't seen Jessica in a while." She grabbed her purse. Drew worked as though he hadn't noticed them.
"Are you coming Drew? Justin asked.
"I have work to do," he snapped.
"Drew, come with us!" Jeff called from the doorway. "Don't you want to see Jessica?"
"Yes, but I have work to do."
Jeff shrugged, "Fine. Have fun." The others followed him out and shut the door on Drew's bad mood. They were waiting by the elevator when they heard the office door open and Drew's footsteps echoing down the corridor. They held the elevator for him and grinned at each other. Drew noticed and tried to stop his own smile from forming, "Stop looking so damn pleased with yourselves," he admonished. They laughed, releasing some of the tension that had been building up over the last few days and arrived, still smiling, at Jessica's room.

Ashlee, Tina (who had arrived shortly after Jessica woke up) and Jessica were talking earnestly about something so Nick and Joe were the first to notice them standing in the doorway.
"Hey!" they called. "What are you doing here?"
"We can't stop by and see a friend?" Justin asked.
"Don’t you have work to do?" Nick countered.
"They've decided to change careers," a voice announced from behind the group. Lea's voice was unmistakable. They were all pleased that she had turned up.
"Don't think I haven't considered it," Drew joked.
Lea grinned and went over to Jessica who had been laughing through the exchange. It was great to be with her friends again.
"How are you feeling?" Lea asked.
"Great," Jessica lied.
"You don't look it. I should have brought my makeup kit…you look awful."
"Thanks Lea, just what I needed to hear," Jessica replied dryly, running her hands through her hair.
"But don't worry. You've already succeeded in getting a husband and a hot one if I say so myself, so it won't matter if you look bad."
Jessica laughed again, "I'll keep that in mind."
"What's happening with Silva?" Nick asked.
Nick groaned, "Nicholas! Do we have to talk about work?"
He glared at her, glad that their relationship was back to normal, "I want to know."
"It's the weekend."
"I want to know!" he turned to Drew who shrugged, "We wanted to talk to you about it anyway."
"Well?"
"Silva wants to begin depositions. Yours and Jessica's."
"So?" Jessica asked, annoyed.
"(a) We don't want you looking like you do at the moment, no offence, and (B) we want you to be the strongest mentally and emotionally, which you won’t be while you're sick."
"No offence taken, but I can handle Silva," Jessica argued.
"Maybe in a couple of weeks, but not now," Drew insisted.
"He's right, Jessica. Silva is good and he'll find your weakness. You'll need to be strong," Jeff added.
"Complimenting me again?" someone asked from the door.
They turned with horror to see Tommy Silva standing there grinning. "You really should stop saying such good things about me…someone might hear you."
"Get lost, Silva," Joe snarled, remembering their last meeting.
"This is a public hospital and I'm visiting a sick friend. How are you feeling, Jessica?"
"Go away Tommy," Jessica replied.
"I'm sorry about the cancer…what's the prognosis?"
"That's enough," Drew warned, pushing him out of the room.
"You people really should learn to be more civil. I was just expressing my concern for a friend," he smirked and turned on his heel, his job was done.
"We need to get him," Jessica seethed.
"We will," Jeff replied. "We will."

***

Nick looked around him. Everybody was dressed in black and crying loudly. He was confused, he was at the hospital, had somebody died and these people were the friends and family? He tried pushing through the crowd, but people without recognisable faces relentlessly pushed back and continued to cry; some hugging him tightly and whispering "I'm sorry". Sorry about what? He tried to ask, but he couldn't talk. Why were they sorry? Finally they let him through and Nick suddenly realized he wasn't at the hospital at all. He was at a church. It was the old church where his mother was buried. The faceless people became his friends and he was turning to see who was there when he saw it. It was a coffin. An oak coffin adorned with purple irises. There was a woman weeping next to it and it was only when she turned to beckon him that he recognized her. Ashlee. "Nick," she wailed. "What are we going to do?"

Nick woke up. His heart was galloping, his breath came in short bursts and he was covered in sweat. He sat up, his back complaining after being squished into the chair for hours. His eyes sought Jessica's face in the semi darkness and his breaths came easier when he saw her sleeping peacefully. Her chest was moving rhythmically, up and down. All was well. But he wouldn't be going to sleep again. He wouldn't relax until she was awake and smiling at him.

He gave her a long look before going out to get some coffee and saw a familiar shape walking slowly down the hall, visibly uncomfortable in the sterile surroundings.
"Dad!" Nick called, looking at his watch. 10 pm. "What are you doing here?"
John saw his son and brightened, "I got your message and was worried. But you were both asleep when I arrived," he gave Nick a quick hug.
"I told you not to come! She's fine." He hoped with all his heart and soul that his last words were true. The dream had scared him more than anything in the world.
"How are you?" John asked slowly.
Nick blinked, were they about to have a real conversation? "I'm…fine," he replied with as much reservation.
"What happened?"
This was a safer topic, "She hasn't eaten in 2 days and collapsed. It isn't serious."
"And she's still asleep?"
"I hope so. She needs it."
"The chemo…?" John swallowed, hating to bring up the subject.
Nick looked at his hands, "I don't think she expected it to be so bad."
"But you did."
"Of course I did, Dad," he replied, allowing the bitterness to seep into his tone.
John stared at a spot on the wall, "Well I'm glad she's okay."
Nick bit back his frustration and anger. That was as close as they had ever come to talking about his mother and as much as he needed to get it out in the open, it wasn't the time or the place. He just wondered if there would ever be a right time and place.
"They just want to watch her overnight….to make sure."
"That's sensible," John replied, retreating back into the safety of superficial talk.
"Look dad, why don't you go home? It's late and you look tired. I can call you a cab."
John nodded, "Look after her."
"I will."
They hugged again, and it was just as devoid of outward emotion as their greeting hug. Nothing had changed. Nick watched him walk back down the hall, unable to see the tears that welled in his father's eyes.

***

Jessica and Nick walked into their mansion the next day, shocked at the mess. "I was going to clean up before you got home," Jessica told him woozily.
"Don't worry about it. I'll do it."
She wrinkled her nose, "I hate leaving you with it."
He forced a smile, "You are more important than an untidy apartment, so go to bed."
She kissed him on the cheek happily, "Thanks. I feel awful."
"Do you want anything?" he called.
"No. I'm not going to throw up so I don't need anything," she replied with determination.
"I'll get you a bowl," he replied, heading for the kitchen.
"I won't need it."
"Maybe not. But if you do, I'm not cleaning it up off the floor."
Jessica grinned, "Fine."
She crawled into bed, hoping that her churning stomach and pounding headache would give her some relief once she was horizontal. She ran her fingers through her hair, which desperately needed to be washed and was shocked to find a clump in her hand when she pulled it away. She was still staring at it when Nick walked in with the bowl.
"My hair is already falling out," she moaned.
He tried to suppress a laugh at her horrified expression, "I'm sorry."
She glared at him, "You don't sound it."
"Oh baby. I don't care about your hair. I would rather you lost your hair than lose you."
"That's because it's not your hair that's falling out," she countered, trying to picture Nick bald and failing.
"I will love you no matter what you look like," he [arse]ured her
"Even if I'm bald?"
"Even if you're bald."
He kissed soundly on the lips to prove his point and pushed her gently onto the pillows, "Now get some rest."

***

Jessica walked into the studio feeling wonderful. She had only been absent two weeks but it felt much longer. Nick walked in behind her and saw her glowing face.
"Good to be back?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her.
She leaned her head back on his chest and nodded, "I didn’t realise how much I missed this place."
"The words of a true workaholic," he teased.
"Like you can talk."
Justin walked in, looking har[arse]ed. "Hey Jessica! Great to have you back! Do you want a new client?"
"You'll have to ask my boss if I'm allowed one," she replied, eyes sparkling.
"For that crack I should send you home," Nick replied. "Give her a really horrible aspiring artist, Justin."
"No Britney wannabes," Jessica warned.
Justin looked at his desk and carefully selected a file from the middle of the pile, "Here's a good one. She’s supposed to be coming in sometime this week, she wrote her own lyrics so that is a head start for you."
“Thanks.� And she walked into one of the offices to read more about this woman.
***

2 days later…

In the conference room that afternoon, Jessica m[arse]aged Lea's shoulders sympathetically, "Are you okay?" she asked.
Lea shrugged, "I wanted to help her. She needed to make it." (Lindsay had not been able to record any music, they’d found out earlier that week that the label wouldn’t give her the money because it wasn’t music they felt was strong enough to do well in the music industry right now.)
Jessica sighed, and sat down next to her, "I am quickly realizing that life isn't very logical."
Lea looked at her, "How are you feeling?"
"Depressed. More of my hair fell out this morning," she wrinkled her nose. "I was hoping that it wouldn't happen."
Lea laughed, "You'll look just as beautiful without it."
"That's what Nick says, but I think he's in for a shock."
"He'd still love you if your skin turned blue and you grew another head."
"Which is why I'm worried. Just because he says I'm beautiful doesn't necessarily mean that I am. I want to be beautiful."
"You are and you will be. How is he holding up?"
"Nicholas? He's…overbearing, overprotective, insulting and frustrating. The usual. Apparently I can't even be trusted to pour my own coffee anymore."
Lea grinned, "That sounds like him."
"But he's improved since I came back to work."
"I've noticed-"
They were interrupted by the door opening. Drew poked his head in, "Lea?"
"Yeah?"
"There's a call you'd better take."
Lea shot Jessica a startled look, "Who is it?"
"The police," Drew replied.
Lea picked up the phone, "Lea Lachey……†¦oh my god…when?…do you need me there?…okay…okayââ ‚¬Â¦thanks." She hung up the phone and turned to Jessica with tears in her eyes. "Lindsay West just killed herself."
End of Part 7.

[littleprincessj]

Title: Losing Streak Part 8
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note: Hey well here is the next part! Thank you all for the feedback and I’m glad you’re still enjoying this story! I am having a blast writing for y’all because you’re all responding so well to it! Thank you all so much! You can send me more feedback to sweetest_sin21002@yahoo.com
Summary: Read 1-7
Disclaimer: Same as 1-7
“Losing Streak� Part 8
Lea pulled up at the cemetery, where she was greeted with flashing lights and yellow police tape. She walked slowly to the police officer that was keeping the curious spectators away, "I'm a friend of Lindsay West."
He eyed her critically and turned to a man in plain clothes, "Joe!"
Joe looked over and recognized Lea. "He was your client, I knew he was with the studio but I thought Nick or Drew was taking care of her." he asked.
"Yeah. We dropped her earlier this week." She answered robotically, almost unfeelingly.
Joe had heard so many sad stories in his life, he just listened, "I'm sorry."
"What happened?" Lea asked, not really wanting to know.
"She was seen crying at her mother's grave and three eyewitnesses saw her take out a gun and shoot herself." He pointed to three upset women who were being comforted by a police officer. "They said that she appeared calm. There won't be an investigation."
Lea rubbed her face in despair, "I knew she was depressed. Her mom died and then she lost the deal. I should have done something!"
Joe patted her arm before saying gently, "There wasn’t much you could do. she knew what she was doing."
"Is she still there?" Lea whispered, pointing at the grave.
"No. The ambulance is taking her to the morgue. We're just cleaning up."
She suddenly had a thought, "Have you called her siblings?"
"Yeah. They haven't arrived yet…"
Lea remained silent, thinking that she should leave.
They were interrupted as a car screeched up beside them and a panicked woman emerged wailing, "Where is she? Where is she!?"
Joe hurriedly approached her, "Ms. West?"
"Yes. Where's my sister?" she was trembling and her eyes were wide with fear.
Joe took her arm and led her to a bench, "I'm so sorry…she took her life here this afternoon."
"No!" she sobbed. "She wouldn't do that! It was that stupid label…" she buried her face in Joe's shoulder while Joe comforted her sympathetically.
"Can I see her?" she finally asked.
"She's at the morgue, I can have one of the officers drive you."
She nodded, "I want to see her."
Joe looked around, "Tim!" he called.
A young officer appeared and gently took her arm, leading her to a police car. As she allowed herself to be led away she saw Lea and came to a sudden halt, "You!" she shrieked. "This is all your fault! If he hadn't thought she had a chance she never would have killed herself. You gave her false hopes… it's all your fault!" she sobbed.
Lea stood stock still, shaken to the core. Joe glanced at her sympathetically, "Don't listen to her, she needs to blame someone."
Lea nodded dumbly, hearing his words but not believing them. It had been her fault…all her fault. She had agreed that they would make it easily, had convinced her that they had a great album in the making. She should have just left her to grieve her loss and move on to make a deal with a different label. Instead, she had watched her depression progressively worsen over the course of working with her. She remembered lightly mentioning a therapist to her, and being denied vehemently. Why didn't she put her foot down and insist she see someone? It was her fault.

After giving the cemetery one last long look, she climbed numbly into her car and drove away automatically. She pulled into her garage with no memory of the journey home. No idea whether traffic lights had been green or red, whether she had stopped at stop signs. Her mind rang with the daughter's words, "All your fault."

She switched on the TV and watched the images and heard the voices without taking anything in. A knock on the door went by unnoticed and the person opened it tentatively.
"Lea?" Nick called.
She turned slowly, with glazed eyes, "Yeah."
"Jessica just told me about Lindsay. Are you okay?"
"Yeah," she repeated in the same toneless voice.
Nick sat down next to her on the sofa, recognizing the guilt in her eyes. "It wasn't your fault," he said feelingly.
Tears pricked her eyes, "I should have done something."
Nick reached for her hand, "You can't beat yourself up over this. We all saw that she was depressed. You suggested therapy, but she refused. There was nothing else you could have done."
"I should have made her…" she trailed off.
"She knew what she was doing, Lea. She had accepted her future…nothing was going to change her mind…not you, not her sister…nothing could have brought her mother back to her…" Nick swallowed hard.
"But why did I have to get her hopes up? I told her she had a future as a singer."
"I think the work just delayed the inevitable," Nick replied softly. "The money, the work to make an album…they may have helped for a while, but she'd soon realise that they weren't an adequate substitute for her mom. She would have realized in time that nothing on this earth would make up for her loss…"
"But in that time she could have gotten better…accepted it."
"Do you really think she would have?"
Lea shook her head, guilt written all over her face, "I don't know."
"Lea," he licked his suddenly dry lips, "I know what she went through…that kind of pain…"
She squeezed his hand, "I know," she whispered. "But you got over it…"
He considered, "I will never get over it…the pain...it lessened over time, but it will never go away."
The stress of the day took its toll and Lea seemed to collapse inside, emotionally drained. She hadn't realized until now that she had been carrying Lindsay's pain around on her shoulders.
"I just didn't want her to die…" she finally whispered, allowing the tears to fall. Nick wrapped his arms around her and she cried onto his Cincinnati shirt.
Eventually she pulled back from the warmth, "You should go home to Jessica. She needs you more than I do, Drew will be home soon" she told Nick. Her and Nick had always shared a brother/sister relationship even when they were kids, their relationship was something special.
He kissed her forehead. "If you need me…"
"I'll call. Thanks Nick."
"And take a few days off, Lea."
Lea shook head; he of all people should understand her need to keep busy. "I want to work."
He saw the hypocrisy and agreed, "Okay…Goodnight."
"Night."

***

Tommy Silva sat in the conference room with a smirk on his face. Jessica sat opposite with Ellenor (one of their lawyers) supporting her on her right. The court stenographer sat at the end of the table.
"Are we ready?" Silva asked.
They all nodded seriously.
"Can you state your name for the record?" he began.
"Jessica Ann Lachey."
"You were apart of the leadership on the album work for Ryan Cabrera, is that correct?"
"Yes."
"Can you name the dates you were working on that please."
Jessica paused in thought, "It began on August 8 and continued through to the 17th."
"And when did you receive this client?"
"In June…I can't remember the exact date."
"It was June 12," he informed her.
She shrugged, "Fine."
"On what date were you diagnosed with cancer?"
Jessica sucked in a breath, shocked. She had been expecting the question but not so soon, "August 1," she answered.
"What type of cancer do you have?"
"Ovarian cancer."
"What stage?"
"Two."
"What does that mean?"
Jessica replied snidely, "I don't know. I'm a singer, not a doctor." Ellenor shot her a warning look, but Jessica chose to ignore it.
Silva decided to move on, "And the news was a shock?"
"No, I celebrated. Best news I'd had all year." Jessica snapped sarcastically.
Ellenor glared at her.
"Can you answer the question please?"
She glared back at Ellenor, "Yes the news was a shock, but the doctors were confident about the prognosis. We moved on."
"And you are married to Mr. Nicholas Lachey, senior partner of the record label?"
"Didn't you do your research?" her sarcastic tone was more defiant and Ellenor began to gesture for the stenographer to stop.
Jessica sighed and stopped Ellenor with a glance, "Yes I am very happily married to Mr. Nicholas Lachey, senior partner of the record label. Do you want the label's name too? It's on the door."
Silva grimaced, "No that's fine."
Jessica's eyes twinkled, "Oh that's right. You know our label's name because we beat you the last time you sued us. The law community is laughing at you for coming after us again, Silva. They're saying your being vindictive and petty-"
Ellenor finally took her arm, interrupting her mid-sentence. "Lets take a break?" She dragged Jessica out of the conference room. "Jessica-"
Jessica interrupted, "I know. I'm sorry. He just gets to me."
"Don't let him. We don't want him using your anger at him against you. Just answer the questions."
She sighed, "Okay."
They walked back into the room and Jessica sat back down, "Lets continue," she told Silva brightly, staring confidently into his eyes until he looked away.
"We were talking about Nicholas Lachey. How did he seem take the news?"
"He took it hard at first," she replied honestly. "But as I said, the prognosis was good and we dealt with it. It never adversely affected our preparation for Mr. Cabrera’s album and that whole process."
"Mr. Lachey was lead producer on the album?"
"Yes."
"Mr. Cabrera’s album work was due to start the next week?"
"Yes."
"Did either you or Mr. Lachey ever consider allowing another producer or worker in the studio to take over the work?"
"Yes. But we were so close to working on it, it didn't seem a good idea to change."
"Did you discuss it with the studio?"
"Work product," Ellenor interrupted. "Don't answer."
Jessica grinned widely at Silva, clearly remembering the depositions from the last case he had tried against the firm. Silva glared at Ellenor but moved on. He'd have to take this to the judge.
"Lets go through the transcripts from the work," he said.
Jessica sighed softly; this was going to be a long day.

They had a break for lunch and Jessica spent the whole hour on the sofa in Nick's office.
Nick came in with sandwiches from the local deli.
"Ask Silva to continue this tomorrow," he suggested, giving his exhausted wife a worried look.
"No…I want to finish it. He thinks he can beat me…I have to show him…" her voice was muffled by the cushion she had buried her face in.
Nick sat down next to her and began to rub her back, "You don’t have to prove anything to anybody."
"He's made this personal and I'm not going to give up now."
"The doctors said-"
"Screw the doctors," was Jessica's reply.
Nick gave a short laugh, "I would normally agree with you, but I don't want you in hospital again."
She rolled onto her back and attempted a comforting smile, "I'll be fine."
He handed her one of the sandwiches, "You should eat something."
"I'm not hungry."
"Baby…" he warned.
"Baby…" she returned in the same tone.
He threw up his hands, exasperated, "Can you please just follow orders for once? You have to eat."
She took the sandwich and nibbled at the crust.
"How is the depo going?" he asked with concern.
Jessica smirked, "He thought I'd be a pushover. He doesn't think that anymore."
Nick suddenly found himself really worried, "You're being difficult?" he asked before mumbling to himself, "Why am I surprised?"
Jessica swatted him.
"I'm not being difficult…I'm just standing up to him."
"What has he been asking?"
"He asked about the cancer and when it was diagnosed…and he's spent the last couple of hours going over the transcript of the album making. He's not leaving anything out."
"How long do you think he'll take?"
"I have no idea…he could probably go on for days."
"If you're too tired…"
"I'll be fine. You really should stop worrying, you'll give yourself an ulcer," she poked him playfully.
He grimaced, "That would be the least of my worries."
Jessica's smile became a frown, "He's going to come down hard on you baby. He asked me how I thought you took the news…he's dying to ask you that same question."
"Don't worry about me-"
"I do worry about you," she interrupted. She had felt his tossing and turning each night, seen the dark circles each morning. "You have taken this hard…and he's not going to stop until you've admitted that you couldn't stop thinking about it."
He saw where she was headed, "I wasn't negligent," he insisted.
Jessica said nothing.
"Do you think I was?" he asked severely.
Jessica put her hand on his arm, "Baby…we both were. Our minds weren't on work…we shouldn't have tried helping him with everything and then drop him like we did because HE wasn’t good enough, it was US!"
"So should we admit that to Silva?" Nick asked sarcastically.
"No of course not. But maybe we should think about settling."
"We're not settling."
"It might be the easiest thing to do, baby. We don't need this stress on top of-"
"I can handle it," his voice was hard, determined.
She gave him a piercing stare, "Can you?"
He stared back, "Yes."
"Just think about it." Jessica got to her feet and handed Nick her uneaten sandwich before walking with determination to face Silva again.

***
The next day…

Nick sat down across from Silva and gave him a determined glare. He was ready.
"Please state your name for the record," Silva began.
"Nicholas Scott Lachey."
"How many clients have you lost this year, or dropped?"
Nick glared at him, "Five."
"That's a lot."
"Everybody loses at some point. We were unlucky with some of the decisions, some of our clients weren't very convincing," he shrugged. "It wasn't malpractice."
Silva pounced on the word, "I never said malpractice…do you feel guilty over something that might be malpractice?"
"No, but I could see that was where you were heading with the questioning."
"Can you name the clients whose contracts you lost or dropped?"
Nick considered, "Jim Lyons, Theodore Freeman, Valerie Thomas, Zachary Kroner and Ryan Cabrera."
"Dates of these clients when they worked with you?"
Nick held back a sigh of annoyance, "How is this relevant?"
"You don't think past losses are relevant?"
"Not to this case."
"It goes to your confidence and state of mind during the Cabrera album.�
"I disagree."
"I'm allowed to ask what I want, Mr. Lachey. Please answer the question."
"I don't know the dates."
"Okay. Your mother is dead isn't she?"
Nick's eyes flashed angrily, "Yes."
"What did she die of?"
"Cancer."
"What type?"
"Breast cancer."
"When?"
"When I was 15."
"What date?"
"January 20."
"When was she diagnosed?"
"Sixteen months before. September 18."
"What happened the night she died?"
Nick's eyes reflected his pain. He turned to Ellenor who gestured for him to answer. "We had to turn the respirator off."
"Who's we?"
"It was a joint decision…the doctors, my father, my brother and me."
"Who actually turned it off?"
"I did."
"How did you feel?"
"How do you think I felt?" Nick responded.
"I would guess that it would be devastating. Life changing."
Nick sensed a trap and remained silent.
"Was it life changing?"
"Yes," he answered carefully. "But it had little bearing on what is happening with my wife," he lied.
Silva gave a short laugh, seeing the lie, "None at all?"
Nick looked again to Ellenor, "I didn't say none."
Silva leaned back in his chair, enjoying himself, "How much bearing would you say it had? Remembering how devastated you were over your mother's death."
"It was in the back of my mind, but the situations were so different. Treatment is much more effective these days…I feel nothing but optimism." Another lie.
"Lets move on," Ellenor suggested giving Silva a pointed look.
"What type of cancer does you wife have?"
"Ovarian."
"What stage?"
"Stage two."
"What treatment has she had?"
"Surgery and now chemotherapy."
"When did she have the surgery?"
"A week after the album we worked on with Ryan."
"So during the album with Ryan you weren't really sure what the prognosis was?"
"The doctors were optimistic."
"But it must have been eating at you, especially after what happened to your mother."
"It was on my mind, but I was fine to work with Ryan."
“Uh huh, sure…let’s go onto the next matter.� He looked at some papers in front of him and Nick sighed.

