Every Season Has Its Change

[littleprincessj]

<span style="color:purple">Title: Every Season Has Its Change Part 1
Author: Jessica

Summary: Nick and Jessica are married, he is a lawyer with his own firm, and Jessica is a singer from Texas who lives in Cincinnati when she isn’t busy on the road with her career as a singer. This story deals with the couples arrival of their first baby. From day one…to the big delivery!
Disclaimer: Not mine!
Rating: NC-17
“Every Season Has Its Change” Part 1
Day 1


So close ... so close ... so close

She feels Nick's body still then contract, before with a guttural unintelligible cry, his climax hits and he pumps erratically. Jessica tries frantically to catch his rhythm.

She's so close ... almost there ... one more ... just one more

His quivering body slows and she fears ever making it. Her head tosses against the mattress in frustration. Her hips grind desperately against him seeking her own release.

So close ... just one more ... she's so close

Just as she believes his body will become a dead weight and all her efforts will be in vain she feels his hand sliding down between them. When settled it rubs against her, helping her on her way. She'd begun to lose hope. Lamenting she should have known not to agree to anything tonight. Not that she remembers whose idea it was to start anyway. It's one of those times when you're half way there before you even know you've begun. But that's not the point, the point is, she's not going to finish dammit.

Lips press against the hollow of her neck and then a warm wet tongue runs slowly up and up and up until lips find her ear. "Let it go" she hears as his hand stops rubbing and grasps her hard and suddenly she's there.

Muscles clenching, body trembling, nerves on fire, shattering, her body exploding, the bright white energy inside bursting forth until she's flying, losing breath, body and consciousness.

The next thing she's aware of is a warm body under her, its arms smoothing down a back now bared to the air. She cannot think of a better way to return to life. Sheets slide up her body, her lover determined to keep the air from her cooling skin. She'll appreciate it later she's sure but right now the two of them have created enough body heat to keep her more than warm. She rolls off him and onto her side. His body follows her. Their foreheads rest together, stilted breaths fanning flushed faces. His hand rises to her shoulder then slides down her languid body until coming to rest on her hip. Fingers span and stretch possessing as much of her as he can. His other arm is outstretched above the pillows, fingers gliding through her hair as his eyes gaze into hers.

Her palm rests over his heart, holding it secure. It beats fast and strong. She hears it through her fingers, pumping in her veins. Her free hand rises to his face, cups his cheek, wiping the moisture pooled there on whisker kissed skin. She breathes in deep and long. Smelling sweat, sex and the unmistakable scent of the man she loves. She thinks she'd like to kiss him but sleep takes hold relegating her desire to another day.


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Day 13


Hanging up the phone Nick grabs Jessica's hand as she walks past the desk. "Dance with me" he croons pulling her into his arms.

Laughing she says "There's no music"

"We don't need music. Listen to it in your head."

She gives him a quizzical look.

Spinning her away then back he says "Someone taught me that once ... but we won't get into that"

"Ah a woman" Jessica grins.

"No I was dancing with a guy. Justin and I love to dance together."

"Thank you so much for that image baby" she laughs.

"But I like dancing with you better."

"Really?"

"Yeah you're easier to dip" he says and demonstrates.

When he raises her again her hands drape around his neck "Why are you so happy?"

As they reach the couch he collapses them onto it. Leaning over her he holds up his hand "I'm married" then drops it to stroke over her hair "I have a beautiful wife..."

"And?"

"And I just scored Reds tickets."

"Baseball" she laughs "I should have known"

"Come with me?" he asks hopefully.

"Are we still talking baseball?" she cheekily asks.

His expression of disbelief amuses her "I .. I was ...yes"

"Ok then"

"Really?"

"Yeah"

He kisses her, delighted, then raising says "And what if I wasn't talking baseball"

"The answer's still yes"




Day 25


Nick, having spent most of the night advising a client during a police interview, finally arrived home just as much of Cincinnati was rising for the day. Jessica, barely awake herself, felt his body hit the mattress, heard an exhausted "oomph" and then his breathing even out into sleep. Smiling she curled her body around him, welcoming him home. She doesn't like it when he is gone nights. The bed is empty without him, the smell of him on the sheets and pillows taunts her with his absence. With him again where he belongs she happily succumbs to another hour's sleep. It is Saturday, no need to hurry out of bed now, and she’s finally home for once instead of being on the road singing somewhere.

Having risen an hour ago, Jessica now stands in the doorway between bathroom and bedroom, watching Nick sleep. His bare back golden in the light from the window. His face burrowed into the mattress. Arms outstretched above his head, mouth open slightly, breathing just loud enough for her to hear. Her eyes love him, her heart loves him, her mind delights in him.

She wants to let him sleep, she knows how tired he is but she has an overwhelming desire to speak to him. She's watched him for ten full minutes now trying to decide what to do. Needs versus wants. In the end she allows him to make the decision for her. She knows him and she knows to be woken is what he'd choose. She walks over slowly and lays her body atop of his, her arms crossed along his shoulders, her chin resting upon her joined fists. Her feet only reach to his calves and she runs her toes over the edge of the muscle she finds there.

It takes a while for Nick's body to react under her. When a grunt is heard and he shifts his head on the pillow she leans her chin forward and whispers into his exposed ear "Are you awake?"

His grumbled reply sounds suspiciously like a 'no.'

"Pity, because I want to tell you something" she again whispers nuzzling against his cheek.

"Later ... m'sleep"

Jessica's hands run along Nick's arms. She rests her head atop of his. They lay as carbon copies of each other to which Nick makes no objection. It's only the talking he has a problem with. He likes her being near, likes to be cloaked in her scent, likes the feel of her warm skin and soft cotton against his back, or is it warm cotton and soft skin, whatever, he just likes her there.

Restless, Jessica soon becomes vexed by his inertia. With her lips against his ear tickling his skin she speaks, asking "Baby, you sure you're not awake?"

"I'm sure!"

She pushes up and off him. Her knees sliding to his sides as she straddles his thighs. Her hands set about m[arse]aging his back. Working the tired muscles hard. Drawing their tension up and out. His warm skin supple under her touch. She watches it stretch and crease and marvels at it's strength and beauty. This is who he is. This keeps him whole, keeps muscles, bones, blood and ligaments joined in one beauteous package. It encapsulates his essence, his smell, his warmth, it's a balm to her hands and body. Skin so soft so delicate so strong.

Groans of pleasure greet each of her strokes. As her hands finally reach his shoulders and neck she leans into his ear and asks "You awake now?"

A mumbled "No" is his reply.

Sighing her hands run across his shoulders blades and then under his body. Her fingers seek out and find his nipples. Giving each a light pinch and twist she asks "Is there anything I can do to wake you up?"

"No" is again his reply but the tone is no where near as firm as before.

A pleased smile crosses her face and her hands slide down his chest and abdomen slowly, letting nails lightly rake. She watches the ripples play down his back as his body, defying his mind, reacts. After insinuating themselves under his waistband her hands reach their destination. Taking hold of him she giggles softly and declares "It's a shame to waste this on a sleeping man."

Seconds after her hand releases him he grumbles and rolls over. Jessica still across his thighs rises then settles again when he's finished turning. With a grin she looks at the results of her handiwork "Were you dreaming about camping?" she asks still giggling.

His hand reaches up and, insinuating itself in the hair at the back of her head, pulls her face down to his. He'll teach her to laugh at him. After a thorough, tent enhancing, kiss Jessica pushes up from his chest and settles again against his thighs. He gets his first true view of her. She's wearing the shirt he discarded when he arrived home. Sleeves rolled up, buttons undone, it gapes open revealing nothing but delicious, unfettered skin. Now that is a sight worth waking up to.

His eyes scan her body then rise again to meet hers. Her face is aglow, decidedly mischievous. She's up to something, exactly what it is he's unsure, but the fact she is for all intents and purposes naked clues him in to at least some of her plan.

"What's so important you couldn't let me sleep?" he asks. The tone removes any animosity that can be found in his words. His active fingers playing along her thighs distract her and a reply isn't quick in forthcoming. He tugs on their shirt becoming impatient for a response.

She smiles down at him and says "I needed to talk to you."

"Talk?" he almost squeaks in reply.

"Well tell you something really"

Her excitement is contagious and he can't stand being idle any longer. Sitting up he slides back until leaning against the headboard saying "Ok, I'm listening." He watches her face, he sees the explanation come and go a number of times but still she's silent. Impatience sets in, "Just say it!"

Nodding her head, she takes his advice. Her face brightens into a glorious smile. She takes a deep breath and says "I'm pregnant."

End of part 1.</span>

[littleprincessj]

<span style="font-family:Optima">Title: Every Season Has Its Change Part 2

Author: Jessica

Author’s Note: Well here is part 2. Let me know what y’all think. It’s kinda short and sweet again this whole story is rated NC-17 just because. So I hope y’all enjoy it, it’s a HAPPY Story everybody! I need to cheer us up since the other story! Hope ya like it! Please send feedback to sweetest_sin21002@yahoo.com

Summary: Read part 1

Disclaimer: Not mine…

Rating: NC-17

“Every Season Has Its Change” Part 2

For a split second all the air is sucked from the room then it rushes back in with Nick's euphoric "Holy cow!"

"Holy cow?" she laughs relieved and amused by his reaction. "This is what you say to the mother of your child."

Nick's amazed he even managed to say that much. The feelings and emotions are tumbling through his body at such a rapid pace there is no way he could articulate any of them. Again his hand cups the back of her head, "Come here" he utters. His lips meet hers and with them he expresses his joy. Laying her down beside him, his mouth and body move over her, offering the words he's too stunned to say.

'I'm ecstatic' her breast is told. It takes the message and p[arse]es it on. Her heart hears first and increases its tempo. A heat pools in her abdomen and her hips become restless to join in the fun. Message given and received, his lips return to hers, leaving his hand to continue spreading the word. As his palm skims down her side it takes a detour and comes to rest over her womb. His mouth leaves hers and intense awed eyes express his unspeakable joy.

"I know" she tells him, her hands framing his face, "I know!"

His arms slide under her back and draw her towards him. He rolls until she's lying above him. Her laughter fills the room. All he can think is, she's so beautiful and she's his! He's immeasurably proud he's made her this happy.

"What are you thinking?" she asks leaning over him. Her hands entangle in his hair as she watches the wheels churning in his brain. She sees embarr[arse]ment flash over his face and becomes concerned. "What?" When he still doesn't appear to be going to speak she pleads "Baby? Talk to me."

He pushes her hair behind her ear and chuckles nervously when it refuses to stay put. He looks up into her inviting eyes and grins guiltily "I uh ... I feel a little cave man actually."

She smiles sliding off him and laying with her head on the pillow next to him. Her hand runs along his cheek turning his face towards her "What do you mean?"

He shifts so they are both on their sides. He moves in close to her pressing her body against his. "I'm proud of us ... of this ..." he looks down at their joined bodies then up again at her face "of getting 'my woman' pregnant."

She giggles and teases "Me Tarzan you Jane."

He laughs "Yeah ... God baby I want to shout it from the rooftops." Her smile drops and he becomes concerned. "What?"

"I don't want to tell people."

Suddenly the air in the room feels stifling "You are ... baby you are happy about this aren't you?"

"Yes! God Nick yes. It's just too soon to tell. I mean I can only be 4 weeks at the most." She smiles and drapes her leg over him pulling him closer. "Just yet. I don't want to tell people just yet."

His hand runs gingerly over her thigh. "What else?"

"What?"

"Something else is bothering you." She rolls away from him but he follows leaning over her "Tell me"

"Baby our original wedding day would have been two weeks ago..."

"Your upset..." she puts her fingers to his lips silencing him.

"I just don't want people thinking we moved it forward because I was pregnant."

"That's not what happened."

"I know but... they'll think it when we announce so soon that I'm pregnant they'll think it."

"Baby do you need the speech" he teases.

"No I don't need the 'Nick's is the only opinion that matters' speech. I know it by heart now."

"You sure?"

"I'm positive" she kisses him letting him feel just how sure she is.

"No speeches, good because I think we've done enough talking already."

She grins "Communication is imperative in a marriage Nick."

He leans closer against her "Maybe so but I have more pressing matters to attend to right now"

"You want to go back to sleep?" she asks with an air of innocence and a finger twirling in his hair.

"Sleep? No, sleeping is not on my agenda."

"Hmmm I like the sound of that. If you're suggesting what I think you're suggesting you're a little overdressed though"

He smiles and shucks out of his boxers. She welcomes him back into her arms and cradles him with her legs. Their lips and hands and skin continue the conversation. Soft and slow, treasuring the feel of each other. He loves the feel of her under and around him. So small, so strong, so soft and now carrying a new life too...

"Wait! Should we do this I mean with you being..."

Jessica laughs "Sex is good for the baby Nick"

He rises up on his elbows and looks down at her surprised "It is?"

"Well it's good for the mother and what's good for the mother has got to be good for the baby."

"Good?" His face looks crestfallen.

"What?"

He rolls onto his back "I'm only good ... all this time and effort and the best you can say is good."

She laughs "Ok how about incredible ... phenomenal ... amazing ... wonderful...."

"Better" he rolls back to her side and rewards each subsequent compliment with a kiss "much better"

With such pleasant rewards being proffered she continues "...mind numbing ... body shattering ... outstanding feats of human endurance that should be written up in...." she stops her face contorting to a frown.

"What? Written up where?"

She giggles "I'm trying to think of some medical texts but God baby while you're doing that my thought processes aren't exactly clear all I can come up with are law journals."

He smiles "Could certainly make studying consumer law more interesting."

"Baby?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are we still talking?"

"Jessica communication is imperative in a marriage" he smugly says.

"Shut up and kiss..." the rest of her sentence is cutoff as he obeys her command.

"Better?" he asks pulling away slightly.

"Much!" her hand draws him back again.

He allows his weight to settle on her again. His eyes scour hers for signs of discomfort. She smiles up at him. Her delight evident in the glow of her face. "You're so beautiful" he hears himself saying. Sometimes the words poor out without intention surprising both of them. Her eyes have a way of unlocking his soul. When she reaches up and draws his mouth down to hers he's glad he said it he doesn't tell her that enough.

"I love you" she says reverently when their mouths separate.

"Lets see if I can do better than good" he teases.

Laughing she says "Nick want to know where I'm most sensitive?"

His eyes darken and the arousal, interest and elation crossing over his face is a little overwhelming. Her fingers raise and touch the center of her forehead. His eyes roam from that spot back to hers.

"Sometimes all it takes is you entering the room."

Compelled by the swell of emotion in him he joins their bodies, whispering "I love you" to her as he does so.

