- Keep Holding On - [Archive]

SubwayGirl98

06-15-05, 11:41 PM

Samara looked at herself in the mirror and thought that for once, she finally looked pretty. She had it all to thank to her stylist. She turned slightly to see her back and she loved what she saw.
“For once, I might not be on Mr. Blackwell’s Worst Dressed list!” She exclaimed. Her satin gold Calvin Klein dress hugged her curves perfectly. Her brown hair was pulled back into a soft bun. And on her feet, the best that Manolo Blahnik could make. That’s how she was raised and that’s how she was. She loved it.
But her tune changed when she went into her limo. Tonight was supposed to be a huge night for her as her tenth movie was to be premiered, Deadly Assassins, co-staring mega-star Bruce Willis.
She saw no one and sighed. When they had married, he had told her that he would let her be her own person and would never interfere in her public life. But this morning, he had promised her that for once he would go, and for once he would show himself to the public, willingly.
“He stayed home?” She asked her assistant, Casey.
Casey nodded. “We went to get him but he didn’t want to come. Again.”
What once was a smile turned into a frown. Samara was sad. How could she fake it now? How could she fake a smile again? She faked happiness before. She was an actress. She was used to it. She just hated this coming from her husband.
“Can I get my phone?” She asked Casey.
Casey pulled her phone out from Samara’s clutch and handed it over to her.
Samara opened it up and saw her wallpaper, a picture that she and Nick had taken on their last vacation, a four day trip to Fiji. Four days, that’s all Samara had off between shooting a movie and her sitcom.
She pressed number two on her speed dial and waited as the phone connected the call to Nick’s cell. She heard as it continued to ring and ring. With each ring, she lost hope and patience.
But then he answered. “I’m sorry.” He immediately told her.
“What’s wrong this time?” She asked him as she bit down on her bottom lip.
Casey glared at her and told her to stop because it would ruin her lipstick.
Samara stopped and tapped her shoe against the floor of the limo instead. “Why aren’t you here?”
“Sam, it’s not my place to be there. I belong home. You’re the one who’s in the spotlight. It’s all you, not me. You have your fun and I’ll see you tonight when you get back home.”
She sighed as he told her what he always did. “I should just stop bothering. I should just get used to it. I should be used to it by now.”
“Sam, come on. Be fair with me.”
“Why don’t you, for once, be fair with me? This is my life, this is my career. I just want you to be a part of it but it’s just too much to ask of you.” She paused. “I’ll stop bothering.” And on that note, she closed her phone and gave it back to Casey. “Keep it. I don’t want it with me tonight.”
“You sure?” She asked her. She always had this type of response to Nick but by now she was used to it from Samara.
“I’m positive.” She heard the screams of fans and looked up as the door to her limo opened. She gracefully stepped out of her limo and looked as if nothing was wrong. She looked at her fans and smiled. She turned into a bundle of joy within a split second. She smiled, she waved. She signed some autographs here and there. Took pictures with fans and even hugged some. There was only one thing Samara knew well and that was how to be a celebrity.

SubwayGirl98

06-16-05, 01:15 AM

Her smile was of pure white. Her body was sexy and trim. And Samara was on top of the world. As fans screamed into her ears and flashes of light blinded her, she kept her cool.
Billy Bush, of Access Hollywood fame, was just in front of her, ready and willing to speak with the sexy star.
“Why hello.” Samara coyly told Billy as she neared him.
Billy smiled her way before beginning their interview. “Congratulations on the movie.”
Samara beamed and graciously thanked him. I’ve been doing this for years. Only difference was that when I was a kid, it didn’t seem to sink in what I was doing.” She chuckled.
“As a fan, I gotta say, thank god you grew up!” Billy joked.
“I’m pretty happy now. I guess I’m happy I grew up too.” She laughed. “I mean, could you imagine me being ten years old forever? I couldn’t live life as the smart-aleck on “Man of the House” forever.”
Billy laughed along with her and nodded. “Luckily for us, that didn’t happen. But instead, here you are. At your tenth movie premiere without a certain somebody. Where’d he go this time?” He asked her.
“You mean my husband?” She asked. Billy nodded in agreement and Samara went on. “He has this idea in his head that coming to my premiere isn’t as important as I see it.” She laughed. “He told me this morning as he woke up that he simply didn’t want to come. That he’s not ‘Hollywood material.’” She laughed. “I think he just didn’t want to come because he didn’t want to outshine me.” She smiled. She lied, again. She was getting to the point where she absolutely hated to lie about Nick.
“Is that what you get for marrying someone outside the business?”
Samara nodded. “Maybe. But at the same time, it’s really nice. It’s an amazing feeling to know that there is someone who isn’t in competition with you in your career. It’s an amazing give and take relationship that we have. It’s very even which is something I’ve never had before.”
Casey signaled to Samara that it was time to go and she said her thank yous and goodbyes.
“He should be here. Should be on my arm. Not at home.” She whispered to Casey.
“He’ll smack himself for not coming later when he sees how magnificent you look.
Samara smiled and hugged her assistant. “You’re my rock Case. Don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“You’d die without me. That’s what you would do Sam.” She joked. “Simply die without me.” She hugged her tightly. Over the years, the two became the best of friends. Samara loved it like that. So when Nick refused to do public events with her, while she was hurting, she was okay because there she had her best friend. Definitely couldn’t live life without Casey.
As she smiled one last time before heading into the theatre, she looked around to all of her adorning fans and realized, just one more time in life, how lucky she was to have her life.
She grew up surrounded by luxury. Her father was and always will be a Grammy-winning singer. She went to the best of schools before she began her acing career at the age of eight. At the age of sixteen, she released her first full-length album which she received a Grammy nomination for its first single, Soul Provider. She released one more album until she took a break from the business at 18. She took one year off and came back better than ever. She tried college and realized that the real world wasn’t made for her and ran back to Hollywood. For years, she played the good girl gone bad on the hit TV show “Beverly Hills 90210” before leaving to further her movie career. After her second film, “The Cheating Game” struck gold at the Box Office, Samara’s career took off. She released a third album, five years after her sophomore disc and it quickly went platinum. Professionally, her life was on fire and it was nowhere near cooling off. Her romantic life took off as well once she began dating Robert Bradley. She could never look back after him. They dated for a year before moving in together into a luxurious Malibu home. But as she filmed the pilot for her now successful sitcom in the San Fernando Valley, she met her ever after. While on vacation, Nick never thought he’d find his future wife, especially in California. But finding her was easier than keeping her. He lived in Cincinnati, Ohio and she in sunny Los Angeles, California. The two fought the negativity and six months after their meeting were married. And over two years later, they still are. Somehow, somewhere, something must be going right.

SubwayGirl98

06-17-05, 01:22 AM

Samara looked at her home when she stepped out of her limo. She looked at how tall it was and sighed. She loved living here. She loved living here when she did with Robert and still did now that Nick was a part of her life. She knew though, Nick wasn’t happy living there. She was certain of it. He wasn’t raised to live in a place like that. It was built for the 21st century and Nick wasn’t. Nick was used to suburban life in Ohio. He was used to wearing jeans when going to the movies, not wearing suits because his wife’s stylist thought it would look good.
He didn’t call her at all that night. He chose not to bother. When she was with him, Samara was floating on cloud nine. When she was without him, she missed him like crazy and yet there was no way to hide their differences. There was no way to accept the fact that she would end up spending most of her time missing him because of her career.
She slowly walked to the front of her building and greeted her doorman, Daniel, as she always did. She waited at the elevator and played with her keys in her hand. She looked at her solid gold band on her left hand and then at her large emerald ring surrounded by diamonds on her right hand. And right there she realized, once again in life, how different she was from her husband.
She walked into the elevator and pressed for her floor, 22, and impatiently tapped her foot on the floor as she went up. She calmly walked out and towards her door, the only door on the floor as her apartment took both the 22nd floor and the 23rd. She unlocked her door, and walked inside. She heard the TV on and hoped that he was still up. She knew it was after one in the morning and knew that he usually was sleeping by this time. She walked towards the living room and saw him sitting in his chair, a horrible brown leather recliner that he brought with him from his apartment in Ohio. Samara smiled, placed her keys and purse on a chair nearby and quietly walked over to him. She looked at his hands and smiled as she saw the remote in one and an empty beer can in the other. She leaned over and gently kissed his forehead before continuing on upstairs.
Nick felt her hovering over him and grinned once she left. She was angry with him. That’s all he thought. She wasn’t angry with him for not going to her premiere. He stood up, turned the TV off and dropped the can in its footsteps and went upstairs after her.
“So you were just acting to sleep?” She asked him, her voice unclear. She peaked her head out of the bathroom and pulled pin after pin out of her hair.
Nick nodded. “I heard you as you came in.”
“You should have been there tonight.” She told him as she placed all the pins in the garbage and pulled her hair into a ponytail.
“I thought you were okay.” He stood by the door and leaned against the doorway.
“You promised you’d come. You broke your promise. You told me you’d come. I believed that you were coming.” She stood, her hand leaning against the doorway. “Next time I’ll ask one of my sisters to come. I know they would. They’d like it. My father would go too.” She didn’t mean to make him feel guilty. That wasn’t her intention at all. Her sadness and her disappointment in him were taking over her feelings.
Nick sighed and knew there was no talking his way out of what he did.
Samara took off her emerald ring and placed it in her jewelry box. She took off her earrings, her bracelet, and her necklace. She rubbed some moisturizer on her face and then walked over to their bed. She undid her side and slipped into bed.

SubwayGirl98

06-17-05, 01:23 AM

Nick watched from where he stood and said nothing. He felt guilt but wished that she could understand one day where he was coming from. She was brought up that way and he was brought up to be normal, to be average. And after 35 years of life, still lived his life to be an average male. She needed the glitz and glamour to live. She was humble, yes, but needed to be in Hollywood to survive. She wasn’t a demanding celebrity which is why he even took a second glance. And while she was happy, loving and giving, she was a celebrity. Nick simply couldn’t adapt.
“Are you coming to bed?” She asked him as she looked at the wall in front of her.
Nick walked over and pulled down his side and slid in bed next to her.
“I want you to come. Even if it’s just once. Even if you want to leave early. I want you next to me. I want the person who means so much to me to be there.”
“I know I say that I would try but it’s just so hard. I’m not used to it, not even after two years.”
“Three, almost.”
“When you try to be normal, someone ruins it and asks for your autograph.”
“I’m sorry Nick but that’s going to happen. People will ask me to take a picture with them and ask me to sign something for them. It’s part of my job.”
“Yeah, well when I finish a house, no one asks me to sign their walls.” He responded to her. When leaving Ohio for California, he told himself to not transfer over to the LAPD, though he felt it was his true calling.
“It’s different for you Nick.” She turned over and faced him. “I just really wish you could try. Please? For me? We can even do something small, like going to a club together. It just seems like we never leave this house together unless we’re heading to get groceries. It feels like you’re not even a part of my life sometimes. It’s like I have a husband, I have a ring to prove it but he’s never with me.”
“I can’t get used to it. I never can. None of this is me Sam. None of it. I’m an average run of the mill kind of guy. You’re a Bolton. You’re the kind of girl guys like me fantasize about. We don’t marry you.”
“But you did.”
“I know-- I just wish you could see my point of view.”
“I wish you could see mine.”
Nick sighed. He did. He even understood it from the public’s point of view. He read the tabloids at the supermarket counters and saw what they had thought. One week she’d be embarrassed about his no-name status and the next they were the down to earth couple who ran to get milk at a nearby 7-11. And the next week he’d be furious with her for her steamy love scenes with whoever her new male lead was.
“I wish you saw everything I did for this.” He muttered.
Samara lifted her head up from her pillow and looked down at him. “I know what you did. I’ve seen it and I couldn’t be more thankful.”
“Then stop pushing for more.”
“It’s my life and I just want you to be a part of it. Completely a part of it.”
“I can’t stand behind you. I can’t just stand there as everyone gawks at you and takes pictures of you like you’re some kind of doll. I can’t do it.”
She plopped back down on her pillow and stared at the ceiling. “I don’t get it though. You knew this when you married me. Why marry me if this is how you felt?” She asked him, almost in tears.
“I thought I’d be okay with it after a while.”
“And now you’re finally realizing that you aren’t?”
“Yeah, I am.”
Samara went through all of her options. She wanted him to become comfortable in her world. She could ease him in. She could have people at their house instead of going out. She could plead with him. Then it hit her. He didn’t need to become part of her world. She simply needed to become part of his.

SubwayGirl98

06-18-05, 02:28 AM

She promised to try her hardest to make herself a part of his life. She was never used to a slow paced lifestyle. She made her Hollywood debut at the age of three when she went to an awards show with her father. She simply hasn’t been able to get out of the spotlight since. But now, she was a woman with a plan.
She looked into real estate in Cincinnati and within only a few weeks found a perfect place to call home. She found a place that would make Nick happy. In the end, that’s all that mattered to her. She had even arranged it with the boss of his contracting company to give him a week off for vacation, without Nick’s knowledge. And right in the middle of promotion for a new season of her TV show, she cancelled over ten appearances, including a sit down interview with Diane Sawyer.
Everyone thought that she was crazy, even Casey. But to Samara, she was saving her marriage.
She had even packed for him. She was surprising him like a wife had never surprised their husband before. She packed up their car, as the paparazzi took photos of her in sweatpants doing so. Suitcase by suitcase, she did it all.
She had even told Nick that she was having his car fixed so that she could just pick him up from work and they would be on their way to the airport.
Nick saw as she pulled up into the site and simply watched her. She was exactly on time. It wasn’t like her to be.
Samara rolled down her window and screamed out, “Can I steal you away?”
Nick pulled his sunglasses down from atop his head, the sun shining right in his eyes.
“I’m taking you somewhere.” She smiled as she told him.
Nick sighed. “Sam, I don’t wanna go anywhere.”
“I want you to trust me. You are going to love going here.”
“Hey, how’s my truck? What the hell was wrong with it that I couldn’t drive it?”
“Truck’s fine. I lied to you about that.” She paused and then noticed the time. “Come on babe, get in! We have some road to stomp on.”
Nick smiled and leaned over into her vehicle to kiss her.
“Well, I love you too but get that butt of yours in. Now!”
Nick jumped and went back inside to punch out for the day.
As Nick left and headed back to her car, he heard as the door opened behind him.
“Hey Nick? Enjoy next week, will ya?” His boss screamed out to him. “Your little lady went through a whole bunch of crap for ya.”
Nick looked confused as he hoped into his wife’s SUV and was even more confused when he saw the luggage behind him. “Where are we going?”
“I bought you something.” She smiled.
“What did you buy me now?”
“It’s in my purse. Look in it, there should be a white envelope in there.”
Nick picked up her purse from beside him and pulled out the white envelope, just as she said. He opened it up and took out the papers that were inside.
Samara looked over them and smiled as he read them.
Nick was in a silence. “You bought us a house back home?”
“Well, it’s your back home, not mine. But yes.”
Nick laughed out of happiness. “Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind?”
Samara chuckled. “Haven’t lost my mind yet. I just—“ She paused. “I can’t force you to be a part of my world. I don’t want to do that anymore.”
“So you bought a place half-way across the country where I can stay?”
Samara shook her head in disagreement. “Nope. I bought a place where I can finally be a part of your world.” She saw the happiness and excitement on his face and felt as if she had finally done something right in their marriage. She couldn’t help but feel as if she were on cloud nine. She was selfless once again in life and it worked out for her.

Raevengeance

06-18-05, 11:11 AM

Great story so far, Kimmie

SubwayGirl98

06-19-05, 02:25 AM

Samara looked over at her husband and smiled as she held his hand.
“How’d you know?” He asked her while still looking forward.
“Know what?” She gently rubbed his hand.
“That I’d want this?”
“How couldn’t you? You’ve been homesick since the moment we said “I do”. You’re right Nick, you have been all along. You’ve given up so much for me and I’ve done nothing for you.” Samara paused. “I couldn’t think of anything else that would make you as happy as this would. I mean, think of it, we can come here whenever you want. Just one word and we can hop on a plane out to Ohio. We can spend holidays with your family.”
Nick was more than just happy. He was so happy about this that he couldn’t even put it into words. “You’re excited about this?” He was almost confused. He couldn’t see how she could be excited about something like this. He had only hoped that she knew what this had really meant. This meant that Nick would want to spend more and more time traveling back home. This meant that with property in Ohio, their children, when they have them, would be raised in Cincinnati. He wished that she had understood what she was getting into by buying this house.
Samara nodded. “I know what this means to you. And I know what you mean to me. I’m positive about this.”
Nick kissed her before feeling the wheels beneath roll faster and faster. He leaned as hard as he possibly could as he felt the plane lift into the air.
Samara reached into her purse and found gum. She popped one piece into her mouth and then another into Nick’s. “Chew it. Chomp on it hard.”
"Why?”
“Your ears won’t pop. Promise.”
Nick chewed on his gum, and like the several other times in his life, trusted her. She didn’t let him down.
As he chewed his gum, he just wished for one thing, that his wife really knew what she was getting into. He knew that she meant well but a part of him was already worrying. He feared that by her doing something good would mean something bad for them as a couple.

SubwayGirl98

06-19-05, 02:26 AM

Nick fell in love with their new home in his hometown. He flipped for it.
Samara on the other hand, couldn’t get used to it. The longest that they had ever stayed in Cincinnati was four days. This time they were there for 9 days and 8 nights. Samara went crazy. She was craving her sunny Los Angeles. She wanted the chaos and missed it. She needed her traffic. She simply needed to be home. She thought that she could do it but she realized one night looking at Nick as he looked peaceful on the porch that she couldn’t.
Going back to Los Angeles was a blessing in disguise. Yes, Nick would have to leave where he had wanted to be all of his life, but he was okay with it, for once. He loved Cincinnati but this trip home made him realized that now, his home was somewhere else. His home was back in California with his wife. The house they shared in Cincinnati was their second home, but definitely not their first. Nick understood that. He embraced the fact that he wouldn’t ever be able to call Cincinnati his home again.
Once they returned to Los Angeles, Samara began work on her fourth album. She would, once again, put her acting on hold and focus on her singing career.
It was the reason her father introduced her to the business while her other sisters pursued more ‘normal’ careers like doctor, teacher and lawyer. They were the brains of the family and Samara accepted it. Samara would always be the odd ball; she was the unique one of the family. While her sisters were out with their friends after school, Samara would be at school working on the school play. It’s what her father wanted her to do. He realized her talent and potential and pushed her. Samara couldn’t possibly be more thankful to him.
While Nick loved having her home, he would soon be alone. Once she finished making the album and once it was released, she would, like always, throw herself in touring.
Her father’s one regret wasn’t touring enough. Samara wanted to make her father happy and proud. Whatever he told her not to do, she didn’t. What he told her to, she did. She was a Daddy’s girl and her sister’s were okay with it. She was the youngest and was born into the spotlight. Her father was already successful when she came into his life. She knew nothing else and never wanted to. She was the only daughter to take after him, her siblings, Taryn, Holly and Isabella took after their mother. She was elegant, sophisticated and demure. Samara though, never had the chance to grow up with her mother. After her birth, her mother left, leaving her father with four girls to raise.
Samara promised to make it easy on her father and asked for only his help. She promised him that she would take care of herself so that he wouldn’t have to worry about four girls, but only three. And at the young age of four made her first commercial. At the age of five, she was the face and voice of Mac’s Grape Juice, Welch’s largest competitor. And when she turned seven, she would get cast in small roles, mainly extras, in children’s movies. And at the age of eight, landed her leading role of Tibby in the family comedy, “What’s It All About?”. Acting was her life until her father pushed her into singing, where to him, lied her true talent. And here she was, showcasing her true talent again, for the fourth time.
Samara spent her days and nights in a recording studio on the weekends. During the week, she killed herself on set of her TV show, which after its fourth season would be ending. Samara left no time for herself, or her marriage. But if there’s one thing Nick knew best, it was understanding. And if there’s one thing she knew best, it was the meaning of compromise. And on that note, Nick packed up, yet again, and after only being gone for a month, returned to Cincinnati to spend time home while his wife worked.
But when Nick came back, everything would soon be different. He would soon realize that with her life, she had no room for a marriage. Nick would realize that all she had room for was a career.

SubwayGirl98

06-19-05, 02:27 AM

Samara heard the door open as she pulled on her beanie hat over her hair. She looked at herself in the mirror and simply gave up but left the hat on.
“Case?” She called out.
But there was no response.
“Case?” She called out again but still heard nothing. She heard a thud against her hardwood floors and slightly jumped. “Case?”
“What? You can’t tell your own husband from a girl?” Nick called out to her as he walked through the hallway into the living room.
Samara, full of joy, ran over to him. She didn’t want to seem to eager and stopped. “How’s our house?”
Nick grinned. “Looking more like us, slightly.”
“Oh god, you made it all manly. Haven’t you?”
He laughed as she was quick to judge. “No. Not exactly. Tans, limes and yellows, as I was instructed. See? I listen.”
Samara looked up at her tall husband and kissed him. It was perfect to her. He was back.
“Where you off to?”
Samara paused. “Umm— I have a radio interview in about an hour.” She paused again. “It’s promotion time, again.”
Nick nodded. He was barely home for ten minutes and she was off and running.
“I’d ask you to come with me but I know you’ll say no so I won’t bother.”
“You can try.”
Samara slightly smiled. Was he breaking down his shell? “So, do you wanna come with me?”
Nick thought about it. “I just got in. I probably should just stay home.”
“I figured. If you would have said yes I probably would have thought that the sky was about to fall right down on my head.”
“Just go. Have your interview fun and I’ll see you tonight.” He kissed her gently and then walked away.
She heard hard knocking on her door. “Come on Sam. We’ll be late.”
Samara watched as he walked away from her but did nothing. She picked up her purse and left.
Samara’s quest to fulfill her father’s dreams for her might end up costing her more than millions and popularity. It could cost her, her marriage. And sure enough, it did.

lacheyfan17

06-19-05, 11:22 PM

Cannot wait unitl you add more!