***

Jessica had a gl[arse] of wine in hand and was chopping vegetables when Nick walked in.
"The depo went that late?" she asked, leaning over to meet his kiss.
"Yeah," he saw her gl[arse] of wine and downed it in one go.
"Hey!" she protested.
He grinned and poured her another gl[arse].
"That bad, huh?" she asked, tipping the vegetables into the c[arse]erole.
He stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, "I have never wanted to kill someone as much as I did this afternoon."
"Don't do it, baby. The way our studio's going, you'd probably lose and sue us for malpractice," she teased.
He let go of her, "Funny."
"What happened?"
He took the wooden spoon and stirred the pot absentmindedly, "He wanted to know the most ridiculous things. Like…'why did you object to that question?' or 'why didn't you ask about what flowers she was planting?' He spent the whole afternoon on it."
"Its over now."
"No…we continue in the morning."
Jessica turned to stare at him in surprise, "He's not finished?"
"No. You were right-"
"As usual," she interrupted.
He agreed with a small shrug and a rueful grin, "I was trying to say you were right in that Silva isn't going to stop until he has me admitting negligence. He's trying to wear me down."
"Poor baby. Do you want a back rub?" Jessica responded sympathetically.
He saw the twinkle in her eye and nodded sadly, "It might help."
She wiped her hands on a cloth and left the kitchen with a grin, calling, "What are you waiting for?"
Nick smiled. His life might be crashing down around him, but at least he still had Jessica.

***

The next day…

Lea opened the umbrella above her head as the autumn rain spattered everything with its big drops. She followed the other dark-clothed mourners into the depths of the cemetery and joined them in the circle around the grave. A priest appeared and began the short service. Lindsay’s brother and sister were both there and after sending Lea a menacing glare they now steadfastly ignored her.

Nick stood on the outskirts of the group, hearing the singsong words from the priest without listening. Rain decorated his new Armani suit but he ignored it, his thoughts belonging to his mother, to Lindsay, to all the people who had lost someone they loved and suffered unbearable pain from the loss. The service was soon finished and everyone slowly dispersed in small sad groups. Lea soon joined him under a nearby tree and held her umbrella over his head.
"I didn’t know you were planning on coming," she said as they watched people leave the cemetery.
Nick shrugged, "Neither did I."
"Her siblings blame me," she said.
"They have to blame someone."
They listened to the rain and watched a bulldozer weave between the tombstones and stop near Lindsay’s. It began quickly filling the grave and both Nick and Lea watched as though mesmerised.
"The rains getting heavier," Nick commented eventually.
"Yeah," Lea replied, looking upwards at the grey clouds. "How was your depo yesterday?"
Nick sighed, "It just finished."
"Really?" Lea asked with surprise.
"Yeah."
"How did it go?"
Nick shook his head, lost for words, "I'm beginning to agree with Jessica."
Lea's glance was questioning.
Nick explained, "She thinks we should settle."
"And you?"
"At first every cell in my body resisted the idea. But now…he might have a case."
"That might just be because he's worn you out," Lea discerned.
"Maybe."
"Whatever you decide Nick…we're all behind you."
Nick put his arm around her shoulders and began to lead her away, "I know."

***
2 months later…

Jessica packed her overnight bag slowly and thoughtfully, happy to be able to take the time to think and relax. The studio was in frenzy over the upcoming trial, and neither she nor Nick had slept properly in weeks. The night at the hospital would almost be a holiday, she decided ruefully, especially after the previous two months.

She remembered Nick's decision to take the malpractice suit to trial, and the mixed reaction from the other members of the studio. It had been a turning point and they had all thrown themselves into their work with renewed energy. Just weeks later she had had her second round of chemotherapy, her reaction had been much less severe than after the first, and she was hoping her third round would be as uneventful. Although, she thought with a frown, she had a whole lot of tests to get through first. They wanted to judge her progress, just standard procedure they [arse]ured her. But any tests were bad news to Jessica, especially when she saw the pain that Nick went through every time the dreaded word was mentioned.

Nick walked in a few minutes later and sat on the bed, watching her, "Ready?"
"Yeah-" She squealed as he pulled her down on top of her, "Baby!"
"I'm not letting you go without a kiss," he growled in her ear.
"Hmmm. I don't know if I'm allowed to kiss, I'll have to ask the doctors," she teased.
He gave a short laugh, "As if you do what they say anyway."
She laughed, and leaned forward to give him a kiss he'd remember. After several minutes, they finally separated, breathless.
"For that I'll even drive you to the hospital," he grinned, helping her off the bed.

They arrived at the hospital and Jessica sat in the waiting room; she was getting used to the art of waiting and had come prepared with a book. Nick kissed her goodbye, "I'll be back tonight."
"Okay. I'll be fine."
He gave her one last searching look, not wanting to leave her alone.
Jessica gave him a gently shove, "Go!" she ordered.
After an hour she was called and began a long afternoon of tests.

***

Nick arrived at the hospital early the next morning, mentally and emotionally prepared for the test results. He arrived just as a nurse did.
Jessica's sleepy voice whispered, "Hi Pam."
Pam smiled back and looked at Jessica's chart, "How are you feeling this morning?"
"Nervous."
"Other than that?"
"I'm fine."
"That's good."
Pam efficiently went about her business.
Nick kissed Jessica.
"You're too early," she chastised him.
"I couldn't sleep."
"Neither could I," she admitted. "I missed you."
"The doctor will be here soon," Pam told them as she finished recording Jessica's vitals on the chart.
"Thanks"
"Good luck, Jessica. I hope he has good news."

Nick closed his eyes, suddenly unable to stand the suspense. He felt Jessica's hand seek his and he raised it to his mouth to kiss softly, "Everything is going to be okay," he said with an [arse]urance he didn't feel. Jessica nodded silently, hoping beyond hope that he was right.
"I'm scared," she whispered.
He leaned across the bed and hugged her tightly, "Me too. But we need to think positive."
"Whatever happens…I will always love you," she whispered.
Nick felt the tears prick his eyes, "And I will never stop loving you."
The doctor appeared in the doorway, his expression serious. Nick sat back down and looked bravely back at the man who held their life in his hands.
"Hey Jessica. Hey Nick. I…there is no easy way to say this…"
Nick felt his heart plummet.
"I have bad news," the doctor continued.
End of Part 8.

[littleprincessj]

Title: Losing Streak Part 9
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note: Okay well I know I left you hanging before but here is the next part, it’s not as long as my other parts but I hope y’all think it’s just as good as the other parts! Again, thank you EVERYONE for the feedback there are a few more parts left and I hope y’all enjoy them! Here ya go! Please send feedback to sweetest_sin21002@yahoo.com
Summary: Read 1-8
Disclaimer: Read 1-8
“Losing Streak� Part 9

Nick gripped Jessica's hand tighter and felt the blood drain from his face. All optimism flew out the window. Jessica felt the muscles in her legs go flaccid and thanked god she wasn't standing. "What is it?" she whispered.
"We got the results back from the tests we did yesterday."
"And?" Nick asked impatiently.
"And…the chemotherapy has so far been unsuccessful.
"What are you saying?" Jessica asked evenly.
"Jessica…there is no other way to say this…the cancer has metastasised in your spine. It isn't a good sign."

Jessica digested the news numbly, unsure how to react. She had accepted from the beginning that this may happen, but to consider the idea and to deal with it were two completely different things. In the dark silence of the night when nausea and pain kept her awake, she had wondered how Nick would cope if she died. It was a thought she didn't even want to consider.

"What does that mean?" Nick's voice was strained.

The doctor looked at him, "When cancer metastasises in other organs, it is very difficult to stop. I still recommend we continue with chemotherapy."
"Is there any point?" Jessica asked softly.
Nick turned to her, horrified, "Of course there is!"
"Why, Nick?"
His mouth suddenly went dry, "Because…we have…we have to try." He looked at the doctor, "I want a second opinion."
"Baby," Jessica whispered, on the brink of tears.
"No baby, I'm not going to let-" he knew his words were futile. He had no power to stop it.
Tears coursed down her face.

The doctor watched awkwardly. In his long career as an oncologist, he had never found this part of his job easy. "If you want a second opinion, I can recommend a very well respected oncologist."
"How long?" Jessica asked suddenly.
Fear flashed across Nick's face when he realised the implication of her question.
The doctor rubbed his temples, "Its hard to say. Two years with treatment."
"But what about new research? There must be something!" Nick argued desperately.
"What if I don't want treatment?"
Nick felt pain sear through his chest at her words. He desperately wanted to look at her, to judge her reaction, but couldn't face the possibility that she had already made her decision.
Dr. Morrison stared at her for a few seconds before answering, "Maybe as little as 6 months."
She nodded. Too damn accepting, Nick thought with fear.
"You don’t have to make this decision straight away. But I'd like to go ahead with today's chemo."
She nodded again, "Okay."
"Good. I'll send in the nurse."
"Give us a few minutes," Nick asked.
"Sure." The doctor closed the door behind him.
Once the room was empty, Nick looked at Jessica, "Why?" he asked, tears clouding his blue eyes.
"I hate…this," her hand swept around the room. "I don't want to go through hell for just a few more months..."
Nick looked at her. He suddenly had so much he wanted to say, but didn't know where to start.
"Not even for me?" he whispered.

***

Ellenor looked at the others around the conference table, "Okay. Opening arguments. Here's a copy. Tell me what you think." She waited nervously while the others read. She looked at her watch. Nick had said he'd be late, but it was already 10 a.m. and they hadn't heard a word from him. She hoped everything was okay. But she didn't have time to think about it now. The case was going to trial the next day.

***

Nick sat with his head against the wall. Waiting. Thinking. He closed his eyes, seeing his mother. Hearing the same words. "There's nothing we can do." He looked at Jessica. She was lying on the bed, arm outstretched, chemicals dripping into her veins. She was watching him with an intense look of concentration. He could tell she was trying to figure out how to explain herself. But she didn't need to. He knew what she was feeling. What she was going through. Their eyes met across the room and their gaze locked.
"I just don't understand…" he said. He looked at is hands, breaking the connection.
"I don't expect you to," she replied in a whisper.
"You have to at least try. Lots of people get horrible prognoses and are treated successfully. What do doctors really know about cancer anyway? We should at least try."
His words hung in the air and it was a good five minutes before Jessica spoke again.
"I've brought home A's since I was 5 years old. I had this notion of perfection drummed into me. Always have to win. Always have to be the best. My whole life I have fought every battle. I'm sick of fighting, baby. I hate the treatment…and I am so scared but…the extra time…I don't think its worth it." She refused to meet his eye as though one look at his concerned statement would melt her resolve.
"But your determination…its one of the things I most love about you." He remembered the fights they used to have. She had been the first woman to take him on, to really challenge him. He would lay in his bed at 2 or 3 o'clock in the morning, mentally replaying their arguments. They still fought. Constantly. And they had become experts in the art of making up too. Well up until she had been diagnosed anyway. Fighting, and consequently making up, had come to a sudden halt after that. Until now. He knew that it would destroy him if he didn't fight for this. If his worst fears came true, he had to know that he had done everything. He couldn't live with the what ifs.
Jessica cut into his thoughts, "I don't think I can do it," she admitted.
"Remember when you went into your first magazine photo shoot ever?" he smiled ruefully. "You asked whether I thought you were was doing the right thing and whether I thought you could do it well and be perfect. You were so unsure of yourself."
Jessica nodded, remembering the nights she had lain awake doubting herself.
"But you did it. You can win this too."
"I don't want to fight anymore, baby. And for what? A few more months where I'll probably be bed ridden and stoned on drugs. That's not a quality life. I don't want it to come to that."

***

Drew pointed to the page, "Okay, here where you talk about Barbara Keireth's attitude? I don't think you should go into so much detail."
"Why not?" Ellenor argued.
"Because we want the jury to hear it fresh. Silva can coach her on techniques but he can't argue with the facts and on the facts she sounds the way she does."
Ellenor looked at Lea and Jeff, "What do you guys think?"
"I agree with Drew." Lea stated. She looked at her watch. Where the hell was Nick?

***

A nurse came in and removed the drip. "Doctor Morrison will be here to see you in a few minutes."
"Thanks."
"No problem."
Jessica scooted over on the bed and patted the space next to her. Nick gave her a small smile and perched on the bed. She patted the spot again and he sighed, sitting up next to her. She rested her head on his shoulder. "I need you," she said.
"I'm here."
"I don't expect you to understand. But I need you to support whatever I decide."
He swallowed the lump in his throat and agreed with a nod of his head. "I'll respect your decision." They were the hardest words he had ever uttered. They were harder even than the three words that used to scare him to death. He felt like he had just let go of her for good, felt that he lost complete control of his life.
"I love you," he whispered. Yes those words were much easier to say.
"I love you," she returned. He kissed the top of her head and they waited in silence for the doctor to reappear. Nothing else needed to be said.

The doctor walked in the door, reacting to Nick's presence (and position) with surprise.
"You know those beds are actually only designed for one person," he joked feebly.
Jessica attempted to smile, "We're always willing to test the boundaries."
"I want to keep you here overnight."
They had expected this.
"I also want to run some more tests tomorrow. You can go home tomorrow night. Do you have any more questions?"
"No." Jessica answered firmly.
"Nick?" he asked.
Nick shook his head, looking at Jessica. "No."
"Well if you have any at all…I have my pager on me all the time."
"Okay. Thanks."
"Oh…Dr Morrison?" Jessica called suddenly.
He stopped and turned around raising his eyebrows questioningly.
"About treatment? When do we need to decide that?"
He thought for a moment. "As soon as possible. If you decide to continue treatment, we want to begin right away. We'll need to [arse]ess the situation and decide on a new course of action."
She nodded and the doctor again questioned her with raised eyebrows, "Is that all?"
"Yes. Thanks."
"Anytime."

***

Justin suppressed a yawn. It was only lunch time but it felt like they had been in this meeting for days. Lea appeared with sandwiches from the local deli and their remains were now scatted over the polished conference table. They were silent as they ate and he could tell they were all thinking the same thing. Something must be wrong with Jessica.

***

Ashlee swept into the room. She saw Nick in the bed next to Jessica and screwed up her nose, "Don’t tell me that you two prudes have become more adventurous in your old age," she smirked.
She was met with serious faces.
"What's up?" she asked looking from Jessica to Nick and back to Jessica, suddenly more concerned. "What happened?"
"The cancer has…spread to my spine," Jessica told her without emotion.
Ashlee stared at her for a few seconds, wondering whether this was a joke. The look on their faces proved that it wasn't. "Oh Jessica!" she breathed, leaning over Nick and hugging her tightly. Ashlee let go of Jessica and wrapped her arms around Nick.
"You guys don't look very upset," Ashlee commented.
Jessica sighed, "We've had time to recover from the shock."
"But they can still treat it right?"
Jessica looked at Nick for strength. She took a deep breath before turning back to Ashlee, "No."
Ashlee gasped softly, "What?"
"The doctor wants to continue treatment…but I…"
Ashlee's voice became panicked, "Jessica! Of course you should continue treatment!"
"Ashlee…" Jessica placated.
But Ashlee wasn't hearing her. "I can't lose you Jessica. You don't understand…I need you…you have to consider…"
"Ashlee…" Jessica tried again.
Ashlee looked at Nick, "You can't let her go through with this…she listens to you…you have to convince her…oh god." She covered her face with her hands.

Jessica closed her eyes and dropped her head back on the pillow, suddenly nauseous. Her face turned an interesting colour of green before she reached for the bowl on the table beside the bed. Nick reached for her hair, which was dangling precariously in the way. Ashlee watched silently. She could see why Jessica wasn't too keen on continuing treatment, but it wasn't like Jessica to back down from a challenge. Ashlee went into the adjoining bathroom for a flannel face cloth to wipe her face with and handed it to Nick.
"Okay?" he asked with concern.
Jessica screwed up her face, "Yuck. I need lemonade or something."
"I'll get it." Ashlee offered, glad for the excuse to leave the room.

Jessica watched her departing back. She couldn't even consider another 2 years of feeling like this; it wouldn't be worth the extra time. But she hated seeing the two most important people in her life feeling so hurt. She felt like she hadn't seen Nick smile in a long time, not a real smile anyway. It had been his unguarded smile that had melted her inhibitions in the beginning and she had loved him ever since. All those years wasted, offering love and getting nothing in return only to lose it all now to a disease.

Ashlee returned with a gl[arse] of lemonade, which Jessica drank gratefully, washing out the disgusting taste in her mouth. Ashlee sat on the uncomfortable chair opposite the bed and rested her head against the wall, in a position remarkably like the one Nick had been moulded into just hours before.

Jessica looked at the clock on her bedside table and was shocked to see that it was almost 2 pm. "Weren't you going to go to the studio?" she asked Nick.
"I'll go in later."
"But the trial starts tomorrow!" Jessica argued.
"I'd rather be here with you," he replied just as hotly.
"Maybe you should call them."
"I don't really want to face them," Nick admitted.
Jessica squeezed his arm understandingly, "We need to tell them."
"They don't need this now…it's the night before the trial."
"We can't hide it from them."
I'd like to hide it from myself for a little while longer, he thought. "We'll tell them together…tomorrow." He sighed, "But you're right. I should go in now…just to make sure…"
"Yes you should. They’ll be wondering where you are," he leaned over and kissed her tenderly. Tasting her icky breath but not caring. "Baby…" he said, his face still close enough to feel her hot breath on his cheek, "I understand." He looked in her eyes and saw the tears form. "I understand," he repeated. They kissed again, leaving him wondering how he would get through life if he couldn't kiss and touch this woman he loved so much.

***

Ellenor turned a page in the file in front of her, "Okay…Mark (another lawyer working with them)…you're taking Jessica. We need sympathy remember. We need you to look like the nicest person on the earth compared to Tommy Silva…it shouldn't be too hard," she grinned.
"I know."
"No secrets remember. We want the jury to know everything before Silva gets a chance to cross."
"Do you think Jessica will be okay?" Lea asked worriedly.
"She was great in her depo, so there's no reason she shouldn't do as well in the trial."
"Yeah…but…Nick should be here by now…what if something is wrong and she can't testify?"
"Then we get a continuance."
"We won't need a continuance." Nick announced from the doorway.
They turned to look at him, with expressions of relief and concern showing on their faces.
"She's okay?" Drew questioned.
"She's…fine." Nick mumbled. Lying to them was harder than he expected. These people were their best friends and they deserved to know the truth.
"Nick?" Lea asked gently. "What's going on?"
"The cancer…" he felt his eyes welling up again. "The cancer has spread."
"Oh no." Jeff breathed. Poor Jessica. Poor Nick.
"What?" Justin mumbled.
"It doesn’t look good." Nick told them.

***

Ashlee, Tina and Joe (who Ashlee ended up calling) sat stubbornly by Jessica's side. They had been configuring arguments in their head to convince Jessica to continue treatment. But every time they thought of something, a voice in their head found a reason against it. It was incredibly frustrating. It was after they had discarded their fifth good idea that they realized that Jessica didn't need reasons and thoughts and arguments she needed support. They suddenly understood Nick's acceptance of the bad news. He was being a much better friend than they were.
"Oh Jessie I am so sorry!" Ashlee finally announced, close to tears.
Jessica smiled at Ashlee's melodramatics, "For what?"
"For being a bad sister and friend."
"Oh Ashlee," Jessica replied, half exasperated and half crying. "You're not a bad friend or a bad sister. A bad friend wouldn't care as much as you do."
"But you deserve someone better than me."
"Well I choose you anyway." She said teasingly Ashlee remained silent. "Ashlee, you're my best friend. You always will be."
"I just don't want to lose you." Ashlee took the spot on the bed that Nick had vacated and hugged Jessica tightly.
"I don't want to lose you either," Jessica replied, her voice muffled by Ashlee's shoulder.
"Is it really that bad?"
"What?"
"Treatment. Tell me that living with treatment would be worse than dying and I'll support your decision."
"Ashlee."
"Tell me, Jessica. Tell me that treatment would make kissing Nick less enjoyable. It would make all the love from your friends worthless. TELL me. Even if it's only a few extra months…it has to be better than nothing. Tell me you don’t love Nick enough to spend every second of time available fighting to be with him longer. TELL ME!"
Jessica remained silent, considering.
"Jessica?"
"I can't." Jessica croaked.

***

"We can get a continuance Nick."
"No. She'll be okay for the trial. If we delay the trial…she'll just get worse."
There was silence around the table as everyone considered what this meant for the studio. They couldn’t even comprehend life at work without Jessica there. They couldn't imagine how Nick would cope if he lost her. No, it didn't bear thinking about.
"Go back to her Nick," Lea suggested.
"How are you going?" he sat down in his usual chair, ignoring Lea.
"Fine. We're up to your testimony."
"Who's questioning me?" he forced a smile.
"Me," Ellenor replied, returning the smile. "You better be good. I don't want to have to declare you a hostile witness."
He pretended to be hurt, "What are you trying to say?"
"Well your temper isn't one of your most attractive features," she replied teasingly.
Drew interrupted them, wanting to get back to business. "We don't want you to get emotional, Nick. Just state the facts."
Nick nodded, "Okay."
"We probably won't be calling you until at least Friday. So we'll talk more about it then." Ellenor finished. "Now go back to Jessica." She added.
"Are you sure you don't need me?"
"Actually, we've been getting along quite well without you," Drew smiled.
"Go Nick," Lea urged.
He stood up, "Okay. See you tomorrow."
"Give Jessica our love."

