StargateGirl
04-12-04, 09:35 PM
I was hoping to find this review myself but anyway someone from the 98 board posted this. I figured those of you who haven't seen it would want to read it.
<span style="font-family:Times">The Nick & Jessica Hour, 60 Minutes Too Long
By Tom Shales
Washington Post Staff Writer
Monday, April 12, 2004; Page C01
You'd think having a reality show based on your own life would be validation enough, even for the insecure egomaniacs of show business. But Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, the apparently happy couple whose marriage is chronicled on MTV's "Newlyweds," wanted more: their own variety show, just like talented people had in TV's days of yore.
For Nick and Jessica, these are TV's days of "our," a time to exploit the public's susceptibility to their charms, because while the charms may last, susceptibility can be fleeting, as it was for "The Osbournes." Thus did ABC while away 60 minutes last night with "The Nick and Jessica Variety Hour," apparently the pilot for a series, though it was promoted as the premiere of a series and though its stars referred to it on the air as a "special."
Poor old ABC is hanging on by mere threads these days -- it's becoming the Almost Broadcasting Company -- and "Variety Hour" was straight from Desperation City, a show that aimed merely to achieve so-bad-it's-good status. But as Susan Sontag warned long ago, you can't be camp on purpose. "Variety Hour" is just so bad it's terrible.
"There's not going to be any singing or dancing on this show," Jessica told the audience near the beginning. She was trying to be facetious but it turned out to be truth in labeling. Neither she nor Lachey showed much musical ability, whether trilling special lyrics to "Up, Up and Away" and "Aquarius" or closing the hour with a Sonny-and-Cher tribute, "I Got You, Babe."
Pretty as she is, Simpson brings to mind a braying mule when she goes for those really loud notes and opens her mouth as wide as it will go. Her face distorts into a parody of "The Scream." Lachey, who was a member of a boy band called 98 Degrees, doesn't look quite as ridiculous but doesn't sound any better, either. Even so, the amplified audience shouted out a "Whoo!" every couple of minutes.
When the couple first appeared from backstage, one had to be struck by their dueling cleavages -- Jessica's plunging neckline revealed the inner halves of both breasts, while Nick's neglect to fasten a few shirt buttons revealed the inner halves of both pecs. Later, in a sketch, Nick removed his shirt altogether, which brought delighted shrieks from the audience and even, it seemed, from some of the male extras onstage playing patrons of an Old West saloon. Perhaps his appeal transcends traditional gender preferences.
Guest stars included Babyface, Jewel and, so old-fashioned he has two names, Kenny Rogers, but one or another of the hosts insisted on singing with each of them. Jessica upstaged whoever her partner was with that enormous mouth and a jaw that appeared capable of dropping all the way to the floor. Just for fun and the sake of uproariousness, Nick sang a duet with the talking car from the old "Knight Rider" show.
The best number was from guest stars Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy, a spirited rendition of Elton John and Kiki Dee's "Don't Go Breaking My Heart." But apparently uneasy with the spotlight on anyone else, Nick and Jessica interrupted them, and viewers heard an announcer intone what instantly became the 10 most frightening words in television: "The Nick and Jessica Variety Hour will be right back."
Mr. T, retired Cincinnati Reds star Johnny Bench and a flock of mock Mouseketeers also were hustled on and off stage as quickly as possible, none of them appearing to have the slightest clue as to why they were there, nor why Nick and Jessica were there either, come to think of it. A viewer sitting at home watching had to wonder similarly, "Why am I here?" There had to be something more exciting playing on the Travel Channel, C-SPAN or even CNBC, to name but three.