Her head tilts back and her mouth opens on a silent cry of pure delight. He watches her. She's so beautiful, body and soul. He wants more of her, he wants to see it all, gathering her to him he rolls so she's above him. His world, his vision, his love all there before him.

She raises up on her arms, her palms pressing against his shoulders and her eyes bore into him. Her body glides over him as she whispers "Everything ... after that... is just ... a bonus."

He watches her take everything he has to give. Her breasts heaving with each life giving breath. He hears a chant of 'so beautiful' and doesn't know if it's his mind or his voice. His hands slide up her body, across her breasts then over her shoulders as he attempts to draw his shirt off of her. She lays against him, chest to chest, stopping his action.

"I want it on baby" she says against his ear then her lips travel across his jaw line and settle on his mouth. "I want you everywhere" she says continuing across the other side of his jaw "Can never get enough of you" his other ear is told.

She rises again looking down at him and his hands run over her telling her he feels the same. They settle on her sides, his thumbs caressing the swell of her waist. His eyes following their action. Amazement, joy, wonder, incredulity. "A baby" he mouths when his eyes again meet hers. Her eyes are moist, the power of her emotion evident.

"Are you ok? ... Shouldn't you feel sick?"

She shakes her head. "No ... not at all ... I feel great ... I feel ... fantastic"

"No kidding!" he says and framing her face draws her mouth to his.

"Have you ever heard of second trimester hormones" she asks peppering his face with kisses.

He chuckles "Just the name scares me"

She raises enough to look into his eyes. He feels her breath wash over his face. Clenching as she glides she whispers "They can make ... a woman ... incredibly ... incredibly ... [freaky]."

Groaning he draws her against him and rolls them over, "You're going to kill me" he vows before all coherent conversation ceases.




End of part 2.</span>

[littleprincessj]

<span style="font-family:Optima">Title: Every Season Has Its Change Part 3

Author: Jessica

Author’s Note: For those that enjoyed it and gave me feedback thank you very much and thank you to Andrea who helped me so much and Jess! Thanks guys I hope you like this part! Please send feedback to sweetest_sin21002@yahoo.com

Summary: Read 1-2

Disclaimer: Same as always!

Rating: NC-17

“Every Season Has Its Change” Part 3





Day 40


She wakes, as usual, with Nick's hand in her underpants. Jessica laughs to herself at how easily that statement could be misconstrued. Despite where his fingers lay there is nothing sexual about his touch, not yet anyway, give him time to wake and for thought to dictate his actions. For now it's all about love, a ritual of longing and devotion.

Since Nick’s known about her pregnancy his hands have developed a fascination with her abdomen. His hand protectively rests there when idle. Though he cannot feel the baby yet she's sure he'll be the one to know the first moment you can. She smiles thinking there'll be no need for sonograms, a father's loving hand will know all there is to know.

Every morning she wakes to it's pressure and warmth. His thumb resting against her navel, his fingers spanning wide, their tips creeping below her waistband. If she wakes him with just the right kiss he can easily be persuaded to move it ... lower. She feels a steady throbbing arise at the mere thought and turns her face to his. Pressing her mouth to him she nibbles on his lips. It takes a while but eventually his lips respond, then a sleepy tongue seeks entrance. No sooner has it brushed against hers then she feels an unwelcome jolt.

Although her reaction is immediate she barely makes it to the bathroom in time. Nick is there beside her before she knows it. Gathering her hair from off her face, tying it then offering her a wet cloth. "I guess it was too much to expect this would never happen" she says wiping her brow.

"Ah so it's pregnancy and not my morning breath that's to blame" he jokes rubbing her back.

She chuckles and warns "Don't make me laugh" as she reaches up for the hand which is gladly given.

His thumb rubs across her wrist and he tentatively asks "You ok?"

"Yeah" she sighs, resting back against the wall, "I'm fine."

After a while when the color seems to have returned to her face he asks "You hungry? I could make us some eggs." Her face turns green and he instantly regrets it as he watches her body's reaction. Grimacing and rubbing her back he says "Sorry ... Bad joke."

"Ugh my mouth feels horrible" she moans as she leans against the wall again.

Immediately he gets her toothbrush and p[arse]es it to her. She looks at it and then him "You've forgotten something."

"No dry first then if your stomach doesn't react try some water and if it copes with that you can have paste."

She looks up at him curious but he turns and busies himself at the basin. He looks across at her questioning face then with a sigh and a pained expression.
She smiles at him, grateful for help. He pours her a cup of water then walks to her side. They nod at one another. I'm ok, you're ok, we're ok.




Day 50


Nick enters the bedroom and suddenly stops. From this vantage point he can see Jessica, sans clothes, preparing for her bath. His eyes are automatically drawn to her body. Previously had he been asked what a pregnant woman looked like all he'd know to say was a big belly. He'd even admit almost his first instinct on hearing the news was to check for signs of a bulge. He's fascinated by the changes in her, by the fact there's a life growing inside that he played a part in creating. .

As there is nothing tangible for him to hold onto yet it's all still so hard to believe. Even the changes in her body don't scream out baby on board, not to him anyway. At least not in the way he'd expected. There is certainly no bulge, if anything her stomach is flatter than it was before. She's lost weight which is hardly surprising since food no longer agrees with her. Actually a lot of things don't agree with her. Her sense of smell has become more acute causing some rather dramatic reactions. Nick had to change cologne because Jessica threw up every time he approached her. That was a humbling experience but fortunately they quickly realized the cause. Changing colognes was not a big deal to him but she laments the loss of one of her favorite nasal sensations. He said he'd stop bathing altogether if she thought that would suit her better. She [arse]ured him she didn't think that would be necessary.

Hiding in the shadows he watches her now. Once upon a time he would have known for sure he was welcome to join her, now nothing is certain. At times they seem on a roller coaster with both barely holding on. He never knows from one minute to the next if he's the love of her life or the bane of her existence. She hates how moody she's become and finds little consolation in the fact it is a by product of pregnancy and therefore something she has no control over. Control has always been important to her. Lately she has been fearing that her control is slipping away, taking with it other tenets: comp[arse]ion, reason and strength, leaving behind a woman she barely recognizes as herself.

Nick feels a little guilty watching her when she's unaware but he wants to see her. He'd be open about it if he could guarantee tonight she wanted to be seen. She turns and his eyes survey her waist. His hands can span her sides now and his fingertips almost meet in the middle a fact that pleases her more than him. She laments it's destined to change. Her small waist barely warrants a second thought from him as he finds another new facet of her body far more intriguing.

Jessica's breasts seem to get bigger everyday and Nick likes to go to a considerable effort to prove that theory. Her new body turns him on to such an extent, seeing her before him like this, he can barely think straight. At first she felt disheartened by his enthusiasm as if previously he'd thought she'd been lacking but he [arse]ured her that wasn't the case. It isn't so much the new dimensions but the implication behind them that most blows his mind. Not that he doesn't like the dimensions too.

Last night as they lay in bed he'd teased her that women pay a lot of money for breast enlargements but she only had to sleep with him to get them. Her reply, as she turned her back to him, was if breast enhancement had been her objective then there was no need to have sex with him anymore. This was an opinion he was compelled to prove wrong. He does believe he put up a very convincing argument if the contented expression on her face as she drifted off to sleep was any indication.

Watching her now he'd be quite happy to debate it with her again but she's been quiet tonight and he doesn't feel it's right to try. Jessica moves out of his sight and he hears the water ripple as she slides into the tub. 'Shows over' he thinks sadly. He's about to move from his perch against the door frame when he hears a much welcomed purr "If you bring me a cold drink I may even let you join me."

Nick doesn't have to be told twice.




Day 63


'It's the end of an era' Nick thinks as the car comes to a stop. From now on they'll be thought of as Nick and Jessica, parents to be. As proud as he is of that, he's enjoyed keeping it secret. At first he wanted to tell everyone, but now he's content with the silence, although he's almost let it slip a few times. It's the first time in a long time they've had anything that is just between them. Once it becomes known their business becomes everyone's business. When a child is involved people feel they have a right to know everything and everyone knows best what should be done. So much of their relationship is played out in public that having something that only they know has been a thrill. Part of him wants to shout the news from the rooftops but part of him wants to keep the secret still. He feels a pang of regret that they are here now for dinner at Cacee’s with an announcement to be made.

He sighs and looks across at Jessica planning to ask if she's ready to go in. Their eyes meet and he sees his own desires reflected in hers. No words need to be spoken. A whole conversation is carried out with a look and a nod. A night spent among friends announcing their news or a night spent in each others arms coveting their secret. Nick reaches for the ignition as Jessica reaches for her cell phone. He holds in his chuckle as she offers the lamest of excuses but the moment she disconnects he laughs loudly "You're a hopeless liar."

"Well next time I'll do the driving and you deceive our friends" she retorts.

Nick's forced to pull the car over and kiss her with delight at her belief there'll be a next time. That her p[arse]ion is as strong as his always amazes him. That she'd willingly drop everything now and in the future just to be with him is a fact he finds little short of miraculous. It's these moments that remind him why he so loves this woman by his side.




Day 79


Jessica stands letting the water pour over her but she barely notices it. Her mind is churning going over and over the performance she has to rehearse for today. She's going to be in her husband’s hometown and she’s nervous because of the way people have reacted to their relationship. Her hand skims over her abdomen thinking about her own child. It all becomes that much more crucial when she envisions the life she's carrying.
Nick opening the shower curtain startles Jessica out of her musings. His face is pure concern when he asks "You ok?" She mumbles a reply clueing him into the fact it's her mind not her body causing today's delay. His eyes, comp[arse]ionate and secure, never leave hers. His query brings voice to her morning's mantra.

"I've got to do good Nick, if I don't do good..."

Nick doesn't allow her to continue in doubt stopping her by voicing his belief "You will." When her responding look is one of uncertainty he voices it again, more insistently, "You will!"

The certainty in his eyes [arse]ures her. She draws from them strength and nods her renewed belief. It's only then he allows his eyes to drop and scan her naked body. The corners of his mouth draw up as he says "Especially if you turn up looking like that." She laughs and her hand pulls on the open collar of his shirt until his lips are close enough for her to thank him for reviving her joy.

A quick kiss and then Nick backs away allowing Jessica to climb from the tub. Watching her he moves into protective mode, questioning her on her food intake, her strength, her stress levels. Groaning she wraps the towel around her and leaves the room. Just because she knows he's doing it to help get her psyched for today doesn't mean she has to appreciate it. Well she does but that doesn't stop her from complaining.

They continue to bicker and banter as she gets ready for rehearsal and it's not until she climbs into the car that she realizes she hasn't worried about her performance for over half an hour. Nick's grin tells her he knows her thoughts.

"Just drive!" she grumbles and is delighted with his answering laugh.




Day 85


Nick's head is churning, worrying about the implications of Jessica's outburst. (She had come and stayed in the office with him after her rehearsal today and she was there during the firm’s meeting) He doesn't think its pregnancy. She was nauseous this morning but no more so than usual. Something definitely has her upset though. The way she pounced on Justin and her embittered "She should be shot" are not examples of normal Jessica behavior. He saw the looks exchanged around the conference table after that and quickly changed the subject to get the attention off of her. His own attention was harder to shake though, his thoughts were constantly returning to her, wondering what has upset her so. As the meeting finishes up Nick says "Jessica, in my office."

She looks up but too late to meet his eye. He's already out the door and walking away so she gets up and follows him. He stands in the doorway and closes the door behind her after she enters.

"What's wrong?" they ask simultaneously.

Smiling she motions for him to go first and he asks "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, why?"

"You were acting a little aggressive in there."

"What? I was not!"

"You bit Justin’s head off and told him his client should be shot ... that's normal behavior for you?"

Jessica grimaces and turns away walking towards the couch "I'll apologize to Justin."

"Baby I'm not worried about Justin. Are you ok?"

"It just ... it made me so mad. How can a woman have so little comp[arse]ion ... 8 months pregnant Nick and she's smoking crack ... its insane!" Her voice rises as she speaks her anger escalating again.

"Calm down”

"I won’t calm down! Nick have you ever seen a crack baby? Do you have any idea what a painful...?”

He walks towards her grabbing her hand. "Hey stop it!" She looks away from him and he tugs gently on her hand drawing her attention back to him "What's really wrong?"

"I'm scared" she says quietly.

"Of what?"

"Baby I'm so close to the end of the first trimester now and ..." she looks down.

"What? Tell me?" he steps closer forcing himself into her field of vision.

"The likelihood of going full term increases after that and ... I'm afraid to prematurely believe it's going to work out. I'm afraid the moment I do and let my guard down something will go wrong and so when I hear of someone whose baby has fought 8 months to stay alive so callously put it at risk like that ... it's ... it's incomprehensible Nick and I ... I just saw red ... I'll apologize to Justin."

He runs his hands along her arms soothingly and she looks up at his face. She can tell she has surprised and unnerved him. She didn't mean to make him fearful too. His optimism has soothed her for so long she'd hate for him to lose it. Especially now, with Scott's debacle, he needs something good to hold onto. She drops her head against his chest and as his arms encircle her as she says "I'm sorry baby."

"Shhhh its ok ... our baby's fine Jess nothing's going to go wrong." She nods but no where near convincingly enough for him. He moves away enough to be able to look at her face "Remember what our baby is Jessica?"

"What's that?"

"Half you and half me which means it will be so damn stubborn nothing will make it budge. It will be sticking around to torment us in our old age just you wait and see."

She smiles and returns to his arms "I hope so"

"Everything will be ok baby" he promises rocking her gently, hoping it's a promise he can deliver.




End of part 3.</span>

[littleprincessj]

<span style="font-family:Optima">Title: Every Season Has Its Change Part 4

Author: Jessica

Author’s Note: For those that enjoyed it and gave me feedback thank you very much and thank you to Andrea who helped me so much and Jess! Thanks guys I hope you like this part! Please send feedback to sweetest_sin21002@yahoo.com

Summary: Read 1-3
Disclaimer: Not mine!
“Every Season Has Its Change” Part 4

Day 90


With an air of despondency Nick sat on the end of the bed, his elbows resting on his knees and his head sunk into his hands. He found it hard to believe it had come to this. Jessica was slowly driving him insane. He'd tried everything but no matter what he said he merely dug himself a bigger hole to fall into. In the end the only choice he felt he had left was to leave. So here he is hiding out in the bedroom feeling for the entire world like a coward.

Well if he's here he may as well make it an early night he decides and rises to change. He's returned from the bathroom and is setting the alarm when he senses her presence. He decides it's probably the ten foot ball of 'Nick's an insensitive jerk' air she carries with her everywhere at the moment that alerted him of her arrival. Her aura has a way of sucking all the life out of a room and his body tenses instinctively as she approaches.