***

Nick returned to an empty room. He could hear the shower going in the adjoining bathroom and swung the door open.
"Baby?"
"I'm in here," she called back.
The shower stopped and Jessica stepped unsteadily out into the towel that Nick was holding.
"Thanks."
He kissed her shoulder, which was still dotted with drops of water, "How are you feeling?"
"Okay…just a little woozy." She reached for her bathrobe and dropped the towel while Nick watched appreciatively. "Get your mind out of the gutter," Jessica laughed.
Nick gave her an innocent 'who me?' look.
"Why are you back so soon?"
"They made me leave."
"Did you remind them that you were the boss?"
"If I had wanted to stay I would have."
She smiled and Nick felt his knees go weak. This incredible woman was his.
He helped her back into bed and wiped her hair from her eyes.
"Baby. I've been thinking…"
"Uh oh," he grinned.
Doctor Morrison walked in the door, "You called me Jessica?"
Nick looked at her with surprise.
"I've decided…" she paused as though consulting her soul for the last time. She nodded slightly to herself, "…I've decided to go ahead with treatment."
End of Part 9.

[littleprincessj]

Title: Losing Streak Part 10
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note: Well part 10 already WOW! Thank you to EVERYONE who has sent me feedback, I know I’ve said it over and over again but really thank you very much! The attention I have received from this story is amazing so thank you VERY much to everyone and please keep on sending it to me! Let me know how you’re still enjoying this story IF you are! You can send the feedback to sweetest_sin21002@yahoo.com
Summary: Read 1-9
Disclaimer: What do I say every time? Well that STILL applies!
“Losing Streak� Part 10

The next day…

Tina’s face appeared at the door of the hospital room and Jessica greeted her arrival with a cheerful, “Thank God you’re here, I’m going crazy�. Nick had rushed off to court and left her alone to bite her nails and twiddle her thumbs all morning.

Tina, who had expected Jessica to be resigned to her fate, was surprised at the bravado. “Going?� she couldn’t resist asking.
Jessica made a face at her, “Funny.�
“I have something for you.� Jessica sensed a tinge of desperation in her casual tone.
"A present?" Jessica raised an eyebrow.
"Something like that.� Seeing Jessica’s devious smile, Tina looked warily around her as though an explanation for her daughter’s sudden good mood was written on the walls. The answer hit her as a medical chart caught her eye. Drugs! It could only be drugs.
“Well I hope it’s a wig,� Jessica replied, ignoring the befuddlement on Tina’s face. “I’m telling you I could really do with a wig right about now.� She looked despondently at her pillow which was decorated with several strands of hair. The hair loss had slowed down and Jessica still had enough left to be able to look into the mirror without grimacing, but nothing would stop it completely. She pushed the depressing thought out of her mind.
Tina looked at her speechless for a second before opening her mouth to reply but Jessica was too fast for her. “Oh! I know. You brought a cure for cancer. Thank God! I knew that you’d come through eventually. I don’t know what I’d do without you.�
Tina once again opened her mouth and this time she actually managed to squeeze out a single word. “Jessica!�
Jessica’s smile faded and the twinkle in her eye disappeared, “I was joking momma.�
“I don’t think its something you should joke about.�
“So I’m supposed to just sit here and prepare myself for death like an obedient little terminally ill patient?� Jessica spat.
“But…� Tina was more confused than ever. Jessica’s mood changes were giving her a headache. “But you’re not going to die!�
“We don’t really know that.� Jessica replied softly.
"Well that’s what I’ve come here to talk about.� Tina took a deep breath, calming herself before launching into the speech she had been practising all night. “Jessie I love you and I respect your decision not to go ahead with treatment, but I will not rest until you have considered both sides-"
"Momma-" Lindsay interrupted.
"No babe, I know what you're going to say. But first listen to me-"
"Momma…" Jessica placed a hand on her mother’s arm.
Tina shrugged off the contact at first, and then reached for her hand, holding it tightly in hope that her determination; her optimism would somehow seep from her own veins into Jessica’s. Taking another deep breath, she forged ahead, "This country doesn’t let a jury make a decision after only hearing from the prosecution and I won’t let you make a decision without listening to me. I brought this for you." She opened a photo album. "You should look at these photos and tell me another moment like this isn't worth fighting for."
Jessica took the album and closed it gently. "Momma!"
Tina sighed and briefly closed her eyes before whispering, "What?"
"I’ve already decided to continue with treatment."
Tina's face changed abruptly from desperation to bewilderment, "You have?�
Jessica smiled softly, "Yeah."
Tina studied Jessica’s face seriously, before hugging her with speechless delight, "And you didn't tell me!?" Well not so speechless.
"Well I wanted to keep my hearing for as long as possible," Jessica replied dryly, rubbing the ear that Tina had just damaged with her piercing shriek.
"But…" Tina was once again lost for words. Jessica watched with amusement as she opened her mouth and closed it again. Finally a word made the successful journey from her brain to her mouth, “Why?�
Jessica shrugged, "You were right."
"Well that goes without saying," Tina joked.
Jessica grinned at her, "Modest too."
"Life's too short to-" Tina stopped abruptly. "Sorry. Bad choice of words."
Jessica shook her head, "But life is too short. And after you left I realized…I wanted to spend every minute of mine with Nicholas…and you, daddy, Ashlee…and everybody."
Tina wiped the tears from her eyes, "Does Nick know?"
"Yeah."
"And?"
"He…he didn't know how to react."
"He must be relieved. And happy…" Tina commented. She knew that Nick had been emotionally shattered with the announcement the morning before. Happiness would be an understatement.
"Of course he was…he just…I don't think he believed it."
“So…how do you feel?� Tina asked warily.
Jessica was silent, contemplating. She listened for a moment as a metal trolley trundled slowly past her room. Funny how life continues oblivious to people’s struggles, she thought.
“Jess?� Tina’s voice was imploring.
“I hate not knowing,� she finally admitted. “It sounds awful but at least with the decision not to continue treatment, I knew what was going to happen. But now…� she shook her head bleakly. “The future is in the dark again.�
It was Tina’s turn to fall silent, considering Jessica’s confession. “You shouldn’t change your mind for us. You have to do it for you.� She said slowly, surprising both herself and Jessica with the sentiment.
“And this is the woman who just threw a photo album at me begging me to reconsider?�
“Yeah well…you’ve made me realize that I shouldn’t force my opinions on you. This is your life.�
“And you’ve only just realised this? You couldn’t have made this revelation a few years earlier?�
Tina’s grim statement was finally replaced with a twisted smile. Jessica held up the photo album. “Well thanks for the present. It might relieve some of the boredom. It’ll be nice to remember the good times…�She trailed off as she opened the album to a page in the middle and stared at the photo for a second. She looked back at Tina, an image of Nick laughing still burning in her brain.
Tina, sensing Jessica needed privacy announced light heartedly. “Well I’ll leave you to it. I think I’ll watch some of the trial…unless you want me to stay."
Jessica shook her head, "Go. You can tell me what happens. I want details."
"Okay. See you soon.� They hugged. Jessica wasn’t sure whether it was just her increased awareness for other people’s feelings, but the hug seemed tighter and more desperate than usual. Were Tina’s eyes also shiny with tears? Or was that just the garish hospital lights playing tricks on her? How could she reconcile with herself for causing so much pain to the people she loved so dearly?

She had fought with the very same idea the previous day; fought so desperately with herself that no other thought could interrupt the mental battle that ensued and the only result was sheer emotional exhaustion. It was at that time of weakness that her nurse had stepped in and seen Jessica’s desperate confusion. Pam’s caring, concerned face had listened as words poured out of Jessica’s mouth, almost as though her overloaded brain was disposing of all irrelevant thoughts. Pam simply listened, knowing that some patients needed to sort everything out with themselves before they could confront loved ones with their decision. She listened as Jessica told her about her relationship with Nick all those years ago and listened as words tumbled out about the struggle to be the singer and artist she is today.

Somewhere in the illogical stream of words, Jessica found the answer she was searching for. “I know Nick doesn’t want me to give up, but he has no idea what this is like. It hurts me so much to see him hurting, knowing that he has gone through all this before with his mother. And he doesn’t want to share what he’s feeling because I think he’s afraid of…I don’t know…if he speaks his mind, his fears might come true. And he doesn’t want me to worry about him. But I do worry about him. I worry every time I see his face. But why should I do this to him. Aren’t I just extending his misery by staying alive for a few more months? And the treatment may not be successful, the doctor made that pretty clear. Its like a bandaid, you rip them off quickly, get it over and done with. I think I need to do that here. I can’t prolong his pain more…it would kill him inside. He’s already suffering so much and I know he’ll eventually forget what it was like for me to be me. This isn’t me at all. Sick in hospital…crying to a stranger. He’s going to forget who I really was. I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want his last memories of me to be the years I lay in hospital; doped up on drugs…I can’t stand the thought of that!� Her face crumpled again, new tears joining those already staining her cheeks. “But I…I need him so much…and I want to be with him for every second that I have. How could I turn my back on being with him? How could I choose…ending everything…over having time with him?�

And then as suddenly as she started, the words stopped, and she was almost surprised at having nothing else to say. Pam had simply taken her hand, squeezed it and offered, “I think you know the answer. You always have. It just got lost within all the other thoughts.�

And she was right. Jessica did know the answer. Somehow it had come to her. Tina’s own arguments later that day had simply reinforced her own. Her decision still scared her and she would never be completely sure of it, but if Nick’s response was anything to go by, it was the right decision to make.

Jessica now picked up the photo album and opened it again. Tears stung her eyes when she saw the first photo. She and Tina had their arms around each other, grinning broadly into the camera, at some magazine party. How young and carefree she looked. And how things had changed! It showed innocence that she could never retrieve and a feeling of invincibility that she would never again feel. She flipped the page. More and more images of the two friends striking various poses and suddenly the Nick photos began. There was the photo she had snapped when they were being just dating. She had often looked at it during those months with a sad certainty that they would never be anything more than friends after she broke his heart telling him she needed a break. The photos of the couple became more and more frequent and their expressions more and more loving, until finally the wedding photos began. Jessica flipped through them happily until she came to blank pages. Her happiness was replaced with a sense of horror. This is what it would be like for Nick. The photos would end and all he’d have was memories. It was something that didn’t bear thinking about. With trembling hands Jessica picked up her book. Danielle Steele had always been a good cure for fear and nerves and Jessica hoped the remedy wouldn’t fail now.

Ten minutes later, however, she slammed the book shut with a frustrated sigh. She looked at the clock. 9:27. Nick! His name once again permeated her consciousness. Reaching for the phone on the night stand she blindly dialled his number, hoping that he hadn’t already turned off his phone. As it rang she thought of the tune that must be playing in the courthouse. It was their song: “Take My Breath Away�. It had started as a joke, but now they both recognized it as ‘theirs’. She remembered the day Nick had met her at the door of her apartment. He had been ridiculously pleased with himself as he played it for her, having downloaded it from the internet. He never turned on a computer unless it was for ESPN websites and Jessica was surprised and secretly thrilled that he had done something so outwardly affectionate.

In a voice that even now made her knees go weak (lucky she was already in bed) he answered, “Nick Lachey.�
“I forgot to say good luck!� she said breathlessly.
“I bet you say that to all the people you call, that are on their way to trial,� he teased.
“No I tell them to kiss my [arse]. You should be flattered.�
His laugh pleased every cell in her body and she wriggled down the bed so that she was completely lying down.
“Actually I’m jealous. I’d kiss your butt any day,� he replied with a grin. A red headed woman in the gallery heard him and frowned. Nick continued unawares “And I’m also running late. The judge should be here any second.�
“Okay. Well call me when you get a chance.�
“I will. Love you.�
“Love you too.�

***

Nick switched off his phone and sat down next to a busy looking Ellenor and a statue still Justin.
“All set?� he asked Ellenor.
“I hope so,� she continued to move papers around. It wasn’t until he saw her move the same file three times that he realized it was nerves she had developed rather than an acute obsessive compulsive disorder.
“You okay Justin?� Nick asked, concerned about the green-grey colour his face had turned. Justin’s gl[arse]y eyes turned to him and his head moved slightly, which Nick interpreted as a nod. Ellenor saw Nick’s worried look and gave him a tight smile, “He’s been like that all morning.� She returned to her file moving.

Nick thought ruefully of all the previous clients Justin had helped in the same nauseous condition and they became very successful singers. It was probably a good sign. He sat next to Ellenor and looked around the room. Silva was calmly reading through a file, ignoring the prim Barbara Keireth seated on his right who was chatting nervously. Nick could hear her shrill voice from the other side of the courtroom and found himself listening to her babble, “Well my sister thinks that I have a good chance here, but she said that the defense is a reputable firm. Even SHE has heard about Mr. Lachey and she lives in North Dakota!� the woman met Nick’s eyes, giving him an intense glare of hatred. Nick ignored her and looked instead at the gathering spectators. As far as trials went this one was low down on the list for entertainment value. The only journalists present were those who wrote for various law journals and magazines which made for a very relieved Nick: he had kept his life so private for so long, he dreaded having it aired now. He also knew that Jessica dreaded having her illness made into front page news. Until now, very few actually knew about the cancer, but it was soon to become public knowledge. It was the last thing she needed.

The judge finally walked in and looking around the courtroom with an air of absolute boredom, he sat down took a sip of his coffee (that had a dash of whisky) and waited for everybody to settle. Let’s get this over and done with, he thought.

***

Jessica lay in bed, desperately wishing that she was by Nick’s side. Her brave act from the morning had now completely decayed away, exposing the raw anxiety and fear beneath. But at least she could rest easy, knowing that Nick was in court with his mind clear to concentrate on the trial. She remembered his surprised reaction to her announcement the previous night: he had stood completely still, as if afraid that if he moved she’d change her mind. She had seen the question in his eyes, “Why?�
The doctor, sensing an intimate moment had hurried wordlessly out, and Nick had waited until the door was firmly closed and silence had settled on the room before saying, “But you said…�
Jessica sighed with frustration. “I know what I said! I've changed my mind. I’ve changed it a thousand times …this isn’t easy for me Nick!�
“But why now…you were so sure of your decision…�
Tears shone in Jessica’s eyes, “Do you really think that I could make that decision so quickly? A decision that would mean we’d be apart…?�
Nick closed his eyes as though to shut out her words, “I would have supported whatever you decided.�
“I know. But Ashlee wouldn’t have…she was…� Jessica searched for the right word, “Relentless.�
Nick looked hurt, "You listened to Ashlee and not me?" he mumbled.
Jessica reached over and took his hand, holding it to her lips before replying emphatically, "No! I just came to realise it was what I really need to do."
“Are you sure?" he whispered, still apprehensive. He needed to be certain she wasn’t fooling him with some cruel joke.
Jessica nodded, “All I know is that I want to spend every moment I have with you. There is so much I want to do…I want to make love to you, I want to walk in the woods in autumn, I want to eat triple chocolate ice cream on the beach in summer, I want to go shoe shopping with Ashlee…�
Nick laughed through his own tears.
“I’ll never be sure, baby. But what I will be sure of is my love for you. And I have to give us a chance…how could I not?�
He stood still, seemingly unaffected, as he held tightly onto her hand. Jessica could see the emotions flowing across his face. He still found it hard to express his deepest feelings and she had become a whiz at reading his facial expressions. As he stared at her, she felt his relief. No words were required.

Footsteps outside her room hauled Jessica back into reality. A few seconds later, Pam’s friendly face appeared around the door, “Do you need anything Jessica?�
Jessica shook her head, hurriedly wiping the stray tears away with the back of her hand. She didn’t trust her voice enough to speak.
Pam saw the tears and wisely chose not to comment. She knew that after yesterday’s outpouring, Jessica had to be the one to ask for help. “Well call if you need me.�
Jessica nodded. Pam was walking out the door when Jessica called “Pam!?� Her voice sounded unreal to her: shrill and desperate.
Pam turned, eyebrows raised expectantly.
“Do you have…� Jessica trailed off, berating herself for not thinking the situation through thoroughly. Pam wouldn’t be able to help her. The nurse was caring and was a great listener, but what could she tell Jessica about life? Why should she care about one patient, when she probably looked after hundreds in the same situation as her?
“I have lots of things,� Pam could read Jessica’s indecision from a mile off. “I have tissues, water, comfort food and…� she smiled knowingly. “…A shoulder.�
Jessica lifted her gaze to the kind nurse’s face. She took in the now familiar sympathetic green eyes with the small wrinkles around the corners that indicated that she laughed in life more than she cried. Those sincere eyes were now focussed intently on Jessica.
“A shoulder?� Jessica asked.
“To cry on.�
Her comp[arse]ion brought the familiar tears back to Jessica’s eyes. “I’m sorry,� she apologized, wiping the tears away. “I hate crying.�
Pam’s green eyes bored into Jessica’s, “Why?�
Jessica paused before replying honestly, “They make me feel weak.�
The nurse’s shoulders lifted in a shrug as though to say ‘so what?’ “There’s nothing wrong with feeling weak. Nobody can feel strong all the time. Not even you.�
Jessica’s nose was running like the Yangtze River. She felt overwhelmed, but still unwilling to unload her baggage onto someone else. “I’m sure you’re busy. I’m wasting your time.�
Pam laughed dryly, “You’re not going to get out of this that easily.� Her voice became smug as she settled in the chair beside the bed. “And I’m on a coffee break.� She pulled a tissue out of the box and offered it to Jessica. “I’m here to listen.�
Silence ensued. Jessica looked at a bunch of flowers on the window sill. She had no idea who had sent them, she didn’t really care. They were pretty but didn’t smell. What’s the point of sending flowers that don’t smell? She wondered. All Jessica could smell was the nauseating combination of disinfectant and antiseptic. The scent of a nice rose would be a welcome change.
“Jessica?� Pam’s eyes searched Jessica’s face she was looking for something, anything that would reveal what she was feeling. “Why did you call me back?�
Jessica shrugged. She could be as good as Nick at hiding her feelings if she tried.
“You know why. Tell me.� Pam urged.
Her words reminded Jessica of her mother. Tell me. Hadn’t her mom said the same thing the day before? “Nick…Ashlee, momma…they don’t understand,� Jessica offered reluctantly.
“What don’t they understand?� Pam asked, glad that she had an opening.
Jessica’s eyes roamed the room, “This.�
“The disease?�
“No,� frustration rose to the surface but it was directed at herself rather than at Pam. “It’s not just that they don’t understand. I can’t talk to them.�
“Why not?�
“Because they don’t understand.� She laughed without humour at the catch 22. They don’t understand so I want to talk to them. But I can’t talk to them because they don’t understand.
“I think they understand more than you give them credit for.�
“But I don’t want to worry him.�
“Who?�
“Nick.�
“You don’t think he could help you get through this?�
“Maybe.�
“Why can’t you talk to him?�
“Because he is already consumed with worry and stress and fear and if I present him with my own concerns, I’m afraid…�
“He won’t cope?�
“Oh he’ll cope. He always copes.� She was surprised at the bitterness that appeared in her tone. “But I don’t want him to have to cope. I don’t like the way he copes.�
“Why?�
“He lost his mother…they were close…do you know how long it took me to get him to open up about that?�
“How long?�
“Years. And I don’t want to burden him with…this.�
“This.� Pam stated, waiting for Jessica to elaborate.
“This feeling…I just feel so helpless.� Tears began to well and Jessica wiped them away, determined not to cry. “I have no control over my life and it terrifies me. And I worry. I worry about Nick trying to do everything at the studio and for me for the next however many years. And now we’re being sued and it’s my entire fault and if we lose…he’ll lose everything. And I feel so guilty for being such a burden. And I…I don’t want to die!� Jessica finally succumbed to the heartache and sobbed into her hands. Pam rested her hand comfortingly on Jessica’s back, waiting patiently for the tears to end. Here was a very confused person, she thought to herself sadly. The problem with someone used to being strong all the time is that they don’t know how to let go.
“There is nothing wrong with being afraid, Jessica.� She soothed. “This is scary and I’m not going to pretend it isn’t. But there’s a rule saying that if you have cancer, you’re allowed to be scared.� The joke failed to get a response and Pam continued softly, “I know a lot of patients feel better if they write down their fears in a journal. Others write letters to their loved ones. You don’t have to send them, but it helps to sort out your fears and thoughts on paper. Maybe you should try it.�
Jessica nodded, unable to speak.
“And talk to people. Protecting them will just cause more pain. They can help you get through this.�
Jessica stared out the window, hearing the words but not quite accepting. Slowly, however, the words filtered through the m[arse] of confusion in her subconscious. The words were soothing, comforting. They were exactly what she longed to hear.
“And if you ever want someone to talk to…I practically live here,� Pam’s mouth spread into a rueful smile.
“Thanks Pam,� her whisper was barely audible.
Afraid her words hadn’t helped Pam [arse]erted, “Jessica, it is okay to be afraid. And it is okay to be weak. It’s impossible to get through this alone. You have someone who loves you very much. Even I can see how much he loves you and how much he wants and needs to talk to you. He is probably feeling as helpless as you are at the moment.�
Jessica’s face crumpled again at the thought of the man she loved being in as much pain as her. It was exactly what she had been so desperate to prevent.
Pam’s final words were imploring. “Talk to him.�
End of part 10.