SubwayGirl98

06-21-05, 01:23 AM

Samara couldn’t believe where she was. It seemed as if not too long ago she was just returning from Cincinnati with Nick and now, it was over thirteen months later. There she stood, just one minute before heading on stage in the middle of Times Square. As she looked over to her right, she saw Nick and smiled. For once, he had given in and did something related to her career with her. She couldn’t have been more thrilled and excited as she was at that very moment. She gripped onto the railing that she had been leaning on and tapped her foot against the floor.
Nick looked on and wished she could relax. He knew that she, for once, was nervous. He wanted to move from where he was and somehow relax her, somehow calm her down but he couldn’t. She was due on stage in less than twenty seconds.
The cue was given and the audience immediately started to applaud and cheer. Samara immediately jumped and freaked. Not once in her entire career had she ever had butterflies and now she had.
“Welcome back. Our next guest has sold over fifteen million albums in her career, has had six movies to reach number one at the box office and her sitcom has finished its fourth and final season last month. And that’s only as an adult. She’s perhaps one of the most successful child stars to keep their career going as an adult. And now she’s releasing her fourth album, “Pleasure & Pain” which hits stores today. Please welcome, Samara Bolton.”
Now, more than before, the fans screamed and cheered as they watched Samara walk out onto the stage. Samara took a deep breath before ending right next to Charles Gibson and Diane Sawyer.
“Good morning.” Charles told her.
“Isn’t it?” Samara smiled as she waved to one of her fans in front.
“Congratulations are in order.”
Samara let out a chuckle. “I think we should wait until next week for the congrats.” She laughed. “Don’t jinx me now!” She joked with them.
“We won’t!” Diane joked back. “One thing, which some people may not realize is that you write all of your songs. How is it that after three albums, you can still be able to have material to keep on writing? I tend to ask this question a lot to artists who write their own music but it always gets me. How do you do it?”
“I guess for me, the main thing is that there are always things happening. Most of this album, takes place between about a one year span a couple of years ago. And when I started to write music for this album over a year ago, it all just came so easy to me. I didn’t even have to think about any of it. It was as if I had so much to say and never realized it these past couple of years.”
“There are fourteen new tracks on the album.” Charles began. “Is there any one track that’s your favorite or that stands out to you the most?”
Samara nodded. “I think when you make a record, there’s always going to be that one song that will stand out or mean the most to you. For me and for this album, it’s actually a song that my father had originally recorded 13 years ago called “Soul of my Soul”. He wrote that for me and my sisters. It’s always been a special song for me and I went up to him and I told him that I wanted to redo it. He was excited about it. And we actually ended up in the studio together for that session and we just ended up making it a duet. It was the most fun and most memorable experience for me. He pushed to get me where I am and to do a song of his with him is just over the top. It made my day, my life.”
Diane nodded and smiled. “It must be something. Well, you are on top of the world now. It’s definitely been a world wind year for you and it’s only going to get better. But right now, it’s time to hear the new single, “Trapped”. Ladies and gentlemen, Samara Bolton!”

SubwayGirl98

06-21-05, 01:23 AM

The hard guitar began and Samara pulled the microphone out of the stand and moved the stand over. “Beginning times, they were the greatest. As time continued, life had reached its end. The end of us and the end of love. I’m sitting going crazy, thinking how to get rid of you. I’m sitting here crying daily, thinking what our love was for. Realizing that, for once I’m trapped. Trapped in the arms, of someone I used to love so. Trapped in the days of what used to be. Wishing I could have them back. But not never, no turning around. So I’ll be wondering how to get out of this trapped world. Gotta get out of this trapped world.” Samara moved over to the right side of the stage while working with the crowd.
“Never thought I’d be the girl like this. Was always told I’d end up with my prince. Not sitting here, with drying tears running down my cheeks. Was told I’d, told I’d be the girl with it all. Now my whole world is falling down. Falling underground cause now I’m trapped. Trapped in the arms, of someone I used to love. Trapped in the days of what used to be. Wishing I could have them back. But not never, no turning around. So I’ll be wondering how to get out of this trapped world. Gotta get out.” She quickly turned and winked over at Nick.
“Gotta make an escape from this heartache that I’ve been suffering. Gotta find my release from the pain that I’ve been dealing. Oh no, no it’s not you. Baby, it’s not me. Cause baby, it’s just us. We gotta get out of this trapped world we’re living in. Trapped in the arms, of the people we used to love. Trapped in the day of what used to be. Wishing we could have them back. But not never, no turning around.” She ran over to the left side of the stage and jumped down the stairs and head into the audience before the song’s end. “So we gotta get out, we gotta break free, we gotta do all that we can. We gotta get out of this trapped world. Gotta get out of this trapped world. Never gonna be trapped again.”
Once the song was done, she returned on stage and thanked everyone before heading off. She was so thankful for everything that had happened today. “I did it!” Samara exclaimed.
Nick smiled and held open arms for her as she ran to him. “Yes you did it. I’m proud of you.”
“Thank you.” She whispered to him before kissing him quickly.
Nick picked her up off the floor and held her in his arms. “Maybe this could be a new thing for us Sam. I actually go places with you for now on.”
“You mean that?” She asked him. “You’ll be okay with that?”
“Hey, I’m here aren’t I? I’m near cameras and TV crews in Times Square. I want this to be us.”
Samara kissed him and then slid out of his arms and back onto the ground. “I think I gotta go back out there.” She told him softly. “Gotta sing again, two more songs.”
“Make me proud Sam.” He told her before as she walked away from him.
“I’ll try my hardest!” She lastly said before heading off onto the stage again and singing another song from her new album, “Can’t Deny The Truth” and her Grammy-winning first single, “Inside Your Mind”.
She made Nick proud. He was so proud to call her his wife. And for the first time, he believed that their marriage would work. He’d be living in his wife’s shadow but he was okay with it. She was the successful one and he was the one along for the ride. He promised himself at that moment, it would be the greatest ride of his life.

Raevengeance

06-22-05, 06:56 AM

another great add, Kimmie :)

Can't wait for more

Kristen07

06-22-05, 11:00 AM

I like this story, Kimme! Please add more soon :)

SubwayGirl98

06-23-05, 08:50 PM

Samara continued on her promotional tour. She would make then stops at the Early Show, Live with Regis & Kelly, z100’s Elvis Duran & the Z Morning Zoo and then finishing her New York promotional tour with a guest appearance on TRL. She was an MTV favorite and she always would be. She gained MTV’s attention as a child star and eventually became a staple when she started her music career.
It was one promotion stop that her father never had to make. And if she was going to follow his successful career, she’d have to do whatever it took.
Nick waited for her at the hotel and stayed tuned on their TV. He sat at the edge of the bed with the remote control in his hand.
Backstage, Samara yawned in her chair as the final touches on her hair were in place. “How much longer until I get to pass out?”
Casey looked at her laughed. “You got a while until you can pass out.” She watched as Samara nearly fell right asleep, her head tilting downward, before she jumped up. “Sorry?’
“I gotta stop killing myself like this. I probably could have done this whole New York thing in two weeks, comfortably. Instead, I try, like always, to push it.”
“Ever think that not everything your father told you to do was right?
“What are you talking about Casey?”
“Well, it’s just that since you started, you tried your hardest to model your career after your father’s. You try your hardest to do everything that he did. Ever think that while it worked for him, it just may not work for you?”
Samara took in what her dearest friend had just told her. She couldn’t believe it. It was definitely that sort of talk that went in one ear and went right out the other. “No. I know that it does. I mean, think about it, if it didn’t work for me then how could I be the way that I am right now? I’ve done nothing but listen to him and I think it works out for the best. I mean, who else knows what’s best for me and my career than him? Think about it though, he’s been through it all. Why wouldn’t he know?”
Just as Casey was about to say something, the Production Assistant came over into her dressing room to bring Samara out.
Samara stood up from her seat and walked over to the door. “Case, I know you mean well but I can’t help it, I gotta go with what he says. He’s done too much for me to not go with him.” And on that sour note, Samara left her room to do what she did best; laugh and smile for the camera.

SubwayGirl98

06-23-05, 08:51 PM

Nick was proud of his wife as he watched her on the screen. Proud of how she took care of every question, even those that didn’t ever need to be addressed. He was proud of how she carried herself. He was so lucky to be her husband as she was lucky to have found someone who finally understood her life. For with Samara, understanding her life and understanding her career were far more important than understanding her.
She answered all the questions that were given to her. Even the typical negative husband question which she’d always be asked. Nick never understood that at the beginning, he needed to be there. He needed to be seen. And since he never was seen, the rumors began and suddenly to the public, her new marriage was in shambles.
But after seeing it all, Nick finally realized what he was putting his wife through, and their marriage through. She was the one who would have to deal with all of the negative backlash when it arose. And he didn’t want her to anymore. So he agreed to come out of the woodwork. He agreed to be a Hollywood husband.
Nick joined her everywhere and soon all of the negative rumors about their marriage had ended. There was nothing but positive news on her marriage. But that was just the beginning.
As Samara was in the middle of planning her first tour in over five years, she was given even greater news.
As she finished up a meeting, she didn’t linger but instead headed home as quickly as possible. She jetted to her elevator and jammed on the button. She simply couldn’t wait this time. She needed to get up there. As the elevator doors opened, she ran in and pressed for her floor. She had seen people coming but instead jammed the close button before they had a chance to catch it. It was mean, but she needed to get home.
She ran out of the elevator and over to her door, trying her hardest to open up her door as fast as possible. “Nick!” She screamed out. “Nick!” She let her purse fall from her hands down onto the floor. She went into the living room and into the kitchen and kept calling out for him. She headed upstairs and couldn’t find him. As she went over to check the bathroom, she heard a noise from downstairs and then rushed out. “Nick! I’ve got news for you!”
“You do?” He called out to her as he closed the porch door after him. “What is it? When did you get home anyways?”
“Just now. Ran in and looked for you then ran upstairs but here you are.”
“What’s the news?” He asked her.
“Guess what Nick?”
Nick looked lost and confused but still somehow optimistic. “I don’t know. What?”
“Firstly, the numbers are in and guess whose album is at number one?” She laughed with a huge smile on her face.
“Congratulations?” He walked over to her.
“Oh no, not done. One million, two hundred and thirty-six copies sold! Go me!” She exclaimed.
“I’m proud of you.” He smiled at her before kissing her. “You said firstly? So what’s second?”
“Second? Oh yeah, secondly, I’m pregnant.”
Nick stared at her. His smile changed to a cold stare. That was definitely not what he had expected to hear.

Raevengeance

06-23-05, 09:12 PM

Great story so far, Kimmie :)

jnd98forever

06-25-05, 09:58 PM

:scratch: hmmm this is getting interesting.....very interesting...

littleprincessj

06-28-05, 04:15 AM

I just got myself all caught up. Very good! I'm loving this!!

SubwayGirl98

06-29-05, 01:40 AM

“Nick? Did you hear what I said?” She had asked him. “I said I’m pregnant. That’s good news. This is the part where you get excited and get that look off of your face.” She wanted him to be happy about this. She wanted him to see the joy that this would bring them as it had already brought her.
“Pregnant?” He asked her.
Samara nodded. “Yeah, like in eight months I’m gonna pop out a baby. Like pregnant. Unless, you know it to mean something else.”
“How’d that happen?”
“Are you kidding me?” She asked him. “One night, you and I had sex. That’s how it happened!” She yelled at him. “Jesus Christ Nick! I thought you would be happy about this but maybe I was wrong.”
“Sam, I don’t want children.”
Samara stared at him, confused. “Excuse me? You don’t want children? You always did. That’s what you told me. You wanted children.” She paused for answers but couldn’t stop. “Did you just lie to me? Just to get what you wanted? Is that it Nick? You lied to me?”
“I never thought you would get pregnant. You’re not the type to. You don’t get pregnant. You work until you realize that it’s just too late and you accept that.”
“I told you from day one that I wanted children. You told me that you wanted a ton of them. Why would you lie to me?” She asked him as she felt the tears overpowering her eyes and streaming down her face. “Huh? Why would you lie to me?”
Nick closed his eyes. It was now that he had realized that it would all come out. His fear of losing his wife would be his fault, not hers this time.
“Tell me dammit, why would you lie to me?”
“You’re gonna hate me after tonight.”
She looked up at him. “I think it’s too late. I think I already do.”
Nick nodded and then began wondering why he should even bother.
“Even if, I want to know Nick. I deserve that, don’t you think?”
“I didn’t think, in a million years, we’d be where we’re a right now.”
“What? Still married?”
“Married in general. I never thought we’d make it past a month to be honest with you.”
Samara glared at him as she felt her heart ripping apart with each word he had told her. “What else did you think about us? I mean, by all means do tell me. Why keep anything back?”
“I’m sorry Sam. I just really never thought we’d be here. And if we did, you’d be how you always were, too wrapped up in work to even think about anything else.”
Samara walked around, what to her was their home. “I want you out of here.” She told him. She had stopped crying long enough to get the nerve to tell him. “I want you out of here by tomorrow. I don’t care where you go, just get the hell out of here.”

SubwayGirl98

06-29-05, 01:41 AM

Samara was supposed to be on top of the world at the moment in her life. Her career was skyrocketing more so than it ever had and she received, what to her, was the greatest news a woman could get. And her life was tumbling downward.
It all didn’t completely hit until the next morning. She woke up where she always would when things went bad for her, back at her father’s house. She looked up at the walls and remembered once when she and Nick had stayed there.
Then she realized the hardest part of it all, for Samara at least. She heard an upstairs door slam and remembered her father. How could she explain any of it to him? Nick wasn’t the guy that fooled her when she was young. For four years now, he was her husband. They had a life together. A life built on lies.
She stood up from her bed and walked towards the doorway. She peaked her head outside and then fully opened her door before stepping out. She tried to close her door gently but as she did the door creaked.
“Hello?” She heard her father scream out from upstairs.
“Dad, it’s me.”
“Sam? What are you doing here? You’re old enough that you don’t need to be sleeping here anymore.”
Samara nodded. “I know, I just really needed to.”
He could sense it in her voice. “What’s wrong? What’s going on?”
“What did you do when Mom left?”
He looked down at her and wondered what was going on. “Your mother?” She never spoke about her.
Samara nodded. “What did you do when she left?”
“What happened between you and Nick?”
“I kicked him out.”
“You kicked him out?”
Samara nodded. “I kicked him out. I did the right thing.”
“Why? What about what you told me yesterday?”
“He didn’t want it. He changed his mind.”
“So you’re just gonna get rid of him?”
Samara nodded. “That’s the plan. Ain’t it what you did? Mom picked up and left and you just kept on and took care of us. That’s what I’m gonna do. I mean, am I gonna cry over spilled milk?”
“That was your marriage Sam, not milk. You can’t always follow what I’ve done.”
“You never made a mistake when it came to us. I’m following you and it’s going to work. It’s gotta.”

Raevengeance

06-29-05, 06:05 AM

good adds, Kimmie.

Can't wait to see what happens next.

Kristen07

06-29-05, 03:39 PM

This gets better and better, please post more soon :)

jnd98forever

06-29-05, 11:08 PM

:cries: *sniff* you got me cryin there girl keep it up!

SubwayGirl98

07-11-05, 04:31 AM

She promised herself that it would work and who was she to go back on her word? Nick was out and she meant it when she wanted him gone. But with each passing day, lying lonely in her bed, she felt worse and worse. She knew she wasn’t meant for any of this. If only she had known what she did to deserve it.
For a couple of weeks now, Nick has been visiting family back home in Ohio, as she told the press. For a short time, they were used to seeing the two together and now, it would happen no longer. She simply didn’t know how to tell people their marriage was over because of Nick’s stupidity. So she decided to leave her marriage behind, in her mind and focus on what mattered most to her now, her career. She threw herself in, completely. She had went to work on another album but stopped just right before recording. She put it all on the back burner the moment she received what she knew was coming all along.
She was the one who had wanted the divorce. He was the one with no faith. And now, she was the one who would come off as the bad guy. She stared at the papers before her as she waited on set to go in and finish her last scene of the day. She played with the pen and twirled it and then bit down on the cap. She couldn’t do it. She wanted to so badly but no matter how fast, how hard she placed that pen near the paper, her signature was still no where to be found.
“You ready to do this?”
Samara felt the hand placed atop her shoulder.
“Come on Sam, it’s now or never. Right?” He placed his other hand on her other shoulder and gently rubbed them for her. “The faster we get this out of the way, the faster we can leave here.” He paused. “You know, to come back tomorrow.” He laughed.
Samara nodded, turned and looked up at Eric. “I getcha. The faster we finish this up, the faster I get to go home and stuff my fat ass!” She exclaimed.
Her stomach was getting bigger and was very noticeable. She had promised to more than just herself that she was going to raise this baby and nothing was going to come in her way. And now, six months pregnant, she was sticking to her guns. Only one thing was changing.
Her co-star, Eric Cassidy, was becoming more than just that. As they played husband and wife on one of the most popular daytime soap operas, their professional relationship was evolving.
And as she watched as Eric passed her and made his way onto the stage, she found her strength; she finally signed her divorce papers.

SubwayGirl98

07-11-05, 04:32 AM

Samara looked at herself in the mirror and sighed. “Looks like we’re all by ourselves now.” She spoke as she rubbed her belly. “We’re gonna be all right. Ya know that?”
Eric heard her from outside of her dressing room and stood back. He knew how hard it had been for her lately. He knew that signing those papers wouldn’t make it easier.
Samara reached for her purse and then headed towards her door. She pulled it open and saw Eric in front of her. “What are ya doing here? Shouldn’t you be running off somewhere?” She asked him.
“I don’t really have anywhere in particular that I have to be.”
“I was just going to go home. Relax, clean sleep. Whichever I really felt in the mood to do at the moment.”
“Tired?” He asked her.
Samara shook her head no. “Not really, not at all. I mean, you know how it is, right? You get a divorce and your social life just goes straight downhill. Like you have some sort of disease. It’s so sad. The person I’m hanging out with the most is my father. And that’s only cause he’s got to. He’s my blood. It would just be wrong if he said no.”
Eric looked at her and chuckled. “You can’t possibly believe all that can you?”
Samara nodded. “I do.”
Eric took her hand. “Come on Sam. We’re gonna throw you back into life. We’re gonna go out tonight and we’re going to have us some fun.”
Samara grinned. “Ya mean it? You’d be willing to be seen with me?”
“Don’t I do that every day though? I mean, millions of people catch us on TV together all the time.”
“But it’s different now. Now it’s me, it’s not Carly and you’re not Tony, you’re Eric. People talk. I’m pregnant. You sure it’s a smart thing to do?”
“I couldn’t be more positive about it. I mean it.”
Samara smiled. For once in so long, she was genuinely happy. She was smiling and it wasn’t because she had to. There was someone else out there in this world, besides her father who had made her smile, even if he was her co-star.
As Samara walked out in front of him, she stopped. “By the way,” she whispered into his ear, “the baby isn’t yours.” Samara laughed and then walked off in front of him.
Eric had been in love and like Samara, had been divorced as well. But he wondered of only one thing, how could a man let this woman go? How could a man not want to be with her? How could any man not love her?

Kristen07

07-11-05, 10:14 AM

No!!!! She's going to regret divorcing Nick, I know it! Post more when you can! :)

Raevengeance

07-11-05, 08:09 PM

Keep up the good work, Kimmie :)

NickJessFan20

07-12-05, 02:21 PM

Cool story :)

SubwayGirl98

08-08-05, 05:20 AM

When Eric first laid his eyes on Samara, he couldn’t help but immediately be drawn to her. He knew that there was something about her. Yet, he could only ever be her friend for at the time she was happily married. But now, as her divorce was finally final and he could go in for the kill as he had always wanted to, he was positive that that’s what he was going to do.
Samara walked down the street and kept pulling up the strap on her top every time it fell. With each time she fixed it, she looked down at her bump. She had no idea how someone could scorn her the way Nick did.
She looked back to see if Eric was behind her and just as she saw Eric running to catch up to her, she turned back and saw her past.
Samara looked down to the floor and wanted to simply turn on her heels and keep walking. It was too late though.
“Samara?”
She slowly looked as she bit her bottom lip, only slightly relieved that Eric was behind to rescue her from whatever they would discuss. “Hi.” She tried to act surprised. “What are you doing here?”
“I live here Sam.”
“Ah. Of course. I know how much you just absolutely love California. Can’t tear ya away from it!” She angrily responded. “You and the west coast. A match made in hell—I mean heaven.”
She heard as Eric stopped right behind her. She saw from her side that he had extended his hand towards Nick.
“Hi, I’m Eric.”
Nick looked at him. “So this is the new one?” He asked Samara as he shook Eric’s hand.
“There isn’t a new one. Just an old one and I’m stuck here looking at him.”
Nick looked down and his eyes opened wide when he saw that she was still pregnant. “Hmm— he’s gutsy. Didn’t think ya’d stick with it.”
“Well, you don’t throw away babies Nick. Luckily for me though, you can do that with husbands.”
“You keep thinking that you’re the victim Sam. It’ll make you sleep better at night.” He told her. “I’m the ass. You’re the innocent victim.”
Samara sighed. This meeting hadn’t gone well at all. “Yeah Nick, I think I’ll always see it that way. I mean, here I thought I married for love and happiness. It was just a pretty paycheck for you.”
“It worked out nicely. If you ever get married again though, I suggest you get a prenup, unless you like it when people take all you got.”
“Why don’t we stop this little, whatever this is. Before the claws really come out and someone gets hit. And well, my money’s on Nick and that would just be funny.” He took Samara’s arm and took a step forward.
Samara looked up at Nick one last time. “I’d wish for you to go to hell, but that would just be wrong. Hell doesn’t deserve you. You need something a lot worse.”
Eric tugged on Samara’s arm and she went with him. She didn’t look back at Nick.
If she did, she would have seen Nick, envious. He realized what he had done to her. He saw what she had become now. He’s the reason for it. Nick caused Samara’s hurt and pain. And suddenly, he wished he had never mentioned a word about anything.