Jessica watches him and thinks if he could always look like this then maybe she could handle living with him. He does have a nice back and he fills out a pair of black silk boxers well. His dark hair starkly contrasts the smooth pale skin of his neck and beckons her to slide her fingers through it. Just as those silk clad cheeks tempt her fingers to cup and knead. She can't touch him though as then he'd turn and she has to contend with his face. Those know it all eyes and that smirking mouth. She sighs and shakes her head. She notices he's supposedly still checking the alarm and knows he just doesn't want to turn and meet her eyes. Guilt washes over her. How did they get this way?

"Baby" she says taking a step into the room determined to heal this rift.

"What?" he replies and the animosity she hears re-ignites her wrath.

"Forget it!" she storms into the bathroom slamming the door.

He turns around in time to see her immediately open the door again.

"No I wont forget it. Nicholas we need to talk."

'Here we go' he thinks and walks back to the foot of the bed and sits ready for lecture number 203 of the day.

"I just thought ... I thought this would make us happy" she says.

"I am happy" he snaps back. His manner, his tone, his whole demeanor screaming otherwise. He doesn't mean to snap at her but when you've been on the defensive for so long it's hard to let your guard down.

Jessica looks down at him wondering why she bothers. His eyes narrow as he looks back up at her. She snarls, "Well you've got a hell of a way of showing it" and returns to the bathroom.

Nick flops back on the bed and stares at the ceiling wishing somewhere up there was written the dealing with Jessica code. He knows some days he's as much to blame as her but today he can honestly say he thinks he's innocent. All he's done all night is try and help but no matter what he said or did it was the wrong thing. He's been considerate. Hell for him he's been angelic but it has made no difference. He's public enemy number one and just needs to learn to live with it.

He hears her return to the room but doesn't make a move to acknowledge it. Nope the ceiling is just way too fascinating for him to drag his eyes away from, even for Jessica. He feels her hand brush against his hip and his eyes close under the weight of the realization she's going to insist on getting his attention. Her fingers play with the edge of the leg band of his boxers. As she rubs it back and forth her nails lightly tickle his thigh. He expects her to speak but she doesn't. The only sound in the room is their breathing.

Nick turns his head and looks at her. Her eyes are focused on the actions of her fingers and he moves his hand to still hers. She looks at him then and sighs at what she perceives as rejection. He sees genuine contrition behind her anger and feels that maybe this time they will actually talk. He allows his own manner to relax, determined not to be confrontational. He can do supportive, he's been practicing.

She steps forward and sits beside him on the bed. He stays where he is and watches the tension play over her back.

"Baby" he says quietly, hoping to kick start some form of resolution.

"Please don't speak" she replies and he's surprised to hear despair in her tone.

His hands raise from the mattress and drop again in a questioning gesture but with her back to him she doesn't see it. It was more instinctive then communicative anyway. He returns to perusing the ceiling sure in the knowledge nothing is going to happen under his terms so he may as well wait to see what hers are. Sure enough he soon hears her mumble "I hate this"

"What?" he asks gently.

Jessica stands and Nick fears his one word has set her off again but she merely turns to look at him. She looks so.... He doesn't know what it is she looks like but it's not his Jessica.

"Can I ... Baby can I say something ... hateful ... without you getting hurt?"

He sits up and opens his mouth but she presses her fingers against his lips. 'Oh that's right no talking' he remembers. He nods at her and lets his face tell her what his voice isn't allowed to.

"I'm ... I'm going insane Baby I swear it ... and ... and you're the cause. Every time you speak it just grates on me and ... what's worse is I know you're not really to blame. It's me ... I'm moody and annoyed and ... I know I'm being unreasonable but I just can't seem to stop myself. I hate this."

He reaches out and takes her hand encouraging her to sit back down to the bed with him.

"I hate that I'm moody and I hate that I'm taking it out on you and I hate myself..."

He pulls on her so she's lying flat and, turning to face her, hovers over her and says "Enough! That's where I draw the line Jessica. Take it out on me I don't care, hate me all you want but don't start hating yourself."

"I don't hate you."

"It feels like it sometimes."

"I know and I'm sorry."

"It's ok. Don't be sorry."

"It's not ok. Baby you wouldn't even look at me before."

"That was my mistake I should have been more..."

Jessica remembers exactly why he's driving her insane. She feels patronized when he treats her like this, like she can do no wrong and he has to be the one making all the sacrifices because she's pregnant and can't be expected to act normally.

"For God's sake Nicholas!" she says trying to push him away.

He sits up "I give up!"

Turning to look accusingly at her he sees anxiety on her face "That's what I'm afraid of" she says so sadly he relents and lays back down with her.

"What do you want from me?" he asks stroking her hair...

"If I knew that do you think I'd be making us both so miserable?"

"You're not making ..."

"Baby I love you but you're driving me insane!"

He moves his arm so he's trapping her under him and caresses her cheek trying to remove some of the tension there. "The feelings mutual" he whispers.

They look at one another tentatively. Eyes trying to interpret what minds cannot understand. Her hand raises and cups the back of his neck drawing his lips to hers. He's surprised she's kissing him he certainly saw no desire to do so in her look. Acrimony yes arousal no. But that this kiss is designed to arouse is without doubt. He knows her kisses and his body definitely recognizes this one. If this kiss doesn't prove that no matter how well he knows her she'll always be a mystery to him nothing would. He'd been [arse]uming he'd end up on the couch tonight not in her arms. He worries its only guilt making her do this and pulls out of the kiss.

"Are you sure you want this?" he asks, his eyes unconsciously telegraphing how much he does.

"Yes!"

Her reply sets him in motion. His kisses travel over her jaw, down her neck and across her chest. His hands actively explore the body that monopolizes his dreams.

"Baby I ... I'm so frustrated" he hears and smiles.

Rising off her he sits and his hands reach under her nightie and draw her underwear down "I can help with that" he promises in his huskiest tone. He knows what that tone does to her.

To his disappointment she says "No not like that" as she kicks the material away. "Come back up here."

He moves back up the bed fearing once again he's read her wrong. When her arms encircle him he feels encouraged to continue what he had been doing. She seemed to like his kisses before so he zeroes in on her neck again.

"What I meant was ... I'm ... I've got ..."

He stops kissing her neck and pulls away to look at her. When she hesitates before continuing he encouragingly asks "What?"

"I'm frustrated ... I ... I need to ... I want control over something ... I feel ... I want to be aggressive."

His eyes darken and with the slack jawed look on his face she fears he's about to drool on her. The insistent prod against her thigh alerts her that someone is very interested in what she just said. He leans more fully against her and with a mischievous grin asks "Are you going to hurt me?"

'Please please please' she thinks she sees his eyes say. Proof to her he has no idea how much pent up emotion she really feels. There is so much broiling inside her she's a little afraid of how far she might go but he's obviously underestimating how she feels. 'Time to show him' she thinks. Pushing him off her she rises to her knees and says "Not intentionally."

He lays back still grinning up at her. She leans over him and presses her lips against his. She pushes his hands to rest on the mattress by his head after he tries to touch her. Holding them there she kisses him furiously. His moan reverberates through her. She can feel his excitement in the heat radiating off his body. She stops seconds before stealing his last breath and smiles as he gasps for air when his mouth is released. He's not so [friend]y anymore. Behind the arousal in his eyes she sees the realization dawn that he may well be in trouble.

Moving away from him her hands grip the waistband of his boxers. "These have got to go" she says and barely gives him time to raise his hips before she drags them off. She looks immeasurably pleased with his startled reaction and before he's managed to compose a response she straddles his hips and, lowering herself, sheaths him in her warmth.

"Good gawwwwd" he groans as his body expresses its startled response. He has no objection to foregoing foreplay but this is like turning up to an audition and having the curtains open onto an opening night crowd. He might be taken by surprise but the show is definitely going on. As he wills his body not to betray him yet he can hear his heart beating furiously and realizes his eyes are screwed tightly shut.

Opening them he looks at her amused eyes. 'Payback' he thinks and reaches out to touch her but she grips his wrists and signaling with her eyes towards the headboard says "Keep them there."

Being the obedient boy he is he grips the spindles of the headboard and keeps his eyes glued to her. He's never seen her like this before and he's fascinated. She's completely still and just watching him. Nick suspects she's waiting for him to misbehave so he stubbornly doesn't. Her hands move from their resting place on her thighs to his abdomen. Slowly softly she trails the backs of her fingers up his sides sending a barrage of sensation through his body. She continues trailing her fingers across his skin until the tingling tension is almost unbearable. That such a soft caress can so ignite him amazes and torments him adding to his sweet torture is the fact apart from her hands she isn't moving.

He feels on fire, trapped in her heat, consumed by it. He feels it permeating into him, swelling him to the point where he fears if she doesn't move soon he's going to explode. She's surrounding him, bathing him in heat. She's taken him into her, owns him now and shows no sign of ever letting him go. As much as he's quite happy to never leave he needs to move. His body cries out for it and he can't hold back anymore and keep his sanity. He wants to buck underneath her. He needs friction before the pleasure crosses the line into pain. It feels so good it's too good and he fears he's one second away from unbearable.

The chant of 'have to move have to move have to move' has been increasing in fervency throughout his body and he moans desperately "Lindsay!"

Her hands still then move to flatten against his hips. Resting there they balance her and subdue him. He understands their message; she's in control, he's not to move, this is her show. If it will get him what he wants he won't argue. Slowly she rises until he almost slips from her. Her snail like pace after such a long anticipation intensifies the sensation along every inch of him. The cool air on his skin after such prolonged heat is almost enough to make him lose it completely.

Again his eyes slam shut of their own accord and as his breath catches in his chest he thinks 'Ohgodthisisjusttoogood!' He waits for her to slam back down again knowing when she does he'll be buried so deep he'll never find his way back out. Right now he can't imagine ever wanting to be out though. In fact he wants back in but what's taking her so long. His eyes open and as if she was waiting for just that she begins to move again.

Jessica lowers herself just as slowly as she'd earlier raised and Nick lets out a long groan that had he been able to form words may have been Ohgodyou'regoingtokillme.

Jessica continues this excruciating pace. Taking what to Nick's fevered mind feels like five minute to rise and five minutes to fall. All he knows is it is tortuously exhilarating and he needs to be able to move within her. His body is crying out with the need to thrust up into her. To grab her hips and slam her down against him. The pace is killing him he needs so much more. He needs her to speed up before he goes insane.

Nick can hear someone begging and wonders if it's really him the longer she continues the more out of control his body feels until he's frantic, desperate to act, wanting it to stop, wanting it to never end, out of his mind with sensations and emotions he can't express and becoming delirious with the need to act and for release.

Jessica had no idea when she started this that she would make him wait so long but then she had no idea this pace would feel so good to her. It may be tortuous for him but for her it's phenomenal. She can feel each nerve ending being stimulated as he slides through her, the slow motion heightening her sensitivity until her body screams and burns, until she believes she can feel each molecule drawing apart ready to explode and send her into the ether.

As if in sympathy with the pace she's set she feels a bead of sweat slowly travel down her body, through the valley between her breasts, down down the path Nick's hands would take if she hadn't forbid their use. It reminds her of her love to be touched and she looks at him almost as if she'd forgotten he was there. His head is thrashing against the sheets, his white knuckles gripping the spindles, his mouth begging, half in silence half in words for her to stop, to continue, to help, for more, faster, harder, more. 'Oh he's ready' she thinks and puts her final plan into play.

Just when Nick thinks the torture can't get any worse Jessica's body clenches gripping him tighter as she rises again. It feels like his whole life is being drawn up out of him as she moves. He hears a plaintive cry and pities the guy who sounds as if he's dying but oh what a way to go! Barely able to focus he looks up at her and is surprised to see her looming closer as she slides back down. Her body braces over his. Her hands no longer staying at his hips but resting besides his head. The heat and pressure as they lay chest to chest is so welcomed. He wants to touch her. He wants to wrap his arms around her and lose all his pent up emotions in her. Her breath warms a path along his neck as she moves to whisper in his ear. He hears her say "Do it" and loses all ability to think.

Flipping them he's pounding into her seeking the release he'd so long desired before he even knows he's moved. His body is in charge now, fully. His mind focused only on how incredible it feels and how much more he wants to feel. No thoughts are put into his actions just a primitive instinctual quest for pleasure. When he feels her muscles clenching around him of their own accord and her body buck under his as she murmurs his name he erupts. His body exploding, his mind pummeled with sensation while his hips continue to thrust. Shock waves ripple through him as he feels her hands urging him on, drawing him closer, and exalting him.

Collapsed over her he suspects it may have been three days before he found the strength to gather her to him and roll over. He'd talk, he'd kiss her, and he’d do something if only he could get a single muscle in his body to respond. He feels her fingers running through his hair and opens his eyes seeing concern on her face. He summons all his energy and smiles at her and is pleased at the relief that washes over her face. She lies against his chest and he croakily says "My God baby what was that?"

She giggles nervously and rises to look at him again. Her hand cups his cheek as she asks "Are you ok?"

"Depends" he says "Am I still in one piece?" Apart from the joy of having her against him he really can't feel a thing. Just a heavy, although wonderful, lethargy.

"You don't see me anymore Nicholas" she quietly says leaving Nick wondering if he lost some brain cells or whether she is just not making sense.

She's leaning over him and looking deep into his eyes. He feels she's got him right where she wants him; too tired to move and too stunned to comment. All he can do is stare back. Disappointed by his silence Jessica turns and sits up.

Feeling her draw away both physically and emotionally Nick grabs onto her arm. She turns back to look at him and he sees tears in her eyes. "I just ..." he starts to say but doesn't know how to continue. He sits up and while doing so considers what she said. He doesn't understand it one bit. How could she say he doesn't see her? He delights in looking at her. Watching the changes in her body, the joy in her eyes, the excitement and incredulity that he knows equals if not surp[arse]es his own. He looks over at her and says "I don't know what you mean by that."

"You only see ... " she sighs torn between saying it and risking getting him mad at her or just learning to live with it.

"Baby" he pleads.

She looks at him. Sees in his eyes the confusion he feels, knows if she can ever make him understand her it's now. She moves towards him, kneels over him and again straddles his thighs although the purpose this time is so their eyes are level. His hands hesitantly raise then rest on her thighs. 'I'm here, I'm listening, don't run away' is the message they send. She quietly begins to speak.