[littleprincessj]

Title: Losing Streak Part 11
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note: Thanks for Jessica and Andrea and Erica HUGE thanks to those gals for their feedback and their support and help! Thank you all so much! And everyone at the JSMB thank you so much for replying and responding to my story the way you all have! I can tell ya there are NOT many parts left and you will want the tissues if you’ve been crying in the last few parts! LOL! I warned you! Anyways thanks again and keep sending the feedback to sweetest_sin21002@yahoo.com
Summary: You know the drill!
Disclaimer: Same as always! Nothings changed!
“Losing Streak� Part 11
Same day...
Tina slipped into the back of the courtroom and listened to the judge drone his instructions to the jury. It was obvious the crusty old judge would rather be anywhere else but in that courtroom and it was common knowledge that he hated defence attorneys more than Jessica hated rats. The studio certainly hadn’t been lucky in his appointment to this trial. The jury shifted uncomfortably on the hard wooden benches, attempting to concentrate on what the judge was saying in his bored monotone. Only one juror had had the foresight to bring a cushion to sit on and the others now sent her dirty looks as she played restlessly with her pen and notebook.
Tommy Silva eventually stood and delivered a smooth opening argument. Tina was impressed with his performance. And it was a performance. His voice evoked despair when he spoke of Ryan’s making of his first debut album. And he had the jury sending the plaintiff looks of sympathy when he outlined the defence’s dismal performance during the trial.
“It is because of the negligent actions of this studio that Ryan Cabrera and Mrs. Keireth don’t have any music, lyrics or label to work at making him a singer.� Tina grinned openly at the blatant lie. The jury began to lose interest in the lawyer as the opening argument crossed the ten minute mark. Finally, Silva began to slow and again he spoke emotionally of his client. “Mrs. Keireth and Ryan Cabrera have lost so much, it is time to give them something back. Give them the satisfaction that these negligent producers will pay for their mistakes.�
They were powerful words, but Nick sent Ellenor an encouraging “go get em� look as she stood up and looked at each jury member in turn, “Well Mr. Silva just conjured up a nice image for you but if you believed that you may as well believe in the tooth fairy.� Tina held back a grimace. Ostracising the opposition was never a good beginning to a trial. Nick’s imp[arse]ive face was turned towards the jury and he reacted to Ellenor’s opening sentence with a tiny smile, the corners of his eyes wrinkling with amusement. Ellenor moved on to a summary of what happened in the studio. Her voice was forceful but she simply stated the facts and was finished in 8 minutes, allowing the jury to breathe a collective sigh of relief. Tina watched Silva. Who would he call first.
“The plaintiff calls Mrs. Keireth.�

***

“How did it go?� Jessica asked worriedly as Nick and Tina walked into her hospital room. She had spent the remainder of the morning doing what Pam had suggested and was writing in a journal. She had just finished her tenth page when they had arrived. Nick pulled off his jacket and loosened his tie before kissing his wife tenderly.
“Good. Ellenor was...Ellenor.�
“Is that good or bad?� She frowned.
“Good. We’re cross examining Barbara after lunch.�
Jessica looked at Tina for her agreement. She conceded with a nod.
“And Silva?� She questioned.
Nick grinned, “He was reckless in his opening argument. He painted a lovely picture of Barbara and Ryan as grieving young people who were new to this business and desperate to make him a star.�
“What!?� Jessica’s outrage flashed in her eyes. “They both are the biggest...� it didn’t take her long to search for the right word. “...losers and that is NOT the word I wanted to use!�
“We get to cross examine her next and if all goes well, the jury will see the truth.�
“I hope Ellenor does a good job,� Jessica agonized.
“Oh ye of little faith,� Ellenor chastised Jessica as she walked into the room. “I’m prepared for this.�
“I’m not criticising,� Jessica replied defensively. “I’m just saying…�
“You’re just saying you don’t trust me,� Ellenor teased. “How are you feeling?�
Jessica thought about the ups and downs of the morning but chose to respond with a simple, “I’m fine.�
Nick narrowed his eyes, hearing something more in her tone. He didn’t want to push it in front of everybody but he had heard a hint of hopelessness that concerned him. She had decided to go ahead with treatment, and he knew that her decision was still bothering her. He knew all too well that she was in a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation.
“Are you ready for this afternoon?� The topic of the trial was much safer to discuss than her wellbeing and since Nick was beginning to look at her with a sense of concern, a change of topic was needed.
“I’m ready Jessica,� Ellenor replied patiently. “Don’t worry.�
Jessica smiled ruefully. It would be nice if she could stop worrying. Peaceful. If only it was possible.
“How long do you think Silva will take?�
“Who knows? I think he’s itching to cross examine Nick, so I doubt he’ll take long,� Ellenor replied. “And if it were me I wouldn’t want the jury thinking about Mrs. Keireth’s personality for too long or Ryan’s.�
Jessica pulled a face, “Neither would I.�
Ellenor grinned.
“How’s Justin?� Jessica wanted to know.
“Well he’s stopped looking like death warmed u-� Ellenor gulped back the final word, her eyes wide with regret. “I’m sorry. That was insensitive of me.�
“Oh for gods sake!� Jessica retorted. “Don’t write me off just yet!�
Ellenor glanced at Nick uncomfortably, “I’m sorry,� she replied softly. “None of us really know how to react...�
“You should treat me normally, that’s how you should react!� She climbed out of bed and disappeared into the bathroom with a hurried, “Excuse me.�
Nick sighed and followed her, closing the door behind them. Tina looked at Ellenor without saying anything. She knew that Jessica was still unsure of this new situation, she had been acting strangely all day. But she also knew that if anyone could put things right, it was Nick.
“You okay?� Nick asked as Jessica splashed water on her face.
“I’m sick of everyone asking that!� she snapped, reaching for a towel.
“We ask because we care about you.�
“If everybody really cared about me they wouldn’t censor what they say to protect me!�
Nick considered her words. “I don’t think we’re protecting you as much as we’re protecting ourselves.� He replied eventually.
Jessica turned to face him, her eyes searching his face. “I’m sorry.�
He shrugged, “Don’t be.�
“I’ve been...� she sighed.
“What?� Nick asked, stroking her cheek affectionately.
She smiled sadly, “I don’t know...this is too much...� her head dropped in defeat.
Nick lifted her chin with a finger and looked her in the eyes. His tender concern drew tears from her eyes once more.
“Talk to me,� he pleaded.
Jessica traced her finger down him arm, a look of utter desolation in her eyes, “I’m so scared.� Her whisper was barely audible but her words echoed loudly in Nick’s ears. Nick was surprised by the change of emotions, remembering how cheerful she had been that morning...nervous about the trial but in good spirits. He should have known that she was just putting on a brave front and chastised himself for being so busy with the trial to miss the signs. He wrapped his arms around her and she buried her head in his chest, her tears soaking through his shirt and sobs racking her body.
“I know but I’m here for you,� Nick told her, kissing the top of her head.
Jessica’s words were muffled through his shirt, “But I’m scared for the studio...an...and you�. Her last words were choked out.
Nick found tears clouding his own eyes. “You don’t have to be scared for me.�
Jessica reached for a tissue and loudly blew her nose, “I just hate having to put you through this...again...I don’t want to...I hate hurting you.� She bent down to pick up the towel she had dropped. Nick took it from her and folded it. She watched him anxiously.
He swallowed the lump in his throat and finally raised his eyes to meet hers, “I won’t lie. This is...hard.�
Jessica dropped her head, his words confirming her worst fears.
His next words echoed hollowly within the bathroom. “I hate seeing you so...� he closed his eyes. “Vulnerable.�
She recoiled as though physically injured. The word destroyed all the resolve she had spent the morning developing. “I just want to be me again.� she told him forlornly.
“One day you will be and I’ll be right here helping you,� he replied. “We just need think positively.�
“How can you be so damn optimistic about this?� Jessica asked, her sadness giving way to frustration.
He wiped away the tears with his thumb, “There’s no point dwelling on what could happen. I love you and that’s all I need to think about right now.�
There was a soft knock on the door and Tina (having lost the toss of the coin with Ellenor) called, “Nick? We have to go.�
Nick put his hand to Jessica’s cheek and she closed her eyes, leaning into the warmth. “Okay. Give me a second,� he called back. He turned back to Jessica, “We’ll talk about this tonight.�
She nodded.
“I love you. No matter what.�
She nodded, eyes downcast.
“I love you,� he repeated, kissing her tenderly on the forehead. He waited for the reply that wasn’t going to come and with a soft sigh opened the door. As he stepped out into the room he finally heard what he’d been listening for. “Love you.� she whispered.

***

Ellenor stood, buttoning up her jacket as she did so. The quiet in the courtroom was so complete, the soft squeak of her shoes could be heard as they crossed the polished floor. Her eyes were narrowed, focussed completely on the woman in the witness chair. Silva watched Ellenor calmly, but the neurons were firing rapidly in his brain. He had warned his client repeatedly of the traps that Ellenor might attempt to catch her in, but feared the woman would easily fall prey to this zealous attorney.
“Mrs. Keireth,� Ellenor began and so did the rest of their day.

***

Jessica chewed the rubbery hospital food without noticing its lack of taste. What a day, she thought. Still recovering from the emotional rollercoaster of the morning, she dreaded the conversation she was sure to have with Nick. But thanks to Pam, she’d finally sorted out most of what she was feeling and her journal was also half full of random thoughts and emotions, which had helped tremendously. But she knew that the pages of the journal wouldn’t prepare her for the exhaustive, intimate questions that Nick would ask.
When the object of her thoughts arrived she pushed the plate aside. Nick screwed up his nose when he saw it, “That looks like something I’d cook.�
“Tastes like it too,� Nick returned with a smirk.
He leaned down and kissed her nose, “No dessert for you tonight.�
She laughed. “How did it go?�
He shrugged, “As expected.�
“What happened?�
“Ellenor was great. But so was so was Silva.� He shrugged. “It’s hard to say what the jury are thinking at this stage.�
Jessica sent him a worried look, “But we were counting on doing some damage with Barbara.�
“Don’t worry about it, we’ll be fine,� his tone was filled with an [arse]urance he didn’t feel.
She let the issue drop for the moment certain her mom would give her better details. “The doctor’s signing my discharge forms and then we can go.�
“Okay. Are you packed?’
She pointed to the overnight bag by the door.
“Well someone’s eager to get home. I wonder why.� Seeing his smug grin she couldn’t help but laugh.
“Well someone else is going to be disappointed tonight,� she returned.
“Did you know Cleopatra gave every man in her army blowjobs before they went out to war,� he announced suddenly.
After again bursting into laughter, she replied in an incredulous voice, “Really?�
He grinned, “Yeah...like a thousand of them.�
“And you’re telling me this because...?�
“Well I might be testifying tomorrow,� he replied seriously.
She slapped him playfully on the arm, her expression full of disgust, “Someone is not only going to be disappointed but they’ll be sleeping on the couch tonight.�
He shrugged nonchalantly, “Well it was worth a shot.�
She was about to reply when the doctor’s voice interrupted them, “Jessica, everything’s signed. I’ll see you next week.�
She welcomed the interruption with a grateful smile, “Thanks.�
“And I’ll be in touch about the results to those tests.�
She nodded and turned back to Nick, lacing her fingers through his, “Let’s go home.�
It was only when they were walking down the sterile corridor that something occurred to her. “Baby?�
“Hmmm?�
“Should I be worried about where you read that about Cleopatra?�

***

Nick was loading the dishwasher a few hours later when the phone rang. His father’s voice filled him with remorse. John had called many times, leaving messages on the machine, and Nick had guiltily failed to return any of his calls. He knew how much his dad loved Jessica and just couldn’t face admitting to him that they might lose her.
“So either your house was fumigated and you needed to move out or you’ve been avoiding me,� the cheerful voice began.
Nick grinned. He missed their regular Sunday lunches. “Neither. Actually I was going to call you.�
“How’s Jessie?�
Nick sighed. He could no longer hide the truth, “That’s what I was going to call you about.�
The voice changed abruptly from cheerful to concerned, “What’s wrong?�
“She had some tests done two days ago...just to make sure she was progressing. The cancer has spread, Dad. They say that the prognosis isn’t good.�
Nick was silent.
“Dad?�
“I’m sorry Nick. How are you...uh...?�
“I’m...weâ₠¬â„¢re coping. I’m here for her.â€Â� Neither was used to being candid about their feelings and awkwardness reigned. Their painful experience had built barriers between them and even now, so many years after their loss, conversations came to a screaming halt; neither wanted to inflict pain on the other with their memories and neither able to find the right words to provide comfort.
“I’m...so sorry. Do you need me to...uh...to do anything?�
Nick swallowed, this was more awkward than he could ever have imagined. “Come and visit on Sunday. I’ll make Jessie cook lunch and we can catch up.� He joked half-heartedly.
“I’d like that.� John cleared his throat. “And the trial?�
The safe topic was welcomed eagerly by both, “It’s going well. Silva will hopefully rest tomorrow so we’ll begin our case the next day. I’ll probably be testifying first and then Jess.�
“Will she be okay?�
“Yeah...she’s strong.� The pride in his voice was unmistakeable.
“Well give her my love.�
“I will.�
“And you take care too.�
“Thanks Dad. You too.�
They hung up the phone, the air resonating with unspoken thoughts.
It wasn’t until Jessica and Nick were getting to bed that he broached the topic that had been plaguing her all day. It was a day for difficult conversations, Nick thought ruefully. “How’re you doing?� he asked gently.
She instinctively pulled the covers up to her chest as though to prevent her true feelings escaping and lay down, head turned away from him. Unable to lie to him or herself about her feelings she remained silent.
Nick watched her silently before continuing, “You sounded so relaxed this morning...I thought you were happy about your decision...I guess I’m confused.�
“You and me both,� she replied sadly.
“Tell me.�
Tell me. Everybody had been uttering those words lately. She breathed deeply, taking in Nick’s unmistakeable scent that was infused into her pillow. It was luxurious to be in their bed after two nights in hospital. To be able to lie next to Nick and touch him when she needed re[arse]urance in the night.
“Baby?� he took her hand, holding it as though it was the one precious link between them.
“I...� she took a deep breath and turned her head to him. “This scares the hell out of me.� There. The words had been said.
Now that she had started it was easy to keep talking, it was almost a relief to share feelings she had been shielding from everybody, even herself. “I hate putting you through this, I’m terrified of hurting you again...I just want us to be normal...and I’m not ready to die...I don’t want to leave all this behind!� She felt like a broken record. How many times had she said those words in the last two days? Repeating them had made them much easier to say but not easier to accept.
“You won’t die.� He still held obstinately to his ever diminishing optimism.
“Baby...we have to accept...�
“Then why are you continuing treatment if you are so certain?� he asked, frustrated.
She knew the answer, but paused, wondering how to express it. “For you,� she finally replied. “I have to try for you.�
He loosened his vice-like grip on her hand, taking a deep breath. “You have to do it for you.�
“But I am doing it for me...� she struggled for the words to explain. “You are such a huge part of who I am...you are me.�
Her words spread warmth through his body and he lay down, spooned against her, his body enclosing hers protectively, “You have to believe.� His breath tickled her ear.
“I just want to be normal again.�
“You will be.�
Nick heard all her doubts voiced in her silence and [arse]ured her, “You will be.�
Jessica squeezed his hand; her action telling him she needed and appreciated his comfort. He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek before switching off the light.

***

Trial continued early the next morning. Jessica’s arrival at the courthouse was greeted with excitement and giant hugs from Ellenor and Justin and she was thrilled to be back among the action again. If only the circumstances had been different.
The plaintiff continued their case, calling Mike Maguire to the stand. (He was another worker on the album for Ryan) Ashlee who was again watching gave him a ‘good luck’ smile as he walked past her.
Silva stood up and swaggered over to the stand.
“Mr. Maguire, can you tell the jury the details of my client’s?�
“Sure…� And day two began for them all.

Next day...

The plaintiff rested early that morning and the judge looked with dislike at the defense. The jury shifted in their seats, glad that half the trial was already over, looking forward to getting out of the stuffy courtroom and into the rare sunny winter day.
Ellenor stood up and declared, “The defense calls Nicholas Lachey� and both Ashlee and Tina crossed their fingers. They watched as Nick walked up to the stand, radiating confidence. His dark blue suit and blue shirt made even Tina and Ashlee think “Wow� and the redhead in the gallery that had been devouring him with her eyes for the last two days suddenly sat up and paid attention.
Nick sat in the chair and adjusted the microphone.
“Do you swear to tell the truth, whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God?�
“I do.�
Ashlee watched the jury intently as Ellenor began, “Let’s talk about your wife.�
Jessica closed her eyes and hoped that her support was reaching him across the courtroom. She wanted to be up there with him, holding his hand, offering encouragement and support for the difficult questions. And she knew the next morning would signal the beginning of her turn on the stand and Nick would feel exactly the same things she was feeling now.
“We have already heard that Mrs. Lachey was diagnosed with ovarian cancer the day before the beginning of the album was to start work. How did you react to the news?�
“I was numb. It didn’t really register at first. When it did I was shocked.�
“Why did you continue working on this client? Couldn’t you have p[arse]ed it on to someone else in the studio?�
“I insisted on keeping it. I knew it better than anybody and thought it would be detrimental to him if someone else took over. Our work was thin enough as it was without adding to it.�
“What state of mind were you in for the work on the album?�
“I was still a little numb, but I remained focussed on the job we had to do.�
“Is cancer a sensitive issue with you?�
Nick took a deep breath and looked to Jessica for support, “Yes. My mother died of cancer when I was fifteen.�
“And even with this history, you felt able to continue?�
“Yes. I knew Ryan well and my resolve to help him certainly wasn’t weakened by the news.�
“How long have you been in the music industry?�
“About eight years.�
“And in that time have you ever been accused of not doing your best whatever the situation maybe?�
“No.�
“Never?�
“Never.�
“In fact you’ve often been accused of trying too hard to get what you need finished and completed?�
“Yes. Some dislike my tactics, but I believe that I must do everything I can to get what I want or what I need done.�
“And you think this is one of these instances?�
“Yes. We were already disadvantaged by what we were dealing with and where is would lead us.�
“At this stage you p[arse]ed the job onto a partner in the studio?�
“Yes. Mrs. Keireth wasn’t happy with how the progress was going and was threatening to fire us. And instead I suggested Drew Lachey take over. She agreed.�
“How did you feel about p[arse]ing over the job?�
“I knew that she would be in the hands of a very experienced musical artsist. I trust Mr. Lachey completely.�
“Great. Thank you.�
Silva stood up slowly, relishing the opportunity to open up the unexplored depths of Nick’s heart. His tone was hostile and challenging. “You turned off the life support on your mother didn’t you Mr. Lachey?�
“Objection! Relevance!� Ellenor jumped out of her seat.
“It goes to his state of mind during the trial,� Silva argued.
The judge nodded, “Objection overruled. Answer the question Mr Lachey.�
Nick took a deep breath, determined not to be drawn into the fight. Jessica had always told him he needed to control his temper, maybe now was a good time to begin. “Yes.�
“And you were fifteen?�
“Yes.�
“That must have been a very traumatic experience.�
“Yes it was.�
“In fact you don’t talk about it very much do you?�
“It happened more than 10 years ago.�
“But you’ve seen first hand the grief of losing a spouse.�
Nick paused, thanking God his father couldn’t get off work to come and watch the trial. “Yes.�
“What type of cancer does you wife have?�
“Ovarian cancer.�
“And what is the chance of surviving ovarian cancer?�
“If it’s caught early, the prognosis is good.�
“And if it’s not?�
Nick’s voice dropped into a whisper, “I believe the survival rate is only 15%.�
A lump had developed in Jessica’s throat and she attempted to swallow it. Nick didn’t need this now. How dare Silva go after him like that! How dare he reopen those wounds! She seethed as the questions continued. Never had she felt more exposed to the world.
“And was your wife’s cancer diagnosed early?�
Nick momentarily closed his eyes, “No.�
“So although you have unresolved grief over your mother’s death and a very slim chance of your wife surviving cancer you still remained focus on the work for the album. You must be a remarkable man.�
“Objection!� Ellenor fumed.
“You’re objecting to him being remarkable?� Silva grinned.
“I’m objecting to what you’re implying,� Ellenor spat back.
“Sustained.�
“Well finally!� Ellenor muttered to Jessica as she sat back down. Jessica didn’t hear her, her ears focussed on the continuing barrage of questions.
“So you began working on it.� Silva continued without any loss of rhythm.
“Yes.�
“And what happened next?�
“We tried the album as best we could.�
Silva’s tirade continued. After fully exhausting the topic of the trial he turned back to his favourite subject. Jessica.
“When did you get married?�
“Last October.�
“You’re newlyweds.�
Nick smiled softly. “Yes.�
“Do you love your wife?�
“More than anything.�
Redirect failed to heal the new wounds and a very sorry group left the courthouse at lunchtime.
“I was terrible,� Nick sighed.
Jessica hooked her arm through his, “No you weren’t.�
“He walked all over me.�
“Well he had a lot of material to work with,� she replied with a small smile.
He looked at her, hurt, “Thanks baby. Just what I need to hear.�
She rested her head against his shoulder.
“How are you feeling?� he asked with concern.
“Tired.�
“The judge might let us adjourn for today,� Ellenor suggested worriedly.
“No I’m fine. I may as well get it over and done with.�
Ellenor looked once at Nick for agreement and took a deep breath. “Okay. I hope Mark’s ready.�
“Ms. Dole,� Mark began. There were rustles from spectators as they settled back down after lunch. He waited for silence to once again settle on the room before continuing. “You spent a lot of time working with Mrs. Keireth?�
“Yes. Certainly not by choice,� she remarked with a quick glance at Nick.
“Did you feel positive about making a successful album?�
“Yes and no. “
“We have already heard that the week before trial you were diagnosed with cancer. How did you react to that news?�
“I went blank. I couldn’t really take it in.�
“How long did this last?�
“I started thinking about it more seriously that night. I guess I came to terms with it. We were feeling positive at that stage. The doctors [arse]ured us that with surgery I had a good chance and besides, many people get cancer these days...it doesn’t automatically mean death.� The words sounded like lies as they tumbled out and she was certain the jury would see through her false optimism, but they were looking at her with interest, sympathy even. Even the judge was eyeing her with an expression of sympathy overriding the usual grimace. Maybe he had a heart after all she thought with wonder.
Mark continued a little bit more but not for long and then finished up. “Thank you.�
“Mrs. Lachey, I’m sorry about your cancer,� Silva’s voice was thick with false sympathy.
“I’m sure you are,� Jessica replied snidely.
“I just have a few quick questions for you. From your perspective, how did your husband take the news?�
“He took it well. This upcoming album was not lost through any lack of concentration, but because your client was not forthcoming with many important factors.�
“He wasn’t affected?�
“Of course he was affected, but his work was not.�
“Okay.� Tommy Silva could see he wasn’t getting anywhere, he could see the sympathy in the juror’s eyes and knew they would hate him more if he questioned her the way he questioned Nick. They wouldn’t forgive him for doing that to a cancer patient. He walked back to his chair, “I’m sorry about your illness Mrs. Lachey. I hope you and your husband can have this weight taken off your mind.�
Jessica seethed at his little remark. She wished Ellenor would say something but knew there would be no point in doing so. She stepped down from the chair and slid next to Nick, feeling as though she had run a marathon. She felt slightly dizzy and closed her eyes briefly to regain some composure. Nick saw the tiredness in her face and wanted to whisk her home and put her to bed, but Ellenor was already calling Drew. He put his arm around her shoulder instead, and under the unrelenting gaze of the jury, she rested her head on his shoulder. She just wanted this to be over.