SubwayGirl98

08-08-05, 05:21 AM

“You okay?” Eric asked her after a couple of blocks.
Samara nodded. She hadn’t said a word, uttered a sound or moan.
“You wanna just go home? We can go baby shopping any day.”
She stopped in her tracks and looked at Eric. “What do I do when this baby asks me about their father? I can’t just come out and say, “Well your daddy didn’t want you”. I’ve gotta say something. And I don’t have a clue as to where to start.” She panicked.
“You tell that baby the same thing that my sister told her son.” He wanted to make sure she was fully listening to him before he went on. “You tell him that he’s just really special. He has both his Mommy and his Daddy in one person.”
“Kinda like what my Dad told me. Told me that he minimalized the family. He was both for us. I bought it. Didn’t buy the Mom and Dad didn’t get along thing though. I still don’t.”
“Hopefully, you’re old enough now to know what really happened.”
“I am! I know that it was me. I was the one baby too many. She picked up and left.” She stopped. “And now, my baby’s the one too many. The reason why my marriage broke.”
“It’s for the better Sam. Would you rather be with him now? And be unhappy?”
“That’s the thing though. I wasn’t unhappy with him. He was with me but I wasn’t with him.” She slightly chuckled and then realized what she had said. And then she fell, even deeper into a depression that she had ever been. She was the one who had even kept them together. She was the one who had pushed for them to work. Nick accepted their mishaps. He sighed and took it in when things never went his way.
She began to walk ahead of Eric. “I pushed. I pushed him close and I pushed him away. I never gave him the chance to just be.” She whispered to herself, as if she had a revelation on her life. “Maybe if I stop pushing, my life will finally be successful.”
“Successful? I don’t know anyone with a more successful life than you. I think you just may have done every single thing that you have ever wanted to do.”
“Yeah, I’m lucky. I get that.”
“It’s not that. It’s not that you were spoiled or anything.”
“Now I’m spoiled?”
“It’s just that your entire life was handed over to you. You wanted something, you got it. And it wasn’t because you were spoiled or Daddy’s little girl. You could act and you could sing and you made that your life. You made that what you were going to do for the rest of your life. Your talent is your success. Your life is successful.”
“My public life is what’s successful? I can sell albums and put butts in seats to watch a movie on Fridays and Saturdays. I can’t hold a relationship but the one I have with my father. There’s something drastically wrong there! My own mother didn’t want me, how the hell am I supposed to expect for a guy to want me?”
“Well, your father sure cared a hell of enough for you.”
“He got stuck with me. I think that’s it.” She joked. She knew it wasn’t true. She had three sisters and she was her father’s favorite.
“Sam, you have your success. And in a couple of months, you’ll have another one. Just enjoy it and stop complaining. Think of it this way, Nick gave you that success. That’s something to be proud of and to enjoy.”

SubwayGirl98

08-08-05, 05:22 AM

She tried her hardest to do that, enjoy her life, enjoy her successes. She did. She took a small hiatus from her soap and went back to work of her album. She had never been this excited. She was positive about it. Not once in her entire life had she ever been this anxious for anything she’s ever done. Her record label pushed for the release of the album to be as soon as possible.
Samara fought them. She refused to do any promotion for anything now. Yet the label pushed on about doing a photo shoot for the album. And in all her pregnant glory, she spent two days doing spreads for the new album. All she wanted to be though, was herself. She wanted to simply be a pregnant woman for once. She wanted to give birth and be a mother without having to rush back to work anytime soon. She couldn’t. She fought so hard and she simply couldn’t.
As she went back into the studio one last time at her label’s request, she felt an odd pain in her stomach. And as her day progressed, the pain remained right in the pit of her stomach. Although by the time she told Casey, it was too late.
Samara had been carrying the baby for seven months, and suddenly she wasn’t carrying anything at all.
Once she had arrived at the hospital, her doctor did an ultrasound, only to prove that there was no longer a heartbeat. Her baby had died inside of her. And one of Samara’s greatest successes was taken from her.
Her father watched from outside, peaking his head in every so often. First Nick and now the baby, a baby boy. It seemed as how fast her life became a success, it was stripped from her. Samara gained her fame and her happiness and it was all slipping away. Her life, her joy and excitement were being taking away from her little by little. And with each rip, Samara’s heart and soul diminished.
As she lay in her bed, her mind wondered. How was she to come back after this? How was she supposed to wake up each day knowing that her little baby boy couldn’t and never had the chance to? How, in her mind, was she to justify what happened?
The answer was simple. She couldn’t. She had to face her future now one day at a time. She had to realize that her life wasn’t as perfect as everyone made it out to be. She was dealing with something real. There wasn’t a rumor in a tabloid and she wasn’t having a sleazy affair with anyone. She had lost a baby, her baby, her own blood. And that scar would always be with her, as one of her biggest failures.

Raevengeance

08-08-05, 06:46 AM

great adds, Kimmie :)

but so sad :(

Kristen07

08-08-05, 10:22 PM

That was really sad :(

jnd98forever

08-10-05, 10:35 PM

:Cry: great add!!!!

SubwayGirl98

08-24-06, 09:54 PM

Samara locked herself in her apartment for over a month. She never left and never let anyone in, with the exception of Casey, whom she would occasionally send out to get groceries. She had chosen to stay by herself for as long as she could. She couldn't face the pressure from her father to keep going on and she couldn't face anyone else as to how she felt that they would see her as a failure. She couldn't deal with anything anymore. She made anyone that knew promise that it would all be a secret. She couldn't come out and publicly announce her failure.
Had her pregnancy continued, Samara would have been only two weeks away from giving birth. And each time she thought of it, she broke down.
Samara stared at her TV, her remote control in one hand, an Oreo in another. She barely broke away from her reruns of Melrose Place and looked at her door after hearing her doorbell ring.
Samara hadn't been expecting anyone yet still stood up to open the door. She slowly walked over, pushing her hair back with her left hand as it continuously fell in front of her face. She unlocked the top lock, then the bottom lock and then turned her doorknob, pulling the door toward her ever so gently.
"Sam—" He stopped and cut himself off.
"What are you doing here Nick?" She asked as she tried to close the door.
Nick stopped her, putting his foot to jam the door at the floor. "I just wanted to know how you were doing."
"I'm fine and well it's none of your business." She kept trying to close the door on him but was unsuccessful each time.
"Yeah, well it kinda is."
Samara stopped and just glared at him. "How so?"
"I guess I just wanted to see what you were up to. How everything was. That sort of thing."
For a moment, Samara was believing him. He's actually sincere—I think. She exhaled and opened up the door even more. "Come in."
Nick walked in and looked around. It looked the same and yet it looked completely different. He saw the mess on the couch, cookie crumbs on the floor and saw the shades completely closed. "You know, your father called me."
"He did? What for?"
"He thought I should probably hear it from someone I actually knew as opposed to someone on the street or better yet as I paid for groceries at the checkout line."
"I guess I'll just have to thank him later on." She said with a slight bit of hatred as she closed the door.
Nick studied her. She wasn't herself and he knew it. But at the same time, he couldn't blame her. How was she to be herself? How was she to come back from such a tragic loss? "You look like you haven't taken a shower in days." He finally blurted out.
"If you came here to insult me get the hell out of my house!" She demanded. "You don't know what I've been through and frankly I don't even think you give a ****."
"That was my baby!" He yelled back.
"That you never wanted!" She cried. "You never wanted him! You don't have a damn right to say anything! You actually left me. You lied to me all that time and I'm suddenly supposed to have some sort of compassion towards you? I'm supposed to be thinking about your damn feelings too? Because you know what? I can't. I don't care about how you're feeling. At the end of the day, all I know is that I'm not going to be bringing home a little boy from the hospital in two weeks because I can't. Because I lost him." She stopped. She simply couldn't continue any longer.
Nick hung his head low. "Because I lost you." He muttered under his breath as he stared at the floor beneath him.
"You didn't lose me Nick. I lost you when I found out that you lied to me."
"I didn't lie to you!" He screamed at her as his voice crack.
"You never saw us together. You didn't see us as married and actually happy with one another. I was living a completely lie the entire time and you just came along for the ride of your life."
"Why do you always make it seem like I never actually loved you? That I never actually cared for you?"
"Because you didn't! God, how stupid can you actually be?"
"No Sam—how stupid can you be?"

SubwayGirl98

08-24-06, 10:09 PM

“Don’t you dare go and turn this back on me! You told me that you didn’t see us there. That you didn’t want children!”
“I didn’t but it happened and guess what? I was happy and I was actually in love as hard as that may be to see that.”
“Well—” She stopped. She cut herself off and walked away towards the stairs.
“Well what? What do you have to say now?”
She looked up towards her bedroom and bit her bottom lip. “Get out. Get as far away from here as you could possibly go.”
“No. That ain’t gonna work this time.” He took one step towards her and stopped.
“You can’t get rid of me again. I left the first time. I chickened out. I didn’t want a baby and I regret ever saying that to you because once it was over all I wanted was to raise that baby. I messed up and I know it. I can’t go back and I’m sorry.”
Samara kept on looking up the stairs. Slowly tears were falling down her face and she sniffled.
“I kept getting angry and angry but nothing was getting solved. So I gave in with the divorce.”
“Yeah? Well I nearly died with it.” She told him as she began to walk up the stairs.
As he saw her walking away from him, he couldn’t think of anything else to say. He turned his back on her and walked to the door. He unlocked it and opened it. “I’m sorry I even came over.
Samara nodded, not sure of what to say. She kept on nodding, not sure of when her tears would stop. And she kept on crying with each step she heard him take.
Nick walked out, placing his hand on the knob, he took once last look. All he wanted was to talk to her, alone. And now that he finally had that, he realized that it only hurt her more. “I’m sorry I even came by.” He said before closing the door after him. “I’ll never bother you again.” And on that note, Nick walked to the elevator and out of Samara’s life.

Leslie

08-24-06, 10:09 PM

Great adds! :D

SubwayGirl98

08-24-06, 10:11 PM

And yet somehow that was everything that Samara needed. She finally got off her butt and took a shower. She opened her curtains and for the first time in a long time, light was shining through her windows. The cookies went away and the crumbs were vacuumed. The bed was made and her hair was done. For the first time this year, she finally had what she had been looking for, closure.
Her album was beginning to lose its grip on the charts and she had nothing else to do. Not one movie, nor one song to sing. She was free of any and all commitments. Her last album had fulfilled her contract and as everyone begged her to sign on for more, she refused. When she was young, she sang about teenage lust. When she was married, she sang about the happiness and bliss of her loving marriage. And now that she was alone, she couldn’t dare sing about her hurt and pain. A part of her didn’t even know what to do.
Sadly, with each passing day, she longed for someone. She wanted that someone to complete her. For so long she was used to having that someone there. She always had her father, then Robert, then Nick but once Nick left, he left a void in her heart. But he left her with an amazing journey, a son, which was ripped away from her too soon. And now she was left with nothing.
She found herself dialing a familiar number. With each ring she heard, she lost the hope that she had not only ten minutes ago. Over ten rings later, she hung up, disappointed.
“Hello?” He asked. “Hello?” And as he heard nothing on the other line, he hung up as well. He scrolled down on his Caller ID to find out just who it was. And just when he was losing hope like Samara. He dialed her number and just wished she was still there.
Samara ran over from her bathroom and answered the phone before checking for who it was. “Hello?” She asked cheerfully.
He smiled hearing her voice. “Hi stranger.”
Samara’s cheer began to leave her. She knew she called him but didn’t think he’d call back. “Hi.”
“So, what’s up?”
“Umm… not much. You?” She began to sound distant. She wanted to get off.
“You okay?”
Samara nodded until she realized that he couldn’t see her. “Yeah. I’m fine.”
“Then what’s up? He was beaming. She was still on the phone with him. He couldn’t believe it, even though she had called him first.
“Not much really” She stopped herself before saying what she had really wanted to. I just wanted to hear your voice. That’s all.
“I’m really happy you called.” He started. “I missed you.”
With those three little words, her heart broke. “You do?” She tried so hard to not cry but that was even harder to do than crying.
His words hurt her. She had no idea what he was always thinking. And when she finally found them out that night, she was hurt and disappointed in herself for not giving him a chance to explain himself before.
“I think, me too.”
There was a smile upon his face. He could hear her tears. He could feel the pain in her voice. He knew that the moment that they hung up, she break out in hysterics. He wanted, more than ever, to see her at that moment.
“Where are you?”
“Home.”
“Where?”
“That’s right. You’ve never been here.”
“I know I haven’t.” She paused. “Can we work this out? Please?” She gasped after she finished.
Nick let out a soft chuckle. “I was beginning to believe in the finality of it all.”
“Beginning? So you don’t completely believe in it?” She asked with a ray of hope in her voice.
“Not now.”
“Can I see you?” She begged. She never begged this way. And yet, she had lost all control of herself and through herself into him. She threw herself at him. “Please?” She cried.
“You don’t have to ask me twice Sam.”
“I’ll go to you. Just tell me where.”
“How about we go out? We never did that.”
Her tears now landed on the top of lips as she smiled. “Out? You’d do that for me?”
“If that’s what it takes.” He stopped himself before that continued to come wrong. “I mean, you can’t stay inside all the time.”
“I’ll stay in.” She told him. “I really will. I promise.”
“I wanna go out. We can stay in some other time.” He walked over to his closet and picked out the one pair of jeans that weren’t covered in dry paint or holes and threw them on. “How about I pick you up in an hour?” He asked.
“How about thirty minutes?” She bit on her bottom lip. She didn’t want to come across as needy and yet she knew she was. She was finally okay with it.
His lips formed a smile and his heart was beating fast. “How about fifteen?”
“Sadly anywhere in L.A. takes twenty minutes.” She pouted.
“Yeah, I’ll be there in twenty.”
Samara hung up with a huge smile on her face. Her spirits lifted and as she walked back into her bedroom, she prayed that this time there was no turning back.

a7xnsl98d

09-06-06, 12:52 PM

Whew! Finally caught up! Great job! :Big Grin:

SubwayGirl98

10-16-06, 01:45 PM

Samara looked into her mirror one last time before she walked down her stairs. Halfway down, she realized that she had forgotten perfume and ran back upstairs just as she heard her doorbell ring. She splashed some perfume on and ran down her stairs, checking one last time to see that her hair was in place.
“Hi!” Samara seemed slightly too eager when she opened her door.
Nick laughed under his breath. “Hi Sam.” He took her in. “It’s quite remarkable.”
“What is?” She asked him as he walked inside.
“Twenty five minutes and you’re ready?” He paused. “It’s just not normal. That’s all.”
“Ah well, I guess miracles do happen after all.” She said as she reached over for her bag and knocked off the lights. She walked out, turned back and looked at him. “Coming with?”
As he followed her out, he looked down on her and simply grinned. But as soon as they left, so did the grin he once wore. He thought for so long of them getting back together and yet now it didn’t seem as appealing. It wasn’t how they broke up or why they did, it was much deeper. He wondered suddenly if he could go back to what they had. And as he second thought himself—
“What are you thinking?” She looked up at him as they walked out of her building.
“Oh nothing.” He shrugged it off.
“You’re thinking about something. That I know.” She told him as she slightly grazed her hand with his.
As he felt her, his body covered with goosebumps and he looked down to her. “I guess I can’t help but wonder—” He stopped himself. He couldn’t kill something before it ever had the chance to take off.
“But wonder? Wonder about what?”
“It’s nothing.” He finally managed to get out.
“It’s clearly something. You’re thinking about something. I wanna know what that is.” She begged nicely, as nice as she possibly could.
“It’s really nothing. I promise you.”
“The last time you thought that it was nothing, we ended up getting a divorce.” She blurted out.
He looked down at her and noticed as she quickly shut her mouth and didn’t look up at him.
“You’re still hurt about that?” He asked her.
“You don’t think it’s hard not to be? I’m touched and I’m thrilled that we’re where we’re at but I can’t help but think back every now and then. I can’t help but wonder what if.” She finally told him.
“What if?” He paused and exhaled. “I’ve been wondering what if this entire night. What if this actually works out right now but it doesn’t later on? What if we end up right where we were or even further and than we realize that it won’t work? What if our feelings can’t be controlled and we end up hurting each other?”
“Why? Do you intend on hurting me?”
“No. Sam, you know I don’t. Not anymore. But you never know. You could hurt me once or we could end up realizing that we’re both two different people and we hurt ourselves instead. It doesn’t always work out the way you want it to.”
“You’re preaching to the choir Nick. Don’t ya think?

SubwayGirl98

10-16-06, 02:14 PM

Nick always believed that he would mess up. He always thought that if he did it once, he would do it again. Because he thought that way, he tried even harder. He tried so hard to keep whatever it was that he and Samara were together. He wanted nothing more than to keep them as one.
Somewhere in Samara, she felt differently. She knew he tried. She saw him doing everything he possibly could. She felt his closeness at night. She smelled his affections in the flowers that he sent. She even sensed his commitment when he’d leave anything for her. She felt like for once in her life, Nick fully loved her. He went to events with her and he smiled for the right people.
But to Samara, it still wasn’t perfect. Something was wrong. She simply didn’t know what it was.
Samara knocked on the doorway to get Nick’s attention.
“Yep?” He looked up at her as he stayed on the floor. He held the baby wallpaper in his hands.
“Whatcha looking at?” She asked him as she leaned on the doorway.
He placed the wallpaper right back where he found it. “Oh nothing.”
“I thought he’d be like you.” She walked over to Nick. “I thought he’d like duckies.”
“He would have.” He nodded.
Samara looked behind Nick and picked up a container that had been stored in the corner. “He should have.” She stopped herself before she let the tears fall out of her eyes. She placed the container down and took off its lid. She took out the blue blanket that lay on top and placed it atop the container. She looked at what lay before her. She saw the booties that she had attempted at knitting and picked them up. She saw where she had messed up and remembered telling herself that she still had time to fix it before she gave birth. But she didn’t. She couldn’t fix it and hope her son would wear them. It simply wasn’t realistic anymore.
Nick took the booties out of her hands and placed them back into the container. He closed it up and pushed it back where it belonged. “There’s no point in going back there.”
“Maybe, every now and then I just have to.” She looked up at him with disappointment clearly visible in her eyes.
“If you keep doing so you’ll never get over the past.”
Samara kept with him. “Maybe I don’t want to quite yet. Maybe I don’t know what to do if I were to get over the past.”
“Maybe you really have to. Maybe you need to in order to continue on with your life.” He told her lastly before walking out of the room.
Samara leaned against the wall and simply fell against it. “Maybe I simply can’t get over it.” She felt the tears falling and knew deep within that it would be harder to let go of the short memory she had of her son than it was letting go of her love and marriage she once held for Nick.

SubwayGirl98

08-13-07, 09:14 PM

Samara knew that her revisited relationship with Nick couldn’t continue without her separating herself from the past, which hurt her. It was simply something in which she had to do. So one morning, she took all of memories and items in which she collected for her son and placed them away, for good. She placed them away and chose to never look back. Nick was proud of her for this. He knew how hard it was for her but knew that it had to be done. He knew that had it not, their relationship would never progress the way both of them wanted it to. And Samara was so happy when their relationship did progress. She found herself genuinely happy for a change. She decided to spend more time without working and she genuinely enjoyed her life with Nick. She worked on them, and that was the only aspect of her which was important. But every now and then she sensed something wrong with Nick but she never had the nerve to ask him what it was until now.
She looked over at him as the two watched TV and Nick caught her looking at him.
“You okay?” He asked her.
Samara nodded, but not too convincingly. “Yeah.”
Nick pulled her closer to him and held her hand. “You’re a horrible liar Sam. What’s up?”
“Are you okay?” She asked him, emphasizing the you.
“Of course I am. Why? Don’t think I am?”
Samara shrugged but nodded afterwards.
Nick knew that she knew. Afterall, no matter how much he wished he could get things past her, he couldn’t. He leaned over, picked up the remote and turned off the TV. “Maybe I’m not Sam.”
“Well what is it Nick? I’m sorry but I know when there’s something on your mind. And lately, it’s like it’s taking over. What is it? I’m serious, Nick, baby, you know you can talk to me, right?”
“I know that I can Sam but I’m just afraid to.” Nick paused. “The last time we talked—” He stopped himself.
But Samara knew where he was going with that. “We got divorced.” She finished for him.
“I’m sorry Sam but I’m just afraid.”
“But of what?!” Now Samara was simply getting annoyed. He was afraid, she knew that now, but she simply was unsure of what.
“Of losing you again!” He yelled out at her. “Of finally waking up one day and you being completely out of my life. I know what happened Sam. We were happy one minute and the next we weren’t. That’s my fault and I’m just afraid I’m going to do it again. I’m afraid that one day I’m just going to say something without thinking about it and then it’s over. And you’re going to be out of my life for good and I know what’s happened, and I know what I said to you then, but I can’t deal with that again. I just can’t Sam.”
Samara sighed and caressed the side of his face with her hand. “You can’t think about things that way. If you do, it might happen. I don’t want that to happen and nor do you. Don’t think about it. You won’t hurt me this time and I won’t hurt you. It’s going to work out. Don’t worry about it.” She said as she kissed him on the cheek and then rested her head on his shoulder. It’ll be okay. She thought. It simply had to.