"You don't see me ... you only see this person you think I am now ...'Pregnant Jessica' ... but that's not who I am. I'm pregnant Nick but I'm still me. I want you to see me. I miss the way you used to look at me; the way you'd touch me, hold me, make love to me ... You never lose control anymore. You're always so cautious, so gentle, and protective and ... I'm still here but you don't see me."

"That's what this was? You wanted me to see you?"

"No I wanted you to forget me."

"What!"

"I wanted you to forget who you think I am, forget everything and just be you. I wanted to see you ... to see how you really feel without you holding back. I wanted to feel like you want me."

"Baby you know I do."

"I need you to trust me baby."

"I do!"

"No you don't. I tell you everything is fine and you still hold back. I need you to believe if I say it's good it is good. If I say I want it I do want it. I'm pregnant ... I'm not fragile."

Nick nods hearing what she's saying but feeling it's impossible for him to do as she asks. He can't not look at her in awe, in adoration and with a fierce desire to protect her, its how he feels and he can't change that. The longing in her eyes though tells him he has to try. Then he realizes it's not that she doesn't want him to feel those things but that she needs to know he feels them and more. As well as his pride she wants his p[arse]ion. He has to let himself give in to his emotions, he has to let her see how strongly he feels.

Jessica sees her message has got through and decides to let him off the hook a little. She lies down and holds her arms out to him. He slides down the bed and lies besides her drawing her body back against his. His hands slide over her back as her cheek comes to rest on his chest.

"Tonight felt wonderful baby"

"Incredible"

"Tell me how it felt"

He rolls them over and looks down at her questioning face. How can he put into words what she did to him? "It was ... it was like every breath would be my last but I wanted to take it anyway..." her smile tells him he's doing well so he continues "it was agonizing, it was frustrating but it was exhilarating. I didn't know what I wanted more ... for it to never end or for it to stop all I knew was I wanted you."

Jessica pulls him down so she can kiss him then rolls them so she's on top again. She slides off him and plays her fingers across his chest while speaking quietly into his ear.

"Baby how you felt ... every inch of you crying out for relief ... frustrated to the point of ... that's how I feel sometimes ... only ... only for me there is nothing I can do to relieve it. Does that make any sense to you?"

"Tell me what I can do to help?" he asks turning to her.

"Nick there isn't really anything you can do. Just be supportive ... but not too supportive."

"That clears things up so much Jessica,"

She laughs and raises up on her elbow. "Tonight you were too much, cloyingly so. I was feeling trapped and you ... God you were so persistent and so smothering ... Every time I turned around you were there when all I really wanted was space."

"You should have told me."

"I did but you were so busy trying to fix everything you weren't listening ... sometimes the supportive thing to do is to walk away."

"Yeah but then you miss me and come looking for me."

"Actually I was just tired and ready for bed."

"Liar!"

She giggles and relaxes against his chest. "You're trying too hard Nicholas. Don't try and be perfect because Perfect Nicholas is a pain in the [arse] I'd much rather have you."

"Perfect Nicholas?" he laughs "And who am I? Flawed Nicholas?"

Jessica's fingers run over his face, rasping through the stubble they encounter there. Her eyes become entranced watching their journey and her answer is lost before she's thought to voice it. Sensing her mind wandering Nick moves his head enough to cause her fingers to brush against his mouth. Capturing a finger lightly between his teeth he draws her attention back to him. When she looks at him in momentary confusion he asks "Who am I?"

Remembering his earlier question she smiles and lowers her mouth to his. "You're my Nicholas" she whispers as their lips touch.

They share long languid kisses, little movements, little touches, licks and nibbles, shared murmurs and breaths. Jessica pulls away so she can look at him and Nick sees the shutters slowly closing over her eyes.

"Let's get some sleep" he says and without speaking she sidles against him and her breathing evens out almost immediately. Although she has given him a lot to think about, his body has other plans and he quickly follows her into sleep.




Day 94


"Don't touch!" Jessica hisses for the fourth time in as many minutes. She figures she should be grateful Nick is giving her a taste of what parenthood is like but she isn't. Their technician is running late, she needs to pee ... badly, and Nick is annoying her. She knows its nervous excitement, and she loves him for it, she just wishes he wasn't so painful when he's being adorable. He sits in the technicians chair and again reaches out for the equipment. "Baby!" she warns but he ignores her. Picking up the speculum he talks to it as if it's a microphone and he's a sporting commentator "Yes folks we have the formidable Jessica Lachey laid out before us now..."

"You do realize where that goes?" she asks and watches as comprehension sinks in. The look of horror on his face as he puts it back before shooting out of the chair and across the room is worth the fact she almost wets herself laughing.

Finally the technician enters the room. Nick's guilt ridden face and deer in headlights look garners a second glance from her and she smiles thinking you can never be sure of the reaction of an expectant dad. He hovers as far away as possible. Jessica recognizes the squeamish look on his face as the gel is spread over her stomach. She can almost hear his cry of 'too much information.' The technician noticing the direction of Jessica's gaze turns to Nick and says "You won't have much of a view from over there dad."

Nick's eyes light up at the title and with a smile he walks towards Jessica's outstretched hand. He rests his chin on the pillow beside her. She watches him grow with pride as they listen to their baby's heartbeat. His face scrunches in concentration as he tries to decipher which glob on the screen is his child. When he finally recognizes an outstretched foot without being prompted he feels happier then he ever remembers feeling. He kisses her there and then, witnesses be damned, and that act alone proves to her more than any words could how much this child means to him.

Five printed pictures later and with a video in hand Nick is a walking talking ball of energy as they walk towards their car. "God that was incredible!" he says for perhaps the 5th time "The heart was beating, you could see it on the screen, amazing! You should have seen ..."

"Baby I was there!" Jessica reminds him and he laughs.

They reach the car and he turns and stands before her. His eyes so vibrant so alive. He kisses her tenderly, reverently, his hands smoothing down her arms. One snakes in to rest where their child lays. "We just saw our baby" he says awed.

Jessica nods, "Yeah" she says softly. No words she can come up with are powerful enough to express how she feels. She doesn't need to tell him though. He knows.

"Let's go home" Nick says and Jessica smiles.

They'd had plans for the day. They'd intended to take advantage of the fact that neither was working this beautiful spring afternoon and really make a day of it. She's quite happy to forgo that idea though as she's sure they can make some wonderful memories at home too.

"Ok" she says and the pleasure that flashes across his face tells her she made the right decision.

The drive home is an experience. Jessica doesn't think she's ever seen Nick this animated. He hasn't stopped talking since the sonogram finished, he's normal controlled demeanor is lost in a body that can't keep still and his smile is blinding. As he pulls up outside their house he looks at her, she looks at him and they laugh. The emotions coursing through them are too many and too intense and they need release.

By the time they reach the front door clothes are already being shed. She opens the door and feels herself being rushed through it then suddenly her back is against it and the vibrations as it slams shut behind her set her body on fire. Or maybe that's Nick's hands and mouth doing that. She tugs on his shirt until she's managed to get it un-tucked and her hands underneath. He's just as desperate for the feel of skin and the sound of a button hitting the floor alerts her to how fevered his actions are. She pushes him away enough to move her body away from the door and start heading in the direction of their bedroom.

His hands and lips stay in contact with her until the jacket she's attempted to remove from him tangles his arms. He shrugs it off quickly, followed by the t-shirt that has become bunched around his chest. Leaving them behind without a second thought. The predatory look in his eye as he follows her down the hallway sends a rush of heat through her. Her own shirt drags along the floor. She managed to remove one arm but the other hand holds the precious pictures and video. She cannot let them go, they're too beloved to merely be dropped to the floor. As her legs hit the bed and she falls back she finally allows her fingers to release their grasp. He's joined her in a heartbeat, their lips and limbs a tangle of desire. Clothes are quickly discarded and they make love amidst the scattered images of the fruits of their love.

Later they order takeout and watch their new favorite video before making love again. Nick's p[arse]ion has been re-ignited. Jessica's unsure whether it's because he's taken notice of her plea from last week or, through watching the strong rhythmic heartbeat of their child, he's come to realize she contains strength not fragility. Either way she is more than pleased with the result.

"I'll never forget today" he whispers to her as they lay in bed that night.

"Me neither" she replies "I've never wanted to pee so badly in all my life"

It's a wonder the neighbors didn't call the authorities after the frantic shriek that soon ensued from the room but maybe the laughter that followed was their saving grace.




Day 103


"How's flipper doing?" Nick asks walking into the kitchen.

Jessica looks up from her seat at the table and laughs "What have you been smoking?"

He kisses her and whispers "I'm high on life" then leans back against the countertop.

"Flipper?" she asks.

"Well we can't just keep calling it 'it'. As you wouldn't let us find out what 'it' was we can't use he or she so we have to call it something."

"And the best you could come up with is flipper?"

"Well what do we know about it except it makes your stomach flip."

She rolls her eyes. "A name is a cute idea baby but I'm not calling my baby flipper."

"Not even for me?"

She looks up at him and is pleased to see only mischief in his eyes. Thank goodness she was afraid he may have had his heart set on it. "Not even for you" she says.

"I'm devastated" he mumbles.

Jessica rises from the table and sliding her hands up his arms says "Let me make it up to you."

Devastated would not be an acceptable adjective to describe Nick’s reaction.




Day 111


He hears a startled cry of "Baby!" and runs to Jessica's side. She's standing in the bedroom, a model of concentration, with her hand clutching her belly.

"Oh God! What's wrong?" Nick asks beginning to panic but she looks up at him and beams.

"He moved?"

"He?"

"It .. her ... him ... whatever. Baby I felt movement!"

"Did you have beans for lunch?" he teases walking forwards and laying his hand beside hers. She laughs long and loud alerting him to just how overjoyed she feels. Normally that type of comment would have been met with either a groan or a swat.

He moves to stand behind her, cradling her body with his. Their staggered hands cover every inch of her abdomen. She rests her head back against his shoulder, his breaths puffing by her ear. They are silent, faces turned to one another eyes expectant and anticipatory but nothing happens. He lowers his mouth to her ear and whispers "I think your shriek scared him off."

Jessica giggles, too euphoric to take any offence. She's felt life inside of her. Felt the proof of the rewards of their love. Rubbing his thumbs softly against her skin Nick soothingly says "It's ok your mommy isn't as crazy as you might think ... I kinda like her and I know you will too ... so come say hello ... it's safe daddy's here now."

Jessica laughs again and Nick smiles never having had it so easy. Her laugh is cut short by another flutter and she doesn't have to ask if he felt it too it's written all over his face. He lets go and moving to stand in front of her drops to his knees. His cheek rests where his hands had been. She runs her hands through his hair.

"Can you hear anything?" she asks curious.

"Um ... hang on ..." an awed "yeah!" fills the room.

"Really?" her fingers still. "What..." she begins to ask but he motions for her to be silent.

He listens intently then quietly, thoughtfully says, "It sounds like ... he's complaining about no TV"

She pushes his head away but his hold on her is too tight for it to have an effect. Chuckling, his cheek resumes its place against her, her hand cradles it there.


 </span>

[littleprincessj]

<span style="font-family:Optima">Title” Every Season Has Its Change Part 5

Author: Jessie

Author’s Note: For those that enjoyed it and gave me feedback thank you very much and thank you to Andrea who helped me so much and Jess! In this part of the story Scott Wallace is briefly mentioned…this is an old friend of Nick’s who is in trouble for murdering his wife and Nick helps him as his attorney. Thanks guys I hope you like this part! Please send feedback to sweetest_sin21002@yahoo.com

Summary: See 1-4

Disclaimer: Nope, not mine!

“Every Season Has Its Change” Part 5

Day 115


Nick approaches the front door with a mix of excitement and trepidation. Which incarnation of his wife will he find there tonight? She's riding the pregnancy roller coaster now and he's just holding on for dear life. Yesterday they'd traveled home together, perfectly happy, perfectly sane. He left her alone for ten minutes while he changed out of his suit only to return and find her a m[arse] of tears on the couch. He was mortified until she calmed enough to explain she'd just seen a long distance phone commercial.

He couldn't help it, he laughed, which set her to crying again, only this time lamenting the fact she'd become one of those people who cries at sappy commercials. He found her adorable but wasn't silly enough to say so. Usually he doesn't mind teary Jessica; at least she likes to keep him close. She doesn't ask much of him, just a shoulder to cry on and arms to hold her but some of the other Jessica's he's met lately scare him.

In fact drill sergeant Jessica terrifies him. Unfortunately she's been making regular appearances of late. It's a delicate balancing act keeping her appeased and not losing his own cool and he's really not up to the task tonight. Today has been a tough day and Nick's afraid, for once, he won’t be able to curb his temper. Although it has come down to him walking out and spending a few extra hours at the office in the past, tonight the office is the last place he wants to be. He looks down at his watch and grimaces knowing he's an hour later than he said he'd be. That could spell disaster. If there is one thing the sergeant likes, its punctuality.

He's not in the mood tonight for a berating, or even tears for that matter. No he wants the woman he married. The one who can soothe him with a look, a touch or a gentle word. He knows, when the hormones allow it, she's still there. He hopes tonight will be one of those rare times when his Jessica greets him as he walk into the house.

Slowly he opens the door. Looking in he sees no dragon lady waiting for him with her hands on hips and a scowl on her face. That's a good sign he thinks and takes a step in. No sappy love songs drifting through the rooms, no weird noises suggesting a frenzy of illogical activity, it feels like ... home. He smiles and turns to close the door, as he's snapping the lock in place he finds himself slammed against the wall. "About time" he hears in a voice an octave lower than he's heard in a while and the blood starts pumping south in reaction. He's spun around and lips are attached to his before he's had time to consciously react. His briefcase is dropped and his arms reach out to find ... skin.

"God" he moans into the hot mouth har[arse]ing his so incredibly. Her hands are just as busy, pulling his shirt from his pants, undoing buttons and then sliding up his bare chest. They reach his shoulders then push off the offending articles of clothing. He lets her go long enough for his overcoat and jacket to slide off his arms but unfortunately the shirt has other ideas. The cuffs stick around his wrist trapping him. Whimpering in frustration she tugs on it uselessly until he shakes her off so he can undo the cuffs himself. He'll be in a straight jacket if she has her way he thinks. Not that the thought of being tied up and ravaged by her doesn't have it's appeal but earlier he managed to touch skin and he wants more than anything to touch some more. He counts himself fortunate he had the foresight to remove his tie before arriving home or he could have been in a dire predicament right about now.

Jessica makes herself busy as he untangles his hands. Buckle, button, zipper and his pants are around his ankles. He'd guessed her intent and toed of his shoes before they could get in the way. Dropping his shirt he steps out of the mess of clothes and she's back in his arms where she belongs. Her hands, distracted from their mission to remove his boxers, seek out the rippling muscles of his back as his mouth again descends on hers. Unfortunately with no one offering directions their progress is only as far as the opposite wall missing the hallway by two feet.