***
Two days later...

Nick took Jessica’s hand and squeezed it tightly. The previous two days in court had been stressful on Jessica to say the least. The pleas from Nick, Justin and Drew to go home and rest had fallen flat and she remained stubbornly in her seat. But the exhaustion showed all too clearly on her face. Her skin was pale and dark circles formed a halo around her eyes. Feeling Nick’s large, warm hands envelope her own she weakly squeezed back as they waited breathlessly for the result.
“We the jury find in favour of the defendant.�
The words were spoken so quickly, Jessica didn’t register that they had won until the others began to jump up and down. Her body felt weak all over and a deep, overwhelming pain in her abdomen began to pulsate. She felt her heart beat faster and her breath become shallow. Nick sat quietly beside her, still holding her hand. She turned to him and saw the tears shining in his eyes.
“We won,� he said, shaking his head with disbelief.
She nodded, waiting for the throbbing pain to subside. When it didn’t she turned to Nick and using all her remaining strength, whispered, “Baby.� She could barely be heard above the raucous cheering around her. He leaned closer to hear her next words.
“Take me back to the hospital.�
End of part 11.

[littleprincessj]

Title: Losing Streak Part 12
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note: I can’t say thank you enough times but I’ll say it again anyways! Thank you all for all this feedback it’s phenomenal! Thanks so much to everyone on the JSMB who has posted replies and support and Jessica, ANDREA! Erica and everyone else who has helped me thank you! Feedback can be sent to sweetest_sin21002@yahoo.com
Summary: Same ole’ same ole’
Disclaimer: Same as always!
“Losing Streak� Part 12

The young doctor’s voice was soft, sympathetic. “Mr. Lachey, a dangerous side effect of chemotherapy is that it kills rapidly dividing cells, which includes bone marrow. Now bone marrow produces the white cells that ward off infections, so our chemotherapy patients have fewer defences against infection and they are more susceptible to things like common viruses. The stress of the last few days has added to that lowered immunity and as a result your wife has caught the flu. In her condition, we have to take infections such as these very seriously, so I’d like to keep her in hospital for at least a few days. We’ll do everything we can for her.�
Nick leaned against the wall, eyes closed. The man could have been speaking Japanese for all he understood. The doctor waited awkwardly for him to respond and after a long silence, Nick finally opened his eyes. “Where is she?� he asked hoarsely.
The doctor pointed. “This way.�
Nick followed him blindly to a dark room where green lights flashed silently on various pieces of medical equipment. Jessica was sleeping soundly; her body was covered with a blanket, but her thin shape was all to clear beneath it. Sitting quietly next to the bed, he took her hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing it softly. He wanted to beg her to get better, [arse]ure her that he was here, but words refused to form on his lips.
The doctor cleared his throat. “I’ll be in and out tonight checking on her. Call if you need me.�
Nick nodded, eyes still focussed on Jessica. He barely heard the retreating footsteps over Jessica’s rasping breath. The scenario was all too familiar. Flashes of his mother’s illness flew by. The darkness of the room, the hiss of the respirator, the burning smell of disinfectant intermingled with his father’s favourite cologne.
“Baby?�
Relief breathed light into his gloom. He squeezed her hand. “Hey.�
Her hand was clammy and weakly squeezed back. Slowly, painfully her eyes opened.
“Do you need me to call the doctor?� he asked.
Her head moved slightly from side to side. “What did he say?� she whispered, reaching painfully for a gl[arse] of water on the tray by the bed.
He smiled wryly, “You’ve caught the flu.�
“I’m in hospital because I have a cold?� she asked faintly.
“Your immune system isn’t doing its job. They need to keep an eye on you. How do you feel?�
“I’m tired, everything is aching.�
“Just rest.� He pulled the blankets back up over her body and tucked her in tightly.
“Baby,� she whispered again as he leaned over and kissed her lovingly on the forehead.
“Yeah?�
“I should call my parents.�
“I’ll do it,� he offered.
She attempted a smile, “You don’t have to.�
He laughed softly, “I’ve called them before I think I can do it again.�
“Don’t let my father scare you.�
“He doesn’t scare me!� he argued, affronted.
She laughed and he felt goose bumps rise on his arms...there was nothing he wouldn’t give to hear her laugh like she used to. She nodded sleepily, her good mood disintegrating into exhaustion.
“Sleep well,� he whispered. When he was certain she was asleep he walked into the well lit p[arse]ageway of the hospital. He looked around for a quiet corner and pulled out his cell phone.
“Hello?� The voice that answered was an older version of Jessica’s, age beginning to increase its pitch and cause words to quaver slightly. Nick smiled when he heard it, as always unable to believe how alike Jessica and her mother sounded.
“Tina, its Nick,�
“Nick! How wonderful to hear from you. How’s Jessie? I’ve been meaning to invite both of you to lunch. Are you free this weekend?�
“Uh...no...we probably won’t be able to make it for lunch...Jessica’s back in hospital.�
“What happened?� her voice was now clearly trembling.
“She’s just weak...the trial took a lot out of her and she’s developed another infection.�
“Does she want me there with her?� There was something in her tone that threw him. She sounded inconvenienced.
“She’s asleep now,� Nick explained. “Come in tomorrow, she’d love to see you.�
“Does Joe know?�
“I’m about to call him.�
“Okay. Good. Thanks for calling, honey. Take care of her.�
He leaned his head against the wall, wanting to explain how he wished he could take care of her, but it was out of his hands. It made him feel so damn helpless. He hung up the phone and dialled Jessica’s father’s number.
“Hello.�
“Joe...uh...it’s Nick.�
“Is something wrong?�
“She’s been admitted back into hospital...she’s caught another infection and the doctors are worried her immune system won’t be able to deal with it.� His voice sounded distant to him, the words sounding sterile as they emerged mechanically from his mouth.
“How did this happen?� the familiar accusatory tone was back.
Nick felt his face grow hot, couldn’t this man for once stop blaming him for everything that went wrong in his daughter’s life. “She insisted on going to court for the trial...it was all too much for her...but you know how she is...so stubborn.�
“You should have made her stay home.�
“I can’t make her do anything she doesn’t want to do. She’s not a child, she makes her own decisions.� Nick argued irritably.
Joe Simpson took a deep breath and continued in a more normal voice, “What are the doctors saying?�
“They want to keep for a few days to try to control the infection.�
“Well tell her...� his voice softened, “Tell her I love her. And I’ll be there as soon as I can get a flight out of New York.�
“Sure.�
Nick hung up the phone, resisting the urge to pound it against the wall. He walked tiredly back into Jessica’s room, hoping for some peace and quiet but instead met by a crowd of colleagues.
Jessica was awake and smiling tiredly at something Lea was saying, while Justin, Jeff and Drew were heatedly discussing something else in the corner. As soon as they saw him pandemonium broke out.
“Have you heard what Justin thinks we should do?� Jeff began, rolling his eyes.
“Look Jeff, it was just a suggestion-� Justin stepped in, red faced.
Jeff ignored him, “He thinks we should sue Silva for legal costs, citing that Silva has a vendetta against the firm.�
“Not a bad idea,� Nick said quietly.
Jeff’s eyes widened and Justin grinned.
“But if I ever see Silva again I might kill him, so probably not something we should pursue.� He walked over to Jessica’s bed and took her hand once more. Lea rubbed his shoulder comfortingly and he smiled to himself. She always knew the right thing to do.
“I called them,� he told Jessica quietly.
She nodded, “Thanks. Did Dad bite your head off?�
“Almost,� he grinned suddenly.
“He doesn’t mean to be so...�
“Arrogant? Uncompromising? Unforgiving?� he supplied.
“Yeah...all of those...and more.� She closed her eyes and after a pause opened them again. “I’m so tired. Can you...� she looked at the group standing chatting by the door.
He nodded, understanding and turned to his colleagues. “Guys...Jess needs to rest. Can you come back tomorrow?�
After quick hugs and goodbyes they were gone and Nick was left alone with a sleeping Jessica, and once again left immersed in his own thoughts. More than anything he needed a distraction and was relieved when he heard a voice interrupt the quiet of the room.
“I left my keys up here,� Lea apologized, grabbing them from the table by Jessica’s bed.
Nick rubbed his face tiredly, wanting to ask her to stay but not sure how to do it. She saw the action and hesitated, “Do you want some company?� she asked.
He stared at her for a second, still amazed that she always knew, “Yeah.�
“Do you want to get a coffee?�
“No...I want to be here if she wakes up.�
“Nick you should get out of here for a little while. You need to get some fresh air...or at least different air. She worries about you when you spend all your time holed up here.�
Nick sighed, the last thing he wanted was Jessica worrying about him. With one final look to make sure Jessica was comfortable, he stood and followed Lea down to the cafeteria.
“What did the doctor say?� she asked when they each had a cup of coffee in front of them.
Nick shook his head tiredly, “Just that she’s caught the flu or something...and they need to keep an eye on her.�
“She shouldn’t have pushed herself.� Lea muttered.
Nick stared into his coffee, as though looking for answers. “Nobody could have stopped her.�
Lea sighed, understanding. “How’s your dad taking this?�
“He’s...god I don’t think he believes it...both of us...you know?�
“Does he know?�
“Not about this...I should call him...� Nick swallowed, knowing he had put off the phone call because he knew how difficult it would be.
“You should talk to him,� Lea suggested softly.
“I know.�
“He knows what you’re going through.�
Nick closed his eyes. He hated even thinking about the similarities between what happened to his mother and what was happening now. He felt solidarity with his father, both having watched their wives struggle with cancer. But he wasn’t ready to acknowledge that they may soon share another, heartbreaking connection. Besides, although his father did know what Nick was going through, it didn’t matter when they couldn’t talk about it. The conversation had been locked away in a safe for so long, they no longer held the key. Yet he saw in his father’s eyes how much he needed to talk about it and he knew the desire was reflected in his own eyes. Their minds were willing, but their hearts were not.
“Call him, Nick.�
Sensing that he needed to be alone to gather the courage, she drained her coffee, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.� She squeezed his shoulder, leaving him lost in thought.

***

Jessica or “Cooper� as they all called her walked in the door, having heard from Tina who had called her what had happened. (She got on the first flight to go see her best friend) She looked around angrily for Nick, ready to give him a piece of her mind for not calling her sooner, but other than Jessica, the room was empty. She took a seat and watched her best friend. She was the only real best friend she’d ever had. She remembered the day she had met Jessica. On their first day of third grade Cooper had gone with her friend and found Jessica sitting in a chair in the corner by herself reading a text book. That day Cooper’s friend got into a fight and didn’t want to be her friend anymore because she “made a better friend� and Jessica had been there with tissues, and a shoulder to cry on. They had been best friends ever since. Jessica had always been there for her to lean on, she couldn’t bear to think what it would be like not to have her. She had no one else she trusted as much, no one else she respected as much.
“You damn well have to get better Jessica or you’ll have me to deal with.� Cooper told her, pretending to be angry.
Nick heard her as he walked into the room. “I think what she needs now is support.�
Cooper’s eyes flashed angrily, “I think what I needed was a phone call! Why didn’t you call me? I heard the news from Tina who called me. Dammit Nicholas, you’re not the only one who-� she broke off when she saw the hurt in his eyes. She swore at herself and walked out of the room, needing breathing space to control her anger.
Silence.
Within seconds she had returned, “Nick...I shouldn’t have said that.�
“You’ve been here for every other major event in our life, do you blame me for wanting to do this alone?� he said. It was intended as a joke, but instead he sounded bitter.
“She’s my best friend...�
“She’s mine too,� Nick whispered.
“I’m sorry,� Cooper offered. “Do you want to be alone with her?�
Nick stared at her for a second, realizing just how selfless her suggestion was. Cooper had every right to be there and he knew that Jessica would want her close by. Besides, she had the same fears as he himself did; just having her there would ease the burden upon him. “No.�
Cooper nodded and sat again. Nick sat down on Jessica’s other side and they both stared at her for a few minutes.
“I was just thinking about the first time I met her,� Cooper told him, a smile spreading across her face. “I thought she was the most boring person I had ever met.�
“I thought she was the most amazing woman I’d ever met,� Nick replied.
“You did?�
“Yeah…�
“She’s incredible,� Cooper sighed.
The sat in comfortable silence: both fondly remembering the good times and not allowing themselves to consider what the future could bring. They were happy for the moment; living in the past, fearing the future.
End of part 12.

[littleprincessj]

Title: Losing Streak Part 13

Author: Jessica

Author’s Note: Well there is only one more part after this! I hope y’all enjoyed this story! I thank you all for the feedback and here you go onto the next part! Please send feedback to sweetest_sin21002@yahoo.com

Summary: Same as always!

Disclaimer: Not mine not mine!

“Losing Streak� Part 13

Two days later...Sunday...

“Dad, you should come to the hospital.�
“Is something wrong?�
“Jessica....she...sheâ€â⠀žÂ¢s worse, Dad.â€ÂÂ�
“Oh..........God.�
“She...we both...want to see you.�
“Is she going to be okay?�
“Dad...just come to the hospital...please.�
“I’ll be right there.�

***

Jessica’s parents stood over Jessica while Nick stood by the door. The tension between them filled the room with negative energy and Nick could barely stand it.
Jessica’s mother finally found her voice. “Has she woken up?� she asked Nick tearfully.
Nick shook his head. “Not yet,� he replied hoarsely.
“She doesn’t look good. I want to speak to the doctor,� Joe commented, sending accusatory scowls in Nick’s direction.
“He said she’s developed pneumonia-� Nick began, having already cross examined the doctor that morning.
“I want to hear it for myself,� Joe interrupted, brushing past him.
Nick sighed.
“My sister died of ovarian cancer,� Tina told Nick sadly when Joe was gone. “I sat by her bed, thinking that this couldn’t be happening to someone I know. And now my own daughter...I just wasn’t ready to go through all that again.� She took a white, embroidered handkerchief from her purse and wiped her eyes. “I’m so sorry Nicholas. This must be so hard for you.�

He concurred with a nod, his anger towards her ebbing as he realized they were all suffering here. They were all connected by their love for Jessica and the fear of losing her. They just dealt with their emotions in different ways.

Tina squeezed Jessica’s hand. She looked up at Nick with tears running down her face, “I only wish I could trade places with her.�

Nick was moved by her words. Nick could understand that defence well. He wanted to [arse]ure her that nobody wanted her to trade places with Jessica, but selfishness prevailed. He would never wish for Tina to go through what Jessica is going through but he would do anything to get Jessica back.

An expectant silence filled the room. Tina, needing re[arse]urance from Nick, waited, her heart breaking with grief. Tension arose between them.
John Lachey walked into the room, providing some much needed relief. “How is she?� he asked Nick, eyes drawn to Jessica.
Nick shook his head, unable to find the right words. “Pneumonia...they said they’re trying to treat it...but...its not working...�

It was almost like a shield was slowly drawn across John’s face. His emotions became guarded, expressions muted. He was caught in a vortex of memories, the words sounded chillingly similar to ones he had heard more than twenty years earlier. His heart racing, mouth dry, he offered the only comfort he could. He put a hand across Nick’s shoulders, a silent offering of support. “I’m sorry,� he whispered. He knew that nothing he said would provide relief to his son. But he would be there in support. His presence alone would be enough.

***

Monday...

Nick sat silently by the bed. Jessica had only woken up once during the day and he could feel his nerves tense as each second p[arse]ed. He needed her to wake up, he needed the re[arse]urance her sparkling eyes and loving voice gave. But slowly out of that desperation, fear unlike any other was emerging. What if she didn’t wake up? How could he live without her? He brought her hand to his lips once again and kissed it. He was grateful for the solitude.

Jessica’s parents had remained at the hospital overnight but Joe left in the early hours to go to work. Tina had decided to stay, but disappeared minutes earlier for coffee. Nick was relieved. He wanted to talk to Jessica, knowing that on some subconscious level she could hear him but with Tina in the room his words were left unsaid and instead were replayed like a broken record in his brain.

Playing with Jessica’s fingers, he whispered, “I love you.� His words were punctuated only by the continued whirring of the medical machinery. “This isn’t fair,� his voice cracked. “It wasn’t meant to happen like this...�

Jessica stirred as he spoke and his eyes were immediately drawn to her face. She moaned almost imperceptibly, but his anxious ears noticed. His shoulders slumped when nothing else happened. There was the sound of footsteps outside the room, but he ignored them. Jessica's mother walked in with puffy red eyes.

"Any change?" she whispered with a croak, clasping Jessica's hand tightly.
"No."
"I just talked to the doctor again. He said-�
"I know." Nick replied irritably.

Tina fell silent. She had felt like an intruder over the last couple of days and her repeated attempts at conversation were more a last appeal to her son-in-law for acceptance than a need to talk. She sighed. “Joe said he’d come back this afternoon.�

Nick nodded, his eyes not leaving Jessica’s face. He heard the quiet sniffles coming from the other side of the bed and felt his own eyes well up. He hated the waiting. Waiting for tests. Waiting for treatment. Waiting for results. Waiting for...death? He had to face the possibility now. He felt Jessica's hand move inside his grip and he refocussed on her face. Her eyes were open and she attempted to smile at him.

"Hey," she whispered through dry, cracked lips. Her face was gaunt and shadows encircled her eyes. But she would always be beautiful to Nick. He tried to feel more positive for her sake and smiled back, "Hey. How are you feeling?"
"Like I've got something eating all my organs," she told him with a twisted smile.
He leaned forward and kissed her softly on the lips, "That was a stupid question."
"And yet you ask it every day."
He shrugged at her teasing tone. Tina sat back and watched them talk, smiling softly at their obvious love for each other. She was amazed by Nick’s change from dejected and irritable to a man who’s eyes were shining with love and devotion. She wished with all her heart for a miracle. Jessica turned painfully towards her, "Hi Mom."
"Hello darling."
"How are you?"
Tina hurriedly wiped the tracks of tears away and smiled, "I'm fine."
Jessica narrowed her eyes, "You're lying. Why does everybody lie to me?"
"We don't want to worry you, darling," Tina replied gently.
"I want to be worried, I want to be happy, I want...I want to be normal. I hate people treating me as though I'm made of gl[arse]...I want to be normal." Her voice cracked and Tina and Nick were unsure how to react to this outburst.
"Baby, your Mom's right," Nick began, stroking her hair. "We just want you to be happy."
"I will be happier if you let me live a normal life. Please."
"Okay."
Jessica nodded and thought for a second, searching for a normal topic of conversation, "How's the studio?"
Who cares? Nick thought. Drew had offered to take over and Nick had hardly heard a word from him all week. "I don't know. I haven't been in for a few days."
"Really? What's wrong with you?" she teased.
"I would rather be here with you."
"You are so sweet. But I'll be fine. Just give me a couple of days and I'll be running marathons,� she joked.

Nick was again unsure how to react, the pain he was feeling was too immense for humour to override it and the look on Tina's face showed that she was thinking the same thing. Jessica’s eyes were pleading for a sense of normalcy, for the teasing banter that was so familiar to them but words failed him. "Marathon's huh?" he asked flatly.
"Yeah. And then we'll buy a bigger house, have ten kids and live happily ever after," she continued wistfully.
Tina covered her face and left the room. Jessica watched her go and turned back to Nick, "I can't mention kids these days without making her cry."
Nick swallowed, feeling his temper rising, "This is hard on her. You should try to be a little more considerate."
Jessica’s laugh was humourless and harsh, "Considerate? I’m dying; do I really have to worry about making everybody feel good about themselves?"

Something in Nick snapped and his fury was released, "Yes you do, dammit! You ask us to consider our feelings, well how about you consider ours!?"

Jessica stared open mouthed as Nick continued.

"You think this is easy for us? Easy for me? I get to come to hospital every day and watch a disease take my wife from me. Well I want normal too! I want to be able to go to the office everyday with you and not have to worry about cancer and death and hospitals! I want to be able to forget about my mother's death. I want more! I want my wife back! But you know what I've learned? I’ve learned that you don't get what you want in this life. In fact, you tend to get the exact opposite of what you want. Maybe you should think about that before snidely making comments that hurt everybody's feelings. Okay?" He stormed out the door and Jessica watched agape. Nick rushed out of the hospital and sped away in his car. It felt good to let all his pent up anger out. Without thinking where he was going, he arrived at the studio.

Jeff looked up with surprise, "Nick! What are you doing here?"
Lea, Drew and Justin, who had been talking in the conference room rushed out to see him. They clamoured for news.
"How's Jessica?"
"What are you doing here?"
"Are you okay?"
"Does she want to see us?"
Nick raised his hands, "Everything is fine….I just needed a break from the hospital…that's all."
"Are you sure everything's okay?" Lea asked worriedly. Nick hadn't left Jessica’s side in a week. It was unlike him to desert her now.
"Yes," Jeff interjected, with narrowing eyes, "Something is wrong…I can sense it."
Nick felt cornered, "We just had…we had a small fight, that's all."
Four pairs of eyebrows shot up, "You what!?" Lea shrieked, swatting his arm.
He moved out of swatting range, "I don't need a lecture, Lea.
"Nick this is not a good time to be fighting," Drew suggested gently.
"Fighting is a normal part of our relationship, why should that change now?" he snapped.
"Because..." Lea trailed off, not wanting to say the words.
"Because you might not have much time left," Jeff finished matter-of-factly.
The women glared at him for being so insensitive.
"Thanks, Jeff." Nick responded bitterly.
Jeff realized his error and sighed, "Sorry," he offered sympathetically.
Nick nodded and decided that the studio wasn't the best place for him after all. He left the studio without another word. As soon as the door closed behind him, the women turned on Jeff.
"What in hell made you say that?" Lea snapped.
Jeff backed away from them slowly, a look of terror covering his face.
Cacee swatted him, “You idiot!�

***

Nick wandered around the city for over an hour, with no purpose but to distract himself from the inevitable return to hospital and possibly another argument. It was only as he walked past Jessica’s favourite jewellery store that he was struck with an idea. He would need a peace offering when he returned to the hospital that night. He casually glanced in glimmering shop windows as he p[arse]ed by. It was pointless buying her something that she couldn't appreciate right away. Jewellery was too predictable, furniture out of the question. She needed something she could enjoy immediately. She didn’t have the concentration or stamina to read a book and music would be drowned out by regular hospital sounds. Flowers were nice but would wilt and die and he wanted something that would celebrate life, not death.

He p[arse]ed a camera shop and looked thoughtfully at the picture frames displayed before him. Jessica might like some nice photos to decorate the hospital room with. The shop bell rung shrilly as he entered and he quickly picked out four silver frames and took them to the counter. As he pulled out his wallet, he saw a display of funny photos and a banner proclaiming a prize for the funniest ones sent to the store. The photos sent of a chain reaction of thoughts and he approached the counter, mind still whirring.