SubwayGirl98

08-13-07, 09:15 PM

Just as things were going well for the two, Samara felt a pain in the pit of her stomach. She simply knew when there was something wrong and this time, there was something wrong. For a small moment in time, she thought she had it all again. She thought she had the amazing guy, the amazing house, the amazing family and the amazing career. But something had to give up on her, and yet again, she thought it would be the amazing guy.
Samara found herself in the one aisle of the drugstore she didn’t want to be seen in. She found herself staring at pregnancy test after pregnancy test. She was scared as she looked at them. She kept telling herself that she simply couldn’t be pregnant. She simply couldn’t. There was no way that she was pregnant. But then she thought. She thought of all the times when she would forget to take her pill in the morning, or when Nick would simply forget to use anything but Samara. And while she smiled thinking of the amazing times they had together, she wanted to cry as she saw each pregnancy test in front of her. She picked up five boxes, different brands, ran to pay for them and then rushed to get home.
Samara found herself on the floor over an hour later. She leaned against the bathtub and let her fingers run through the rug beneath her. She waited as she kept watch of the time. She had one more minute left. That’s all, one more minute and then she would know for sure. But just as she counted down with the clock, she heard the front door open. She looked up and fear ran throughout her body. She began tapping her foot on the floor and her eyes welled up with tears. He was early and she was running very, very late.
“Sam?” He called out for her. He saw her purse on the sofa and almost all the lights on. She had to be home. Either home or abducted by aliens. “Baby?” He called out again.
Samara stared at the tests in front of her. She stared at the colors on each test and then felt as the tears poured out of her eyes.
“Sam?” He called out one final time before seeing the bathroom light on. He walked over to the door and saw her on the floor, in shambles. “Samara, are you okay?” He bent down to her and moved her hair out of her face.
She looked up at him. Her eyes were red and her face was blotchy.
“Baby, what is it? Why are you crying?” His voice began to crack. He began to think what he had done. What did he do to get her this way? He would always blame himself first for now on.
“I’m sorry.” She barely whispered. She looked down at the five tests once more, all lined up on her right side. All with positive blue signs.

SubwayGirl98

08-13-07, 09:21 PM

Nick looked at them, then at her. He stared at them blankly, shocked.
She waited for some kind of response and saw that Nick had none. She cried harder.
As Nick heard her crying, he pulled her into him and held her tightly.
“I’m so sorry.” She kept crying. “I’m so sorry.” She knew it. Just when things were good, they went bad, yet again. She looked up at him. “You’re going to leave me now, aren’t you?” She asked him, desperation in her voice.
He looked down at her, and then back at the test, their piercing blue signs staring back at him. “Umm—” He stopped himself.
Samara only found herself crying more.
He snapped out of it and a small grinned appeared on his lips. “You really know how to get pregnant, don’t you?”
She sensed his calm tone and slowly tried to catch her breath. “Huh?”
He wiped her eyes and tried to calm her even more. “If you and I keep doing this, we’re going to have eight kids in about two years.”
“If we—wait a second, you’re not gonna leave me?” She asked him. She pulled away from his hold and stared at him.
Nick shook his head in disagreement. “I’m not going anywhere. I told you that already.”
“But I’m pregnant Nick. You don’t want this.” She pleaded as she looked back at the tests.
“No. I wasn’t ready and I freaked out. And what happened? I lost you, I lost our son and hell, I even lost myself. You make me who I am Sam, I’m not losing that anymore.”
“But Nick—”
“So what Sam, it’s soon. Sure, I’d admit that. Maybe it’s too soon. But Sam, we’ve got nine months to get ready, right?” He tried to sound optimistic. He tried to sound as positive as he could right now. He just needed Samara to turn her frown upside down.
“Nine months?” Samara asked. “You want— you really want this?”
Nick nodded and stood up from the floor, picking Samara up with him. “I’m ready and I’m not going anywhere. Plus, there’s a nursery that’s ready and there’s no baby to go in it. We get to fix that now.” He promised her.
“I’m not going anywhere.” She repeated. She looked up at him, with happy tears in her eyes. “You’re not going to go anywhere? You’re not going to say that now and leave me down the road? You’re really not gonna go anywhere? You’re really gonna stay?”
Nick let lout a soft chuckle. “I guess it’s kinda hard to believe me. But yes, I’m staying. You’re stuck with me.”
She clung to him, to each of his words. “I’ve never been so happy to be stuck with you.”
He kissed her forehead and tore himself away from her. He walked downstairs and she became nervous. She anticipated the slam of a door but heard the slam of a kitchen cabinet. She heard as he ran up the stairs and back to where she was. He picked each test up from the floor and placed them in a Ziploc bag. “We have to save each and every memory of this one.” He said before kissing her forehead again. He walked into the bedroom and opened one of her drawers. He placed the bag inside and then closed the drawer.
“Each and every memory?” She paused. “I already have the best memory I need.”
Nick reached out to her and pulled her closer to him. “I want you to promise me something.”
Samara nodded and waited for him to continue.
“Don’t wake up tomorrow and ask me if I mean what I said tonight. I mean it Sam, I’m here. I’m staying. I love you and I hate that I needed to lose you to realize that. I’m sorry for what I’ve done but I won’t do it again. I mean that. I’m really in it this time. Movie premieres, interviews, trips, touring, photo shoots—” He paused and looked down at her stomach. “Cribs, strollers, diapers, midnight feedings. I’m really here this time.”
Samara was sold. She heard everything that she ever needed to hear.

SubwayGirl98

08-14-07, 11:12 PM

When Samara woke up the next morning, she rolled over and saw Nick lying next to her. She watched him as he slept and traced the soft smile that was on his lips with her fingertip. She gently leaned over to him and kissed him softly, as she didn’t want to wake him. She then slowly tried to get out of bed and tip toed her way to the door.
“Where do you think you’re going?” She heard as she went to reach for the handle.
“Downstairs?” She offered as she turned around.
Nick rolled over and faced her. “What for?”
“I’m thirsty. Want something?” She asked him.
He looked at her and slowly went to sit up in bed. “You better not be going to make coffee… that’s not healthy for you anymore.”
And with that comment, Samara smiled. She was glad to know that she didn’t need to second guess him the following morning as he told her not to. There was no need for it. He cared, finally. “I was gonna get some orange juice, if that’s okay?”
“Come here.” He called for her. He watched as she listened and walked back towards the bed.
“What is it?”
He lifted her up and placed her down next to him in bed. “Lay down. I don’t want you doing anything. I’ll do it all. Promise.” He meant it. He made sure she was propped up on a pillow and covered her back in bed.
“Don’t spoil me Nick. I could really get used to it.” She joked with him as he walked out of the bedroom and made his way downstairs.
Nick wore a smile on his face as he made his way into the kitchen. He took out a glass and filled it with orange juice, he even dropped two ice cubes in it, as Samara liked ice in everything she drank. He then made his way back upstairs, his right hand playing with something in his pocket.
“Here, just how you like it.”
Samara smiled and took a sip. “Mmm—thank you.” She placed the glass on her nightstand and then turned back to him. As she looked at him, she saw the large smile on his face, and the fist he hand in his right hand.
“What are you up to Lachey?” She asked him as she reached for his hand. She tried to loosen it but couldn’t, his hold was too strong.
“You know Sam, you always have to have the better news than I do. No matter what I wanna tell you, you always have a way of taking my spotlight from me.”
She looked at him confused. “Huh? What I do this time?”
He placed his hand closer to hers. “Open.” Samara reached over and opened his hand. “I meant to do this all romantic and sweet and sappy, just how you’d like it but you kinda took away the joy of it last night.” He joked with her.
She looked at the ring in his palm and with her right hand covered her mouth in shock. “Nick—”
“Just for clarification purposes, I wanted to do this before I knew you were pregnant.” He whispered in her ear. “So what do you say?”
She looked at the ring, at him and then back at the ring. He had improved. There was no gold, but a platinum vintage Victorian diamond looking back at her. He had moved up on into her world. Samara had the largest smile on her face.
She nodded. “I’m gonna go with yes, if that’s okay with you.” She grinned as she moved in to kiss him.
“Good because I hoped that you would.” Nick’s expression on his face showed how happy he was, genuinely happy. He took the ring and went to place it on her finger, but he stopped himself. He remembered how unconventional everything had been with them and for once, wanted to give Samara something he knew she longed for, tradition. He got off the bed and as Samara watched him get down on one knee, she found herself with a tear falling down the side of her face. “Will you marry me Samara?” He asked her. “Will you be my wife?”
The one tear turned into multiple and Samara nodded and tried to wipe them away. “Yes.” She whispered. “Yes!”
Nick slipped the ring onto her finger and leaned in to kiss her.
As she leaned into him, she paused. “I may have stolen last night, but you stole today.” She told him before kissing him and celebrating their happiness together.

SubwayGirl98

08-15-07, 11:07 PM

Samara and Nick found themselves in the middle of LAX at 11:30pm, two hours after they were supposed to be there.
“Who’s coming in?” He kept asking her. He still had no idea what tricks Samara had under her sleeves.
“No, just some friends, I told them that I would pick them up. That’s all.” She said as she rubbed her belly but stopped, just in case. Just as she finished and looked around, she saw who she had been waiting for.
“Sam!” Nick heard the voice call out behind him and turned around.
“Drew?” Nick asked, looked down at Samara and then went over to his brother as she looked up at him with a large smile on her face. As she made her way over to Drew and the ever beaming Nick, she wondered if Nick had finally made sense of it all. “What are you doing here?”
“I received a phone call that if I didn’t come, I would be in big trouble.” Drew joked.
“So this is what you were up to?” Nick asked Samara as she looked on at the two.
She nodded but said nothing further and simply watched as the two brothers interacted with one another. “We can’t go there so they came here.” She told him.
“They?” Nick asked her in confusion.
“Oh yeah, there’s two more but I kinda lost them along the way. You know women.” Drew told his older brother.
“Lea and—”
“Mom. She actually came out here. It’s quite shocking.” Drew told his brother.
“I’m really persuasive.” Samara joked as she butted in on their conversation. She saw the two women as they came into her field of vision and smiled at them. “I bribed them both—with shopping.” She told Nick before going to meet both Cate and Lea halfway.
“Oh my God, you’re getting so big!” Lea squealed as she looked down at Samara’s growing belly.
Nick smiled, he wanted to hold Samara. She brought the one thing he missed the most about back home, she brought him his family and soon enough, she was going to bring him a family of their very own. “Four more months.” He grinned from ear to ear.
“Who would have thought that my son would be such a proud papa?” Cate commented as she stood up on her tip toes to hug her son whom she hadn’t seen in ages. “It’s about time I saw you!” She joked around with him before heading over to Samara. “Are you eating well? Is he taking good care of you?” She asked her.
“Yes Mom, don’t worry!” Nick exclaimed. “She’s perfectly fine.”
“Are you? You wouldn’t lie to me.”
Samara chuckled and nodded. “I’m eating and this little guy is perfectly fine… and healthy.”
“And sending me out for midnight runs of McDonald’s.” Nick added.
“Yeah? Well I don’t see you complaining too much when you throw in a Big Mac, now do ya?”
Nick shut up, looked at his brother, then at his sister-in-law and then back at Samara. “I never win with you.”
Samara shrugged. “Pretty much… here I thought that you’ve come to accept it though.” She laughed.
“Four more months Sam.” He told her. He moved over and whispered into her ear. “Four more months and then I’m gonna be the one kicking your booty.”
“I don’t think so. This guy’s gonna be the one kicking both our booties.” She said as she pointed down to her stomach. “He’s gonna kick our booties when he learns how to walk, I’ll tell ya that!”
Drew looked at his brother and couldn’t help but chime in. “Nick—you’ve already lost. Give it up.”
Nick glared at his younger brother.
“And if you ask me, he’s already kicking both your butts. Now that’s how you know he’s a Lachey!”

SubwayGirl98

08-15-07, 11:08 PM

The moment everyone arrived back at Nick and Samara’s, the boys went off on their own and the ladies went off to do something rather special of their own.
“We have 48 hours, is it even possible to pull this thing off?” Lea looked over at her soon to be sister and asked.
“Everything is set. I’ve got the place, the minister— I’ve been to enough weddings that I’ve connections with all this since about the day I was born.” Samara joked. “But no, seriously, I’ve got it all done. All I need is for you guys to tell me that my dress is okay and well try your dresses on. If they don’t fit, I may have to hurt the guy who fitted you for them. So they better fit.” Samara told them, half jokingly, half serious.
“Don’t worry. Plus, not like anyone’s gonna be looking at us anyways.”
“People look Lea. Trust me.”
“We’re not the celebrities here Sam… you are.” Lea whispered. “They look at you, not at what the simple folk look like.”
“Well I do. I care. My wedding.” She stated, taking full possession of the wedding. “Me. I get to do it my way this time. Not Vegas. Not the Little Chapel of Love. My way, the romantic way. The traditional way.”
“Tradition usually suggests marriage before baby.” Lea joked around with her.
“Yeah about that, I tried that. And I think we all know what happened there. So for that, that part of tradition is gonna be something that I kind of throw out the window.”
“I was just joking around with you.”
“Listen, until it’s Sunday at 6pm, I’m gonna be on edge. I’mma be honest. It may get scary.” She braced them. “But until my butt’s down that aisle and there’s that ring on my finger, I’m going to be nervous. And then, I gotta tell Nick about this. Anyone but me think that’s gonna be hard?”
“Seriously Sam, what are you waiting for?” Cate asked her. “He’s kinda gonna need to know.”
“Well that’s why we have Drew silly. Nick thinks it’s brotherly love time and the two go out for dinner but nope—it’s a bachelor party. See? I’ve got it all planned out.”
“And Nick’s just gonna end up at this bachelor party and figure it all out? That he’s getting married the next day? Really Sam.”
“You know, he’s really not that dumb. He’ll get it. Promise you. And if he fails to, Drew and I have a deal. Drew will slap him. Knock some sense into him kind of thing.”
“And the girls?” Cate asked from the back seat.
“Well the girls are gonna have the best time of their life. Or as much fun as I can have being five months pregnant!”

SubwayGirl98

08-15-07, 11:09 PM

As the next day rolled around and the girls found themselves occupied for the evening, Drew was finding it harder and harder to get Nick to see the joy in heading out for boys night out.
“Come on Nick. I don’t live in L.A. Nick. Let’s go out on the town and find ourselves some of L.A.’s finest bars and strip joints.”
Nick looked at his little brother and laughed. “Oh, because Lea would appreciate that so much.”
“So my wife and your fiancé can go out and do God knows what, but we can’t go anywhere because of them? Seems a bit much Nick.”
“Let’s remind ourselves that they’re with our mother. I guarantee you they’re at the movies seeing some PG-13 romantic comedy. Plus, what’s so wrong with us staying in for a night? Watch a game? Catch up?”
Drew sighed. It simply wasn’t gonna happen. “Okay Nick. I can’t do this anymore. I told Sam that I would but I can’t because you don’t wanna your butt off of that sofa.”
“Do what? What did you tell Sam?”
“Okay, between you and me, Sam sort of planned something big for tomorrow.”
Nick listened and stayed quiet.
“Tonight, we’re supposed to go out and have fun. Just like the girls are supposed to go out and have fun. For the last time that Samara can go out and have fun. Get me?”
Nick stared at his brother. Perhaps he was delusional.
“Okay. She thought too much of you. You’re dumb. Nick—we’re supposed to go out with other guys to a place where there are girls that dance, for the last time that you technically are allowed to have that.”
“Now why would I do that?”
“Because it’s the last time you get to do that for the rest of your life.”
“But why would I—” Nick stopped. The last time that he would get to do that? A bachelor party. It took him forever but it finally clicked. “When am I supposed to—”
“Tomorrow. 5pm. She planned absolutely everything. Not working so much, works for Sam.”
“So I’m getting married?” He asked out loud, not really directing the question at his brother. “How the hell did she manage to do everything behind my back? I don’t even let her out of my sight sometimes.”
“She skilled, you’re not. It’s quite basic actually.”
Nick smiled to himself. He picked himself up off the sofa and went upstairs to get ready. As he checked himself in the mirror, he realized how lucky he was. “And to think, I got a wedding all planned out and I didn’t even have to do a thing.” He was definitely a lucky guy.

jessandnickfan

08-16-07, 01:35 PM

I love it
please update more :D

SubwayGirl98

08-17-07, 12:37 AM

As Samara woke up to find herself at her sister’s house, she smiled as she looked towards the window. It was sunny— it was a perfect day to get married. She heard as the door to the guest room opened and smiled as she saw her niece Gracie trot into the room.
“Mama said breakfast was ready.” She said as she tried to look over the edge of the bed but couldn’t reach.
She picked her up and placed her on the bed. “Breakfast is ready? Mama made breakfast for us sweetie?” She asked her as Gracie nodded and played with her toes. “Well, why don’t we don’t down there and join everyone?” She got out of bed, picked up Gracie and the two headed downstairs together. “I was told breakfast was ready.” Samara chimed in as she saw her three sisters, Lea and Cate in the kitchen. “Big crowd.” She joked.
Holly looked over at her sister and her daughter in her arms. “Gracie, you know you can walk right?”
Gracie nodded and looked at the floor. “I don’t want to.”
“It’s okay.” Samara kissed her niece and kept holding her. “I don’t mind carrying you around.”
“But Sam—” Since finding out that Samara was pregnant, Nick had made sure to speak to everyone about her. He wanted to make sure that she was taking proper care of herself and eating properly. He didn’t want her doing anything that could hurt the baby. He didn’t want to lose another child.
“Gracie’s not gonna hurt me Holly. Calm down.”
Samara played with Gracie at the table and didn’t even pay attention to breakfast. Even though it was her day, she lost herself with her sister’s children. She played with them as she always did, but today there was more there. Her sister thought that she was nervous, although excited to get married, that this was her way of delaying getting ready for the ceremony. But while Holly suspected the worst in Samara, as she always did, Isabella saw something different in her sister. She knew how jealous Samara was of Holly. She knew that Samara was the one who was always picked to be the first to marry and have a family and she didn’t get her dream when she wanted to. But her sister got Samara’s dream. Holly, the sister who was pegged to reject marriage and children, had a loving husband for five years and two perfect children. Samara spoiled them and treated them as if they were her own children. But soon she would have her dream and her life would be perfect. And upon realizing that, she stopped playing with Gracie and went off on her own to make her dream happen.

SubwayGirl98

08-17-07, 12:37 AM

Samara waited alone inside a small room off to the side of the chapel. She heard as people came in and out of the church and simply waited. She wanted the alone time. She looked at herself in a small mirror which was hanging on the wall and liked what she saw. For once in her life, she was dolled up and remained true to herself. No fancy hair do, no overdone makeup, and no high heels. She was plain, the way Nick liked her, the way she liked herself. Her dress was long and grazed the floor. It was plain and eggshell with an empire beaded waist to minimize the fact that she was as pregnant as she was. She twirled a piece of her hair and kept playing with the engagement ring on her finger. She waited. She knew Nick would come in. She hadn’t seen him since yesterday afternoon and was sure he’d have a question or a comment, but something. And it was then that she heard a knock on the door. She walked over to it and opened it. There he was.
Nick looked at his bride and lost his breath. He didn’t dare come in until she had asked him. But she was too enamored with him to speak herself. So they remained standing, on opposite sides of the doorway, looking at one another.
Samara finally snapped out of it. She took his hand and pulled him in. “Before others see us.” She told him, even though all she knew was that she wanted the man in front of her all to herself. She looked up at him and didn’t dare touch anything but his hand. She took him in, as he did her.
“You surprised me.” He told her. He touched a curl in her hair and set it back into place. “I would have helped—”
“Shh.” She stopped him. “I think it’s much more romantic this way.”
“Not for you.”
“You’re the one who needs the romance more than I do. And I don’t want to wait any longer until we get to the most romantic part of our life. I don’t want us to have to wait to get where we belong. I don’t want to live another moment of my life without having you as my husband.”
Nick smiled as he heard her words. “And I don’t want to live another day without you as my wife.” He touched her cheek with his hand. “Almost seems like we wrote our vows.”
Samara smiled at the thought. “So how was Drew?”
“I was a little stupid.” Nick told her. “I didn’t get it.”
“Did he slap you? I told him to. I gave him permission.”
“I guess it clicked before he had the chance to.”
“You aren’t mad that I did this? Are you?”
Nick shook his head in disagreement. “I would have helped you, you know I would have. It couldn’t have been easy.”
“It wasn’t hard. I had help. You can thank your mother later on.”
Nick moved closer to her and kept his hands at her waist. “Can I kiss you?” Samara nodded and as Nick leaned in to kiss her, she kissed back, with all the love she had for him. And Nick kissed Samara, the woman in which he intended would be the only woman he would kiss for as long as he lived.