'Close enough', Jessica thinks as she's trapped between two deliciously hard surfaces, 'enough time wasting.'

Her arms wrap around his neck and she feels his hands cup her thighs. Knowing he's supporting her she wraps her legs around him and feels him lift her up. Her shoulders are pinned against the wall as he braces them there. She can feel him moving around her but only cares that she can taste him, his hot warmth, his skin and his mouth. His moans echo through her body as they leave his mouth and enter hers. This is what she's needed. His hands leave her but she's holding on tight enough for both of them. Nothing will separate them now. She kisses him and kisses him and for good measure kisses him some more. As wonderful as it all feels she decides his hands are taking too long to return. How hard can it be to remove a pair of boxers? So what if she's stealing his breath does she have to do everything?

She allows one leg to loosen its hold and her foot travels down until it encounters a waistband. His knees leave the wall as he straightens to allow them to drop. With a push of her foot she helps send the obstinate article of clothing on its way. She then trails her toe up his thigh. "God" he moans again as his knees threaten to buckle. Her mouth finds his neck very tasty. She sucks on it loving the feel of the blood pumping in his veins. His hands return to cupping her. She feels him dance and kick the boxers away. He shifts her trying to get their positions just right and she growls in frustration. 'C'mon already!' she screams inwardly as her mouth is too busy har[arse]ing his to vocalize her thought.

Finally he's right, he's free, they're ready and he's there. Her hands and hips grip him while she hisses in joy and relief at this long anticipated joining. Nick looks into her eyes, they're feral, dangerous. She's going to consume him and he knows he's about to enter oblivion, willingly. This is too good. Surely it must be illegal to be this good. Arrest him now because he isn't stopping for anything. He briefly wonders is this safe for the baby, should they be doing this but his body doesn't listen to any arguments his mind offers. It's off and running propriety be dammed.

More ... hot ... tight ... more ... God so good ... more ... harder Finally his body's delight reaches his brain and it begins cataloguing its reactions. "Wait" he pants but she pays him no mind. Her body lunging and undulating driving him deeper and deeper. He can barely think he just knows he has to do something before it's too late. "Wait!" he cries again but the fact not even his own body is responding to his entreaty doesn't bode well for her to heed him.

"Stop!" His imp[arse]ioned plea finally penetrates.

'What? Now? Is he insane?' runs through her mind but only "Wha?" is voiced.

"Hold on"

"What?"

"To me"

"I am"

"Tighter!"

So she does. Not that she thought there was any slack between them.

"Don't let go" he warns and still confused she just nods.

Next thing she knows he's left her and she's in freefall. His hands span her back protecting her skin as she feels herself sliding down the wall. The crack of Nick's knees against the floor echoes through the room signaling the end of their descent. Concern doesn't yet register as the abrupt landing jolts her when pelvic bone meets pelvic bone. She cries out when the shockwaves ripple through her. 'So damn good!' she thinks followed by 'Can he do that again?' When the ripples calm enough for her to intelligently process what happened it occurs to her that that had to hurt but his face isn't registering any pain. No he's watching her explode in pure delight. Tomorrow she's sure will be a different story. Then he'll be limping and sending accusing looks her way. The idiot. What the hell was he thinking? He could have broken his knees.

"God baby are you ok?"

He chuckles "I don't need to ask if you are."

She laughs then moans "I was too heavy wasn't I?"

"No! No, no no. Too good! You were killing me." He kisses her face then moves to her neck "Too good Jess... jelly legs ... not weight."

Her hands play in his hair soothingly "You sure you're ok?"

"Yeah, just had to make you safe while I still had a modicum of thought in my brain."

"Modicum? Three syllable words Nicholas I must be slipping."

She feels a tug on her ear and knows he's caught it with his teeth. Feeling him rise up on his knees she wraps her legs around him again. 'Jelly legs ... no kidding' she thinks barely able to form pressure.

"You ready?" she hears and answers him in a way that cannot possibly be misconstrued.

She finds, with great pleasure, his knees are in no way damaged. Her own frenzy now satisfied she's able to direct her attentions to him. He's a more than grateful recipient and she finds herself being drawn towards the edge again. She summons all her strength and will and takes him over with her.

The next thing he knows is he's returning to his senses, laying on the floor with a warm body curled against him. Fingers plying through his five o'clock shadow, lips suckling his collarbone.

"Is it too late to say honey I'm home?" he mutters and is greeted by peels of laughter. He grins and encourages her mouth to join his. She kisses him then quickly returns to her prior task. He smiles at the contended noises she's making. This is heaven and he's happy and quite willing for this Jessica to come out and play again, often.

"You'll have to leave my wife should be home soon" he teases and teeth bite down on him before a warm mouth soothes the skin. The marks she leaves declaring, he is all hers. Like he didn't already know it. "The next house we have needs padded floors" he says and smiling she rises, tugs on his arm until he stands too, then leads him somewhere far more comfortable to rest his battered body.




Day 128


As she walks into Nick's office Jessica tiredly asks "You working late?"

He looks up from the page he's been mulling over and says "The Wallace appeal is tomorrow." Not that he's actually done any work on it in the last half hour but he feels he should. He takes a close look at her and is concerned by the unsettled look on her face "You feeling ok?"

She nods and wearily says "I'm fine."

Nick recognizes it as her 'I'm tired and was hoping to go home' look. Thinking over the events of this morning, Lea's announcement and everyone's overjoyed reaction, he knows Jessica has had a real day of it. He remembers how concerned she'd been about how they'd react but her fears proved unfounded.

There was an excited energy in the office all morning. No sideways glances or calculators to dampen their joy. Every time he caught her eye there was delight there. As much as he's loved these secret months he's proud of their impending parenthood and pleased to finally be able to openly express it. The more changes he saw in her each night the harder it got to keep quiet during the day.

"I'm glad it's out ... It was hard for me to keep it secret." he says and her answering smile pleases him. He knows the announcement didn't occur the way she'd wanted or planned but she doesn't seem too upset about it.

She leans forward over the desk and says "Nicholas I didn't take the pregnancy test here."

His brow furrows. He knows this; he's unlikely to ever forget the day she took the test. He wonders what her point is.

"Did you order that book?" she asks referring to the book Lea discovered in the office; ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting.’

Defensively he answers "Me? No!" He knew better than to bring anything pregnancy related to the office. She did drum that into him quite vehemently. He watches her as she stands straight again, deep in thought.

"That little witch tricked us" she utters.

So much for her not being upset he thinks, then notices it's intrigue not agitation that has her worked up.

"Either that or somebody else is pregnant."

The look in her eye suggests she likes this idea. He can see her now investigating this avenue. He doesn't believe it for a second. Jessica's got to be reading too much into things. Who else in the office could possibly be pregnant? It's crazy.

"Wouldn't that require one of them to actually be dating?" he argues.

"Not necessarily it only takes once." She's amused by the surprised look on his face. He can be so old fashioned sometimes or, as Cacee calls him, prudish. "Baby are you trying to tell me you've only slept with women you've dated?"

Nick leans back in his chair smiling as he looks at her. She tilts her head alerting him she's still waiting for an answer. "I uh ... I haven't slept with every woman I've dated but yes I've dated every woman I've slept with." Jessica is about to comment when he says "Although there was one rather stubborn woman who refused to sleep with me until she was married. She had some bizarre term for it ... now what was that term again? ... um ... abstinence? ... I think that's what she called it. I didn't think it necessary to argue semantics with her not when her p[arse]ion could be put to much better use in other areas." His face turns very wistful as he says "I wonder what ever happened to her?"

"I heard she got married."

"That guy is the luckiest man alive."

She grins at him "You're such a smooth talker Nick"

"That's not all I'm smooth at ... come here." He reaches out and she walks around the desk to stand before him. His hands run up and down her hips and thighs while his mouth travels along the skin bared by the low neckline of her shirt. "So what are your plans tonight?" he asks, his mouth having moved the V of the collar enough to uncover the hint of a breast.

"I uh ... I was going to go home but uh ... if you keep that up I may be forced to stay."

He chuckles, his mouth and hands exploring further. Her hands find their way to the back of his head and she's unsure whether she should be holding him close or pushing him away. The man has talent she can't deny that.

"Baby" she says with more of a moan than intended "We're not alone, Drew and Justin are here still ... maybe we should..."

His hands leave her body and reach up for her head drawing it down to meet his. He kisses her softly then whispers "You'd better be quiet then hadn't you." She feels herself drawn closer to him and his mouth returns to her chest. His hands skim down her back before making their way under the hem of her shirt. They rest there, hot and hard against her skin, bracing her sides, his thumbs moving enticingly against her skin. Goose bumps and tremors rise in her with each stroke. She worries about his face being so close to her breasts, her nipples feel hard enough to poke his eyes out.

She should be stopping him, she knows she should be stopping him but doesn't get any further than a breathy "Baby." It certainly wasn't the warning authoritative tone she was going for.

Without letting her go he stands and she's forced backwards until perched against his desk. His mouth raises to hers and he kisses her hungrily.

When he moves from her mouth to the crook of her neck she moans, "God Nicky if you're planning on stopping do it now."

"I don't want to stop" he says but at the same time he slows down. His hands withdraw from under her shirt and come to rest on her hips. His forehead rests against hers and he says "Next time shut the door when you come in."

Jessica laughs and pulls away. Raising her hands to frame his face she asks "When has a closed door stopped anybody around here?" He laughs and she moves her hands from his cheeks to his shoulders. They hook behind his neck and rest there.

He smiles at her "True." His face now free he leans forward and begins nuzzling her neck. "If we fire them we'd get some privacy."

"There's a flaw in that plan" she says as if seriously considering it.

He pulls away then moves to the other side of her neck, she arches it to be helpful. "I don't see a flaw" he says.

"If it's just you, it will be work, work, work."

He stands up looking at her disappointed "We can't have that now can we, so what's your brilliant solution?"

"Hire lots of [arse]ociates, milk a percentage of their wages, they work, they earn the money, we reap the benefits and conduct all our future business through the wonders of technology from our bedroom."

Amazement spreads over his face as she speaks. "I like the way you think"

"The way I think?"

His eyes roam over her and with a grin he leers "Amongst other things."

She laughs then pushes away from the desk. "I'm going home."

He looks down at his papers "I could take this with me and work on it later."

"Do you really think you'd get out of bed to do it?"

He shakes his head "Not if you're in it." He sits down and picks up the paperwork looking at it. Jessica straightens her clothing while watching him. As much as she doesn't want to leave him here she knows she should. She's about to say goodbye again when standing he flings the papers to the desk "Let's go" he says grabbing her hand beginning to walk to the door.

She pulls him to a stop "Baby are you sure?"

"The facts on this aren't going to miraculously change tonight. I've been over it all so many times I could do it in my sleep. I'm as organized as I can be without Murphy's psychiatric [arse]essment of Scott and I won't get that until morning anyway." His hands moved over her concerned face as he spoke. Drawing her towards him and planting a soft kiss on her nose he says, "Lets get you home."





End of Part 5.</span>

[littleprincessj]

<span style="font-family:Optima">Title: Every Season Has Its Change Part 6

Author: Jessie

Author’s Note: For those that enjoyed it and gave me feedback thank you very much and thank you to Andrea who helped me so much and Jess! Thanks guys I hope you like this part! Please send feedback to sweetest_sin21002@yahoo.com

Summary: Read 1-5 (I did make reference to Scott Wallace earlier in chapter 5. He was found guilty and Nick is working as hard as he can to get his friend an acquittal and get him home.)

Disclaimer: Not mine!

“Every Season Has Its Change” Part 6

Day 132


"Hey" Jessica says as she walks into Nick's office. She sits on the couch and looks at him expectantly. With Scott Wallace's retrial scheduled in two weeks this is about as close to downtime as they get together.

"Had an interesting phone call today" he says looking up at her "They want to do a behind the scenes documentary on Scott's retrial."

"I hope you told them no." Jessica says unimpressed with the idea.

"Well actually..."

"Nicholas!"

He rises from his desk and walks to the couch to join her. "I think it's a good idea."

"I don't see how! God Nick, you're already feeling so much pressure here why would you want a camera in your face every minute creating more?"

"Bay's agreed to it, which means it's in his face just as much. Hiller runs a clean trial and ..." he grimaces as if the very thought is distasteful "should we lose, the likelihood of appeasable issues is slim at best. Richard's feeling pressure, he can't afford to lose this and just maybe ..."

"You're hoping to catch him on something?"

He nods.

"Baby, Richard isn't stupid. He's already had the first trial overturned because of a mistake; he's going to be by the book this time. This is going to be won or lost on the facts don't go looking for stunts. This is desperate Nick, even for you."

Hurt crosses over his face and he moves to rise from the couch. She quickly grabs his arm "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be harsh ... it's just ... Nick I hate what this case is doing to you."

When he doesn't reply but his face is questioning she says "It's eating you up inside, Nick you're hurting and you're shutting me out and I hate that. I care about Scott, I really do, but I'm terrified for you."

He picks up her hand, watches it disappear, dwarfed by his own. He plays it between his fingers, her warmth, softness and strength comfort him. Finally he looks up into her searching eyes "I'm ok" he says, although they both know it's a lie.

She knows there is no use pushing him on personal issues now so she sticks to [arse]isting him personally. "Baby you need to concentrate on the case, on the facts. They have nothing but circumstantial evidence and you can demonstrate that."

"If we could just get that tape..."

"Baby the tape is admissible. It's time to accept that and move on. Why are you so afraid of it?"

His hand raises and rubs his forehead. "What was your first reaction upon seeing it?"

"I never had an unbiased opinion of it Nick. You told me what was on it before I ever saw it. What was your first reaction?"

"I thought he was guilty. I hated to but I did."

"But after speaking to Scott you changed your mind"

"Yeah he didn't do it Jessica."

"I know and Nick the jury will hear his story too."

"But the Scott who will be getting on the stand isn't the Scott from that night. They are going to see an erratic angry man, not the real Scott. He's not who he was, that man has already been destroyed. Jess if I was to hear his story for the first time now I don't even know if I'd believe him. He's not who he was."

"Then you'll show them that too.”

"I don't know if I can make him make sense up there."

"He's getting better every day Nick, you say so yourself. You'll get him through it."

He looks doubtful.

"You will!"

"I believe it when you say it."

"Let's try this one then 'you will come home early tonight'."

He kisses her cheek and promises "I'll try.” With eyes focused intently on hers he asks, “Baby, I want to do this documentary. When I broach it with the others tomorrow, will you support me?"