"I need a camera too," he told the short, spectacled salesman.
The man grinned, "Good thing you came here then," he replied with good humour. "The bicycle store wouldn't have been able to help you much."
Nick smiled half heartedly.
"What sort of camera do you need?"
"I don't know. Just a normal one."
"No such thing anymore. This fully automatic camera with zoom will cost you about a hundred. This digital camera will set you back about a thousand dollars."
Nick looked at the two offered. Normally he’d be curiously playing with each option, testing out the extra features, but it all seemed irrelevant to him now, "I just need to take normal photos."
"Then I'd suggest this automatic. It's a good little camera."
Nick looked at it and shrugged, "It looks fine to me. I'll take it."
“Pictures last forever,� the salesman told him solemnly as he handed him the bag. Nick swallowed and whispered his thanks.

As soon as he got outside he loaded the camera with film and snapped some pictures of the street. He knew that Jessica was frustrated at being cooped up inside and he wanted to take photos of all her favourite places and things to relieve some of that frustration. If Jessica couldn’t see the world, the world would go to Jessica. He spent the afternoon happily occupied. When he finally arrived at the hospital he held freshly developed photos, the frames and most importantly a smile. If the afternoon away had done anything it had improved his mood.

Her expression was dull when he entered her room. She appeared bored and angry and snapped her head around when he walked in.
"Hey," he grinned. "How are you feeling?"
She was about to let her anger off its leash but his grin stopped her. Instead she uttered listlessly, "Horrible."
He smiled again, "I have something for you."
"Great. Thanks." She took the parcels he handed to her and placed them on the bedside table without looking at them.
He swallowed his frustration, "Baby…I'm sorry about what I said earlier….I've been feeling so…I don't know….angry,� he stammered. “…it was just too much. I didn't mean it…I'm sorry."
Jessica closed her eyes. She had been all prepared to continue their argument, but his words humbled her. "It wasn't your fault…you were right…I was being selfish and insensitive. You had every right to be angry."
"Friends?" Nick asked hopefully.
She nodded, a tired smile finally appearing on her face, "Friends."
"Now look at your presents." He ordered.

She peered into one shopping bag, "Photos?" she flicked through them and laughed. "Oh! I love that place! And my favourite restaurant!" She flicked through and burst into laughter, showing Nick a very unflattering photo of Ashlee. The photo had caught the micro moment of surprised irritation as she saw the camera focussed on her. Jessica finally turned to him and kissed him softly on the cheek, "Thank you. You are so thoughtful."
"Your welcome."
She opened the next bag and saw the photo frames, "Wow. These are beautiful."
"I thought we might decorate this place a little. I'll bring the albums from home, if you like."
"I’d like that…" she put the frames down and looked at him thoughtfully. “There's something I want to do for you too."
A smile played on Nick's lips. He couldn't imagine what she was talking about.
“I...I want to take your name.�
His eyes widened when her words sunk in. He was speechless.
Jessica smiled at his reaction and nodded to herself, she had made the right decision. “I want to be a Lachey...not just Jessica Lachey on my bills in the mail and personally I want it professionally. I don’t want to be Jessica Simpson the singer, I want to be Jessica Lachey the singer.�
Nick continued to stare. He didn’t want to think about her reasoning behind the decision. “I...I’d like that....a lot.�
She smiled again and patted the mattress next to her. Nick smiled back and hopped into her bed. There was hardly room for both of them, but Jessica didn't complain; she snuggled against him and closed her eyes, "Mmmm. I wish we could stay like this forever."

Nick didn't answer and she glanced up at him curiously to find that his eyes were filled with tears. "Oh, baby. I'm so sorry." She held him tighter and rocked him slowly. They were still wrapped in each other's arms when the nurse walked in two hours later.


***

The room was dark when Jessica woke up. She could make out Nick’s much loved shape on a reclining chair and his familiar soft snores sent a warm thrill through her body. But what had woken her? Soft footsteps walked continuously down the hallway outside, but she had become used to the regular hospital sounds, so it couldn’t be that. She was finding it hard to breathe and the pressure in her lungs was immense, but there was no pain. She lay quietly in bed, enjoying the peace that a [friend]tail of drugs brought.

Perhaps a dream had woken her? Had she been dreaming? She furrowed her brow, straining to remember. But no dreams came to mind. She used to be a vivid dreamer, both in childhood and adulthood. She had always been a constant thinker; quiet moments as she lay in bed were always loud with thoughts, so her dreams gave her an escape from herself. However since she’d begun treatment her dreams had faded and sleep had become dark and silent. It was a relief to be able to concentrate on nothing, to be able to rest her tired mind. But she missed the vibrancy of her dreams. Lying in bed, the scent and warmth of Nick’s body permeating her subconscious, ensuring her dreams were fulfilling and peaceful.

Nothing could rest her mind now. It was wide awake and prepared for some serious thinking. Maybe that’s why she woke up, she mused, her thoughts were crying out for some attention. Her mind had actually been whirring all day. Nick’s enraged words had at first left her incredibly angry. So angry she had wanted to throw things and scream that she didn’t ask for this. She didn’t choose to become sick and put him through this pain all over again. But her energy soon failed and the anger turned into sorrow. Everything he had said was true. She needed to think about other people. She wasn’t the only one this was hard on. Stomach churning guilt had soon set in. Next she felt surprise that he was gone so long. She desperately wanted to see him again, she needed to apologize. But as the hours crept by she found herself growing angry at him again. He had been by her side interminably, so much that she had sometimes wanted to scream at him to leave. And now he had left of his own volition and she didn’t like it one bit. She wanted him back. How dare he stay away when she needed him? Her mood when he had returned had been teetering on the border of fury. But his smile had thrown her. He hadn’t smiled in days. Perhaps he had needed a break from her as much as she had needed one from him. That realization also shocked her. Yes, she had needed solitude so that she could work out her feelings by herself. And she had done that. Recalling how she had felt when he had returned made the reason for waking at this early hour clearer to her. There was something she needed to acknowledge.

She watched the shadows p[arse] across the thin beam of light that seeped from beneath her closed door. Nurses whispered unhurriedly outside, the night time bringing much needed peace from the never ending streams of bedpans and complaints. Hospitals were now familiar to Jessica.
Their short marriage had been just as blissful. Waking up in his arms morning after morning, hearing his groggy voice whisper I love you in her ear, making love as the sunlight crept its way across their bed; the room giving off its own energy and light as it filled with laughter and moans of delight.

Jessica’s smile faded. No more would she experience the pure euphoria of making love to the man she loved. No more would she experience lying languorously in bed, crumbs scattered over the quilts as they comfortably read the newspaper on a Sunday morning. Parts of her wanted to be angry, to furiously demand answers from God or Budda or Allah or whoever was cruelly dictating her future, to ask why they were taking away her life when she was enjoying it fully for the first time, but instead tranquillity presided.

She couldn’t lie to herself any more. In the deepest recesses of her soul she knew that she was going to die and rather than fight that reality, she accepted it peacefully. Was it relief? Perhaps. A weight had certainly been lifted from her heart. She also knew it was thanks. Her life hadn’t necessarily been easy, but she had been given the greatest gift of all, the gift of love. The love she felt each day not only from Nick and her family, but Cacee, Drew, Lea, Justin, Jeff and Cooper could fill a lifetime. She was grateful for that. Some people never experienced such immense love and support. She was at peace. Having accepted her future she could now concentrate on what needed to be done. Nick needed peace too. He needed to know that she had no regrets. That she would always love him and be there for him. He needed to learn to love life again. She would teach him.

Nick snorted suddenly and moved in his chair. Jessica focussed her eyes on him, hoping that her love was reaching him from across the room. He had been amazing over the last few days, jumping to attention the moment she needed something, but she knew it was becoming all too much for him. His energy was gone, his optimism had disappeared and she could see in his eyes that he had guessed the inevitable ending to the story...but he still hadn’t come to terms with it. Tears painfully pricked her dry eyes. She had to help him to accept it. She had to show him that their love wouldn’t be halted by lifetimes.

***

Tuesday...

Jessica woke up the next morning, face still pale and eyes dulled from pain. Her breath came in soft wheezes but she waved away Nick’s concern. “Don’t call the doctors,� she asked him weakly.

Nick’s face became heavy with worry. Jessica reached for his hand and squeezed it as hard as she could. She smiled painfully and whispered, "Promise me something."
"Anything," he replied quickly.
She couldn't bear to say the words that she knew needed to be said. She closed her eyes, "If you meet someone else-"
He put his head in his hands, and attempted to shut her out, "Don't say it baby."
Her eyes were still closed, but tears squeezed out between her eyelashes, "Please baby. Promise me."
He shook his head adamantly, "I will never love anybody else."
His protest pained her and she took a deep breath, ready to argue, "You have so much love to give. Don't grow old alone. Promise me."
Nick squeezed his eyes shut, "I can't do that."
Her tears turned to sobs, "Please. Don’t waste your life because of me."
"No." he whispered, the word catching in his throat.

Cooper arrived and stood at the door, not wanting to interrupt what was obviously a painful moment. Nick saw her shadow fall across the room and stood quickly. He kissed Jessica tenderly on the forehead and apologized in a whisper, "I can't...I...I have to go."

He pushed past Cooper and walked blindly down the hallway, not knowing where he was going. Not caring. He just had to get away. He came to the end of the hallway and found an empty room. It offered a refuge and he embraced it desperately, allowing the facade of strength to crumble away for the first time since he had learned of Jessica's illness. The pent up pain and emotion was released in his tears and he allowed them to fall. I can't do this, he thought. I can't be strong for her.

There was a soft fall of footsteps in the hallway outside and Nick wiped away the tears hurriedly. A nurse poked her head in and gave him a sympathetic smile, "I'm sorry....we need this room."
Nick stood up to rush towards the door, "I'm sorry. I'll go somewhere else."
"There's no hurry. I just need to prepare a few things. Take your time."

He sat back down and breathed deeply. He couldn't bear to stay away from Jessica for too long, but he also didn't want her to see him like this. He absentmindedly watched the nurse make the bed on the other side of the room. Little things had prompted the release of memories recently. Memories that were so vivid, he felt like he was reliving the experiences. Watching the nurse now made him remember a day soon after they were married. Nick had arrived home from work in the early hours of Saturday morning, which always caused a fight. She had shoved him out of their bed at noon on Saturday, waking him from his peaceful slumber and ripped the sheets off angrily. He had stood by, bleary eyed, and waited for her to remake the bed with clean sheets before allowing him to snuggle back under the sweet smelling covers. Not a word had been spoken between them and it took Nick a month before he dared to work late again. He smiled now at the memory, and looked back to where the nurse had been.

She was gone.

Nick stood, feeling a resurgence of strength return to his limbs and made his way back to Jessica. He found her in quiet conversation with Cooper and sat on her other side, watching her talk, but not hearing the words. He had always been mesmerized by her and now was no exception. His gaze refused to leave her face as he memorized every feature, every expression. She felt his unwavering stare and turned to meet his eyes, and in doing so she saw his pain. Cooper stopped mid sentence, knowing that there was no point in continuing. She kissed her friend lightly on the cheek and whispered her goodbye, "I'll come back tomorrow. Hang in there, babe."

Jessica turned back to Cooper, tears once again forming in her eyes, "Bye Coop...Thanks." She watched her leave the room before looking back at Nick. His eyes were red but his expression rigid, as though chiselled in marble.
“Don’t,†� she whispered
He raised his eyebrows, questioning her.
She raised a hand to his cheek, “Don’t shut me out.�
He rubbed his face and when he removed his hands, the raw truth of his feelings was revealed. “I just....can’t...�
Jessica began to cry, “You have to talk to me.�
“You can’t tell me to get over you....I won’t...�
Jessica cried harder.
Nick shook his head, tears falling from his own eyes, and carried on, “It makes everything seem too final. I...will...n...I won’t accept that this is the end.�
Jessica’s tears darkened crisp white hospital sheet as they splashed down, “Sometimes we have to admit-�
“No we don’t,� he whispered.
“Baby I need you to understand,� she begged, sobbing.
He pulled her into his arms, both of their body’s trembling with grief and whispered, “I will never understand.�

***

Saturday...

Drew was the first to arrive in the small private room that had been emptied to provide a gathering place for Jessica’s family and friends. At 7am the room was empty and he turned on the coffee machine and sat down to attempt to read the newspaper. Lea soon appeared and made them both a cup of coffee. They sat in silence, newspaper now discarded, minds focussed on one thing. Jeff and Justin walked into the room together, also silent and downcast. Lea sat next to Drew and picked up the fallen newspaper. She stared at the front page for minutes without reading before throwing it back onto the ground.
“How is she?� Lea asked quietly. Her words broke the solitary contemplation and all eyes turned to Drew. Justin arrived and anxiously repeated the question.

“Nick said she didn’t wake up yesterday,� Drew responded, depressed.
Lea felt tears prick her eyes. “Can we see her?�
Drew nodded and led them down the hall and into the now familiar hospital room.
Nick, Cooper, Ashlee and Jessica’s parents were all sitting silently while music played softly in the background.

All eyes moved to the group and with a frustrated sigh Joe stood up and walked outside. He gestured for Tina and Ashlee to follow. “We can’t have too many people in the room,� he said to Drew, his tone suggesting that he was only leaving for Jessica’s sake.

Drew glanced at Nick, but chose to say nothing. The group crowded around the bed, uncharacteristically silent. Lea stood next to Nick and put an arm around his shoulders, “How is she?� she asked, concentrating on steadying her voice for Nick’s sake.

When Nick didn’t answer, Cooper spoke, “The same.�
Lea took Cooper’s hand. Although not close friends, they had hung out with Jessica enough to develop a bond.
Jeff perched on the edge of the bed. He and Jessica had never been close, but Jeff respected her for her determination and drive and more importantly because she kept Nick happy. And she was the only woman who had successfully trained Nick, an achievement for which Jeff had the utmost respect.

Silence.

“I just can’t believe it,� Justin finally spoke softly. “Ever since she was diagnosed it has been like some surreal nightmare. I never believed...�
Nick understood, but for him this nightmare was a recurring one.
Jessica woke slowly, eyes fluttering before eventually, painfully opening. Her first sight as she opened her eyes was Justin. She stretched her dry lips into a smile and turned her head to look at everybody. “You’re all here,� she said croakily. “Shouldn’t you be working?�

Nick brushed a hand over her forehead. “It’s Saturday,� he whispered, the smile evident in his voice.
“Oh.�

Silence.

“I just want to say...� she licked her lips. Talking was harder than she had expected. Or maybe the words made it harder. “...I love you guys.� Her words elicited all the tears that had been threatening to fall, and hands hastily fumbled for Kleenexes.
Jessica closed her eyes and Lea exchanged a worried glance with Drew. “Love you too, Jess,� she whispered, kissing her on the cheek.
Jessica opened her eyes again. “Look after Nicholas,� she whispered; knowing that Lea and Drew were one of the few people he turned to.
“We will.�
In turn each friend approached Jessica and uttered their own affectionate whispers. Jessica grew more weary as the seconds p[arse]ed, and eventually she closed her eyes and fell once again into a deep sleep.

Lea once again placed an arm around Nick’s shoulders, tears falling unnoticed. “Our lives will never be the same again.�

***

Sunday...

Nick left the room for the first time in days. He had been suffocating in the presence of Jessica’s parents and had sacrificed his need to be with Jessica for some privacy. He headed for a small chapel he knew was somewhere on the ground floor. After wandering down never ending corridors he finally came upon the darkened room and sat in the back row. He rested his head on the pew in front of him and closed his eyes. There was a chill in the small room, perhaps from the marble floor or from the enormous stained gl[arse] windows letting the winter frostiness seep in. Nick raised his head and found that his eyes had adjusted to the dark room. He saw the simple altar with a beautiful flower arrangement in front of it. He took in the dark wooden pews and polished floor. He jumped, startled when his wondering eyes came upon the shape of a man in a darkened corner close to a statue of Mary. Nick stood and walked slowly to the front, his footsteps echoing in the empty room. He sat next to the man and put an arm around his shoulders, “I didn’t realize you were here.�

John raised his bowed head, “I come everyday. Sometimes...I just can’t go up there Nick. I can’t do this again...�

Nick squeezed his father’s shoulder, understanding. They sat, wordlessly taking comfort in the others presence. Finally Nick cleared his throat, drawing his eyes from the statue of Mary. “It’s your mother’s turn to meet her,� he whispered.
Nick broke down, he had suppressed his emotions for so long he could hold on no longer. His father clumsily drew him into his embrace and for the first time ever they cried together.

***

Monday...

Nick felt like he had been staring at her face for years. She hadn't woken up in days and it was just a matter of time before the drugs ended her pain forever. He saw the sheer volume of the [friend]tail of drugs that they fed into her veins and knew that that the time wasn't far off. A crowd of friends and family and lot’s of fans had gathered outside and Nick could hear them now. There were whispered hellos, curious questions and sympathetic hugs. He didn't want to face any of it. They had shuffled one by one into the room to whisper their best wishes but were herded back out by Cooper. She knew that Jessica wouldn’t want her last days to be a spectacle; she would prefer to be remembered as the vibrant woman she once was rather than the shell of a person she had become. Jessica looked at Nick, sitting faithfully by the bed and also knew that Nick needed the privacy to say goodbye, which he wouldn’t be able to do with the constant interruptions that a crowd would bring.

Tina and Joe had asked for privacy with their daughter earlier that day and had emerged from the room in tears, their bitterness towards each other forgotten and a tentative truce formed. In return for the hour of privacy that Nick had given them they now sat with other friends and family outside, leaving Jessica with the people who showed her unrelenting love and support.

Nick tucked a wisp of hair behind Jessica's ear, wanting to cry, but he hadn't been able to allow the tears to flow since the morning in the chapel. He simply felt numb. He stroked Jessica's arm, starting at her fingers and working up to her shoulder. Every inch was committed to memory. The small scar on the back of her hand where her neighbour's dog had bitten her in her childhood, the smooth skin of her shoulders and neck. His eyes slowly traversed her entire body over and over again. When his gaze once again rested on her face he saw that her eyes were open. She tried to smile, but the pain was obviously too great. Her eyes still sparkled and he understood her thoughts. Words were not required.

"Hi..." she tried to say, but no sound came out.
"Don't talk. I'm here."
She shook her head slowly. "I had a dream about you...I just wanted to see your face," she whispered hoarsely, words barely perceptible.
He nodded, thanking God for allowing him to hear her voice again.
"I love...you." she squeezed her eyes shut and he kissed her eyelids, then her nose and finally her mouth with light, p[arse]ionate kisses, "I love you," he replied. She seemed to be falling back into unconsciousness. Panic spread throughout his body, "Don't go! Please...don't go."
She opened her eyes again, "I’m....here.� She paused to gather strength, “Where’s ... Cooper?"
“Guarding the door.� Nick opened the door and met Cooper's eyes, "She wants to see you." Cooper swallowed the lump in her throat and followed him in. Jessica had her eyes closed again and Cooper glanced at Nick uncertainly.
"Hey babe," Cooper whispered.
Jessica opened her eyes slightly, "I just...wanted to say...thank you...I love you."
Cooper’s eyes welled up with tears she was determined not to shed, "I love you too. I am going to miss you so much."
Jessica moved her hand and Cooper gripped it tightly. She closed her eyes again and after a long pause she looked Cooper in the eye, "Look after my Nicholas."
Cooper nodded wordlessly, her resolve not to cry fading fast.
Jessica turned back to Nick and her face crumpled when she saw his fear, "Don't be afraid, baby. I'll...always be here...for you.....I love you."
“You’re going to a good place,� he whispered face pressed up against hers. His words released her. She could go now in peace. “I love you so much.� Nick cried. With face still pressed against hers, he watched as she slipped back into unconsciousness.
End of part 13.

[littleprincessj]

Title: Losing Streak Part 14 (THE END)

Author: Jessica

Author’s Note: Well unfortunately this story has to come to an end. But I have more creations in the making so it’s all good! Anyways, thank you Erica, ANDREA, Jessica, Mary, and EVERYONE on the JSMB for your feedback! It has meant the most to me and it’s the best! I love writing knowing y’all are enjoying my writing! I definitely suggest you get the tissues for the last chapter and sit back and try and enjoy it. It was VERY hard for me to write it but I hope y’all will enjoy it! Please send me feedback to sweetest_sin21002@yahoo.com Thank you again y’all!

Summary: Same ole’

Disclaimer: What so I keep telling y’all!

“Losing Streak� Part 13 (THE END)

She died late that night.

Nick, Cooper, Tina, Joe, Drew and Lea sat by her side as she peacefully slipped from the world of the living. A nurse had been present throughout the evening, checking vitals and recording them silently and finally she turned to the four and said simply, "She's gone."

Nick tuned out Cooper’s cry of pain and Tina and Joe's quiet sobbing and simply heard his own rasping breath and waited for the pain to hit him. Nothing came. He couldn't summon any feeling but emptiness. Ashlee took him in her arms and whispered over and over, "I'm sorry." His arms automatically clutched her and still nothing came. He felt as though someone had pulled the plug and life was slowly draining out of him. He was certain he’d never feel anything ever again. In the distance he heard the nurse speak.

"I'll let everybody know."

"No! Its my...I can do it," Tina whispered, her face pale. She leaned over and kissed Jessica on the forehead, “I love you my beautiful baby girl.� Joe leaned over and whispered something in Jessica’s ear, he wiped her hair out of her face and with a hand on Tina’s shoulder they left the room.

Nick heard the reaction of everybody gathered outside before the door swung shut behind the couple, dulling the sound. The tears, the crying the consoling. He hated them for their tears. How could they know what losing her is like? She is everything to him. How dare they act like their sorrow compares to his!

Ashlee found her eyes drawn up to Nick’s; his face was blank and his back unnaturally rigid, as though he had already begun to build the protective wall between him and the rest of the world. Ashlee finally pulled away from him, knowing that his loss was the most devastating of all. He had loved Jessica so deeply, finding in her a solace from reality. Cooper stood by him, giving her best friend one last look before kissing her lightly on the cheek, "I love you babe. I know you're in a good place but I will always...ALWAYS...miss you. Life will never be the same without you.� Cooper and Ashlee turned away, eyes wet with tears.

Nick stood detached, eyes still glazed and expression vacant. He heard the distant sound of a door shutting and looked around. The room was empty.

He stared at Jessica’s face. How peaceful she looked. Her lips were drawn up into a tiny smile, and with her eyes closed she looked as though she was sleeping. Suddenly all the emotions he thought had deserted him came rushing back, shockwaves began in his heart and rapidly spread outwards to his limbs. ‘She’s gone’ each cell told the next. ‘She’s gone’ Nick felt the searing pain of reality and squeezed his eyes shut as his mouth opened to give a silent cry of agony.

"Oh god baby," he choked.

He took her hand and kissed it tenderly, "You were my reason for living....I love you so much. How am I going to live without you?" he pressed her hand to his cheek, cherishing her touch for the final time. "I love you, sweetheart. Love you so much."