SubwayGirl98

08-17-07, 12:38 AM

The ceremony was simple. The chapel, lightly decorated. The guests, few and included immediate family and friends. There was no maid of honor or best man. She knew Nick would be relieved at the concept, for it was one that Nick never took a liking to. The ceremony didn’t take long and remained true to who they were. Nick was pleasantly surprised. He was happy and proud that she didn’t plan anything extravagant. The only people that mattered were there. Both Nick and Samara were genuinely happy and their happiness followed through their reception, which was held at her father’s home. It didn’t even seem as if it were a wedding reception but more of a family gathering. With the guests totaling twenty, it was very intimate. The entire day was a surprise from Samara to her new husband. But Nick had a surprise of his own for his new wife.
He pulled her to the side and walked with her out by the pool. “This day has been a dream come true for me Sam and I have you to thank for that.”
Samara smiled and kissed him. She rested her head on his chest and held him close.
He took her hand and led her to a bench. The two sat and Nick reached for something in his pocket. “I was going to surprise you with this but I guess I can’t imagine a better time to give this to you than now.” He pulled out a key and a picture and gave her the key first.
“What’s this to?” She asked him.
“Well, I’ve been working on something the past few months. It’ll be done by the time the baby comes, I promise. I just wanted you to have what you’ve always wanted.” He told her before handing her over the picture. “You always said that you wanted something to be done here, so I did something.”
Samara looked at the house in the picture and then at Nick. “You did this?” She asked him. “For us?”
Nick nodded. “For our family.” He told her. “That’s where I’ve been at night. I’ve been working on it. Six bedrooms, four bathrooms. Once we’re done we’ll have a pool, a hot tub. I’m kind of pimping it out.” He joked with her.
“Six?” Samara was simply baffled. “You really did this? All this?”
“I planned ahead? For the future?” He told her insinuating for a large family. “Now we can finally have the home we’ve always wanted.”
“It’s ready for the family we’ve wanted.
“I promise you Sam, it’s going to be done by the time the baby comes. We’ll be in it before the baby comes.”
She kissed him gently and stayed close to him. “Honey, don’t rush it. Don’t worry. It doesn’t matter to me if we can’t move in once the baby’s born. It’s okay. We’re together, I have all I need now.” And on that note, Samara found her dream. She finally attained her sister’s reality and found her happily ever after. She now had the husband, baby on the way, house in the making and her fairy tale was just beginning.

SubwayGirl98

08-18-07, 12:56 AM

After the wedding, the two went away to Northern California, as a sort of honeymoon. They promised each other that at the first opportunity they had, they would take a real honeymoon. Now that Samara had known, Nick spent almost all of his time at their new house working on it. He meant it when he promised her that it would be ready by the time the baby came. Samara just wished that he didn’t worry about finishing it so much.
She just wanted him home, but with him working, it gave Samara the chance to finish her last project. She had begun working on an album before even finding out that she was pregnant and five months later, the album still wasn’t completed. Although she was working on the album without a record label to release it on, she knew it still had to be completed. She also knew that once the album was done, her old label would be back at feet hoping to sign her into a new contract. She had nothing to worry about. As long as her albums continued to sell, she would always have work to complete. So with Nick busy, Samara went back into the studio to finish up the album. It had no title, it was choppy and chaotic and Samara loved it. As time continued, she found herself with 25 songs and nowhere else to go with them. She was proud of herself. Eventually she gave in and signed a new contract with her old label for three more albums. The contract was for thirty-five million and professionally, Samara was on top of the world. But now she knew there was no hiding what she so desperately wanted to keep private.
Now eight months pregnant, Samara was thrown into the spotlight yet again. Her multi-million dollar contract was more than enough for everyone to be interested in her again. She would be followed going to the simplest of places, but that was her life and she accepted it. Photographs of Samara were on every tabloid magazine in the country, of her and her baby bump.
She had to address the entire situation, her label wanted her to and so did she. She always promised to reschedule the sit-down interview with Diane Sawyer that she had to cancel before and now it was time. She gave it all up, her new career path and contract, her pregnancy, her marriage, which, oddly enough, she was okay with discussing. She discussed everything, from the intimate details of her childhood where she had no mother to the rough details of why she and Nick divorced almost two years ago. She never discussed things like this. She never wanted to give that part of her out and now she wanted to. A part of her thanked Nick for her new found confidence in herself and her new life. She had no problem now letting people know that she was happy, happy in a way that she had never been in life.
Her happiness spread far and both she and Nick were asked to be featured in the annual In Style weddings issue. They had wanted Samara to pose for the cover but considering that she still was pregnant, she declined but together, both she and Nick agreed to be featured for next year’s issue. She was proud of Nick. He had agreed to be public for Samara about something so intimate to them. They finally found their middle ground and things were just near perfect.

SubwayGirl98

08-18-07, 12:56 AM

Nick was right. He had completed their new house before the baby was born and she was happy. When Nick finally took Samara to their new house, she was utterly speechless. It was beautiful and perfect in her eyes. It was large, as Nick had perfectly described it to her. But her biggest joy was when Nick had taken her to the one room that he had purposely kept a secret. Nick took her to the baby’s nursery which was conveniently adjoined to the master bedroom. And there it was, in all of its yellow and green glory, a baby nursery. It was just like the one she had envisioned for their first child. There were ducks and bears. A crib that Nick had built, which he had been working on for months now. And in the corner, a rocking chair, but not just any rocking chair. It was the rocking chair in which Samara’s father had rocked her to sleep when she was a baby. He had kept it all of these years for a moment like this. He and Nick had arranged for this for some time. Once Samara saw it and recognized it, it brought her to tears. She was moved by the entire house. Nick was thoughtful. He kept all of Samara’s likes and dislikes in mind as he did his. In addition to the six bedrooms, four bathrooms, living room, den, kitchen, and dining room; Nick added a theatre room and a game room. She knew they were both for him but she found herself laughing at his selfishness and even found herself slightly excited by the idea of a theatre within her home. He created the basement with only one idea in mind, a space for their children. He created a plain area which the two would work on together once they needed to for their children, an indoor playpen, in a sense.
Samara immediately placed their condo in Malibu on the market and both she and Nick moved into their new home. It was bare and she loved it. It needed to be decorated and she could do that, with the help of experts, of course. But as she moved into her last month of pregnancy, Samara couldn’t do anything. She was placed under strict bed rest and was barely allowed to leave the bed. Nick did everything for her. Her label’s intentions on working out the finishing touches on her new album were pushed back until after she gave birth. As executive producer on her album, she was unable to work on it. She couldn’t give up her rights to her album and still have it completed without her so they halted production. All parties involved came to the agreement that one month after she would give birth, she would go back to work to finish the album. They even planned for the album’s release. None of this made Nick happy. He wanted her to be home after the baby was born. But she promised him that no matter what she was doing professionally, she would be home. She wouldn’t be tied up the way she was before. She wouldn’t be so work oriented. It hurt her marriage before and she wouldn’t let it happen again.
Her bed rest wouldn’t last for long though. Only one week into her sentence, as she saw it, she felt pains in her stomach and knew what was happening.
“Nick!” She screamed out as she tried to get off the bed. She reached over and held herself up by leaning on the nightstand. She heard as he stomped up the stairs and ran into the bedroom.
“What is it?” He asked her as he watched as she walked over to him.
“It’s time.” She told him.
“But—your water hasn’t even broke yet.”
“It will but I don’t want to wait until it’s too late.” She knew that something bad could happen and she refused to let that happen.
He took her hands in his and kissed her gently. “We’ll be there before you know it.”
She smiled. “It’s finally time to meet our little baby.”
Nick nodded, a smile on his face which went from ear to ear, and went to help her down the stairs and into the car. As he went back in to lock up, he grabbed her overnight bag, which they had kept in a closet in the front hallway and together they went off to meet their newest blessing.

SubwayGirl98

08-19-07, 12:58 AM

As she looked at her new daughter, Samara knew just how lucky she was. In that moment, she was surrounded by people who loved her unconditionally. She now had a new little baby which would be depending on her for everything, and Samara couldn’t have been happier. She looked to her left and saw her husband who was beaming and proud of Samara. And on her right, she saw her father, whom she finally was able to call a grandfather now, of her very own baby girl. Samara was on cloud nine, a cloud in which she remained on for days.
At night, before placing her daughter down, she would look down at her daughter and kiss her tiny hands and then rub her tiny toes. She would kiss her forehead and then place her down. Samara was already exhausted but it never mattered, she was finally a mother. Her life was complete.
“My little Ashby.” She smiled down at her. “Mommy’s just a cry away. Okay? I’m right here for you and I’m never leaving you. I promise.”
Nick heard her from their bedroom and smiled as he walked out of their bathroom. “You know, she can’t quite grasp what you’re telling her. As far as she knows, you’re just the nice lady that feeds her.” He joked around with her.
“Nick—she’s young but she isn’t stupid. She’s a baby but she knows I love her. She knows you love her too.” She watched as her daughter closed her eyes and she pulled the small blanket over her. She walked into their bedroom and over to their bed. She felt Nick’s hands as they went to touch her waist but she pulled away. “You touch my waist and bad things happen.” She told him.
“Since when are they bad?” He asked her as he moved closer to her and kissed her shoulder.
“Baby, I can’t do three pregnancies in two—not even three years. I can’t. I don’t think I’m physically ready for that. Nor is any woman. Not to mention that I feel as sexy as about a football right now.”
“Well, considering that I quite like my football—”
“Nick, stop it.” She told him as she turned around and kissed him quickly before pulling the covers over herself.
He looked down at her and brushed her bangs out of her face. “I get it Sam. Don’t think that I don’t. But I don’t want you to feel that way forever. Okay?” He leaned in and kissed her, properly. “I know it’s fast. I knew it all along but I just don’t want you to forget that I’m here. I know it’s been hard.” Since Ashby’s birth, Samara felt undesirable. She felt as if she lost any beauty or sex appeal that she ever had. She wore sweatpants and loose, ill fitting clothing to masquerade the fact that she didn’t have a perfect body anymore. With each time that Nick went in for any sort of affection from his wife, he felt as if she were pushing him away, and she was. In the two months since Ashby’s arrival, she threw her time into their daughter and not into taking care of her husband. But he understood, he knew what she had been feeling and knew she needed time but as time passed on, he just wondered how much more time would she need. He just hoped that this was something she would be able to grow out of fast. He needed his wife, in every aspect possible.

SubwayGirl98

08-19-07, 12:59 AM

And that’s when Samara received the good news. Her album was completed and she received her first full list of things to do. She was excited. She was occupied but most of all, she had the push she needed. She had one month until her first appearance to promote her new album and she saw it as one month to lose the baby weight. She was a new mommy on a mission.
Samara kept Ashby at her side as she would work out with her trainer in the morning. Five hours each day, with very little breaks for her to take care of her baby. But it was what Samara needed and she loved it. She lost thirty pounds in thirty days and she felt amazing. She was even skinnier than before her first pregnancy. She felt on top of the world. And on the night before her first appearance, she made up for lost time with her husband. Nick was quite grateful.
In the weeks before her album was released, she promoted. In the week in which it was released, she was barely home running from radio station, to talk show, to live performance. But in the week which followed, Samara was flying higher than high. Her last album was immediately number one on the charts; this album debuted at number one and sold more than the last. Her label panicked and, in fear that it would fall off the top spot, managed to book more appearances for her. Against her will, she had to do it. And for the first time, she had to leave Ashby’s side and be Samara Bolton, superstar, and not Samara Lachey, mother. She hated it. Her heart broke when she spoke to Nick on the phone and heard Ashby crying in the background. She left her daughter. She promised she wouldn’t and she left her.
But after a few appearances and late night talks with Nick, she simply couldn’t do it anymore. She pulled out of every appearance she had booked and went home. Samara gave up. And before she knew it, both she and her label came to an agreement. Her next two albums, were postponed indefinitely. She didn’t want to pull out of the contract but she couldn’t be who she promised to be, not now. Her album continued to sell and it did well on its own, without promotion. She hated the fact that she couldn’t back her album the way in which she wanted to but she knew that her family was more important. And so Samara became a family woman. She took her daughter everywhere she went. She found no need to hire a nanny. This was her daughter, she needed to do it on her own. She wasn’t going to become her own mother. She wasn’t going to leave her daughter without a mother. She wasn’t going to abandon her daughter and leave her with her father. She wasn’t planning on repeating history any time soon.
Nick found Samara deep in thought one day as she was rocking Ashby in her rocking chair and as he walked closer to her, he noticed the tears in her eyes.
“Sam?” He asked her.
She didn’t move, she didn’t look up. She remained the same.
“Sam?” He asked her again. “Baby, you okay?” Even though that it was obvious that she wasn’t.
“I was turning into my mother. I don’t even know her and I was turning into her.” She finally blinked and looked up at her husband. “How can you turn into someone you never knew? How can you turn into someone who doesn’t love you? Who never loved you? How can you be them?” She asked him as her tears ran down her cheeks.
Nick walked to her and picked up Ashby and placed her in her crib. He bent down to Samara’s level and took her hands in his. “But you realized that you were doing something wrong and you fixed it. See, you aren’t your mother.” And although he never met her mother, he always swore to himself that had he ever met her, he wouldn’t be able to look at her without asking her why she did what she did to his wife. Why would she be there for her sisters and simply give up on her? Sooner than expected, Nick would have that chance and Samara would be scarred for life.

SubwayGirl98

08-19-07, 09:06 PM

Samara sat down on the grass outside as she watched as her daughter crawled around. She kept trying to stand up but with each attempt she fell back down on her butt. Ashby tried crawling over to her mother but just as she was about to reach her Nick picked up his little girl and hugged her tightly. She giggled as her father tickled her and laughed when he played with her feet. Samara looked up at the two and smiled. “She’s the spitting image of you.” She told him truthfully. There was no denying it, Ashby looked exactly like her father, especially when he was a baby himself. She had his chubby cheeks and wide smile. Her eyes were as blue as the sky, just like her father. The only thing that she seemed to have of her mother was her dark hair. But as she watched as her husband and daughter interacted, she was sent back into reality when she heard the phone ring. She got up from the grass, ran inside and picked up the phone. She said hello but didn’t hear anything on the other line. “Hello?” She repeated.
“Sam—” She paused. “Sam, I think you better get over here.”
She listened to her sister and began to worry. “What’s going on Holly?”
“Just trust me. Samara, I think something really bad is about to happen. I really think you need to get over here. Just—please Sam.”
Samara nodded and went upstairs to get her purse and her car keys, which she always seemed to leave in her bedroom. “Holly, just tell me what’s going on. You’re going to get me nervous and I’m just going to get scared. So just tell me what the hell is going on.”
“Damn it Samara, I don’t even know what’s going on. All I know is that our father called us. He told me to call you guys and tell you to go over. That’s all I know. But Sam—I never heard him like that. He was scared, I think. He seemed frightened.”
“Frightened. Frightened over what? What could have possibly made him that way?”
“I don’t know Sam but—just go by. I’ll see you there. You’re closest; you’ll beat us there anyway.”
“Is Dad alone now? Are Isa or Taryn there yet?” She asked her sister as she made her way back downstairs. She went to walk back in the kitchen and out back to Nick.
“He’s not alone but he really needs us there. Listen, I gotta put Gracie in her car seat. I’ll see you there.” The Holly hung up.
She walked back outside and looked at her husband as he swung his little girl in the air. “Nick—” She tried to call for him but her voice cracked.
“Samara, who was that?” He asked her. Then he saw her. She looked pale as a ghost. “Honey, what happened?”
“Listen we gotta go. I gotta go. I—I have to go.”
“Where? What? What happened?”
She stammered. “I don’t know but something’s going on with Dad and I need to get over there. Holly called me and she was in such a panic. I—”
Nick walked towards her and inside. He took the keys out of her hands and made his way to the garage. He quickly placed Ashby in her car seat and then started the car.
Samara then made her way and followed him. She looked at him and wanted to be thankful but only worried. She didn’t know what was going on but she was petrified.

SubwayGirl98

08-19-07, 09:07 PM

When they pulled up to her father’s house, she noticed only one other car in the driveway, her sister Isabella’s. She barely waited until Nick put the car in park before running out and up to the front door. She pushed it open and walked inside. She left the door wide open and heard voices from the back of the house. She heard her sister yelling and ran towards the back. “Dad!” She called out. As she ran into the kitchen, she stopped immediately as she reached it. She looked at the faces staring back at her, all of them she knew but one. She tried to catch her breath from running and stared at the unfamiliar face.
“Samara—” Her father began but stopped when he realized that he had nothing to say.
Samara stared at the woman in front of her confused. She knew who she was, well she thought she did. And just as Samara was happy in life, she was confused and hurt, immediately hurt. “What’s going on here?” It was all she seemed to be able to muster.
Isabella looked at her sister and Samara saw the tears in her eyes. She saw as she tried to wipe them away. And with those tears, she was certain who the woman in front of her was. Her mother.
Samara tried to stay strong, for her father. It was what she always tried to do. Her mother hurt him and she tried to stay strong for him. “What are you doing here?”
“You don’t get to call me that. It’s Samara to you.” She corrected her. “What are you doing here?” She repeated herself.
“I just came back.”
“Thirty-one years later? You just come back?” She asked her. “I’m thirty-one years old. You don’t just come back after that long. What do you want?” Samara was cutting to the chase.
“Don’t speak that way to me!” Maureen yelled at her.
“You don’t get to talk to me that way. You don’t get to yell at me. As far as I’m concerned right now, you’re just ruining what would have been a peaceful Saturday. So before you yell at me, tell me what it is that you want here. Because as far as I’m concerned you have absolutely no right being here. You haven’t had any right being here for over thirty-one years. So I’d love to know what the hell you’re doing here.”
Maureen took her words. “I can’t believe you would speak to me that way. After everything—”
“Yeah well everything is the reason why I would speak to you this way. See, Holly, Isabella and Taryn, they know you. I don’t. I don’t know the face I’m looking at. The face I’m looking at didn’t want me so why should I be nice to someone who never wanted me? See my father, the person who stayed, raised me better than that.” She told her before walking over to her father. She stood by him, as she did for the past thirty-one years. Just then she heard as the front door closed. She even heard as her daughter cooed in her father’s arms. She heard Nick’s footsteps come closer and closer to the kitchen but she wouldn’t leave her father’s side. She was there for him and he knew it.
“Samara, it’s okay. You don’t always have to be so—”
“Dad, it’s okay.” She showed him compassion but she wouldn’t to her mother.
“Samara, I want to talk to you.” Maureen told her.
“About what? Want to know about the daughter you left? Because that daughter doesn’t want to know you or about you for that matter.”
“Samara!” Michael yelled. “Give her a break.”
“She’s had a long break, don’t you think?” Samara sneered.
He looked down at his daughter and she knew. He meant it. “Give her a break.”
Samara sighed and watched as her daughter reached out for her mother. She walked over to her and took her in her arms. She kissed her forehead and held her tight. “Fine. What is it?”
Just as Maureen had the opportunity to tell her, she couldn’t.
Isabella watched as her mother stuttered in telling her. She couldn’t help but intervene. “Sam, what Mom’s trying to say is that—” Maybe she couldn’t say it either.
She wished it didn’t have to come out this way. She wished for years that it didn’t have to come out this way. But she had to give into her battle and beg forgiveness before she could beg for her life. She wanted to just come out and say it. But she couldn’t. She looked at her daughter and just wanted to tell her. It was so easy for her to tell her other daughters and she had abandoned them as well but with Samara it was different. Although Samara was her daughter, she didn’t know her. She didn’t know the person standing in front of her. She left when Samara was barely a month old. She saw her other daughters grow up, somewhat. She saw them as they took their first steps and walked their way into school on their first day. But this person in front of her, was a stranger. The most she knew about her was that she was a celebrity. She was unattainable. She was a person that others looked up to. She was a person that followed the life of her father. But that was all she knew. She knew the same as the rest of America. She knew what was published in magazines about her. She knew of her music and her movies. But she didn’t know that when she was a baby, she had an allergic reaction to formula and couldn’t have any. She didn’t know that when she was five, she was playing on set and fell and still had the scar on her chin. She didn’t know why she became so close to her father. She didn’t know who the little girl was in Samara’s arms although she could make a guess. She didn’t know why her hair wasn’t pin straight like the rest of her sisters. But one thing was for sure, by knowing all of this, she knew why Samara couldn’t stand to look at her right now.