She turns away closing her eyes on a sigh then turns back and looks at him. She sees how much he wants this and says the only thing she can. "Yes"

The grateful look in his eyes makes her reluctance evaporate. He really needs to do this. Maybe he can find an added strength in doing so, a security blanket he can pin his hopes on. She'd agree to anything if it took the haunted look from his eye.


YYYYYYYYY

Day 135


It's been a strange night and Nick is feeling a little displaced. They've barely seen each other for a week. She's been asleep most nights by the time he's dragged himself home and they've yet to have a morning uninterrupted by phone calls. He'll be the first to admit he had hopes for tonight. Jessica however has been a little standoffish. It is normally obvious when Jessica is feeling unsociable, but tonight her signals have been unclear.

Her face shows only peace and amusement, she's been chatty and interested in all he has to say, her hands have been active in connecting with him but every time he's tried to touch her she's pulled away. He's confused. It's not exactly a new experience for him. In fact he feels since the day they met he's had at least one Jessica induced bewilderment moment a day. He'd considered confronting her about her behavior, but she seemed so happy and it's not like she's completely shutting him out, so he felt guilty about making a big deal out of what is probably nothing. As with many things she does now he files it in his 'weird pregnancy behavior' file and doesn't take it to heart.

As they were changing for bed she suddenly 'needed' a drink of warm milk that 'Nicholas' had to make 'now!' He returned to find her ensconced in bed, quilt up to her chin, and the need for the drink seemingly forgotten. 'Again with the weird' he thought and quietly went about his business.

Climbing into bed he moves to spoon up behind her. His hand reaches for its favorite resting place but she pushes it away.

In frustration he sits up. "God Jessica what have I done now?"

She rolls to her back and looks up at him with a minx like innocence. "What do you mean?"

"You haven't let me touch you all night" he blurts out while inwardly kicking himself, remembering he'd planned on being above complaining about this.

"You're crazy baby we've been touching all night."

"You've been touching me not me touching you."

Sighing dramatically she mumbles "Well you were bound to find out sooner or later."

His heart drops to his stomach until looking up at him in amusement she throws the covers off. Flinging her arms out so they're outstretched across the bed she says challengingly, provocatively and damn sexily "Do it! Touch me."

Sirens begin going off in his body as a chorus of cheers shout encouragement, but in his mind the lawyer remains firm. There is definitely more to this than meets the eye. Nick's suddenly afraid to touch her, afraid of the trap he may be about to fall into. Her emerging smile shows his dilemma isn't lost on her.

More quietly with a tinge of hope and excitement she says it again "Touch me Nicholas."

His hands move almost of their own accord to his new starting point, the home of their child. They settle there and his brow creases, "What the...” immediately the hem of her shirt is lifted, skin is revealed and he laughs, "This one looks cooked now Mom" he says playing with her new outtie belly button. He knows her tactic now. She wanted him to find this new discovery where he could most value it when he did. "When did this happen?"

"About quarter past four this afternoon."

He looks at her in amazement and she laughs at the fact he'd believed her.

"How did I miss this happening?" he chuckles.

"I've been starting to wonder that too" she replies.

His hands trace over her. So many changes happening to her. So much going on whether he's here to share them or not. He hates that he's missing any of it. With fingers trailing over the darkened line dissecting her lower belly he looks up at her and asks "What does it feel like?"

"My new belly button?"

He chuckles liking the playful mood she's in. "Being pregnant."

"Oh ... you wouldn't cope for a second Nicholas."

His lips press against her stomach as he whispers "I know that." He rises again waiting for an answer. She sees he's serious so she sits up leaning against the headboard. Nick lays across the bed and rests his head in what's left of her lap after the baby has been accounted for. Her fingers play in his hair and his eyes look deeply into hers.

"I could detail it clinically for you. The pressure on my internal organs, the twinges in my back, tired muscles, mood swings, exhaustion, swollen ankles, sore breasts, I could go on and on..." she chuckles "but ... it wouldn't really answer the question."

"What would?"

"I don't know ..." her hand runs over her stomach "knowing there is a child in here, knowing that because of our love a new person is emerging, part you and part me ... the look in your eye when we share this and ... the joy and fear I feel everyday ... baby I don't know how to explain it to you ... I don't think there are words for how this feels ... any I can think of seem trite and clichéd."

Her eyes meet his then travel to the hand on her belly. "I think you know anyway" she says and he smiles. 'I do' his face tells her. "I've missed you Nicholas" she whispers and he beams.

He rises and moves to sit next to her, his hand stroking her cheek, "Things will settle down soon then you'll be sick of me always being around."

She places her hand over his holding it to her cheek. "I'll always want you around" she vows.

Nick moves in, his lips brushing softly against hers before pulling away. They smile and shuffle down until lying on their sides facing one another. His lips meet hers again, soft and tender, 'I'm here' they say. They're in no rush there is so much to catch up on. His hands, given free reign again, reverently re-familiarize themselves with her changing body. While he's been busy preparing Scott's retrial it had changed more than he ever expected. Jessica holds on to him, her eyes watching his react to each new discovery, 'I love you' their eyes tell each other and lips reinforce their vow.


YYYYYYYYY

Day 149


Jessica is restless. She paces the front hall as she waits for Nick to arrive home. Her mind runs over the events of the week. She hated what Scott's case had done to Nick. They'd faced losses before but losing the first trial was something he took to heart, hating himself for letting Scott down. As he watched a good friend lose his freedom and sanity through circumstances he blamed on himself, Nick's own spirit was almost destroyed. With a shattered confidence he fought not only for Scott's release but for his own.

He'd always been able to point to the rules of law to excuse his actions but here he'd disregarded the rules. He ignored his client’s orders, overruled Scott's wish to testify and the trial was lost. Jessica doesn't believe this decision necessarily made a difference nor, she suspects, does Nick. It is however something he can beat himself up about. It is proof that he personally failed his client, his friend. No amount of [arse]urances from her has had an affect. He's taken it and every subsequent setback personally. Jessica had insisted on sitting in on the case knowing the only way he couldn't shut her out would be if she was with him through it all.

Two nights ago Nick came home shaken from his meeting with Scott. He had been scared knowing Scott would be taking the stand the next day. Knowing the case could potentially be won or lost then and there. He hadn't wanted to talk about it with her. Lately he rarely wants to talk about anything. Jessica saw how on edge he was and didn't push, but she wouldn't let him push her away either. Instead she held him and talked to him of inconsequential. Anything to help take his mind off the case... It didn't work. They both tossed and turned all night; he concerned about Scott, she worrying about Nick.

She was surprised yesterday listening to him talk to the reporters after Scott's testimony. Hearing the extent of his guilt so succinctly and honestly stated. Gone was the ever confident, ever defensive Nick she knew. She wanted to take him in her arms, implore him to believe her when she tells him none of this was his doing. Instead she made supportive comments that she knows he brushed off as something her loyalty obligated her to say. The fact he had a closing to write was the only thing that stopped her from spending the rest of the night insisting he see it her way. Instead she lay there alone hoping he never again agrees to represent a friend.

His closing was strong but then she thought he'd tried a good case all along. She couldn't see the mistakes he insisted he'd made. She remembers how she felt watching the jury file in. The tension and fear burning off Nick as she sat there hoping and praying the verdict would go their way. On the facts they had a good chance and she believed the verdict should go their way. The problem with juries is they don't always vote as the defense thinks they should.

As the verdict was read she breathed an enormous sigh of relief and turned to hug Scott. She watched with pride as Nick did the same. Tears welled in her eyes as she saw the unadulterated joy on his face. He'd needed this so much for so many reasons. He smiled with a pure delight that couldn't be contained. The type of smile she'd seen often after they'd first discovered her pregnancy. But slowly Scott had swept Nick's ability to smile away. Sure he'd offer her smiles, little up turnings of his mouth but the action hadn't altered his eyes until the verdict came in. He looked at her briefly, long enough for her to see deep inside of him and then his eyes skittered away.

Jessica was glad they did. There was too much raw emotion in them. She'd wanted to hold him but knew one touch and she wouldn't be letting go. If he'd held her then she would have sunk sobbing in his arms overjoyed with his return. She suspects his own catharsis would have quickly followed. A crowded courtroom surrounded by reporters, colleagues, strangers and friends was hardly the place for such an occasion. Instead she took hold of their cases and returned to the office while he guided Scott through the paperwork involved in returning him to his life.

Now she waits for his arrival home. The anticipation has grown with each p[arse]ing moment. His smile keeps replaying in her mind. She wants to see it again. She wants to feel it against her, to taste it, to hear him say her name without the tension that's been inherent in his every thought and deed of late. She imagines his body loose and laughing as long fingers drives her to distraction. She wants him home now! They've survived one of the hardest trials of their life and she wants to celebrate their return to normal.

She's told the office not to expect him in to work tomorrow. She's going to insist he take the day to bask in his new found joy before he immerses himself into work again. He doesn't know this plan, she's not sure when she'll confront him with it but she will offer a convincing argument. Personally Jessica doesn't mind the day off because she has nothing important coming up, working on a new album in a couple months, but knows if she merely keeps Nick out of the office he'll just end up working at home. Not under her watch he won't. She has plans for him and they do not include work.

Jessica hears his key turn in the lock and hurries to greet him. She hardly recognizes the man who walks through their door. He looks ten years younger. Full of boyish charm and enthusiasm. The weight of the word has been cast off his shoulders. His eyes shine brightly as he stands there in his shirtsleeves grinning at her. Who knows where he's left his jacket and tie, right at this moment who cares. His whole body and demeanor screams 'I couldn't wait to come home to you.'

She takes a step towards him which seems to propel him into motion. His arms are around her and she feels herself lifted high in the air before she realizes he's moved. She's not sure who's laughter is louder his or hers. When her feet again touch ground she looks up and sees the smile adorning his face. Her hands cover his cheeks and she draws the smile down to meet hers. Their kisses are short and sweet, interrupted by giggles and smiles. The novelty of feeling happy making them a little delirious.

"How's Scott?" Jessica asks leading Nick towards the couch.

"He's home, he's relieved and a little exhausted. He said he just wants to go to bed."

Jessica pauses and turns to him saying "I know just how he feels."

Nick nods then does a double take as he considered the ulterior meaning in her words. Her smile widens as his eyes questions hers. His hand brushes over her cheek, mapping the effects of the joy evident there.

"C'mon" he says and leads her away from the couch and down the hall towards their room.


YYYYYYYYY

End of part 6.</span>

[littleprincessj]

<span style="font-family:Optima">Day 157


Title: Every Season Has Its Change Part 7

Author: Jessie

Author’s Note: For those that enjoyed it and gave me feedback thank you very much and thank you to Andrea who helped me so much and Jess! Thanks guys I hope you like this part! Please send feedback to sweetest_sin21002@yahoo.com

Summary: Read 1-6

Disclaimer: Nope sorry, not mine.

“Every Season Has Its Change” Part 7

Nick tiptoes into the kitchen. Jessica, who's facing away from him doesn't hear his approach. Her first indication he's there is his loud "Boo!"

"Jesus Nicholas you scared me half to death" she says after turning around. Her hand rests over her rapidly beating heart. "You're early?"

His laughter fades and he walks towards her "Yeah Scott wasn't home. It's a good sign I guess ... means he's moving on, getting back into the swing of things."

She smiles encouragingly at him "Yeah it's a good sign" and opens her arms to him. He willingly walks into them. Her hands run over his back soothingly as she wonders when this ache, this guilt and regret will go away. It wasn't enough that he managed an acquittal as the week has worn on Nick's come to realize a part of his friend is still lost. He's visited each night, checking on him, supporting him and encouraging him to live again. She feels his hands slide into her hair and, cupping her head, he pulls out of her embrace and smiles down at her.

"Also good is you get me all to yourself an hour earlier."

"Mmmm lucky me" she drawls rising on her toes stretching to kiss him. Their lips meet softly at first. The whisper of a touch then faces turn and lips press a little firmer. She nibbles on his top lip and the tip of his tongue peaks out and glides across her bottom one. 'Mmmm more of that' she thinks and opens her mouth to allow him in.

His tongue slides past her teeth and enters her warm mouth. A quick brush of her soft palate and tongue and he pulls away with a shriek. Her face instead of registering surprise shows embarr[arse]ed amusement. "God baby what did you eat?" He asks grimacing melodramatically.

She becomes a little smug "I'm pregnant Nick do you really want to know?"

He shakes his head 'no' and she watches his eyes scan the room. Her arms rise and wrap around his neck. With her mouth next to his ear she whispers "I'm married to a defense attorney Nick I know better than to leave incriminating evidence lying around."

He smiles thinking maybe he can replace the taste in his mouth with something far more palatable, such as that elegant and conveniently exposed elongated neck. So he does. As his nose begins nuzzling one set of cheeks his hands travel down her back seeking out another. She smiles and leans into his touch. Soon the desire to be kissing her again is too strong and he moans "Baby you know I love you right?"

She giggles and pulls out of his embraces "I'll be right back ... don't go anywhere."

Shortly after she leaves him he ignores her command and walks to the bedroom to change while he waits for her to rid her mouth of its weird pickles, peanut butter and something else he'd hate to even consider flavor. He's bent over stepping out of his suit pants when arms wrap around him from behind. "I thought I told you not to move" he hears and chuckles.

"I thought..." he begins before a hand's inquisitive actions distract him "I uh ... um ... God! ... Have I told you I love your second trimester yet Jess?"

She giggles "Yes often baby."

"I uh ... I'm 'really' enjoying it."

"I'd hope so or I'm doing it wrong."

"God baby ... you're not doing it wrong"

He grabs her wrist and reluctantly drags her hand away then turns and kisses her. He walks her back and towards the bed. When her knees hit the mattress he tilts her so they fall side by side on the bed. As one hand reaches down to drape her leg over his hip his mouth begins to explore her mouth, her chin, her neck.... dammit ... Climbing off the bed he stands and pulling on her arms lifts her back up too. Her eyes laugh at him asking 'what?'

"This has got to go" he says reaching for the hem of her dress. "As much as I love it, it has to go."

Jessica looks at the appreciative way he's looking at her and feels warmth spread throughout her body. As her stomach began to expand she wore lose fitting clothes trying to cover it up firstly due to the fact no announcement had been made and secondly to draw the attention away from it when she did perform on stage (which was less and less lately). When the time came that she no longer had anything suitable that fit she relented to Ashlee's nagging to go shopping for new clothes.