He placed her hand carefully by her side and smoothed the blanket. She looked like she was still sleeping and if Nick closed his eyes really tight he could almost believe that she would wake up and everything would be back to normal. But when he reopened them the stark reality hit him even harder.

He had lost her.

He rested his head by hers, remembering the times they had whispered together before drifting off to sleep, and let the first tears fall. “I need you. I don’t know whether I can live without you.� He touched her cheek, feeling her soft skin.

He watched her face. Rain began to lash against the windows but he didn’t notice. Time stood still. He had kept vigil over her for so many nights, never getting tired of watching her. But now pain welled up like a dam inside of him and finally he was no longer able to cope with it.

“I love you. I will never stop loving you.�

He kissed her cheek and turned away with his head in his hands. He had said everything he could say. On the way out he saw a cross on the wall. He had never noticed it before. He looked at it now and whispered, “Take care of her� and left the room. The click as the door shut behind him sounded so final. They would always be separated by a barrier now.

He walked out into the crowd of people and saw, rather than heard, their conversations stop, their mouths close abruptly, watching him emerge. They parted like the red sea as he walked through them and whispered their sympathy. Their faces, normally dearly familiar, seemed like strangers and blurred together in front of him. He saw their mouths move as though in slow motion, but heard no words. The pounding of his heart superseded all other noises. He lowered his head. He saw shoes. Jessica has a pair of shoes like that. Had. Had a pair of shoes like that. He pushed through the sea of people and out into the open hallway.

He walked blindly of the hospital where he felt the icy chill of the wind. It felt good; it felt real. It was something that he could feel with his whole body and accept as fact. He stood in the wind, braced against its power. His shivering became uncontrollable yet he remained. There was something in the fury of the weather that satisfied him. It mirrored his own feelings so perfectly. Yet there was also a cruel injustice in his feeling something so completely when Jessica could feel nothing at all. He heard someone approach and turned to walk away.

"Nick!" Lea yelled over the howl of the wind.
"Go away," he whispered, but his words were whipped away from him as soon as they were out of his mouth.
"I have your coat." She held it out to him and he accepted gratefully. She knew that he needed to be alone and gave him a quick hug before walking back inside. Nick felt the residual warmth from her hug seep away. He needed that warmth.
“Lea!� he called.
The wind drowned him out.
“BEC!� he yelled.
She spun around, cheeks pink with cold, tears freezing on her cheeks and began to walk back towards him. Her face was questioning.

Nick said nothing. He just stood, shoulders slumped, a look of utter loss and desolation on his face. “What now?� he whispered.

New tears crystallised over the frozen tracks on Lea’s cheeks. She hugged him as tightly as she could. Nothing could comfort him now, but she could be there for him to lean on.

Lea’s warmth wrenched Nick from the surreal land he had been held captive in and he felt the full brunt of the pain. Holding onto his dear friend, Nick allowed himself to release all the pent up emotions. As the furious wind whipped around them, they remained stationary. Connected by their love for Jessica; connected by a fundamental need to cherish every friendship and relationship.

***

Nick stood outside the door to their house an hour later. Midnight. A new day. His first day without Jessica.

The front door needs painting, he thought.

He wasn’t quite sure how he had come to arrive in that position. He knew there had been a cab. He moved his eyes towards the end of the driveway as though it would clear up his blurred mind. Had he paid the driver? He wouldn’t be standing in front of his door if he hadn’t; he’d be on the pavement somewhere. Maybe Lea had paid the driver. She had put him in the cab hadn’t she? Nick’s eyes swivelled from the direction of the street back to his front door.

I really should paint the door, he thought.

He knew without looking that there was a long scratch down the paintwork on the bottom made by Jessica’s stiletto heels from when she attempted to kick them off late one night. Actually Nick wasn’t completely blameless. He had had her pinned her up against it at the time and had been doing unbelievable things with his hands.

He stared at the dark scratch that marred the cream door. I should buy some paint for that, he thought.

His hand clutched the key. He couldn’t remember taking it out. Had it always been in his pocket? Why was it in his pocket when he hadn’t been home in days? Maybe Lea had given him the key. Nick reluctantly opened the door, prepared for the torment of the images and scent of Jessica in their home.

But he was surprised at how empty it felt when he walked inside. It felt un-lived in and cold. So cold. He dumped his overnight bag by the door and slowly entered their bedroom. It was a mistake. Memories attacked him relentlessly and he closed his eyes in an effort to shut them out. But it was no use. In agony he walked back out to the kitchen and took a deep breath. He couldn't stand the silence and the lifelessness that was once his home.

At every moment he expected Jessica to appear, chastising him for coming home late or making a mess. But she never came. Now he would welcome any arguments if he could just get her back.

He sat down on the sofa. A book Jessica had been reading was lying opened on the coffee table. He wanted to move it but couldn’t urge his hand to reach out and take it. So he left it. He lay down, head resting against the arm rest and closed his eyes.

“So are you going to paint that?� her eyes sparkled as they knelt down to examine the long scratch on their otherwise perfect door.
He stood up. “You scratched it, you paint it,� he slid the key into the lock and swung the door open.
She stared at him, open mouthed, “Well if you hadn’t been doing what you were doing I wouldn’t have scratched it.�
He smirked, breezing past her into the apartment, “I didn’t hear you complain last night.�
She hung back, still looking at the door, a thoughtful frown marring her face, “The neighbours probably did. Maybe I should ask them.�
He laughed, “I’m surprised they didn’t complain. We probably gave their kids nightmares.�
She smiled; content.
Nick took her hand and drew her away from the door. “I like it.�
“So you should,� she replied, laughter in her voice.
He shook his head, “No...the sex was amazing...but I meant I like the scratched door.�
“You do?�
“Yeah every time I open it I’ll remember how much fun it is to come home.�
Her laugh had thrilled him.
“Well let’s scratch some more doors then,� she replied, looking around eagerly.

Nick awoke with a start. He looked at his watch through blurred vision, 11am. Had he really been sleeping for so long?

He stared around wearily. Jessica smiled at him from picture frames on the mantle. He padded into the kitchen and opened the fridge. Jessica’s yoghurt dominated his vision. He slammed the fridge shut and picked up his coat. He could go to the studio.

There was a knock on the door.

He was tempted to ignore it but with a heavy heart he opened it slowly.
"Hey Nick." Lea greeted him sympathetically. He had obviously slept in his clothes overnight and his eyes were red and puffy.
"Hey," he replied dully.
"We thought you might like some company."
He swung the door open and let them in. Drew and Lea walked in with a bag of muffins and steaming coffee from the local Starbucks. Nick slumped into a chair, not interested in the food placed before him.
"Don’t worry about the studio, Nick. Everything’s running smoothly." Drew commented in an effort to get Nick talking. "We don't have any big things going on at the moment."

Nick didn't care. He picked up a blueberry muffin. Jessica liked chocolate muffins but he had always preferred blueberry.

They sat down in the living room in an awkward silence. Nick had tuned out completely. He was staring at the chair Jessica usually sat in. He could see her now, shoes lying haphazardly on the floor, head rested against the chair back, talking to him across the room as he cooked dinner in their cramped kitchen.

He pushed food into his mouth without tasting it, while Drew and Lea shared a worried glance.

"Nick..." Lea began uncertainly. He looked at her blankly as though he wasn't sure whether she had just spoken. "We've been talking." He continued to stare at her and she rushed on. "About the funeral. I know you haven't organized any of it, but Jessica's mom came to the office today and she said that Jessica had told her what she wanted. She asked one of us to do a eulogy. Cooper doesn't think she can do it, and...well...I was wondering if you'd like me to say something?"
He was still frozen in the same position and shook his head slightly as if to shake himself out of the trance, "...Sure."
"Unless...you want to do it?"
"I...I can't..."
"That's what I thought. I'm sorry Nick, I didn't want to bring it up, but it needs to be organized."
"I understand." He stood up suddenly and left the room. They heard a door shut firmly.
"I told you this was too soon," Drew announced.
"It had to be said, Drew," Lea responded.
"It’s only been one day. We could have waited until tomorrow at least."
Lea felt drained. She had lost a good friend too. She understood that a day might have helped, but an extra day might also have made Nick more unreachable. She had to help him. She had promised Jessica she would. "He needs to confront this. We can't let him bottle up all his feelings. I’m just doing what Jessica asked me to do.� Her voice cracked when she said Jessica’s name. She fumbled for a tissue and wiped her eyes
Drew saw Nick’s blank face in his mind and shook his head, "One more day would have helped."
“Are you kidding? One more year wouldn’t have helped,� Lea replied. They lapsed into silence.

Nick lay on their bed with his face pressed against Jessica's pillow, attempting to immerse himself in her once again. The room was alive with traces of Jessica and he breathed deeply, using that energy to stable himself.

He hadn't been prepared to talk about the funeral and it had shaken him to the core. Funerals were so final. He remembered his mother's funeral. Everybody had patted him comfortingly on the shoulder and told him to be brave, "Take it like a man," they had told him. But he hadn't wanted to take it like a man. He had wanted hugs and comfort. He didn’t want to take it like a man now either. He felt like the same teenager, suffering the same inconceivable loss, listening to people say “it will be okay� and knowing that it would never be okay. His father had been too consumed by his own pain to pay much attention to Nick and Drew and although they were close, they weren't close enough to discuss their loss. Nick now understood how his father felt. He too wanted to shut everybody out and just work for every waking minute to forget the pain. He didn't even want to go to the funeral. It would be too final. He didn’t want to say goodbye.

He heard a knock on the door and sat up quickly to compose himself, "What?"
Drew slowly opened the door and peered in, "We're going to get going...unless...you want us to stay."
"No. I'll be fine," Nick replied.
"Are you sure? Because we can stay."
"Don't worry about me," Nick replied with more composure than he felt.
"Okay. I'll stop by tomorrow...call if you want to talk."
"Thanks Drew."
"And don't worry about the studio...I'll handle everything."
"Okay."
Drew closed the door, again leaving Nick to his thoughts. He lay back and hugged her pillow closer to him and fell into an exhausted sleep.

He dreamed of Jessica. Moments flashed before his eyes and he felt as though he could almost reach out and touch her. It played like an old movie; the image before him speckled with time, a movie reel clicking away in the background. He saw her laughing at a joke he had made, her eyes twinkling with mischief. He saw her giggling as they made love. He saw her crying after losing having a meet and greet and seeing all her fans who loved her. He relived every moment as though it were real and woke in a cold sweat. 3:27am. He threw off the blankets and showered quickly. He was at the studio within half an hour and it wasn't until he was sitting at his desk that he realized that he had nothing to do.

The noise in the outer office woke Nick later that morning. He could hear the usual sounds of blinds being opened, lights switched on and messages checked. Lea was bustling around oblivious to his presence and he watched her with amazement. Since when did she start working so hard? He sat up and ran a hand through his ruffled hair. There was a gasp behind him as Lea walked into his office.

"Nick!" she shrieked, a hand over her heart. "You scared me!"
"Sorry."
"What are you doing here?"
"Thinking."
"Oh…" an uncomfortable silence settled between them. "Nick…I'm so sorry-" Lea paused awkwardly.
Nick tuned out. He didn't want to hear sympathy. "Thanks," he interrupted.
“Something came for you by special delivery yesterday...� she left his office and returned in seconds with a small parcel in hand. Hesitating, she laid it on the desk. "I'll be right outside if you need me," she whispered and left quickly, closing the door behind her.
Nick used all his powers of concentration, borne from years of having to work through grief, to ignore the package, but it was no use. He reached for it and impatiently tore the box open, cursing when it burst open, spilling Styrofoam packaging over his desk. The small black velvet box inside came as no surprise, but his motions slowed as he removed it, turning it around in his hand. He had bought it just after Jessica’s first round of chemotherapy and asked the jewellery store to hold onto it until it was closer than Christmas. “I have a curious wife,� he had explained with a rueful smile. They had laughed and promised to deliver it in eight weeks time. Without opening it he slid the box into his pocket and looked back down at the file he had taken from Jeff’s desk earlier that morning.

Slowly others arrived at the studio, they looked through the blinds curiously, seeing him hunched over a file. They sighed, unsure whether to order him to leave or let him stay and use the distraction of work to forget his pain. They let him stay. It was odd having him there and not being able to talk to him. His office had always been open for everyone to use, but today they were afraid to even enter to use the bathroom.

Drew frowned as light began to fade, it wasn’t healthy for Nick to stay cooped up all day. He lightly rapped on the door and opened it, “You okay?�
“Yeah,� Nick replied, not looking up. He hadn’t considered the pain that staring in the direction of Jessica’s desk would cause. He was so used to staring at her when she was working, watching her talk on the phone or laugh over something with the others. Seeing her desk, with papers and files upon it but without her sent shockwaves through his body. So he looked instead at a file in an effort to force it out of his line of vision.

Drew stood awkwardly in the doorway, “Well I’m going home.� He hesitated. “Do you wanna get a drink or something?�
Nick finally lifted his head, “No.�
“Go home Nick. Don’t stay here.�
Nick saw Jessica’s chair out of the corner of his eye and turned his eyes back down to his desk. “I’m fine.�
Drew watched helplessly. He was torn between offering comfort to his brother and giving him the space he obviously desired. It felt wrong to leave him all alone, but who was Drew to comment on what was right or wrong in this situation? “Okay. Well I’ll see you tomorrow.�

Nick watched him through the blinds as Drew shrugged into his coat and closed the door softly. The studio was once again silent. He looked back at the file. With a frustrated sigh he stood up and ignoring his screaming muscles, walked over to the object of his thoughts. He sat in her chair and looked around him. He could see through the blinds into his office. He knew she had spent as much time looking at him as he had spent looking at her. Once he had jokingly suggested she move her desk into his office but she had replied enticingly “I like my view just fine�.

He smiled sadly at the memory. He picked up the simple wooden photo frame and stared for a moment at the happy picture of the two of them. They looked so light hearted; so...alive. He took off the back of the frame and extracted the photo he knew was hiding behind the front one. It elicited his first laugh in weeks. It was of both of them lying on the conference table the week after their wedding. He had watched her put the photo in the frame and they had laughed about somebody finding it by mistake. He smiled again and put it once back behind the front photo. He slid it into his pocket and returned his gaze to her desk.

He picked up her favourite pen, given to her by her father after her first number one hit on the radio. It was inscribed in typical Joe Simpson style, ‘Keep winning Jessica!’

Nick put the pen back, trying to remember whether Jessica left it to her father in her will. Her will had been simple; a few chosen items were [arse]igned to those close to her but the rest was left to Nick. If she hadn’t bequeathed the pen to her dad, he’d give it to him anyway.

Nick bunched the papers on her desk together and put them aside for Lea to file away the next day. He opened the top drawer and saw stationary. In the bottom drawer were her more personal belongings. Important documents such as her birth certificate and p[arse]port. He placed them too on the desk and closed the empty drawer, locking it again carefully and replacing the key. He finally opened the middle drawer and glanced at the jumble of more stationary before closing it again.

The job was done.

He collected her things and carefully placed them in her Louis Vuittion bag that sat under her desk, “Pet Louis� he laughed to himself. He was staring at Jessica’s bare desk when Justin walked in the door and did a double take. His face revealed his desire to go back in time, to a time where he could decide to go straight home from the studio. He hesitated, “Hi Nick...how you doin?�
Nick’s gaze was still unwaveringly focussed on Jessica’s desk.
“I just need to pick up some things...� Justin announced before edging towards his desk. He hastily grabbed a few papers before heading towards the door again. He had almost made his escape when Nick found his voice.
“Justin…†�
“Yeah?� Nick motioned to her desk.
“Can you just take care of what is left?�
“Of course…�
“Thanks…†� Nick walked out of the studio.

Nick waited for the elevator, Jessica’s “Pet Louis� tugging at his arm, heavy with memories. As he emerged into the cold night he knew he couldn’t go home and wallow in misery. He needed to keep his mind active for as long as possible. He drove to the harbour and sat in his car, heater blasting warmth into his face.

She had woken him at 4 am on their wedding “night� and pulled him out of the warm cocoon that was their bed from the hotel they were staying in, in Austin.
“Let’s go,� she urged him, eyes dancing.
“Go where?� he moaned.
“Come on baby,� she whined. “I want to go somewhere.�
He stared blearily at the clock. “It’s four in the morning!� he replied with new outrage.
She giggled, “I know.�
“Baby, you’ve never been a morning person. Why change that now that we’re married?�
“You never used to whine like this. Why start now that we’re married?� she countered, ready for the argument.
He groaned again and dressed in the clothes she threw at him. She picked up his keys and threw them at him, “Let’s go.�
He had followed her directions to the harbour in Austin. “Here?� he asked incredulously.
“It’s our honeymoon.�
He rubbed his temples, “Do you always make so little sense at this time of the morning?�
She rolled her eyes and replied in an exasperated voice. “It’s our honeymoon baby. Everybody goes to the beach for their honeymoon.�
“I’m cold,� he replied.
She took his arm and dragged him to the end of the pier. The sun was beginning to send rays of light up into the sky. She leaned against him for warmth as they watched the sun rise on the rest of their lives.
“See, isn’t it beautiful?� she sighed when the sun had risen.
Nick looked down at her beautiful face, glowing not only from the pink early morning light, but from within. “Yeah it is.�

Nick drew his eyes away from the pier, tears falling onto the steering wheel. It wasn’t the same harbour they’d been to on their wedding night but they always went to this one when they moved into their California home. If he had known their life together was to be so short he would have allowed her to drag him out here every morning.

The full moon peeked through the clouds, its glow reflecting off the turbulent water. He watched waves hurl themselves relentlessly at the pier, returning over and over again for punishment. He felt like that water, under the whim of an unseen force. He switched off the engine and felt the cold seep through his clothes to his skin. Slowly he stepped out of the car and walked to a bench by the water’s edge. A gull soared past his face, so close Nick could feel the beating air from its wings whisper across his face.

He knew what he had to do.

His hand slid automatically into his pocket and pulled out the small velvet box. It opened with a click, revealing the shining platinum inside. He removed the simple ring, turning it in his hands, feeling the smooth chill of the metal. His finger brushed across a rough edge and he angled it towards the moonlight. In the dim light he could make out the word.

Eternity.

His limbs moved before his mind was consciously aware and took him to the waters edge. He rotated the ring around in his fingers before lifting his arm and pitching it out into the dark, angry sea. He saw it glimmer as it twisted through the moonlight before it disappeared out of sight. He stared out to sea, eyes focussed into the distance on the invisible horizon. “I love you.�

***

One week later...

Looking back, Nick could hardly remember the funeral. He remembered the flight to Dallas and how long it seemed. He remembered seeing her headstone; It had Jessica Ann Lachey written on it with “My Everything� engraved below the dates and next to it was Nicholas Scott Lachey with his birth date inscribed and “Underneath� written under where the second date would be inscribed when the time came. Jessica wanted Nick buried next to her but he’d always wanted to be buried in his hometown, he knew this is what Jessica wanted so when they picked her burial spot Nick requested the one right next to it. It had been a rare sunny day and Nick had decided that Jessica must be making quite an impression in Heaven to arrange such amazing weather. By arrangement with the other members of the studio Lea turned up on his doorstep, ready to offer any support he required as he got ready for the day.

They had turned up to a church that was overflowing with people. Nick had never seen most of them before. Or maybe he didn’t recognize them in their sombre colours. Then again Jessica had wanted to invite 490 people to their wedding, so it was quite possible that he had never met a lot of these people. He had conversed with them as he made his slow way through the crowd and into the church, but he couldn’t recall anything that he had said or who he had said it to. He had faced the day with a freshly built wall around him and he refused to let anything touch him.

Until he saw the coffin.

The walls crumbled away as though made of sand. This was it. The final goodbye. He had stood in the entrance to the church, staring down the aisle at the coffin, immune to the conversations around him. Lea and Drew stood next to him, also moved beyond words. Finally Lea tugged on his sleeve and led him to the front of the church.

The service had been short. Lea had stood to make her eulogy but was stopped by the sight of Nick standing and making his way up the creaking steps to the pulpit.

The silence that descended on the crowd was so complete that it vibrated in the air. No more were people reaching for tissues or moving in their seats. They waited.

Nick stared at the coffin for so long, the crowd grew restless and anxious. Those who knew him best were terrified. Nick had barely strung two words together since Jessica had died and now he was facing a crowd of hundreds. Lea stood next to him and was almost moved to helping him back to his seat when he cleared his throat.

In a voice that was steady and controlled and took an enormous amount of courage he spoke.

“Jessica...my wife...was...Jessica once said to me that she didn’t just want to be known as a person who got money and fame for singing she wanted to be a role model...she was so much more than that to me and I hope she always knew that. I want to thank each and every one of you for coming here today and confirming for her that you knew that too.�

He sat down, his heartbeat drowned out the sudden bursts of sobbing throughout the church.

***

One Month Later...

Lea and Justin looked up curiously as Drew and Nick stomped into the studio. Nick continued into his office, slamming the door behind him. Drew rubbed his eyes tiredly. Nick had immersed himself in work over the previous month, pushing himself to the brink of exhaustion. Drew knew that he was coping with things in his own way but the pressure he was putting on himself was echoed with more pressure on everybody else.

The whole studio reverberated with negative energy as everybody tiptoed around Nick, attempting to meet his unreasonable demands.
Drew sighed again, "I'll talk to him."
“No. I’ll go,� Lea replied. She opened the door and walked in solemnly. Nick was staring out the window. She walked to him and laid her hand on his shoulder.
"You are not going through this alone, Nick. We all lost one of our best friends and we are all suffering through that." Lea felt tears prick her eyes.
"You think you know what I'm going through?" he whispered.
"No. I don’t. But we loved her too. And we want to be able to talk about her, about the times we had. We want you to be able to talk about her with us. We need you to."
"I can't, Lea...nobody I talk to will understand."
"There is someone who understands."
She had his attention, "Who?"
"Your father."

His silence was deafening.

“Nick, there’s something here for you,� Drew interrupted timidly
“What?�
“A letter from John Pryor.�
Nick ran a hand through his hair. John Pryor was Jessica’s probate attorney. He didn’t need this now. Drew p[arse]ed over the pale envelope with Nick’s name typed on the front. He took it numbly.

As soon as Drew was gone Lea returned her attention to Nick, “Talk to your father-�

Nick stared at the envelope. He didn't dare open it in the office and searched his brain for a suitable spot. “I have to go,� Nick interrupted abruptly, leaving the room without another word.

Grabbing his coat he swept out of the office, "I'm going out," he announced
"Where?" Drew asked curiously
"You’ve been telling me to leave for months. So I’m going! " he snapped.
Lea sent Drew a warning glare. "Okay," Drew replied meekly.