SubwayGirl98

08-19-07, 09:08 PM

Everyone watched as Maureen turned around and went outside. Samara remained quiet. She held her daughter and didn’t say a word.
“Sam, why’d you have to be that way with her?” Isabella asked her sister.
“I’m sorry Isa but I don’t know her. I don’t know why she’s here. As far as I’m concerned, she doesn’t belong here.”
Michael looked at his daughter. “Sweetie, I know this isn’t normal. I know it isn’t easy or anything but—she needs you right now.”
“She needs me? Well where was she when I was thirteen and I needed a mother? Where was she to take me shopping or play dress up with me? I needed a mother. All the little girls had mothers. They had her for years and I never did. I can’t remember her holding me. They do. They have memories of her with them. They know that she took them to school. She took them to the mall. She took them out to eat. She took them to the park when you couldn’t! I didn’t get that. I had your assistant take me school. I had my manager take me to the mall. I had to have my TV mother tell me about boys and sex. I didn’t have a mother then and I don’t have one now. I’m sorry if it sounds mean but that woman isn’t my mother. I don’t have one Dad. I have a father in which I am so thankful for but that is all I have.”
Maureen heard her from outside and knew that Samara meant all of it. She looked over at Isabella who had gone after her. Isabella reached over and took her mother’s hand. After everything, she knew that she was still her mother.
Michael walked to his daughter and took Ashby out of her hands. “Go outside Sam. Just talk to her. Please. For me?”’
“Don’t think I’ll be civil to her.” She retorted.
He sighed. This was going to be tougher than anything. “Sam—she’s got leukemia.”
And with this news, Samara gasped and tried to feel some sort of emotion, but couldn’t. “Well where do I fit in with this?”
“She needs a stem cell donor and—” He paused. “We’ve known for a while. You’re the last to know. Honestly, we didn’t want to tell you. No one did. I didn’t, most of all. Because I knew you’d act like this and you’d have every right to. But she needs a donor Sam, and no one else matches.”
“So—everyone’s been tested?” She asked him. “Even Taryn?” She asked him, knowing that Taryn resented their mother for leaving, especially for leaving Samara so young.
He nodded. “Even Taryn. Her family. No one matches.”
“Then why would I?”
“We won’t know until we find out.”
“I can’t do this Dad. I can’t believe you would ask me to. After all these years, she comes back for this?”
And that’s when Michael knew. Everything would have to be told. Everything. Since Samara was a baby. Her entire life would have to be told to her.

SubwayGirl98

08-20-07, 11:40 PM

Nick took Ashby back and went into the living room to occupy himself until the others came. Like Samara, Nick was simply confused. For as long as he knew, Samara had a deadbeat mother. She had a mother who no longer wanted to be part of the family in which she helped create. Nick knew as much as Samara did, and she was in the family a lot longer than he was.
Meanwhile in the kitchen, Samara watched as her father paced the floor. He didn’t know how he would begin his story.
“Sam, remember when you were younger and your sisters always has stories about their time with their mother?” Samara nodded. “Well it wasn’t that she left us because she didn’t want you anymore. After she had you, your mother went a little—” There was no right way to say this. “Insane. I guess.”
“Insane?” Samara found it harder and harder to believe her father right about now. “My mother was in a mental asylum and you found it easier to tell me that my mother just didn’t want me?” She asked him.
“But see that was the thing. That wasn’t how it was then. When your mother left, all I knew was that she thought she had one child too many. She thought that she couldn’t be a mother to four girls. That’s what I was told. That’s what your sisters were told. So we divorced, as we all knew it to be best for all of us. It wouldn’t confuse you guys more than you already were confused. But it wasn’t for a couple of years that we knew what really happened. We found out that as time was passing, your mother was getting sicker and sicker mentally and there wasn’t a way to cure it. I couldn’t tell you kids. I couldn’t. I couldn’t hurt you more than you already were hurt. You, especially, already hated her for leaving, I couldn’t change that. I couldn’t confuse you more. So I kept it to myself. That was my plan. I kept to myself. But then she became worse. She ended up in an institution and they thought she wouldn’t make it so I told your sisters.”
“Because they had an actual life with her and I didn’t?” She asked her father.
He nodded. “I figured that somehow you’d make it so dramatic for yourself and end up being hurt even more than you were your entire life. I’m sorry.”
“So they’ve known? How long?”
That’s what he didn’t want to say. “Ten years and I know it’s long.” He tried to finish before she had to chance to jump in and ruin it. “I know it was wrong of us but Sam, I knew you wouldn’t understand. I was trying to protect you. I was.” He paused. “And then you developed into this amazing person in what seemed like overnight. And somehow it was like that wasn’t even important to you anymore. You didn’t need her. You know you didn’t then that it wasn’t important to tell you. It isn’t as if they had a relationship with her or anything. Please don’t think that they do and we kept you from one of your own because that isn’t it. They just knew why she left. That’s it. They never saw her or anything. I promise you.”
Samara buried her face in her hands and wondered. “You didn’t think that if I knew, maybe I’d forgive her? For not only what she did to me but to you. Do you have any idea how long I’ve hated that woman out there? Do you have any idea how much I thought she hated me, so much to leave me? You have no idea Dad. God, I was so scared that I was turning into her. That me, me of all people, that I was turning into her. That I would leave my own family because I wouldn’t want them anymore. Who thinks that? Who gets so scared that the past will repeat itself through them that they quit their job because that’s what I did!” She told him as her tears were too much for her and she let them free.
And that’s when he knew. By keeping this from her, he really was hurting her more than helping her.

SubwayGirl98

08-20-07, 11:41 PM

Samara stood up and walked outside to where her mother was. She looked over at her. She didn’t sit down next to her.
“Did you ever ask for me? Do you remember?”
She nodded. “All the time. I know I left but you were my baby, my little girl.”
Samara didn’t know what else to say. She looked behind her and watched as the leaves on the trees blew in the wind.
“I know that no matter what I say, you’re always going to resent me. I know that and that’s something I’m going to have to live with. I got scared and I ran away.”
And as she said that, Samara thought. That was her. When things got too heavy and rough, she picked up and she ran away. When she couldn’t handle college, she picked up her things and ran back to Daddy. When she couldn’t deal with how intense her relationship with Robert was becoming, she broke up with him. She left her life with him and started fresh. And when Nick dropped the bomb on her, Samara never really let him explain and she divorced him. Now, when she couldn’t handle doing both, being a mother and a celebrity, she ran away from the only life she really knew.
Maureen noticed how her demeanor had changed. “Listen, I know I can’t ask you for anything and I don’t have any right to do so but—”
“I’ll do it.” She wasn’t sure if she were doing it because she genuinely wanted to or she simply didn’t want to hear anything about it had she chose not to. “But I know that I’m not doing it for you. Because this obviously means more to my sisters than I’ll ever understand. And I would hate it if I would be able to do something and chose not to.” She looked back at her. “I’m sorry but you really are not my mother and now I know why but as far as I’m concerned, I really don’t have one. And if everything works out fine, I’m happy for you as a person but not as your daughter. And I really hope that you understand that. And I know it’s mean and hard to hear it but you have to imagine how it’s been for me. It hasn’t been easy. It hasn’t been easy at all. I don’t want to turn into what I thought you were and since I had my daughter it’s all I’ve been thinking about. It’s all that I’ve been worrying about. Do you have any idea how that feels for me?”
Maureen nodded. After everything, since her recovery, she understood. She spoke to her other daughters and knew how hard Samara had dealt with everything. She knew what Samara was told. A part of her heart was broken in knowing what her actions had done to her younger daughter. But she knew that she would never be able to have the life with her daughter that she could potentially have with her other daughters. And at this current moment in time, that was the absolutely worst feeling in the world.

SubwayGirl98

08-26-07, 01:25 AM

Samara had nothing else to say to her. She apologized and went back inside. She looked at her father and then passed him into the living room. She watched as her daughter laid down on her father’s chest and slept.
“Comfy?” She asked her husband as she went to go sit next to him.
He smiled and nodded and then played with his daughter’s hair. “You okay?”
She shrugged. “I don’t really know to be honest with you.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked her. He wanted to know everything that both her father and her spoke about but knew that he couldn’t know anything unless she opened up to him about it. “I’m not ready to be honest with you. I kind of just want to let it digest. I don’t even know if I really believe it all quite yet. It’s just all so confusing.”
Nick nodded, he knew that she needed time and knew that when she was ready, she would go to him. She would be alright, she just needed time. Nick knew. He reached out for her and she took it. “It’s going to be okay. I promise you baby. Whatever it is, you’re going to be okay.”
Nick’s words assured her and that was all she needed. Immediately she found her perfect life tossed upside down and inside she crumbled. But as she suffered through, she promised to never show it to anyone else. She was brave on the outside and courageous. But inside, she was being torn apart, with each passing day. It was unavoidable for her. There was nothing she could do. She found herself giving in and heading to hospitals. She hoped that she would be a match and be able to eventually put the entire situation behind her.
But by Samara going in, Samara found more than if she could help her mother. Samara found out who she really was. She ended up saving her mother’s life, but she ended up walking out on her own. Her deepest fear was realized. She turned into her mother.

SubwayGirl98

08-26-07, 01:26 AM

Samara stared outside the kitchen window and closed her eyes as she heard her cell phone ring and ring. She knew who it was. It was the same person that had called her for over a week.
He promised her that her life would be fine. That she would go back to normal in no time and he believed it, but she didn’t. As Nick ended the call, getting her voicemail once again, he flipped the phone in his hands and threw it against the wall. He had no intentions of giving up but wondered when he’d ever find her. He called everyone that could help and they couldn’t. He checked with her credit cards to see if she had purchased anything and where she did. But nothing. He checked to see with the bank if any funds had been touched and nothing. As he dug deeper, he found out less and less. He found himself with a little girl in his arms wondering where her mother was. He found himself alone, and finally knowing how it felt, it hurt.
Samara looked at the phone and cried as the last ring rung. He had to give up eventually, but eventually was taking too long to come for her. In the few moments she found her happiness, she realized that happiness wasn’t something meant for her. She found herself in a deep depression. She never left the house and began to wonder if she made the right decision by leaving. She found herself wasting her days away in bed.
Nick, on the other hand, found himself picking up the pieces. He found himself with Ashby and no one else. He found himself in the biggest bed in the world. He found himself in a house that was too empty. He found himself missing the person that ever gave him happiness. He missed his wife and although, he thought, Michael may have given up, Nick wouldn’t do that. Nick would be stronger than the man in which his wife always looked up to. And if he had any say in changing her history and her future, he needed to be strong and find her. He needed to bring her home. He needed to love her so that she wouldn’t leave again. But as he tried to find his strength he failed and went home. He went to the one place that was truly without Samara, Cincinnati, to the place he and Samara called home. He went to the home which would be free of her, so that he could find his strength to win her back. But as he walked in the familiar house, he nearly dropped his daughter as he saw what he did. And there she was, Samara, passed out on the sofa.

SubwayGirl98

08-26-07, 01:27 AM

He placed Ashby down and he walked over into the living room. He heard as the TV kept on and went to turn it off. He wanted to yell at her for doing what she had to him and as he opened his mouth, he couldn’t. Her name was all he managed to get out.
Samara moved on the sofa and ended up falling off. As she hit the floor, she moved to get up and hit something with her leg, Nick. She looked at what she had hit and nearly jumped back a foot. “What are you doing here?” She slurred.
Nick couldn’t even focus on her question, but how she said it. He wanted to hold on to each of her words but couldn’t. “Are you drunk?” He asked her.
“No!” She yelled at him but grabbed to cover her mouth as she let out a hiccup.
“What the hell happened to you Sam?” Nick paused. He wanted to help her up. He wanted to be her husband but he couldn’t. “You don’t leave Sam! You don’t just get the hell up and leave!” He yelled at her. “You can’t leave your family. You chose us Samara and now you don’t just get to leave us when you want to.” He tried to keep yelling at her to get his point across but he couldn’t do it. And his anger turned into the sadness that he had been feeling all along.
“I know I can’t but I wanted to so badly. And I turned out fine without a mother, she would too!”
Nick sat down on the sofa behind him and looked at his wife on the floor. “If you think you turned out fine Samara, you got bigger issues than just your mother.”
“She would Nick. She—” She stopped and held her stomach. “You’re her father. She would be more than fine. She doesn’t need me.”
“Samara, we’re married. You can’t run away anymore. Listen, I know you got screwed but you can’t screw me in the process.”
Samara instantly became fed up. “You screwed me first!”
And then he knew. He would never be able to live that down. She was finally paying him back for what he did to her.
She heard the silence fill the room and she began crying. “I didn’t mean that!” She cried. “I’m sorry. Nick, I didn’t mean that.”
Nick buried his face in his hands and kept quiet.
“I really didn’t mean that Nick.” She tried to get herself up again and when she finally did, she sat down next to him. “I got scared and I left.”
Nick shushed her up and remained with silence.
“No. Don’t shush me. I know I said that I wouldn’t do it but I did. And a part of me still wants to do it and I don’t know why I feel that way. I know it’s wrong!” She paused. She wanted a reaction from him but didn’t receive one. “I know that I was wrong. I do. I’m sorry and I didn’t mean to leave you alone but I needed to get away.”
“Sorry doesn’t always cover everything. You can only be sorry for so long.”
“But you can? Why is it that when I would tell you to forget what happened, you can’t? But I can’t be sorry. I know I messed up here Nick and I’m admitting it. I know that I have some sort of problem here. That little girl deserves a real mother and that isn’t me. I always thought that I would be this amazing mother just to prove mine wrong and I can’t. I’m just like her.”
“No, you’re like her because you were so damn afraid of turning into her that you let yourself become her. Samara, you have it all. Do you realize that? You have everything handed to you. You are lucky beyond belief and you wanted to throw all that away! You can be such a selfish pain in my ass sometimes!”

SubwayGirl98

10-13-08, 04:34 PM

Samara remained quiet and took what Nick had told her. He was right. She was spoiled and she was selfish. Those were things that would never change about her, no matter how hard she tried.
Nick sighed and looked over at her. “Maybe I didn’t mean that.” He paused. “No, I did. I’m sorry but you really are like that. I love you to death Sam but it isn’t going to work if you keep giving up. It isn’t going to work if you want to give up either. You’re stuck with us whether you like it or not so its simply gonna have to work. I can’t change that now and nor can you.”
Samara still stayed quiet. She knew he was right and knew she had to change. She had to change before she emotionally lost her family.
Then Nick wondered. Did she even want this anymore? He knew she had changed her life drastically when he walked back into hers, but was it too much too soon? “Sam, I’m gonna have to know. Do you even want this anymore? I think you do, otherwise we wouldn’t be here doing this now, but I don’t know anymore.”
Samara wanted, so badly, to say yes. Yet the words couldn’t come out of her mouth. She shrugged. “I don’t know.” She closed her eyes and felt as her tears fell down her cheeks. “I just don’t want to make anymore mistakes.”
“Well if you choose to leave, you would be making one.” Nick retorted.
“What if I just can’t do this now?”
“Then you’d be your mother.” And his words, although true, hurt her. “I don’t get you Samara. You keep saying you don’t want to be her and all I see is you turning into her. I know what she did to you and I just can’t watch you do that to our daughter! She needs you, probably more than I do. I guess I’m just selfish, wanting you in my life. But if you can’t do this, us, let me know. But you can’t give up on her. I won’t let you do that to her.”
“Nick, you know that she deserves so much better than me.”
“I think that the person she deserves is somewhere in you but right now, you just can’t find her. Because who she needs is that person who couldn’t keep her hands off of her nieces and nephews. She needs the person who wanted her more than anything just a few months ago. She wants the person who never wanted to put her down. She wants the person she barely knew. She wants the person that you used to be.” And on that note, Nick stood up and went over to his daughter. He picked her up and she wrapped her little arms around her father. She looked around and saw her mother on the floor. Her arms let go of her father and she reached out to her mother. A part of Nick was broken at that point. No matter how much he loved her and spent time with her, she always longed for her mother and not him.
She looked up at her daughter and slightly smiled. She knew that deep down inside, she wanted her. She wanted to be part of that family. She wanted to have what she had always longed for in life. Nick was right, she was stuck, whether she liked it or not.

SubwayGirl98

10-13-08, 04:36 PM

So, as stuck as she was, she tried her hardest to enjoy the life that she had once chosen and now stuck with. She tried to make it work. She knew that she had to make it work. And Nick finally realized that in order for it to work, she had to be herself. He knew that making Samara suddenly stop wasn’t her being herself. He knew and he even pushed for her to go back to work. She couldn’t do it anymore. The prospect of being home with Nick and Ashby scared her. Knowing that she would have more time home if she chose to go back to acting, she kept her next album on the back burner for a little bit more time. She started fishing through scripts and preparing for auditions. She knew that she needed all of this for her. She needed her time apart. Perhaps it was the only way for Samara to gain her sanity with everything. She began, slowly, to stop resenting Nick and her daughter. It was taking a while, but she was doing okay.
Samara found herself landing the dramatic role of a lifetime but filming was to take place on the East coast and she would have to separate herself from her family for at least three months. She knew that she could see them periodically but for Samara, this was great news. But it was with this that she began to worry. She knew that it wasn’t normal to be excited about leaving her family but she was. She knew she needed it and with this role, it was her excuse. But now the hardest thing she had to do was telling Nick.
As she looked into the nursery and saw Nick changing Ashby’s diaper, she wondered how he would react. She practiced in her mind over and over the words that she would tell him.
Nick felt her in the room and turned and looked back at her. “Hey babe.”
“I have to leave for three months.” She told him. She stopped. She didn’t walk further into the room.
Nick turned back to Ashby and finished changing her diaper. He placed her back into her playpen and then walked over to his wife.
“I’m going to pretend that you didn’t just say that.”
Samara sighed and knew it was going to happen. “Nick—I know it’s going to be hard but I—I have to do this.”
“Samara, you don’t have to do anything. It’s what you want to do and I’m going to have to accept it.”
“Yell at me, please. Something?”
Nick stared at her. He saw the look on her face. He knew she wanted this. He knew it was what she had been longing for.
“I’m making a mistake, aren’t I?”
“I know that you don’t want me to tell you. But Sam, I just don’t think that we’re strong enough now for you to leave. It’s not that I don’t want you to leave because I never do—it’s just not good for us now. You know it’s not.”
“Well Nick, what do you suggest that I do then? Drop out? Leave something I’ve always wanted?”
“Sam when you put things like that, you make it difficult for me to say no to you.” He didn’t want her to leave but there was a small part of him that was beginning to think that if they had been apart from each other, things would be better. “Go.”
Just when she was ready to come up with something to tell him, she stopped. “Go? You don’t mean that.”
“You want to go and filming a movie seems much more exciting than dirty diapers and spit up.”
“Is there something wrong with me? I mean—I don’t want to deal with the diapers and the spit up. Am I a bad mother?”
Nick nooded, walked closer and kissed her forehead. “You’re not a bad mother Sam. You give her everything that little girl needs. I’ve never seen someone spoil their daughter so much.”
“Yeah, well maybe I do that for a reason.” Samara told him as she walked out and went downstairs.
Nick heard her footsteps as she walked downstairs and he looked down at his daughter. He saw his wife in her and sighed. He was about three seconds from giving in to absolutely everything that Samara had ever wanted.
Samara on the other hand wasn't so thrilled with this. She told herself that he wouldn't take this easily but to let her go with what seemed was without a fight, it simply seemed too perfect. The worst part of this for Samara wasn't necessarily leaving them but the fear of what would happen when she returned. It wasn't a lie that they loved one another but there were so many times when she wondered if love would be enough to keep them together forever. It already wasn't once and it could be again.

SubwayGirl98

10-13-08, 04:39 PM

The dawn of day crept through the blinds on the window and the sun shined on Samara's face. As it woke her up, Samara looked at the empty side of the bed next to her and sighed because she knew that in just a few hours Nick would be doing the same as she would be now. She saw the phone on the nightstand next to her and debated if she should call him. She felt horrible since she left and knew that the tension between them needed to be resolved. She stopped when she looked at the clock and realized what time it was. Even though the clock read only six, and back home it would be only three, she still was unable to fight the feeling that remained in her. She picked up the phone and dialed back home. She heard as the phone kept ringing and ringing and soon began to lose all hope that she could begin her day by talking to her husband.
Meanwhile, Nick heard the phone ringing and got up to answer it. He heard as it went to the answering machine and he ran even faster out of Ashby''s room.
Samara hard the beep and wondered if leaving a message would be the best thing to do. She hesitated and just as she let the dead air record on the machine, he answered.
"Hello?" Nick asked, out of breath. He hadn't checked the caller ID to see who was calling.
Samara returned the phone to her ear as she heard his voice. "Nick?"
A sigh of relief came out on his end. "Sam?" He asked her. "Sam, is that you?"
She smiled. She could tell by the tone of his voice that he was happy to talk to her. "Yeah. It's me."
Nick looked over at the microwave to see the time. "Sam, it's three in the morning. It's rediculously early."
And so Samara nodded. "I'll let you go then. I won't keep you. I just wanted to call you." She paused. "That's all." She stated as if she were an inconvenience to him.
"You're not okay are you?" He could sense it wthin her voice.
She wanted to say something but it was in that one moment when she realized that no one would know her better and love her better than Nick. "I'm sorry." She managed out before she felt the ache in her heart.
"Why?"
"Because I left again. I know that I shouldn't. Mothers don't leave and yet I did. I know I can't run away when it gets rough. That's why I did this." Samara confessed.
Nick knew. There was nothng new that he was hearing from her. "Sam, I know."
"I guess I just get too scared for my own good. I'm sorry."
Nick put the phone down on the counter and looked around. He saw the house that he had built but he also saw the home that Samara had built. He knew that he wouldn't be able to be mad at her. She made it possible for them to live the life that they were. She allowed him to live the life that he became accustomed to.
"Nick?" She asked. She couldn't hear him on the line anymore.
He picked up the phone. "I'm here. I didn't hang up."
Samara simply remained in bed listening to his voice. "I just--"
"I know what you're going to say. You don't have to say anything Sam. You don't have to apologize. I know where it's coming from." He knew that as much as she tried, she still was her mother's daughter. She would always have a part of her in her for as long as she lived.
"I hate that you just said that. I know it's true but I still hate it." she paused for a moment. "I can hate it right?"
Nick nodded on his end. "I wouldn't be surprised if you still hated her and continued to do so."
Samara began to wonder. She hoped that all of the decisions she made in her life were wise and smart. She hoped that by listening to her father throughout her life, she made a wise choice. "Nick?"
"Yes?"
"We're going to be okay right?" She asked him with a sense of desperation in her voice.
He heard it and wondered about that himself. "I think so. It's you and me Sam. If we can't make us work, what are the chances for Ashby?" He asked her. "You know that we're good together. Always have been and always will be."
"Nick, I love you. I mean it."
Nick smiled. He knew that she did. "I love you too sweetheart."
"I can only imagine what you may think but I don't want to give up on us. I never did and I never want to. I'm sorry that it ended when it did the first time." She confessed as her emotions took over uncontrolably.
"Sam, don't. Please don't bring that up. We both know that it's my fault. I did that to us. It seems that I've been trying to make up for it every day because I'm afraid. So trust me, don't be sorry. Sami, I've never been so happy in my life. Remember this baby, I would rather be fighting and arguing with you a billion times over than not be with you at all."
And it was with these reassuring words that Samara felt better. It was with these words that life seemed to be easier. It was with these words that began to assure Samara that no matter what, they would be able to make it.