Although most of her purchases were modest Ashlee, in her ever persistent way, convinced her to buy one figure hugging dress. 'It will make me look like I swallowed a basketball’ Jessica groaned. 'I'll look terrible. I'll never wear it!' she swore until she saw the look on Nick’s face after she reluctantly modeled it for him. It never fails to amaze her how attractive Nick finds her changing body. She believes she's beautiful when she looks at herself through his eyes. The next day she went back and bought three more in similar styles.

Jessica's hands raise above her head allowing Nick to draw the material up and off. Before the task is completed he becomes impatient. With one arm draped across her lower back holding her tight his mouth captures hers then moves on to her delicious neck. As a consequence when Jessica's hands are finally free they have no choice but to drop and wrap around his neck and shoulders. Oh the hardship. He steps back, sits on the bed and draws Jessica into the V of his legs. Her unclothed body is a magnet for his mouth. He travels slowly over it savoring each inch. His hands remove her bra while his lips travel along her collarbone. He pulls away to see what he's uncovered and his eyes light up like a kid in a candy store. Jessica laughs at the expression on his face and entangling her hands in his hair guides his mouth to where they both want it to be.

Obviously his mother never taught him it is rude to talk with his mouth full because unintelligible phrases rise up to greet her. She'd inform him she has no idea what he's saying but fears that may result in him removing his mouth to repeat it and nothing is worth that. His hands slide down her body until they encounter fabric which he again removes leaving her bare before him. His mouth leaves her as he moves to give his attention to her other breast so she takes this opportunity to step out of the fabric binding her ankles and lay on the bed beside him.

He's immediately there, pressing his body against her side while his mouth zeroes in on its target. Her hands, again in his hair, encourage him in his endeavor. His hands are roaming over her and the frenzy he can so quickly create in her threatens to take over. She feels him chuckle against her breast and his hand moves to rest on her hips. Its pressure stilling the almost frantic motion there.

She wants to cry out, she wants to grab his hand and force it five inches lower. She wants to feel him in her now, wants the anticipation rising in her to hit fever pitch as he sends her spinning out of control. She feels his mouth break contact with her and hears the wet slurp of it leaving her breast. She wants to pound her fists on his back until he returns it to where it belongs. But she doesn't.

Her eyes, which had squeezed tightly, closed in frustration, open as she feels him slide up her body bringing one leg to rest in between hers. She moans at the contact then allows her eyes to meet his as she prepares to beg him for what she wants. She looks up at him and sees a promise of all she wants and more. 'We have all night' his eyes say and for the first time in a long time she knows it is true.

This isn't another desperate stolen moment. Tonight they have all the time in the word. Nick leans over her, watching her, cherishing her. Her hands run over his face mapping features so dear to her. She concentrates on the rasp of whiskered skin under her fingers, his warm sweet breath anointing her face, the fiery depths of his eyes and the delicious heat of him pressed against her as she bids the urgency to leave her body. He remains still, waiting for her, watching her.

She closes her eyes thinking of all she wants to take the time to treasure. Each glorious speck of his skin, his taut stomach, chest and arms, his sinewy legs, the crease where thigh meets buttock and the dimples in his lower back, made to accommodate her fingers. She opens her eyes as her fingers trace the m shaped line of his upper lip. 'Mine" she claims it declares. Concentrating on her breaths she attunes them to his until she feels composed enough to ask for more. Her eyes meet his and she need only whisper "I love you" and their glorious night resumes.




Day 164


Jessica's arrival is heralded by Nick's office door slamming open then shut. She's the only person he knows who can open doors as loud as she closes them.

"Hi" he says.

"Do you know what Milton did today?"

"No what?"

"He offered me a chair to sit with him since I’m on extended break from touring."

"That's nice..."

"Grrrrrr" he hears as she walks out slamming the door again.

"...or not" he chuckles watching her go. The safe bet he [arse]umes is to let her calm down. Jessica on the warpath is not someone you want to mess with. Not if you want to remain in one piece.

Half an hour later when he emerges from his office and asks where she is he's surprised to hear she went home. He collects his things and makes his way to the car park where sure enough the car is gone too. He catches a cab home hoping to find her calmer than the last time he saw her. His first impression on opening the door destroys his hope. The couch holds pillows and a blanket. 'Note to self, offering a chair is a very bad thing' he thinks with a grimace. Hesitantly he makes his way down the hall to the bedroom only to find the door shut. "Message received loud and clear" he mumbles.

He takes a deep breath in preparation of the barrage sure to come and opens the door. Jessica looks up as he enters. Her eyes stare at him, angry and accusing. Nick doesn't bother to initiate conversation and merely goes about his usual routine. If she's going to pick a fight she'll have to make the first move. He removes his jacket and lays it on the bed. This warrants him another dirty look and a grumbled unintelligible comment. He doesn't ask for her to clarify he knows if anything will draw her out it is his silence. He turns his back on her and sits down on the bed as he begins unbuttoning his shirt. There is a sharp intake of breath as she prepares her attack.

"Well? Are you going to listen to me now?"

He doesn't bother correcting her and reminding her 'she' walked out on 'him' earlier. There is still that matter of sleeping on the couch he's trying to avoid. As much as he wants to give her an opportunity to rant, he'd rather not have her wrath directed towards himself. He stands slowly and turning towards her says "Milton offered you a chair and this upset you. Why?"

Having expected a defensive argument from him Jessica's a little thrown by the question. She stands in silence glaring at him as she decides whether to answer or continue to try and pick a fight. His curious countenance and obvious willingness to listen quickly sway her. The fight goes out of her and she steps towards him saying "Because the way he did so was offensive."

"How?"

"I had been sitting in with Drew and we'd adjourned to chambers, he realized he didn't have a hope of out arguing me so he cut me off and asked if I'd like to sit down before I got too overwrought."

"Son of a [nice person]!"

"And Judge Cane, I could see his reaction in his eyes, my argument was forgotten all he could see was an irrational hysterical pregnant woman standing before him. How the hell am I supposed to help y’all surrounded by men like that?" Talking about it only heightens the emotion she's feeling and her anger with Nick returns "And you're no better Nicholas!"

"Me? What did I do?"

"Why is it men see a pregnant woman and automatically [arse]ume she's weak. You get a stomach and all of a sudden you're not allowed to have a brain, you're just a good little breeder who should be sitting at home in an outfit with, with ... with ducks on it and, and ... and knitting."

Nick can't help but smile at her description and when Jessica sees this she gets furious. Picking up a cushion from the bed she hurls it at him. He catches it and puts it back on the bed then starts walking towards her until her eyes tell him to back off. Sensibly he does. Resolve in his eyes he says "Baby I don't see you as weak..."

"Baby you make decisions for me all the time, you second guess me and ..."

"You've been telling me off for that for years. You know it has nothing to do with your being pregnant."

"Can you honestly tell me you've never brushed off my behavior as purely a pregnancy thing?"

"No, but neither can you honestly tell me pregnancy has never affected your behavior."

He watches a little of the fire go out of her eyes and steps closer "Baby I've never considered you weak because you're pregnant. If anything your pregnancy has proved to me just how strong you are. You just keep going no matter what life throws at you, whereas me, I stub my toe and I'm out of action for a month."

She sighs and gives him a small smile.

"Baby you know I rely on you and your incredible brain every day. If I've made you feel otherwise then I'm truly sorry. It has nothing to do with my opinion having changed. Jessica I love you and yes I want to protect you but I've never thought less of you. You know that."

She nods then slowly walks towards him. Nick opens his arms to her. She drops her head onto his chest and leaning into his touch says "He got me so mad Nick but I had to hold it all in. I couldn't let him see he'd upset me. I shouldn't come home and take it out on you."

"It's ok I understand"

"All the respect I've earned over the years is gone, I'm just a belly with legs now and they're all sitting back waiting for me to fail. I'm going to have to be ten times tougher just to be taken seriously again and I know you aren't like that but ... you're still one of them and you're here so if I can't shout at them .."

He draws her away from his body and looking at her says "Shout at me all you want just don't send me to the couch."

The pathetic puppy dog look on his face makes her laugh and she wraps her arms around him holding him close. She feels the anger in his body though and knows she has one more point she needs to make "Baby if you've even considered confronting Milton about this you'll be on the couch for life."

"Well I'm hardly likely to admit to it now then am I?"

She pulls away just so he can see the sincerity in her eyes "I'm serious Nicholas, the last thing I need is my husband sticking up for me."

"I know that and I won't, I promise."

"Good."

"But that doesn't stop me wanting to flatten him."

"You and me both."

His eyes roam over her body and she sees the desire to make an increased weight comment. Shaking her head at him she reminds him about the pillows out on the couch and he shoots her an 'I'm totally innocent' look. She rolls her eyes in response and then leaves the room.

Nick finishes changing then goes to find her. He's pleased to see he couch has been cleared as he p[arse]es it. Finding her in the kitchen he sets about helping her prepare their meal.

"So Cane's ruling went against you and Drew?" He asks reaching for their plates.

"No it was inadmissible"

He turns and smiles at her "Like you said?"

"Like I said."

"So he did listen to you."

"A fifth grader would have known it was inadmissible Nick it had nothing to do with me."

He places the plates on the table and looks up in surprise at her next words.

"Want to know what happened next?"

"There's more?

She nods "He adjourned for the day because I'd had enough excitement."

"He actually said that?"

"Not in so many words but I saw the look he gave me."

Nick doesn't bother arguing the point with her. Doesn't bother reminding her it is a Friday night and Cane probably had plans for the weekend he was eager to get to. Arguing about it isn't likely to change Jessica’s mind. Instead he'll let her believe what she wants to believe and he'll believe what he wants to believe and if he plays his cards right they'll get to believe it in the same bed tonight.




End of Part 7. </span>

[littleprincessj]

<span style="font-family:Optima">Title: Every Season Has Its Change Part 8

Author: Jessie

Author’s Note: For those that enjoyed it and gave me feedback thank you very much and thank you to Andrea who helped me so much and Jess! In this part there is a mention of someone named William Hinks…Jessica is sitting in with Drew to help him on this case, William Hinks is a client. Since Jess isn’t touring right now she’s going to help around Nick’s law firm. Thanks guys I hope you like this part! Please send feedback to sweetest_sin21002@yahoo.com

Summary: Read 1-7

Disclaimer: Not mine! Well ones I make up are!

“Every Season Has Its Change” Part 8


Day 168


Jessica rises from the desk to walk to the filing cabinet. Three steps later she lets out a sharp gasp and her hand moves to clutch her stomach.

"You ok?" Justin asks walking quickly towards her.

"I'm fine" she answers and takes another step before saying "Ow dammit!"

"Is something wrong?" Justin asks concerned.

"No it's just the baby kicking me."

"It sounds like you have a little Rocky in there."

Nick walks into the office in time to hear Jessica say "Oh for God's sake Justin don't you start."

"What's going on?" Nick asks.

Justin's expression is one of total innocence as he tries to compile a defense to a crime he doesn't know…

"Your child's doing a river dance on my bladder and Justin wants to name it Rocky."

Justin’s about to protest but is distracted by the delighted look on Nick's face as he walks towards Jessica saying "There you go." When she greets that with an eye roll and a playful shove in the chest Justin's curiosity gets the better of him.

"What's going on?" he asks repeating Nick's earlier words.

They look up as if surprised by his presence, then with an embarr[arse]ed smile Jessica says "Nick insists on nicknaming our child."

"And Jessica won't let me" he adds.

"I would if you came up with something reasonable."

"Rocky is ok" Justin says "I have a cousin named Rocky."

"Yeah Rocky's ok " Jessica agrees "[arse]uming it's a boy but it could just as well be a girl."

"Rockette" Nick says helpfully

"Rockina" Justin adds.

"Oh cut it out!" Jessica cries in thinly disguised amusement before walking back to her desk.

Nick walks up behind her and puts his arms around her before she can sit down. He leans in and kisses the side of her neck as she relaxes back into him. When she's nice and contented he mumbles "Rockita" eliciting a groan from Jessica and peals of laughter from Justin.

"Do not encourage him Justin" Jessica says sternly but no one is paying attention to her complaints.

Nick, still holding her in his embrace, is listing all the so far vetoed names for Justin's complete amusement. He yelps though when Jessica 'oh so accidentally' stands on his foot hearing him begin the latest reject. So to Justin's disappointment he merely whispers it into her ear "The Boobulator." His hand caresses the top of her belly while his thumb subtly brushes the underside of her breast. Smiling she leans against him and he raises his hand to cup her cheek, turning her face so he can kiss her.

"Oh no, public displays of affection, save us now!" they hear and separate looking up to see Drew and Lea laughing as they walk through the door.




Day 175


Nick looks up as Jessica walks down the hall towards him. She'd told him ten minutes ago she was ready and, naively believing her, he went to the front door packed and ready to leave. She's been singing out that she's coming to his every query. He's learnt better than to actually go and try to [arse]ist her. His presence only upsets her routine and she's added him looking at his watch to the things he's not to do in her presence unless he wants to hear her scream. Yesterday he teased that her sense of time diminishes as her waistline increases. She didn't deem that worthy of a response but the flash in her eyes threatened retaliation at a later time. He happily paid his dues last night.

Walking towards the door Jessica looks at Nick's smiling face and prepares to hear another snide comment from him about the reason she's kept him waiting. Instead he leans forward and kisses her cheek. She doesn't fall for that trick though. Nick's eyes are too expressive and the grin on his face is infectious. "What?" she laughs.

"Nothing" he says with a shake of his head. "You're definitely ready?"

She holds her arms out in an 'I'm here aren't I' gesture. When he makes no movement to go she says "Are you planning on opening that door or should we stand here debating it all day?"

"You haven't forgotten anything?" he asks alerting her to the fact he knows she has.

Jessica runs through her mental checklist. Pregnancy has a strange way of affecting your mind but she's sure she hasn't done anything addle brained today. Not having a clue what he's talking about she says in frustration "Just tell me already Nick!"

"How big is your tummy now?" he asks softly stroking it.

She's thrown by the question and can only respond with a confused "What? What's that got to do with anything?"

"I'm just curious" Nick says leaning over her then looking down "if you can still see your feet."

She gives him a 'very funny Nick' look then her eyes open wide with comprehension. Leaning forward so she can see past her belly she sticks one foot out. Her eyes are met with pink fuzzy slippers, groaning she turns and mumbles as she walks away "You could have just said so."

His laugh follows her down the hallway making her smile to herself. His laughter is sweet music to her ears and always a delight to hear, even if it is at her own expense. She wonders if her wearing pink slippers in court could help get William Hinks his acquittal. It's worth a try she thinks, after all they need whatever advantage they can get on this one.