Nick didn't notice anything on the ride to the airport. He didn’t notice anything on his flight to Dallas or his ride to the cemetery. He could almost feel the heat pulsate from the envelope that was in his pocket but refused to think about it for fear of losing complete control of his emotions. Once he arrived, he walked blindly to the simple grave and stopped. It was the first time he had visited it since the funeral and he was suddenly overcome with grief. All of the emotions that he had dammed up inside burst free and he sat on the damp ground, awash with despair. Someone had placed flowers on the gravestone and he recognized Lea and Drew's handwriting on the card attached. He felt angry that they had gone there without telling him and then angry and guilty with himself for staying away for so long. He stared at her name for what seemed like hours.

Jessica Ann Lachey.

He remembered the envelope in his pocket and pulled it out. With shaking hands, he tore it open and looked at the pages. Her familiar handwriting caused another wave of grief and his tears fell onto the grave, disappearing into the snow. With a pounding heart he began to read.

My darling Nicholas,

Who would have thought that I'd be writing a letter like this? I am just as surprised to be writing it, as you probably are to be reading it. Not that I [arse]umed that I would live for eternity, but an early death was not an idea I gave much thought to. In fact, I have no idea what people usually write in these letters anyway. So bear with me through this, it is my first attempt.

Nick smiled half-heartedly. She always was a perfectionist.

I have been in treatment for two months now, and we just received the news that the cancer has spread. Every day through that treatment, I witnessed the fear in your eyes. Watching the disease take its toll on you is as painful to me as the cancer. Cancer. I hate that word. It is the epitome of everything despicable. Some days I hate this disease so much that I feel like giving up. But then I look at you and know that I will fight it until either I overcome it, or it overcomes me. And sadly, the latter seems more and more likely. And I am so angry, and so scared.

I wish every minute of every day that circumstances could have been different. I wanted children. I wanted a house with a big garden. I wanted to have you lying next to me every night for the rest of our lives. You told me when you proposed that you wanted to grow old with me and I always believed that we would. I know you wanted all this too and I am so sad and angry that I am bringing so much pain into your life. You have lost so much already that I can't bear to do this to you again. I already see the fear and pain in your eyes and I can’t bear to think about how you look now. It tears me apart to do this to you. But you and I are forever Nicholas. Eternity. Isn’t that what you always whispered in my ear when you thought I was asleep? Our love will never die.

And you will carry on. I know you will. I can almost see you now – you have just worked a twenty-hour day, much to the concern of Lea, Drew and the others. I bet they think you should be taking some time off, but you are too stubborn to take their advice. Am I close? You should take their advice, baby. You will get through this, as much as it hurts, it will get easier and easier every day.

I have kept so much of this illness from you in an attempt to shield you a little from the pain I was going through. I realise now that my effort was futile – I have never been able to hide anything from you! I don't want to talk about it at length now, but I think you need to know how bad it has become. I used to watch people with terminal diseases and they would say that after treatment and the pain of the disease, they looked forward to dying. And as much as it frightens me, I am beginning to understand exactly what they mean.

I also want you to remember that I love you. My short time with you was the happiest of my life and I will always treasure it...and we have had some amazing times. Who else can boast of being married at the most beautiful fairytale like church? My greatest accomplishment, if I may say so myself. Not to mention our...how should I say it...turbulent past. We have been through so much – and survived it, which says a lot about our love for each other. I hope that remembering my love for you will make this easier.

I will always love you.

Jessie

***

Mike (a close friend of Cooper’s) sat in Cooper’s office, concern marring his face. “You okay Coop?� he asked worriedly, missing the vibrant woman he knew so well.
Cooper looked at him blankly, “Uh...yeah...sorry what did you say?�
“I was saying that if we can get Fletcher to talk we should be able to get blah blah blah� Cooper tuned out. A letter sat on her desk, her name typed neatly on its front. She ached to read it and at the same time dreaded its contents. Mike stopped talking and sighed, “Coop?�
“Yeah?�
“Should I go?�
Tears pricked Cooper’s eyes. “No. Please don’t.�
“D...do you want to...uh...talk?�
Cooper raised her blue eyes, shiny with tears, to meet his. She nodded slowly. She slid the envelope across to him, “Can you read this for me?�
Mike picked it up and examined it curiously. He looked back at Cooper. “Who’s it from?�
Cooper twisted around and looked out the window. It was a gorgeous day outside in Texas. The sky was painfully blue and weak sunlight was amplified as it reflected off the ground. She watched people walk slowly past her building, enjoying the sensation of warmth after so many bitterly cold days.
“Coop?� Mike prompted.
She swivelled back to him. “It’s from Jessica.�
Mike pushed the envelope back across the desk to her. “I think you should read it.�
Cooper stared at a mark on her desk, concentrating at keeping the tears at bay, “I can’t...� she whispered.
“You need to,� he encouraged.
She shook her head, “This has been the worst month in my life...I just don’t think I can take any more.�
Mike silently implored her to continue.
“I knew that this would be hard. But...nothing prepared me for the...loneliness. I relied on her for everything. Now I have nobody. I’m all alone.� She cried into her hands.
Mike reached across the desk and pried a hand from her face and laid it on the desk, squeezing it gently. He picked up the letter and placed it on her open palm. His actions told her what his words could not. “Read it,� he urged.
She looked at it, “I can’t....not here.�
“Where do you want to go?�
She shrugged, “I don’t know.�
“I’ll drive you wherever you want.�
“No...I can do it.�
He nodded, accepting her decision. They walked out of her office together. Cooper felt rejuvenated by their friendship. She was no longer alone.

***

Nick turned to the next letter.

Hey baby,

Well it’s night time and I can't sleep. I'm in hospital...I feel like I lose a little bit of myself whenever I'm here. It's possibly because I am among so many other sick people that I become just another patient, another number, another statistic. It could also be that the drugs are sending my brain to mush. The nurses are lovely, but nothing compares to being at home with you. I miss the feel of your arms around me, and your warmth is like a drug: I could sleep anywhere as long as I had you to hold me. I miss your night sounds and the creak of our bed as you move. I hate sleeping without you and I hate hospitals.


Here I am in this hospital room, under completely different conditions. And tonight you are not in your usual chair because I sent you home. I wish I hadn’t done that now. I feel like I need someone to talk to. And my good friend Pam the nurse took a sick day today so I didn’t even have her support.

Talking to people has become harder and harder. Everybody pulls on a mask when they come in here and pretend that everything in their lives is fine. I don't want people to feel as though they should treat me carefully. I want at least a semblance of normality in my life. There are a few exceptions. Your father is one. I felt like a person after he talked to me today, which is high praise, let me tell you.

So here is one thing that I'm going to ask you to do. Go and talk to your father. You may feel like you're the only man in the world who has lost a wife, but you're not. Your father understands and I think he wants to talk to you about it as much as you need to hear it. Promise me you'll do it, baby. I worry about you.

Nick put the letter down and took a couple of deep breaths. He had worried endlessly about worrying her with his fears while she was ill. To read now that she had had the same worries about him filled him with emotion. He could feel her love burning from the page on which she wrote and he was comforted by that. He even felt joyful that he had confirmation in his hands that she had loved him as much as he loved her. He turned back to the letter...

I know you will treat this like a personal attack from God, but there is no one to blame for this. Its just one of those things. And I accept that now, although this acceptance has been a long journey. I need for you to accept it too. And I need you to know that I am grateful for our time together and I know we will meet again someday.

And now I'm tired. I can’t do anything these days without collapsing with exhaustion and I find that so frustrating. I know that time is drawing near now. I can feel it. But don't worry; I'm not really afraid of "the end" anymore. It is time to smile and remember the good times that we have had. Memories are coming back constantly now and the nurse's wonder why I am smiling all the time. Thank you for such wonderful memories.

I love you.

Jess

Nick covered his face with his hands and took several deep breaths. He had one last letter in front of him, but wasn't sure whether he was strong enough to cope with it. He was suddenly exhausted – emotionally drained and light was starting to fade. He pocketed the letter and after dropping a kiss on the gravestone, made his way back to the car. As he reached it, he saw another familiar car pull up. Cooper got out slowly and on seeing Nick, gave him a half-hearted wave.
"Hey," he greeted Nick hoarsely, wiping the residual tears from his eyes.
"Hey," she returned dully.
They stood in silence, looking in the direction of Jessica's grave. Cooper's voice suddenly interrupted the silence.

She was on the verge of tears and her words came out fast, almost jumbled, "I got a letter today and I know it should have made me feel better, but it didn't...this is the first time I have come here since the funeral...and then I get this letter from the probate lawyer and it makes me feel worse." She took a deep breath. "But she was my best friend and I don't know what to do with myself. I've never had many friends. She was the only one who understood me, the only one who accepted me for who I was. She was the best friend I could ever wish for and now...now she's gone..." she paused again.

Nick nodded.

She was crying now "And I hate everybody. Why can’t everybody be like her? Why did I have to lose my one true friend? Why...why did this have to happen?" she began to cry into her hands. It felt good to finally talk about her feelings, but it didn’t stop them from creating new wounds as she voiced them. "How are you holding up?" she asked suddenly, her voice shaky with emotion.

Nick took a deep breath and shook his head, "Not very well."
Cooper pulled him into her arms. "You are the only person who really understands," she cried.
They stood there for minutes, both crying and taking comfort in the other's understanding embrace.
"Did she write you a letter?" Cooper asked finally, pulling away from him.
He nodded wordlessly.
"Have you read it?"
"There were three. I've read the first two."
Cooper nodded.
She dropped her head, understanding, "I couldn’t read mine either."
"I miss her so much," he whispered.
"Me too," her face crumpled again as though she was going to cry, but she took deep breaths to remain calm. "I want to go to her...her grave...but I don't think I can do it."
"Of course you can."
"Will you come with me?"
He wanted to say no but saw the desperation in her eyes. He sighed and headed back towards the grave, waiting for Cooper to find the confidence to follow him. He sat down and stared into the distance. After several minutes he heard Cooper approach and she sat next to him.

"Oh my God...I never expected this to be so hard. I mean...I thought her death would be the hard part...but that was just the beginning." She pulled the letter out of her pocket and stared at it nervously.

"Read it," Nick gently encouraged.
"Can you do it?" she asked.
He shook his head apologetically, "It's for you. And I'm having enough trouble coping with my own."

She slowly peeled the envelope open and peered at the pages inside.

Hey babe,

I'm still kind of new to this letter writing business, but I've practiced a couple of times on Nick so yours should be better. How are you? You know, it's odd writing that sentence, knowing that when you read it, I'll be gone. But a lot of things have been odd over the past few months, so I'll just ignore it for now. I hope you’re winning your cases and finding fabulous men to date. I would be sad if you weren’t Coop, you can’t let me stop you from living life.

Isn't it funny how all your friends, acquaintances, family and colleagues come out of the woodwork when you get sick? I never realized how many people I knew until now. The other day I was shopping with Nick and this guy walked up to me and said, "Hey Jessica, I am so sorry about your illness." The strange thing is I had no idea who he was, I don’t know if he was a fan or just someone who had heard of me in the new. No idea at all. We had a brief conversation where I wracked my brain to put a name to the face, but I still don't know who he is. Nick and I laughed about it later; actually I think he was a little jealous at first, which is just ridiculous. But that’s Nicholas. And I love him for it.

But this letter isn't supposed to be about me. This is all about you. And to help you get through life without me, I have some guidelines for you to follow.

1) Don't sleep with a man on the first date. I just want to make this one really clear. In fact it bears repeating.

2) Don't sleep with a man on the first date. I want you to remember this every time someone asks you out. You know that a relationship will never work if it is based purely on sex. Relationships should be based on honesty, communication and compromise. If he gets sex on the first date, the communication is out the window. Wait at least until the third date or even later if you can manage. Yeah, yeah I can hear you shriek “third date?� but restrain yourself okay? I mean I waited until Nick and I married…NICHOLAS SCOTT LACHEY! The hottest man ever and I waited!

3) If you're sad, my recipe for Jessica Simpson’s Divine Chocolate Chip Fudge Cookies is included with this letter. Remember t = teaspoon, T = Tablespoon. Don't mix them up like you did last time...I have never eaten anything so disgusting in my life (and that includes the time when Nick tried to make duck l'orange...ewwwwww...and if you tell him I said that, I'll haunt you for the rest of your life).

Nick watched quietly, seeing Cooper’s expression change from sadness to pleasure. After a few minutes, she even giggled, eyeing Nick smugly.
"What?" he asked curiously.
"Nothing," she replied innocently. Cooper turned back to the letter...


4) If you're angry, go to the gym. Not to exercise, but to check out the guys. Remember how we used to do that? That gym membership was worth every cent. If that fails, there is always the option of faking an injury and going to the ER. There seemed to be a never-ending stream of cute doctors there and I know a date with a doctor would make your day. You probably shouldn't tell Nicholas that I said that either.

5) If you're happy...well I don't have any anecdotes for that. Be spontaneous. No...wait, with you spontaneity could be dangerous. I love that side to you, and although Nick isn’t too fond of it (remember when you hid in our bedroom and surprised him with the announcement that we were having a threesome? I’ve never seen him go so pale). Your spontaneity has given us a lot of laughs. So if you're happy, try to stay that way for as long as you can. Believe me, every moment is precious and the happy ones are a treasure.

6) If you're excited, stand still until the moment p[arse]es. Don't jump up and down or shriek or grab hold of fragile objects (like my grandmother's antique vase...) just sit still.

7) If you're in love, there are two options. BUT if you are considering (A), then this is not the right relationship for you.
(a) Ask yourself...do I really want to see this man in incontinence nappies in fifty years time? Or...
(B) Go with the feeling. Take hold of it and never let go, give him every cell in your body and love him forever. Trust me, I’ve used this method and it works.

8) Don't sing in public. Oh okay, you can, but just make sure there’s no one around when you do. Oh and for Gods sake no break dancing under any circumstances. Let me remind you that you had a headache for about a month afterwards.

9) If you're depressed, talk to someone. Drew, Lea, Nicholas, my momma. Anybody. Don't suffer alone. And DON’T go shoe shopping. You earn a public servant’s salary – you can’t afford them. Plus you have about a million pairs already.

10) If you’re ever unsure of anything go with your heart – you have a wonderful, generous, caring one and it is rarely wrong. You always knew how to cheer me up, even when you were struggling with your job and coming to terms with mine. I remember once teasing you that you had the “queen [nice person] killer bee� image. Well that image couldn’t be further from the truth. Sure you’re a determined woman, but you are the most comp[arse]ionate person underneath. You know what’s right, Coop. Don’t let anyone ever convince you otherwise.

I have one other thing to say...and I’m not sure how you’ll take it so it’s a good thing I’m not there! (sorry black humour...probably not something you want to read right now). Okay...here goes I know there is someone who can help you through this. You once told me that if I loved Nick I should be a woman about it, forget everything else and go for him. If it hadn’t been for you, we may never have admitted our feelings for each other and for that you get our eternal gratitude. Now I want to return the favour.

I know someone who has cared for you for a long time. I see the way he looks at you and I see the way he softens when he talks to you. I also see the way you look at him, so dammit Coop, be a woman about it and call him! You know who I’m talking about. If you don’t know...maybe I should just say his name. Mike. Don’t kill me for this...oh...too late. Oops there’s that black humour again! I know you’re hurting right now, and you’re shutting everybody out...but he can help you. Call him!

One final thing...please look after Nicholas. Show him what it means to be alive and loved again. Help him to live through this. Tell him that if he doesn’t he’ll be begging for mercy when I see him again. I know he can help you through this and you can do the same for him. You guys became good friends with me and Nick’s relationship.

You are an amazing person, Coop. An incredible, beautiful, giving person. I love you so much...you were a better friend than I deserved. Thank you for making my life so much brighter.

Jessica

Coop looked up with an expression of amazement, "She's incredible," she said simply.
Nick nodded his agreement.
"I mean...I came here feeling like crap and she has actually made me feel better," Coop continued.
"I miss her," Nick mumbled. "People expect me to just get over it...but I can't. I never will."
Cooper stared into space before saying, "She was so giving...this letter is proof of that. She was in so much pain and all that she can think about is making us feel better."
Nick bit his lip, "I don't want to ever let go of her. Lea offered to help me sort through Jessica’s things...I just can’t face it."
"I wonder who else she wrote letters to." Coop mused.
"I need to feel as though she is still with me. If I didn’t have her things I’d only have her love to remember her by."
"God I'm going to miss her." Cooper ended.
"I will never stop loving her."
They looked at each other as if they had just realized the other had been talking. "It's getting dark...I'm going home. I flew here just to be with her here, it was worth it." Nick announced, stiffly getting to his feet.
"Yeah...me too. Thanks for coming with me." Her tone was polite.
He nodded silently.
They walked back to their cars and with a hurried wave drove off in opposite directions. Nick slept on the flight home holding the envelope close to him the whole way. Nick went straight to his bedroom when he got home and lay on the bed. He opened the envelope and removed the final letter with anticipation.

Dear Nicholas,

Well here I am. The nurse gave me a pen and paper so I could write and as you know, I love to write. But I feel like I have said everything in the previous letters, so let this be my final goodbye. There are things that I haven’t been able to tell you, the fear of hurting you overrides my desire to share my innermost feelings. So consider this my closing argument. I was always good at closings. And you know how I love to have the last word.

I have been thinking a lot about our short time together and I realize now how precious our time was. I was so happy with you, happier than I have ever been in my life and I am so grateful that I was given a chance to experience it. I prefer having spent a short time with you than not at all, so for that I am thankful. To love and be hurt is better than not to have loved at all. It is so true. I'm not trying to say that I am glad to be dying, but there is a sense of satisfaction in having lived a happy life. In fact, I have very few regrets.

One of them is that we had no children. I often feel bad for leaving you with nothing to remember me by. But perhaps it is for the best. The pain you went through with your mother's death is something I would prefer not to put a child through. But in the future I want you to be happy and I want you to do whatever it takes to find that happiness. I want you to experience fatherhood. I want you to teach your children your evil chocolate hoarding methods and how to play baseball. I want you to threaten bodily harm to your daughter’s boyfriends and eventually walk said daughter down the aisle and hand her over to one of those boyfriends. I want you to be the proud father of the star quarterback on the high school football team. I want you to be happy. Please promise me you’ll be happy.

Another regret is that I spent so much of my life working. I worked hard all my life to be a singer, and when I did get that dream I worked too hard and didn’t see you enough, I often wonder what life would have been like if I had lightened up a little and had more fun. Perhaps I would have become a hairdresser rather than a singer...who knows. But if I hadn't become a singer, I may never have met you and that is one thing that I would not change in my life.

I am so worried about you. I worry that you will throw yourself into your work and not look up until you're sixty...and alone. Nothing frightens me more than the thought of you growing old alone. I've been reduced to begging. Please, baby. Allow yourself to love again. I want you to find her and love her with all your heart.

I love you so much Nicky, (I love how only I could get away with calling you that hehe…) leaving you is the hardest thing that I will ever do. I'll see you again one day...and we can continue what was stopped so abruptly. Until then, you can always talk to me...I'll be watching over you, loving you, wanting so much to be with you again.

I love you,

Jessica

***

There was a knock on the door and Nick awoke with a start. His hand still clutched the final letter. He looked bleary eyed at the glowing green digits of his alarm clock and groaned. It was only 8pm. He padded wearily to the front door and looked through the peephole. He clicked back the locks and swung open the door.
“Dad...� he cleared his throat. “What are you...?�
John walked into the house. He held a piece of folded paper in his hand. “I...uh...got this today.�
Nick followed him into the living room and sat down facing his father. John chose to sit on one end of the sofa, both subconsciously leaving Jessica’s favourite armchair free
John stared awkwardly at the coffee table; eyes on a book that he knew belonged to Jessica. He knew that for Nick, complete removal of all Jessica’s belongings was much more painful than seeing them constantly. Nick understood this reaction well.
“She said in this letter...� John paused. “I guess it doesn’t matter what she said...I just...� he stopped again. John’s next words were soft and painfully spoken, “I know what you’re going through....I know...�
Nick squeezed his eyes shut. He had longed for this moment since walking out of his mother’s hospital room, the terrible deed of switching off her life support completed. “I know you do, Dad,� his voice cracked.
“I just want you to know...I’m here for you.�
Nick felt an enormous weight lift from his shoulders. Although he still carried the burden of losing Jessica, he now had the strength of two men. He looked at a photo of Jessica on the mantle, caught in a giggling moment with Cooper. ‘You’re an incredible, beautiful woman’ he thought ‘you’ve done what nobody else has been able to do’. He turned his attention to his father, “Do you want a drink?� He picked up the book that had remained on the coffee table since Jessica’s death and placed it back in the bookshelf behind John.

***

The next day...

Nick sat up in the recording studio with his own record label supporting him. He faced the gl[arse] wall where Larry, Tina, Joe, Ashlee and Lea sat. He turned to his left and nodded to Jeff and Justin and then to his right and he high fived Drew; they were all ready to record again. Lea and Tina watched with big smiles as Nick started singing out the first verse.

They recorded their first song for their new album. ‘Always You & I’ Dedicated to Jessica Lachey. Nick had written on one of his many flights he’d sense taken to see his wife’s grave.
The losing streak was over. 98 Degrees were ready to come back, and they’d make a huge comeback when they did.

***

The young woman looked at the newspaper with tears in her eyes. She cleared her throat and began to read it to her mother...

“Respected singer, Nicholas S. Lachey died peacefully in his sleep last week with friends and family close by. Known for his wonderful charm, soothing voice and good looks on stage. Nicholas, known to most as Nick, was not only a p[arse]ionate singer, but also gave time to charities. He was co-founder of the Jessica Lachey Memorial Trust, a foundation set up in honour of his late wife’s name, devoted to helping families cope with losing loved ones to cancer. He lost his mother to breast cancer as a teenager and his wife, singer Jessica Simpson-Lachey, to ovarian cancer 40 years ago and has since given much of his time and money to this cause. He will be dearly missed by all that knew him.�

Cooper felt tears flowing freely down her wrinkled cheeks, as her daughter, Ann read out the obituary.
Ann put the newspaper down. “I often wondered if Nick was lonely.�
Cooper squeezed her hand, “I did too.�
Ann paused thoughtfully for a second, “I asked him once...but he ruffled my hair...you know how he used to always do that especially after I spent hours styling it....and he said, ‘Ann, I have my work, my family, lots of friends and incredible memories. How could I be lonely?’� She wiped the tears from her eyes. “I’m going to miss him.�
Cooper smiled through her tears. She knew that Nick was in a good place. “Bye Nick. Home with Jessica at last.�

THE END