SubwayGirl98

11-07-08, 12:14 AM

Samara went into the role completely devoted to it but there was a small part of her that was missing her family to the point where she wanted to be back home with them as soon as possible. The movie shoot took longer than anticipated but she received good news when she had found out that some scenes would have to be shot in California due to weather problems on the east coast. As opposed to teling Nick that she was going home, she decided to surprise her family by showing up unexpectedly.
As Samara approached the house, she looked outside for any major changes and saw none. She saw that the garage doors were closed and as the car pulled up, she smiled knowing that she was going to be home with her family finally. She waited by the trunk as her driver pulled out her luggage and then, after thanking him, she walked up the front steps and to the door. She took the keys in her hand and opened the door with the appropriate one. As the door swung open, Samara took one step inside.
"Hello? Anyone home?" She called out.
Upstairs, Nick heard a woman's voice and picked up Ashby as he went out of the bedroom and into the walkway. "Hello?" He asked.
Samara smiled when she heard his voice.
Nick held his daughter tight in his arms and ran downstairs. "Sam?" He asked out loud. He looked down at his daughter who was all smiles. "That sounds like Mama!"
In Nick's arms, Ashby giggled and cooed. She knew her Mama and knew that she liked her.
Nick ran thru the hallway leading from the back of the house and saw his wife standing by the front door.
"I'm back."
He smiled and moved toward her to kiss her but Ashby took her hands off of her father and threw them at her mother. "Mm--" She started and stopped.
Samara's face was beaming. "Are you trying to say Mama?" She asked her.
Ashby continued. "Mm-"
"Everytime I show her your picture she tries and fails. Last time she tried so hard that she pooped her pants!" He laughed, lovingly, at his little girl before handing her off to her Mama.
Ashby latched on to her mother and grabbed her hair. "Mm--" She tried again and even wiggled her butt in her mother's arms.
Samara was a proud Mama and covered her little girl in kisses. "Has she said Dada yet?"
Nick shook his head no. "Well, don't get too excited. She looks at me and says "Mm" too."
"Is my baby girl calling Daddy a girl? Is Daddy your Mama?" She asked her and she tickled her tummy in her arms.
Ashby giggled in her arms and Nick could only think of one thing. His wife was back.
But in all the happiness of coming home. Samara had only one thing on her mind. She soon had to tell her husband news that would change their lives forever. And as she held Ashby, she knew it was time.
"Nick?" She asked him.
He looked at her and nodded.
"Nick, I want out."

SubwayGirl98

11-07-08, 12:15 AM

Since that night, Samara and Nick’s life would never be the same, no matter how hard he tried. While nothing formal went into place, Nick knew he was in trouble. Samara couldn’t tell anyone, not even her father of how she felt in her marriage. She wondered whether it was simply unhappiness or if there were something lingering deep within her from years past. Whatever the situation was, she knew that something major needed to be done soon. She began to distance herself from Nick and barely spoke to him as he did to her. He wasn’t sure what had made her change so much but if there was one thing he knew, their little angel Ashby wasn’t a miracle for them at all. He thought so hard that she was simply having a tough time. He though post-partum depression and as hard as Samara tried to think that as well, she knew it was more.
Samara started looking around for a new place to live. She so desperately wanted to go back to her old home but knew that she couldn’t. She wanted to have a place that was so far away from Nick but couldn’t because of Ashby. No matter how far she wanted to get away from him, it would never be possible. They had a child together and they were always going to be attached, no matter how hard either one tried to fight it.
Three months into their separation, Samara found a new place to call home. She found a new place to raise her daughter. The home that Nick had built would no longer have meaning for the singer, it would only have a past. She tried to hide her packing from Nick but couldn’t. He saw as she would bring in boxes and tried to ignore it. He thought that at one point she would realize what she was doing and regret it. He prayed that one day she would come back and simply stay. He had watched her take her belongings and leave. He saw as she walked out of their house and home with her things and it hurt him more than he knew. It hurt him more than anything in the world. He finally knew what Samara had felt only a few years before.
He watched as she carried her last box downstairs. He held Ashby close who seemed to notice the tension between her mother and father as she began to cry. “I know it’s late but do you want me to help?”
“With what Nick? I’ve done it all, I think I can do the last box as well.” She told him before her descent down the stairs. He placed her into her playpen and went over to Samara. He reached out for the box and she pulled away, holding onto it. “I got it.”
He let go and let her walk down. “Sam, you have to admit that this is crazy!” He yelled at her. He knew that it was happening and it was happening them but it never seem to fully set into his mind about what would happen.
“How could this be crazy? It’s right and it’s about time.” She told him. There was no emotion in her voice. She spoke in a monotone voice that even Nick hadn’t noticed before.
He ran down the stairs in front of her and stopped her in her tracks. “You’re not leaving here until I get an answer.” He demanded. “I tried my hardest these past couple of months to simply just let you be and I end up losing you? You end up leaving? How is that what’s supposed to happen? You haven’t told me anything and I was too damn scared to ask. I figured as long as you were here, you were still really here and it would work out. But the moment that you take this box out of this house, it’s official.”
“Nick, you’re making this harder than it is. It’s over. It’s just the way that it is.”
“No it’s not. You never told me anything Sam.”
She walked past him and placed the last box in the back of her SUV. She pushed down the trunk and made sure that it was shut. She walked toward the front door but stopped herself. She saw Nick in the doorway and watched as he stopped himself from going after her. The two looked at each other completely scared. She kept her eyes focused on him until she blinked and felt the tears running down her cheek.
Nick could tell. There was so much more than met the eye with Samara. As much as he felt that he knew her, he never really did. He never was able to read her the way he thought he was. He saw that she was sad but didn’t know why. He could tell that she was angry these past few months but didn’t know that it wasn’t at him but herself.
Samara wiped her tears off away from her left cheek and walked past Nick and into the house. She went to her daughter and picked her up. She kissed her and hugged her tightly. “Mommy will be back soon sweetie. I love you.” She placed her back into her playpen and walked towards the door once more. “I guess I’ll call you when I’m ready to pick her up.”
“Sam, it’s not the same. You really don’t have to do this. You don’t have to leave. We can work on this.”
“No we can’t!” She screamed at him. “We can’t because I left this marriage long before I even told you. I can’t work on something that I don’t believe in.”
“Oh, so now it all comes out.” Nick told her sarcastically.
“You want it to all come out? Because I’ll tell you and then you’ll hate me for the rest of your life.”
“Sami, I won’t hate you. I promise you. Whatever it is, we can work through it.”
She knew he meant it. She knew he meant every single word and she couldn’t lie anymore.
“Tell me.” He took his hands into hers. “Tell me.”
Her hands were shaking and her lips quivered. “I slept with someone else when I was in New York.”

SubwayGirl98

11-07-08, 12:15 AM

She kept staring at Nick, almost begging for a reply even though she knew that there was no turning back at that point. She took a step back and attempted at retreating from him but couldn’t find herself taking more than a step away from him. Who was she kidding? She wanted an answer from him. She wanted to know something. Ideally, she knew that he would be angry and yell and yet somehow, that’s what she had wanted to hear.
He had feared this moment since they initially married. He knew that one day she would wake up and realize what she had done and left. He knew that she would leave him for someone else. He had thought that the dream that she had as a little girl simply wasn’t all as her father had made it seem and that she wanted to bail. Even though he knew, he had never believed it until now. “So that was the reason for all of this?” Knowing about her infidelity only changed one thing in his life, he found an answer to a question. It was just one thing to check off of his list. “Why couldn’t you tell me this months ago?”
“I don’t know. I was scared to. I figured that it would just be better if I—”
“Ran? Run like you always do?”
Samara stopped in her tracks and did what she was best at, she left. She walked right out to her car and got in. She wanted to look back at him once more but couldn’t. She turned the key and on went her car. She heard the faint sounds of a familiar song on the radio and turned it down. She began to back up—
He couldn’t let her walk out of his life yet he also couldn’t find the strength to walk after her. He saw as her car pulled out and drove off. His wife was no longer and it was true, his marriage was over.

SubwayGirl98

11-07-08, 12:17 AM

As much as it hurt, for she knew what she did, Samara continued on. She never could find herself with enough strength to actually file for a divorce and apparently, nor could Nick. So she did what she thought was best. She was too embarrassed with what she had done to actually speak to him. When the two saw one another, everything was very cordial, but very awkward. She would get Ashby and continue on. To Samara, it was what was necessary and to Nick, it was pure hell. He still loved her but as the days kept on, he wondered if that love really meant anything at all. She knew that despite what had happened, she still had immense feelings for Nick, but after sleeping with someone else, her love for him was slowly diminishing. As Nick realized that the moments he would be missing, were the moments that he loved, he began to let go. There was no point in holding on so tightly to the one person that you would no longer have. To Nick, living without Samara was something that he not only didn’t want to do, but something that he refused to do.
Samara put on Ashby’s shoes as she kept kicking up her feet at her mother. Insisting that she stay still, Samara finally placed her little sneakers on her feet. And then she heard the knock.
“Daddy!” Ashby exclaimed as she tried her hardest to get off of the sofa and attempt at getting the door.
Nick heard her from outside and smiled. He had only wished and hoped that Samara would be that happy to see him as well.
Samara opened the door and felt as the strap of her dress slid off her shoulder. She went to lift it back up and then bent down to pick up Ashby’s bag. “Daddy’s here!” She cried out to her daughter who was behind her. She handed it over to Nick, without ever once saying hello to him. She turned around to see her daughter run over to her father and felt a small part of her sink. Yet again, she was handing off her daughter away and wouldn’t be with her. She wouldn’t be there when she returned like she was used to before.
“Hot date tonight?”
Samara looked up at him with a confused look on her face. “Umm… not really?”
“Then what? I haven’t seen you dressed like this in ages.”
She nodded. “Yeah, well I haven’t been myself around you in ages.” She stopped dead in her tracks. “I’m sorry. This is my fault, not yours.” She turned to him. “I have this thing tonight that I have to go to.”
“And let me guess, I’ll be home for that too?” He asked her sarcastically.
“Listen, I released a statement today about what’s been going on. People know now. I don’t think that we have to hide anything now.”
“I already heard Sam. News travels fast in this town, you know that. I just wish that you told me first.”
“Why? So that you can try and stop me yet again? It won’t work. I still stand by everything that’s happened.”
“And what if I’ve forgiven you?”
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” She picked up her daughter and kissed her goodbye before placing her down near Nick.
“And why not? Ever think that I can tell that what you did was a mistake? Why do you always make it seem as if I’m this lower idiot who can’t understand anything?” His voice was beginning to rise and he tried to stop himself from continuing on but couldn’t. “I understand. I get everything. I even get why you did it.”
“You don’t know everything Nick.” She heard as the elevator dinged and saw people emerge from it. She pulled him inside and closed the door behind him. And as she walked into the kitchen, she knew that it was now or never and that she would have to tell him everything that had happened in New York. “Sit. Please?”
Nick obliged and sat down on a stool across from her. “Let me guess, you’re going to tell me something I don’t want to hear?”
She nodded. “I went to New York to do that movie. You know that. What you don’t know is that while I was there I ran into Robert and—I don’t know. We’d meet together and we’d have lunch together. He was doing his thing and I was doing mine. But it seemed as if we kept bumping into each other. We went out one night and things just—I slept with him Nick. But—” She stopped herself because she knew that the worst was only yet to come. “It didn’t stop there. We were so secretive about the entire thing that no one ever found out. It kept happening and I just realized one day how stupid I was for even doing that. I came home that same night.” She stopped and wanted to hear something from him but didn’t. “I was going to tell you but then when I saw you I chickened out. I was looking at you and I just figured that it would be better if we separated because you deserve something so much better than that. I kept telling myself that I was so stupid to allow it to happen. I lost you once and I thought that it was just some sort of sign that we’re not meant to be together. As opposed to telling you, I just thought ending it would be better.”
Nick looked at her and then looked at Ashby on the floor munching on her doll’s hand and then on her own. “When you have a family Sam, you just don’t leave. You don’t quit when you make a mistake. You stay and fight.” She watched as he got up and went over to her. She took a step back and suddenly she was scared of him. She didn’t even know why. “Where are you going Sam?”
“I—umm—”
He moved in to her. “Look at me Sam and tell me that you really want to get divorced. That you don’t want to be with me. If you do that, I’ll go and file for a divorce tomorrow.”
Samara looked at him. She saw the sadness in his eyes but said nothing.
“I guess your silence says it all. Don’t worry Sam. I’ll take care of everything.” And on that note, Nick picked up Ashby’s things and his daughter and left—for good.

SubwayGirl98

11-08-08, 03:02 AM

Samara went to her movie premiere and smiled when it was required but somehow everyone saw her as if she were transparent. She interviewed with whom she was told to do so with and took pictures when instructed. She realized it as the movie rolled in front of her, she was alone. As she looked over to Casey, she saw her wedding band and wondered. Was she really making the right decision? Was she really ready to divorce him for the second and last time? She snapped out of it when her Blackberry vibrated in her clutch and she looked to see who it was. She answered it and whispered softly into her phone. “Hello?”
“Look behind you. Three rows and a seat over.”
She did so but made sure she wasn’t obvious about it. She smiled when she saw him and slightly waved at him. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m watching a movie. It’s really good too.”
She chuckled. “Meet me in the lobby.” And on that, she hung up, got up, and walked up the aisle to the door and left the theatre. She began to bite her bottom lip while she waited for him.
“Samara?”
She smiled as she turned around to look at him. “Robert—seriously, what are you doing here?” He moved over to her and went to hold her hand. She let him but then let go. “What are you really here for?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I had this crazy idea that maybe we could pick up where we left off. New York was great. Wasn’t it?”
She wanted to agree with him since she did, in fact, have fun. “It ended my marriage. Oh yeah, fun!” She joked with him.
“I heard about that. I’m sorry.”
She could tell that he meant it. “It’s not your fault. Don’t be—wait, no it is your fault. Well, mine too. It takes two to—you know.”
“If it means anything, I don’t—”
“Shh.” She stopped him. “Don’t—You really don’t have to say anything.”
“But I do Sam. I know that we probably shouldn’t have done what we did but you have to admit, it wasn’t bad. It was great actually.”
She looked at him and somehow she was suddenly thrown back to when she was in New York with him. She could only think of when they’d go out to eat or catch a movie or even when they’d stay in the hotel. He was right. It was great. Once she was sure of it, she stepped closer to him and leaned in to kiss him.
Robert pulled her closer to his body and held her.
Once their perfect kiss had ended she kept her eyes closed, unsure of what to believe or make of it. She didn’t know what to do so she tried to hold on to what was in front of her. She leaned in and kissed him again. “I think you’re right.”
“I’m sure you never thought this would happen tonight.”
She shook her head with a smile on her lips. “Yeah, about that. Never.”
“Do you want to go out and get a drink or something?”
“Sure and hey, if we get bored getting drunk then we could just go back to my house and do what we did best.”
While he never thought that it would happen, the picture perfect couple of Samara’s past could easily become her present, and even her future.

SubwayGirl98

11-08-08, 03:02 AM

Samara woke up to the sound of her doorbell piercing in her ear. She pushed the covers off of her and headed out of her room. She heard as the door was opened and she could hear people talking but she couldn’t tell who the voices belonged to. She rubbed her eyes as she made her way down the last few stairs. “Nick? What are you doing here? What’s up?”
“So, this is what you’ve been doing?” Nick asked insinuating the man next to him, who he knew all too well.
Samara froze and looked at the two men in front of her. They were the only two men she had ever slept with and they were both in front of her.
“Sam!” They both called out to her and immediately she woke up.
“Huh? Who?” She shook her head slightly and there they were, one was confused and looked awkward while the other was angry and disgusted.
“I guess I need to start giving you a heads up that I’m coming by.” Nick told her as Ashby moved in his arms.
“Why? What’s going on Nick? Is she okay? Is she sick?” Suddenly, Samara went into full mother mode and focused on her daughter. She walked over to Nick and took her daughter into her arms. She held her close and then went to sit down on the couch in the living room.
“No Sami—she walked.”
Samara stared at Nick and then looked down at her daughter. Her eyes were open and staring back at her mother. “You wanna walk for me? Wanna walk for Mommy?”
She stood up on her feet when her mother placed her down and looked back up at her. She looked at her father and giggled. She looked over at this new strange man and waved at him. There she was, Samara’s miracle taking her first step. She took a step towards Nick and then took a step towards her mother.
She couldn’t let her walk away. Samara picked her up as fast as she could and covered her with kisses. “My baby can walk!”
Robert looked at Samara from afar and was even happy for her.
Nick looked at both of them. He looked over at Samara and noticed how happy and excited she was at that moment in time. He had to admit, since they decided to file for divorce, she was happier. She didn’t feel so tense or angry towards Nick. She was genuinely at ease. Perhaps, it was because she didn’t have Nick to worry about. Perhaps, it was because of Robert. He heard of stories of when they were together. They were a great couple according to her sisters. As someone who has yet to give up entirely on their marriage, despite their numerous attempts at divorce, he still believed that there could be a chance for them. Now that he met him though, he realized that he had his work cut out for him. He would have to fight for her. He just realized how hard it would become for him. Robert had qualities that Nick didn’t. Robert had Samara’s life. She could go back to what she loved without question. She didn’t have to deal with Nick’s unwillingness to join her at events because Robert would go. When they were together, he went, happily. Nick knew, if Samara wanted a change of scenery, she would get it from Robert and not from Nick. Nick would lose. He wasn’t prepared to lose her again.

SubwayGirl98

11-08-08, 04:10 PM

Samara walked over to Robert and Ashby looked up at him. She scratched her nose and then waved at him.
“This is my little girl, Ashby.” She told Robert, as she introduced the two. “And sweetie, this is Robert. He’s a friend of Mommy’s.”
Ashby reached out for Robert, and unsure if he should take her, Nick came in and almost pulled her out of Samara’s arms. No way, no how. He wasn’t letting him pick up his daughter. That was his daughter, and no one could take her from him, not even Samara.
As Samara noticed how rapidly he took Ashby, she knew. She had been oblivious to it this entire time and now she knew. Nick didn’t like Robert. It made sense, it did. But the idea of this never seemed to cross her mind. She never really thought about Nick during this entire ordeal. By now, they’ve been separated for seven months and Nick still had hope. He knew that he couldn’t tell her who she could and couldn’t see but deep down within, he hoped that she didn’t see anyone. He was hurt when she had told him about her affair but he was hurt even more so when he would see the two together, whether it be in a tabloid or here at her place. It hurt and it was that hurt that made Nick press on. He still kept hope alive.
“What time is her appointment today?” Samara asked Nick as she unintentionally moved closer to Robert.
“At 11. We were on our way but I figured that since you were on the way we’d stop in.”
Samara nodded. “It’s fine Nick. I’m happy you did.” She thought for a moment. Nick was becoming Ashby’s mother. It killed her. It hurt knowing that she was missing out on everything in her daughter’s life. It hurt her knowing that her daughter was growing up without her. “Do you want me to get her? I can and then I can take her back to my Dad’s. It’s really fine.”
“I’ll do it Sam. I can take her there.”
“Yeah but I have to go there too.”
“Is that your non-subliminal way of uninviting me to my own daughter’s party?” Nick asked her, anger in full swing.
“No! Not at all—it’s just that you’re always with her. I just wanted to do something with her for once.”
Robert could tell exactly where this was going and even though he tried to excuse himself, no one heard him and he left to go into her kitchen.
“Well maybe if you never bailed on her, you would be doing things with her!” He yelled at her now.
Samara was so heated by his statement that she couldn’t help herself—she slapped him. “How dare you tell me that? Who the hell do you think you are?”
“I’m your damn husband! Unfortunate, isn’t it?” He asked her as he rubbed his cheek after she had slapped him. He looked down and saw Ashby with tears running down her cheeks and then she began to fully cry as she hid her face into Nick’s chest.
Samara gasped. It was as if she had forgotten that she was there. She had so much anger towards Nick that she had simply unleashed it all onto him at that moment in time.
Nick kissed her and wiped away her tears and then placed her down in the playpen that Samara had opened for her when she there. Ashby calmed down but kept staring at her parents.
“I’m sorry.” She whispered out to him.
He shook his head in disagreement. “I probably deserved it.”
Samara wondered how he could be that way. How he could act as if everything was his fault and never once blame her for anything. “How? It was all me. That’s why I’m apologizing.”
“Why don’t we just stop this Sami?” He asked her. “Let’s stop placing blame on each other.”
“I can’t do that Nick. It’s my fault we separated. I made a mistake and I’m still making a mistake. I can’t not take the responsibility for it. I did it. I’m the reason we’re getting a divorce.”
Nick couldn’t help but ask her, “Sam, if we were really getting a divorce, don’t you think one of us would have already filed for one? Don’t you think that I would have run to get a divorce the moment that you told me? If I was as angry as you think I would be or should be, don’t you think that I wouldn’t be here right now? Sam, I could’ve gone and tried to make our divorce so ugly and I didn’t. I could have tried to take everything from you and I would have won! But I didn’t. Don’t you think that says something? I thought by now that you would have gotten it but apparently you haven’t.”
Samara looked at him, puzzled. After all these months, she never understood it.
A part of him gave up. He tried to explain it to her and yet still, nothing. He walked over to Ashby and picked her up. “I’m gonna take her now. We’ll just see you later.” He said nothing else and left.
Robert heard as the door closed and stood up from the table where he read the paper. He started to walk out to the living room. “Sam? Everything okay?”
She turned and looked at him. “I thought they were. I don’t really know if I know anymore.”
He walked over to her and pulled her close with one arm. “Sam, I don’t know how you don’t see it. I don’t want to be the one to tell you. Trust me, I don’t because it could mean losing you and I don’t want to, at least not again.”
“What are you talking about?” She asked him, taking small steps away from him to head upstairs towards the bedroom.
“You keep telling me over and over how you just want to get this divorce out of your way and yet you don’t do anything about it.”
“Because he is. He said he would.”
Robert nodded. “Yeah I know but he hasn’t and there’s a reason for that. He still loves you and he actually wants to still be married to you even though you and I are—whatever we are.”
“Bobby—that’s over. Trust me, it is.”
“For who? You or him?”

