StargateGirl
05-04-04, 12:43 PM
http://www.villagevoice.com/issues/0418/musto.php
La Dolce Musto
by Michael Musto
May 4th, 2004 10:30 AM
With my pad-yes, my entire apartment-in hand and my tongue out-yes, it's now openly gay-I got to meet JESSICA SIMPSON, TV's favorite pretend-dummy (after Triumph the Insult Comic Dog and the redheaded guy from American Idol, who was worse than WILLIAM HUNG and almost as bad as CLAY AIKEN. And by the way, is William Hung?). The malapropic singer-linguist appeared with hubby NICK LACHEY at the Times Square Sephora to hawk not chicken fished out of the ocean but Dessert Beauty, a "kissable, lickable fragrance and body care collection." Great idea-I just hope the poor girl doesn't start shooting up mascara!
Granted a moment to interrogate-rather than lick-Jessica, I asked her if she's become any more sophisticated lately, but she didn't seem to get the question. I repeated it, and sweet Jessica laughed and replied, "That's not a good word to describe me. Cl[arse]y, but I don't know about sophisticated." "Baby, you're the most sophisticated," smirked Lachey, oozing that patented male-hustler-esque chic I naturally adore. (He's the smart one in the household, the way Janet's the normal Jackson. Kidding. I love them all!)
"Your favorite book?" I posited, but Jessica didn't hear the question. I repeated it, adding, "Mine's Cosmo Girl." She laughed-not that dumb-and said, "My favorites are romance novels. I'm definitely a girlie girl. Anything that'll make me cry." (Bergdorf Blondes does it for me. So moving.) And finally, considering that Jess is a part owner of Dessert Beauty, is this kind of expansion really necessary? Does she really need the moola? She got the question. "Sure, why not!" baby Jessica exclaimed, without pause. Repeat: not dumb at all!
By the way, it must be exhausting for the poor thing to keep coming up with pseudo-moronic remarks to stay popular, so let me suggest some future ones for free: "You're going to see Disney on Ice? You mean they still haven't defrosted him?" "You're going clubbing? Don't hurt anybody we like!" And of course the immortal: "CHARLIZE THERON is a serial killer? I hope she doesn't kill any Lucky Charms!"
La Dolce Musto
by Michael Musto
May 4th, 2004 10:30 AM
With my pad-yes, my entire apartment-in hand and my tongue out-yes, it's now openly gay-I got to meet JESSICA SIMPSON, TV's favorite pretend-dummy (after Triumph the Insult Comic Dog and the redheaded guy from American Idol, who was worse than WILLIAM HUNG and almost as bad as CLAY AIKEN. And by the way, is William Hung?). The malapropic singer-linguist appeared with hubby NICK LACHEY at the Times Square Sephora to hawk not chicken fished out of the ocean but Dessert Beauty, a "kissable, lickable fragrance and body care collection." Great idea-I just hope the poor girl doesn't start shooting up mascara!
Granted a moment to interrogate-rather than lick-Jessica, I asked her if she's become any more sophisticated lately, but she didn't seem to get the question. I repeated it, and sweet Jessica laughed and replied, "That's not a good word to describe me. Cl[arse]y, but I don't know about sophisticated." "Baby, you're the most sophisticated," smirked Lachey, oozing that patented male-hustler-esque chic I naturally adore. (He's the smart one in the household, the way Janet's the normal Jackson. Kidding. I love them all!)
"Your favorite book?" I posited, but Jessica didn't hear the question. I repeated it, adding, "Mine's Cosmo Girl." She laughed-not that dumb-and said, "My favorites are romance novels. I'm definitely a girlie girl. Anything that'll make me cry." (Bergdorf Blondes does it for me. So moving.) And finally, considering that Jess is a part owner of Dessert Beauty, is this kind of expansion really necessary? Does she really need the moola? She got the question. "Sure, why not!" baby Jessica exclaimed, without pause. Repeat: not dumb at all!
By the way, it must be exhausting for the poor thing to keep coming up with pseudo-moronic remarks to stay popular, so let me suggest some future ones for free: "You're going to see Disney on Ice? You mean they still haven't defrosted him?" "You're going clubbing? Don't hurt anybody we like!" And of course the immortal: "CHARLIZE THERON is a serial killer? I hope she doesn't kill any Lucky Charms!"