Wide shots of the audience showed what looked like a group of terrorists -- I mean tourists -- sitting patiently in their seats, waiting for something entertaining to happen. But on the soundtrack, one heard a mob of hysterics who cheered, stomped, clapped and "whoo'd" at every mangled song and lame joke, this gigantic wall of white noise that threatened to drown out every word from the stars' mouths. Alas, it failed. </span>
<span style="font-family:Times">The Nick & Jessica Hour, 60 Minutes Too Long
By Tom Shales
Washington Post Staff Writer
Monday, April 12, 2004; Page C01
You'd think having a reality show based on your own life would be validation enough, even for the insecure egomaniacs of show business. But Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, the apparently happy couple whose marriage is chronicled on MTV's "Newlyweds," wanted more: their own variety show, just like talented people had in TV's days of yore.
For Nick and Jessica, these are TV's days of "our," a time to exploit the public's susceptibility to their charms, because while the charms may last, susceptibility can be fleeting, as it was for "The Osbournes." Thus did ABC while away 60 minutes last night with "The Nick and Jessica Variety Hour," apparently the pilot for a series, though it was promoted as the premiere of a series and though its stars referred to it on the air as a "special."
Poor old ABC is hanging on by mere threads these days -- it's becoming the Almost Broadcasting Company -- and "Variety Hour" was straight from Desperation City, a show that aimed merely to achieve so-bad-it's-good status. But as Susan Sontag warned long ago, you can't be camp on purpose. "Variety Hour" is just so bad it's terrible.
"There's not going to be any singing or dancing on this show," Jessica told the audience near the beginning. She was trying to be facetious but it turned out to be truth in labeling. Neither she nor Lachey showed much musical ability, whether trilling special lyrics to "Up, Up and Away" and "Aquarius" or closing the hour with a Sonny-and-Cher tribute, "I Got You, Babe."
Pretty as she is, Simpson brings to mind a braying mule when she goes for those really loud notes and opens her mouth as wide as it will go. Her face distorts into a parody of "The Scream." Lachey, who was a member of a boy band called 98 Degrees, doesn't look quite as ridiculous but doesn't sound any better, either. Even so, the amplified audience shouted out a "Whoo!" every couple of minutes.
When the couple first appeared from backstage, one had to be struck by their dueling cleavages -- Jessica's plunging neckline revealed the inner halves of both breasts, while Nick's neglect to fasten a few shirt buttons revealed the inner halves of both pecs. Later, in a sketch, Nick removed his shirt altogether, which brought delighted shrieks from the audience and even, it seemed, from some of the male extras onstage playing patrons of an Old West saloon. Perhaps his appeal transcends traditional gender preferences.
Guest stars included Babyface, Jewel and, so old-fashioned he has two names, Kenny Rogers, but one or another of the hosts insisted on singing with each of them. Jessica upstaged whoever her partner was with that enormous mouth and a jaw that appeared capable of dropping all the way to the floor. Just for fun and the sake of uproariousness, Nick sang a duet with the talking car from the old "Knight Rider" show.
The best number was from guest stars Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy, a spirited rendition of Elton John and Kiki Dee's "Don't Go Breaking My Heart." But apparently uneasy with the spotlight on anyone else, Nick and Jessica interrupted them, and viewers heard an announcer intone what instantly became the 10 most frightening words in television: "The Nick and Jessica Variety Hour will be right back."
Mr. T, retired Cincinnati Reds star Johnny Bench and a flock of mock Mouseketeers also were hustled on and off stage as quickly as possible, none of them appearing to have the slightest clue as to why they were there, nor why Nick and Jessica were there either, come to think of it. A viewer sitting at home watching had to wonder similarly, "Why am I here?" There had to be something more exciting playing on the Travel Channel, C-SPAN or even CNBC, to name but three.
Wide shots of the audience showed what looked like a group of terrorists -- I mean tourists -- sitting patiently in their seats, waiting for something entertaining to happen. But on the soundtrack, one heard a mob of hysterics who cheered, stomped, clapped and "whoo'd" at every mangled song and lame joke, this gigantic wall of white noise that threatened to drown out every word from the stars' mouths. Alas, it failed. </span>