SubwayGirl98

11-09-08, 05:03 AM

Everything that Robert told her before in her house had lingered with her throughout the day. She thought about it on line as she waited to pick up her daughter’s cake. She thought about it as she was stuck in traffic on the expressway going over to her father’s house. And she thought about it as she brought it presents and placed them atop the gift table. And just as she was about to think about it, yet again, she stopped because the person she was thinking about was in front of her.
“Nick, can I talk to you later? Or now? Or whenever?” She asked him and then she saw his face. “Holy—did I do that?”
He nodded. “Who would have thought that someone so weak as you could do this?” He said, insinuating the mark on his face.
“Did I cut you?”
“Let’s not get hasty here. You’re not that strong Sam.” He told her before walking away from her.
It cut like a knife. Just when she finally acknowledged what had been going on for months, she didn’t see it from him. “Please?” She called out to him.
Nick stopped and turned to her. “When?”
“Whenever you want.” She sounded like someone without hope. She sounded as someone with desperation.
“Want to go upstairs?”
“Sure.” She said with a smile and then walked towards the stairs.
Nick followed but was only thinking of one thing. He thought that the moment they went upstairs, it would be all over. He kept thinking for the worst.
As the two went into one of the guest bedrooms, Samara looked around. It was the same room that she had stayed in the night when the two separated originally. “I cried my eyes out in this bed.” She said to herself, but was loud enough that Nick heard her.
“Huh? Why?”
“You told me that you didn’t want our son.” She told him as she remembered the day. “You didn’t want our son. You gave up.” She kept on, her voice beginning to dwindle and crack. “You gave up. I’m giving up.” She said, as if she had realized it now. “Is that going to be a pattern or something? One of us always has to give up?” She saw down on the bed and then looked up at him. “We can’t keep doing that. How is anything going to work if we always keep giving up on one another? We’re supposed to be a team, right?”
Nick had no idea where she was going with this. But then again, there were many rants from Samara that never made any sense until later, if not days later. “I’m totally confused and I have no clue where you’re getting at.”
“My point is very simple. We have a daughter. We can’t bail on her every time something doesn’t go our way.”
Nick nodded. “For Ashby? Right?”
Samara nodded in agreement but meant more and hope he’d catch on. “Oh, who the hell am I kidding? We’re married right? We have to act like it. Because if we get divorced, I honestly don’t think that I can survive that again. And I know that I’m the one who messed up—” She even began to sniffle as she said it because she felt the tears building up inside. “I know it was me and I’m still doing it. But I have been trying my damnedest to realize that we weren’t together anymore and I can’t. I don’t really know what happened before. I don’t have a clue. I probably should have listened to my father when he told me to see someone about it but I thought, oh I could fix it. Oh I fixed it fantastically.” She sighed. She looked down at the floor and then turned on the bed to face him entirely. “I really don’t know what made me do that or change or whatever it was. I want to know. I don’t know if I was depressed or I was miserable or whatever it was but I need to know. I’m going to find out, I promise you.”
“Sam, this is all you right here. Why are you telling me this? It’s over now, I don’t need to know what it was. All I need to know is that you take care of our daughter properly.”
“That’s it? That’s all you want to know?” She cried at him. She started breathing heavily and she couldn’t stop. “That’s it?” She cried. She couldn’t stop crying. She was telling him what was built up inside of her and he couldn’t care.
“Sam, slow down. Stop crying!” He yelled at her.
She tried her hardest to catch her breath. “I can’t believe that’s all I get from you! It isn’t over Nick!” She yelled at him. “If it were, I wouldn’t have done that to you!” She threw her right up in the air and point at his cheek. “If I didn’t care about you or us, I wouldn’t get angry at you. That’s what I’m trying to tell you, you imbecile.”
Nick knew that if he caved in too early, she’d see him as weak. He knew she hated weak. He knew her better than that. He also knew, that if he gave in to her, they’d be separated before anyone knew they were back together. “Sam, we’re not getting back together. We can’t keep having this conversation. I feel like we keep saying it, but it’s really over. And I finally think that I mean it.” Nick stood up and walked out of the room leaving Samara to cry yet again on that very same bed.

SubwayGirl98

11-09-08, 05:04 AM

Once Samara had finally cooled down and fixed herself up, she went downstairs to join the party, well over an hour too late. When people had asked, she simply told them that she had a migraine and need to lay down for a bit. Nick knew better but wouldn’t spill the beans. When it was time for birthday cake, Samara and Nick stood on opposite sides of their daughter. They didn’t even interact with one another. She was done with him. She was Nick-free and it felt horrible. When the party ended, she stayed and cleaned up. Nick left with his daughter and took her home. And as she placed the last bag of trash outside in the pail, she stopped to realize that the only time for now on that she and Nick would ever see the same was on their daughter, if they were lucky. If anything, she realized that there was someone else who’d take her, willingly, when the one she had wanted back wouldn’t. At least she had someone who’d take her out of a funk before she ever had the opportunity to become depressed about the situation.
She drove home with nothing but Nick on her mind. She wanted to go over to him and set him straight but knew he’d back her down and send her home. She wasn’t sure she could deal with that rejection yet again. So she went home and as she walked in, she picked up her phone and called a familiar number. After Robert told her he’d be right there, before she even asked, she felt a bit of hope. She knew that there was at least one person who wouldn’t let her down. Nick had let her down in life before, so did her father, whenever it dealt with her mother. One man wouldn’t let her down. She heard the phone ring and simply assumed that it would be him. “Don’t bring over anything. Just you.” She smiled.
“I wasn’t going to. It’s difficult; I’m not in the same state as you. Kind of need a plane to get out there.”
Samara laughed. “Drew? Sorry, I thought—”
“Yep, that I was someone else. You know, I get that a lot.”
“What’s going on? Nick’s not here.”
“Now, why would I call you if I wanted to speak to him? It’s not like you two are together anymore.” He told her.
“Yeah… about that.”
“I heard what happened. I guess my brother loves to gossip and open up to me just like you do.” Drew held the phone close to his ear. “Sam, are you okay? Nick made it seem like you were about two seconds away from a meltdown. I thought he was crazy but—I just want to make sure.”
“Ah, he makes it seem like I’m loosing it. Oh, that’s nice.” She walked into the kitchen. “Drew, I’m fine but thanks for asking. You may be the only one who actually asked.” She knew he was a good guy, only trying to help out. “Can I pick your brain for a second?”
Drew wondered what it could be but went with it anyway. “Sure.”
“He meant all that, didn’t he?”
“To be honest Sam, I don’t really know. I think so but I’m not sure.”
Samara nodded on her end as just as she pulled two wine glasses out of the cabinet, she heard her someone knocking at her door.
“Let me guess, company?” He asked her.
“Yeah. Drew—”
“Don’t worry about it. Go ahead.” She smiled and went towards the door to open it. “And Sam?”
“Yeah?”
“Whatever happens, I promise you, I’ll always be your brother.”
“Lose a husband, gain a brother?”
Drew laughed. “Yeah something like that.”
“Drew, I’ll talk to you later on.”
“If I know you as well as I do… I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
She laughed and hung up the phone. She unlocked the door and opened it, a smile on her face. “Just the man I wanted to see.” She told him. She kissed him as he came in and her sadness ended there. She had to be positive and enjoy what she had. She had Robert and he would be just the guy to make her happy.

SubwayGirl98

11-09-08, 05:04 AM

She woke up in the morning and looked at him as he remained in bed sleeping. She watched as the light shined down on his face. She could tell he was dreaming with each slight movement he made with his eyes. She kissed him gently on his lips and then went back down next to him. She felt safe and even happy.
He felt her and could even smell her perfume from the day before. It woke him up. He wrapped her up with his left arm. Even Robert had to admit, after all these years, this felt amazing. Sadly, he knew it wouldn’t last too long. He knew her too well to ever think things could actually work out. After all, she was technically still married. He didn’t even want to start thinking about that.
Samara heard her cell phone buzzing about on her nightstand and reluctantly went over to get it. She groaned.
“What is it?” He asked her as the sheet slid down his chest since she was pulling it.
“It’s Case—they have to move up my interview. Can I get a rain check on brunch?” She asked him. “Please?” She smiled at him.
“I guess so.” He told her and took her phone out of her hands. He texted Casey back to okay the new time and then placed the phone on the nightstand next to his side of the bed. “I have you until then though, right?”
“I gotta get ready though. I have two hours to get ready and make it across town.”
He took her hand and pulled her towards him. He kissed her, with everything that he had, he kissed her. The way that she deserved to be kissed.
“I’m not gonna lie but I can definitely get used to this.” She told him as she headed off into her bathroom and hopped into the shower. She lathered up and for once, in a very long time, felt as if things were going to work out. Based on what happened yesterday, Nick was out. He was out of her romantic picture. She was simply bound to him through their daughter but that was all. Well, after the divorce was final. As she blew out her hair, she kept telling herself that things would be better. She kept telling herself that not only would her life be better now, she could go back to work. She could stop focusing so much energy on something that didn’t deserve it. She needed to work in order to be happy.
Samara figured out her life in that bathroom, all she had to do was implement it. She did. She promised herself to go back to her label the next day and declare that she wanted to start on her next album. She wanted to be the person that she was before Nick ever came into her life. The only thing that was different now was that there was a little girl in her life now. But other than that, there was no one there to stand in her way and tell her no.
She enlisted the help of her father when it came to getting material for her album. True to his purpose in her life, he helped her. The two co-wrote most of the songs for the album. It felt right. Her father was helping her out like he always did. It felt like it used to. Samara finally felt as if her life was back on track.

SubwayGirl98

11-09-08, 05:05 AM

It took Samara almost two months to lay down the vocals for the album. She barely saw her daughter, but when she did, she was too tired to move and usually fell asleep with her in her arms. She would lay down with her on Nick’s bed and before Nick could even try and get her off the bed, the two were sleeping. Ashby would lay her little head on Samara’s stomach and sleep soundly. Nick would come in and place his daughter in her crib and then go to bed under the sheets, unlike Samara. At first, he felt as if it were weird. They shouldn’t be in the same bed sleeping but then he began to rationalize it and it seemed okay to him. Each morning, Samara would wake up, say goodbye to her daughter and leave. It was a routine that she was becoming accustomed to just when things had to change.
Her album was soon to be released and it was time to make a workable schedule for promotion. She did little but enough promotion. Her daughter was growing up much too fast to leave her home with her father. She wanted her to join her everywhere she went but knew that Nick wouldn’t allow it. So instead, Samara took Robert. They managed to go everywhere together. Nick was getting fed up with it. He knew her profession. He respected it. But he was getting sick and tired of being the parent that wanted Ashby all the time. He wished Samara had a life that could work while being a parent. So when Samara came to him, months later, to try and work out some arrangement when it came to her going on tour, Nick came up with a solution. He wanted to go with her. If Samara wanted to have her daughter with her for months on end, then he had to go as well. Samara agreed and told Robert. He wasn’t happy about it considering the situation but realized he had no say in the matter. They never labeled their relationship and never claimed that they were exclusive to one another. He had no ties to her. He couldn’t say anything.
So it was no surprise to anyone by that point when, now a year and two months, into their separation, they were still not divorced. It was unconventional but it seemed to work for the two of them. Nick was busy on his own and so was Samara. They weren’t together and that was all that mattered to either of them.
On the road together for now almost two weeks, Samara walked over to Ashby to find her covered in her mother’s makeup. She couldn’t help but laugh at her daughter. “What are you doing silly?” She started to pick up her makeup off of the bed and placed it back into her case. “How did you even get this opened?”
“Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. She wanted in. I can’t deny her what she wants.” Nick told her from behind.
“Well look at your daughter now. She looks fabulous!” She laughed as Ashby started to smear the lipstick that she placed on her cheeks with her hands. She picked up her daughter and handed her off to Nick. “Clean her up, will you? I’m kind stuck here… I think I have to clean myself up now.” She got off the bed and walked into the bathroom with Nick following her.
Samara walked in and started washing her hands. She heard her daughter giggling from behind and turned to look at her. She played with her and took some of the makeup from her face and placed it onto Nick. Ashby laughed and took her lipstick filled hands and tapped them on her Daddy. Samara laughed at her and then tried to get some of the makeup off of her. Ashby wiggled around in her Daddy’s arms and kept holding onto him tightly with her arms.
“Wanna move faster? I’m getting covered in this stuff.” He told her.
“You should wear this stuff more often Nick. It does wonders with your complexion.” She told him as she laughed under her breath. She took a towel and wiped off all the lipstick from Ashby’s hands and cleared off her face.
Nick placed her down on the floor and she ran over to Casey who was watching TV. “Now how about me?”
Samara rinsed the towel under the water and then went to take the makeup off of him. She turned and looked at the mirror. “You sure? I think it’s great.” She teased him.
Nick looked at her and moved closer to the mirror. “Yes, on you maybe but on me, not so much. Take it off Sami.”
She did as instructed and removed the makeup from his face. “There you go. Clean as a baby’s bottom.” She told him and even tapped his nose. “Sorry.” She giggled.
Nick turned his head and looked down at her.
She looked up at him and turned off the water. “What is it?”
He shook his head. “Nothing.”
She took the towel and then hung it on the tiny rack that had been in her tiny tour bus bathroom. “What is it Nick? You’re gonna start to creep me out really soon.”
Samara was being herself. She was completely without any guards up. There were no walls and she wasn’t trying to protect herself from hurt or harm.
Nick fell for it. He fell for her all over again. This was the Samara he married. This was the Samara he had missed. He looked at her and traced her lips with his eyes. He had missed those lips. And for the first time in over a year, he kissed her. She didn’t stop him but gave into him. She was right, at some point she would give in again. Nick gave in to Samara and she gave in to him. No matter what would happen in her life, she would always find herself giving in to Nick Lachey.

SubwayGirl98

11-10-08, 01:13 AM

In the months that Samara was on tour, she spent her time working on whatever she and Nick were. She finally realized while she was with him each day, that this was the way her life was supposed to be. She was supposed to be with him. She was supposed to be with her daughter. This was what she wanted from the get go and now she was actually going to allow herself to have it. It seemed as if each day, she and Nick would have yet another talk about their future. Nick understood that all this would lead to what he had wanted as well so he went with it, despite his dislike of long talks. He knew that Samara had a lot to get off her chest and accepted it. She told him everything that she felt he needed to know. She started off with why she and Robert never worked out the first time, to why she thought they’d work out now. She told him that she hated Cincinnati with a passion and only bought the house there so that she didn’t lose him, even though she did in the end. She told him about her sessions with her therapist and how she realized that the change after Ashby’s birth wasn’t a change in her feelings towards Nick but a battle through post-partum depression. She spoke and Nick listened. Then Nick spoke and he spoke volumes. He told her how each morning they were married, he feared that she’d wake up and leave him. He told her how scared he was with each conversation they had while separated because he felt that there would be one too many and she’d really go and get the divorce. He told her how much he hated himself for building their house only because he felt as if it put too much pressure on her to settle down. He told her how much he hated what she did even though she was amazing at it because they couldn’t have the kind of relationship he always thought he would have with his wife. And at the end of these discussions, they each felt better. They felt as if for the first time in seven years, they actually knew one another. They felt as if for the first time, they were intimate with one another.
Nick was winning back his wife with each story he listened or told. Samara was realizing that the family she had always longed for was right in front of her all along.
But every time they were in public, they didn’t show any sort of feelings towards one another. They focused on their daughter so that no one would get the wrong idea about them. Samara continued to not wear her wedding band, even though she had wanted to. She still believed in the meaning which it had held and she hated not being able to wear it. The last thing she had wanted to do was let their reunion out so that Robert could find out through a tabloid or entertainment show. She wanted to be the one to tell him, and face to face. She knew that no matter what they had considered themselves during these past few months, he deserved her respect and she wanted to give it to him. Nick understood. He hated keeping things a secret but it seemed to make things interesting. Samara went to such great lengths that she wouldn’t even tell Casey. For once Samara had a secret that she was determined to keep.
Samara had promised to Nick that she would go to marriage counseling. Even though she felt they could work out their problems on their own, she felt as if it would be healthy for them. They would have an outsider compare their relationship and not having Samara compare it to being with Robert or Nick to being with Jenna. She agreed to move back in once they felt as if they could handle it. Despite what they felt for one another, they fully understood the meaning of taking things slow. If they ever wanted to stay together, they needed, for once, to take things slow.

SubwayGirl98

11-10-08, 01:13 AM

Towards the end of her tour, Samara was beginning to get impatient. She wanted to go home. She wanted to be able to tell anyone and everyone who mattered to her that she and Nick were trying things one last time. With each day that she woke up next to him in her bunk on her tour bus, she smiled. She was one day closer to her ever after. She loved snuggling up next to him at night when they would try and fit into her twin sized bunk as close as possible. She loved to perform each night knowing that he was in the wings watching her every move. She was happy that he was there.
On the tour’s second to last stop, Miami, Samara and Nick went out before her show for coffee without Ashby. She found herself forgetting everything that she had been practicing during the tour. She found herself walking down the streets with Nick by her side as he towered over her. Her hair was blowing in the wind and her hand was holding his. It seemed as if with each ‘don’t walk’ sign they hit, they’d kiss one another. Samara didn’t care anymore. She had nothing to be ashamed of. She was with her husband and that was all that mattered. She wore her wedding band with pride and never wanted to take it off.
But despite the couple’s happiness, she never thought of the paparazzi and how fast pictures that were taken on the east coast could travel to the west. And as fast as her concert ended that night, Samara checked her phone to find many missed calls from Robert. She worried but as she heard her voice mails, she knew that he had found out. The rare public display of affection between a wife and her husband would backfire for the wife and her lover.
She kept asking herself what she should do. The advice she had received from Nick scared her. She knew she had to call him but she was afraid to do so. The pictures hadn’t just captured a secretive kiss but a romance and marriage in full swing. She had to call him and as she dialed his number, she tensed up. Just as she was about to end the call, she heard as he picked up.
“Sam?” He asked her.
“Robert—I—” She began but cut herself off.
“Sam, I know. You don’t have to tell me anything. I just don’t know why you didn’t tell me earlier on.”
She wondered that herself but knew. She simply didn’t want him to find out that way, and yet he did. “I’m sorry Bobby.”
“Don’t be. Are you happy?” He asked her.
She nodded. “Very much so.”
“Then what’s there to be sorry about? You’re happy with your husband. That’s what you’re supposed to be in life Sam.”
Samara didn’t know what to say. She knew that he was right but for the past few months, he was the one who was there for her. How could she just hang up and leave it at that? “You sure?”
“I’m positive. Let’s be honest here. Sam, if it lasted this long between us, it was doomed to fail.”
Samara laughed. He was right. If there was one thing that they always agreed on, was that they would always have a sexual chemistry but it wasn’t enough to make something work for the long run. “Bobby, thank you. I really mean it. You have no idea.”
“Just promise me one thing?”
“Anything.”
“If you find yourself contemplating divorce again, give me a call.”
She smiled. “You’re the first one I’d run to.” She told him before hanging up the phone.
Nick looked over at her. “I take it that things went well?”
She nodded. “Now, it’s just you and me. Ready for that?”
“I should ask you that. I think you know what my answer is.”
She walked over to him and let her phone drop from her hands and onto the floor. She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned up to kiss him. “I’m ready. I’m finally ready.”