End of part 8.</span>

[littleprincessj]

<span style="font-family:Optima">Every Season Has Its Change Chapter 10

Author: Jessica




Day 182


"Baby!" Jessica calls out from her perch on the couch.

He's quickly by her side "What's wrong? You ok?"

"Promise me you wont laugh" The fact his mouth is already forming a big grin doesn't give her much confidence in his [arse]urance. "I uh ... I need your help" she says a little embarr[arse]ed.

He looks at her confused, after her stress with the Hinks case he made sure her next one was a no brainer. "You need help with Peters, I thought you were sitting with Jeff on that?" he asks incredulously "Jessica that's..."

She rolls her eyes "Not with the case ... I uh ..." she pauses and drops her head against her chest.

"What?" he asks.

Resigned she mumbles "I'm stuck."

"Excuse me?"

Louder this time she says "I'm stuck! ... I can't get off the damn couch."

The grin that spreads across Nick's face almost splits it in half.

"You promised" Jessica warns pouting.

Nick nods and turns and leaves the room.

"Baby!" she calls after him exasperated then hears exaggerated laughter coming from the hallway. She groans shaking her head and shoots him an un amused look when he returns. The feigned innocence on his face is no protection from her glare.

"So you really can't get up?"

She nods.

"Show me"

"Baby!" she laughs.

"C'mon" he goads her "Show me"

She makes a intensive but futile effort to rise which amuses him immensely.

"Baby!" she moans.

"I'm sorry" he chuckles and ruffles her hair.

She shoots him a warning look and ducking slaps his hand away.

"You're a captive audience" he laughs "I like this."

"I may be stuck here but there's no guarantee I'll stay awake, you're not that entertaining" she teases.

He moves so his legs are against the couch and places his hands next to her. Leaning forward he invades her space forcing her back and trapping her within the confines of his arms. His face hovers above hers "I think I can keep you alert Jessica. I'm sure I can keep you very very alert."

"I'll be wet that's for sure" she replies startling him with her comment. Grinning she says "Your child is playing soccer with my bladder."

Groaning he pushes off the couch and reaches his hand down and helps her up.

"My hero" she says rising on tippy toes to reward him with a kiss then walking away. As she's about to enter the hallway she turns and says "I'm feeling drowsy baby, maybe when I get back you can help my come up with a way to combat it?"

"I'll see what I can do" he promises and enjoys her giggle as she walks away.




Day 185


As she approaches the front door Jessica hears the phone ringing. She rushes to open the door but the action made difficult by being over laden with shopping bags. Finally the door gives way and dropping the bags on the couch she reaches for the phone. Her hurried greeting is responded to by a smarmy voice saying "Why Jessica you are sounding positively breathless."

What little breath she had left was sucked out after hearing the unmistakable tone of William Hinks. It has been a week since she last had contact with him but the cadence and sound of his voice is unforgettable. She feels positively ill upon hearing it again.

"What do you want William?"

"That's a very unprofessional tone Jessica. However do you keep your husband’s clients?"

She's filled with a desire to run but acknowledges the ridiculousness of it. She's in her home, she's safe, and he’s just playing games with her again. Well she's not going to play. "This is my home William, my husband and I do not conduct business from home and I'd appreciate you not calling me again here or at the office." With that she hangs up.

Shaken she paces the room for a good ten minutes before she calms enough to pick up her bags and enter the kitchen to put the groceries away. Just as she places the bags on the table the phone rings again. She pauses afraid of its implications then, shaking her head, walks to answer it chanting to herself "It isn't him. It isn't him."

"I find myself wanting to reach out and touch people at the most inopportune times"

She slams the phone down. Too freaked now to do anything she stares at it, knowing it will ring again. Sure enough ten minutes later it does, but she doesn't answer it, allowing the machine to pick up.

"Oh modern technology, so impersonal, so lifeless. Have you ever wondered how it feels to be lifeless Jessica?"

She picks up the phone and slams it down. In a bid to have him out of her life she erases the tape. She finds herself curled on the armchair listening for the next ring. The thought of it doing so is sickening yet she can't move away. A sound at the door startles her and she jumps up off the chair only to be confronted with Nick's surprised face.

"Are you ok?" he asks moving towards her.

She tries to disguise the terror she feels. "I'm ... fine. Why?"

"You look..."

"I must have dozed off and you startled me that's all."

"You sure?"

"Yeah I'm just a bit tired ... I'll go have a shower and ..." not knowing what she plans to say next she rushes out of the room.

Nick watches her go and shakes his head in a mix of concern and amusement.

As the night wears on concern wins out over amusement. Jessica is skittish, her hands never still, the set of her jaw shows fierce determined concentration and she jumps every time the phone rings. Finally frustrated with her behavior he confronts her on it. Although at first denying it when next the phone rings he shoots an accusing look at her.

"Let the machine get it" he says "Now tell me what's wrong."

"Baby nothing's wrong!" she [arse]ures him "I don't know, maybe my noise intolerance hormones have been activated." He laughs at her explanation and she smiles as convincingly as she can then pleads. "I don't want to fight with you Nick can we just be together ... please!"

"Sure" he says and lets her find safety in his arms.

Jessica holds on to him tight. Trying to rid herself of her fears. The greatest of which is that it isn't a coincidence Hink's calls stopped when Nick arrived home. She's not ready to share this with him yet. She got them into this mess and will get them out of it too. She'll sort it out, on her own but she needs Nick's comfort and strength to help her in her resolve.



End of part 10.</span>

[littleprincessj]

<span style="font-family:Optima">Day 189


Nick can't get over how incensed he feels. It is a slow burning anger that has been festering from the moment Lea told him of Hinks' return. His initial reaction was fear and concern for Jessica but that was quickly replaced with fury. A fury that was directed not at Hinks but at his wife. He leans against Drew's desk, listening to Jessica and Lea explain what Cacee said their options were.

As Lea takes over the narrative Jessica looks up and, for the first time since arriving back at the office, catches Nick's eye. Her brow furrows due to the emotion she sees there. Knowing he's made his point Nick walks into his office slamming the door as he enters. The group gathered around Lea's desk spins around in reaction to the caustic sound. Curious looks are exchanged before they again turn to Lea to continue her tale.

Jessica is undecided what her action should be. That Nick is consumed with a fury desperate to explode is not in question, but what she should do is. Would giving him time and space only cause it to escalate or would it allow him to regroup and calm down? As much as self preservation tells her to stay away the fact he is hurting draws her to him.

As she enters the office she sees him at his desk, pen in hand poised appearing ready to write but she can tell by the pressure he's [arse]erting on the paper if he were to write it would merely tear it. No his studious demeanor is a front. He pays no attention to her entering and ignores her quiet greeting. She sits down on the couch willing him to at least meet her eyes. She finds his silent disdain unnerving. She'd expected concern, she'd expected solicitousness, she'd expected cloying re[arse]urances and offered strength, she never envisaged accusatory anger. She doesn't understand Nick's reaction and she doesn't like it one bit.

"Baby?" she asks impatient for acknowledgement and is horrified at how pathetic her voice sounds but at least it commanded his notice. His eyes rise and she wonders why she'd so wanted to see them. Black with fury they cut into her. She opens her mouth to comment but his head begins moving from side to side and she waits sensing he's about to speak. When his words are issued they are spoken quietly. To an outsider their manner may even have seemed calm but Jessica, knowing the nuances of Nick's voice intimately, hears the underlying emotion loud and clear. She's heard him angry before. She's even had that anger directed at her but never to this degree.

"Don't you EVER keep something like that from me again!"

His fury is ignited when she briefly sighs before saying "Nick I just..."

He's out of his chair striding determinedly towards her "I don't want to hear your excuses. I want your [arse]urance you will NEVER do that again."

Her own defenses are rattled now and she stands and hits back with "I'm being har[arse]ed by a psychotic killer and you're angry at ME?"

He looks at her and angrily says "Thank you ... right there Jessica, that's the first time I've heard it from you." She's surprised as the implications of his words and the pain of guilt hits home. As if seeing this he continues in a softer but still aggrieved tone "I should have heard it from you."

Jessica had never considered this reaction. She was so determined to sort the situation out herself that she never thought what keeping it quiet would do to Nick. Last night Drew had argued they should tell him but Jessica had insisted Nick had enough on his plate already with the Lupino case. She should have known he'd find out, it's not like anyone here can keep anything quiet. She stumbles over an excuse "It all happened so fast there was no time"

She realizes her error by his acrimonious reaction "Oh come on! That's not true and you know it! Don't lie to me Jessica. Respect me enough not to do that. This had nothing to do with time it was a deliberate exclusion and you know damn well why!"

"I ..."

He doesn't allow her to continue "How do you think it felt to hear about this from Lea? My wife is terrified, she's being har[arse]ed and she doesn't even tell me! She lies next to me at night. She lets me make love to her but she won't talk to me. What does that say about us Jessica? How do you think hearing that made me feel?" he turns away trying to curb the emotion rising in him "You should have told me Jessica!"

She cannot deny the truth of his words or the pain she saw in his eyes. "Baby I'm ... "

He turns back and again speaks over her. He's been waiting for her return and all the thoughts swirling in his head are now desperate to be voiced. "Jessica you're carrying our child ... 'our child' ... you placed our child's life at risk and you don't even tell me ... you shut me out and that's wrong. I have a right to know. When it comes to the welfare of 'our child' Jessica the decision is ours, not yours not mine, OURS!”

"I know that."

"Do you?"

"Yes!" she takes a tentative step towards him "I'm sorry Baby ... I didn't mean to shut you out I ... I just didn't think..."

"I'm sick of being punished for something I didn't do Jessica!"

"What?" Jessica is surprised at the turn in the conversation.

"You're angry at yourself and taking it out on me."

She looks at him in confusion "I'm not ... I just..."

"You didn't tell me Hinks had returned because you didn't want to hear me say I told you so, well Jessica despite what you think I was never going to say it! What I would have said is ..." he stops and turns away from her.

"What?" she asks.

He shakes his head "I won't say it in anger" and begins to walk to the door.

She grabs his arm before he gets there "Then don't say it but please don't walk out" he pauses and looks at her "Please let me try to explain" she implores.

"Fine" he shakes her off and walks to the arm chair. He sits then looks up at her challengingly "Explain."

She walks to the couch and sits. She looks at him his anger is so intense she doubts there is anything she can say to appease him right now. "I am sorry" she offers knowing he needs more than that but still feeling it needs to be said. She is sorry. It was never her intention to hurt him.

"Friday night when you were ... Jessica you jumped every time the phone rang, he phoned you before I came home didn't he?"

"Yes" she admits hating that she has to, knowing that she's only going to cause him more pain. She watches him react to her admission. His elbows rest on his knees and his hands cover his face rubbing his temples. When he drops his hands again he looks at her with raw emotion. That she's caused such anguish and sorrow causes tears to threaten to fall. She fights to keep them in. She knows what they do to him and it's unfair of her to hurt him further now.

"Jessie why?" he asks despondently "How could you keep this from me?"

"It's not that I expected condemnation from you Nick, I truly didn't. I do know you better than that but ... you're right I was angry at myself ... I was angry I got us into this and I ... I wanted to be the one to get us out of it. Can you understand that?"

He looks down at his joined hands without answering. He doesn't understand, she's sure of that but at least now he is listening. She can only hope he can hear how sorry she is.

"I didn't think about how you'd feel baby I'll admit that ... I didn't think about the danger to myself or ..." she pauses not quite willing to admit she'd placed their child in danger. In truth it's something she never did allow herself to consider. It hurts her now to think she could have done it. He looks up when she doesn't continue to speak and she sees him wanting to understand. She takes a deep breath and again tries to explain "I just ... really there was nothing you could do about it and I didn't ... I wanted to fix it without having to get you involved. You're already so busy and ... I just thought I could fix it."

"I wish you believed in me." he says so quietly she barely hears him.

At first Jessica thinks she must have heard wrong but the expression on his face so perfectly reflects the words. "Nicholas, I do!" she [arse]ures him, horrified that he thinks otherwise.

"You don't believe I can protect you."

She looks away from him giving substance to his words. She loves him but she no more expects him to be able to protect her than she expects to be able to protect him. With all they've seen, the horrors they've encountered she knows they have no defense against evil if it comes looking for them.

Nick rises from the chair and sits in front of her on the coffee table. Resting his hands on her knees he says "I know I wasn't there with some things, I know I let you down before and not a day goes by that I don't regret that ..."

Her hand raises and her fingers brush over his lips "Baby NO!"

He grips her wrist and moves her hand away "But Jessica if you don't tell me what's happening how can you expect me to know the danger you're in? I can't be there for you if you don't tell me what is going on. At least give me a chance. Talk to me, help me help you."

She nods determined to never shut him out again.

"You hurt me" he says quietly. There is no accusation in his tone it's just a statement of a fact he feels she needs to know.

"I know baby" she turns her hand in his grip until there fingers are joined. "I am sorry ... I just ... I wanted to fix it. You didn't want me to take the case with Drew and you were right and..."

"Jessica!" he sighs " I wasn't questioning your judgment. You were right to help Drew."

"You didn't say that at the time."

"As your husband of course I didn't want you to take it, but you know that had nothing to do with the merits of the case. I just ... I didn't want him anywhere near my wife, guilty or innocent I didn't care ... I don't like you near men like that."

"It's my job baby, I do that with you guys when I’m not busy in the studio"

"I know that it doesn't stop me wanting all your clients to be 80 year old women."

She smiles "Baby there are some pretty crazy old ladies around too"

He doesn't laugh at her attempt at a joke instead they look at each other. Each hoping to convey what words are failing to express.

A knock is heard on the door and as Nick calls out "What?" Jessica quickly rises from the couch, rushing to his bathroom, not wanting to be seen in her current state.

"We have to go" Drew says popping his head in.

"Give me a minute" Nick replies quickly.

"Now!" Drew insists.

"I said I need a minute!" Nick rises from the table and ignoring Drew's frustrated stare follows Jessica into the bathroom.

He runs his hand over her back and she turns and hugs him. His arms engulf her, his cheek rests against her head. No words are spoken or movements made, they merely hold one another tight. The need for resolution mutual. Knowing he has to go he pulls away and framing her face with his hands kisses her forehead.

"I have to go" he whispers and she nods. Nick lightly brushes his lips against hers before leaving her. When he reaches the door to his office he turns and hesitantly says "Baby?" She looks up at him. "I won't be long ... will you wait for me here?"

Jessica nods ok and Nick smiles softly at her before walking through the door. Her tears fall freely now. She knows he's forgiven her but now she needs to forgive herself and the crime of hurting Nick is not one she takes lightly.

End of part 11. </span>

[littleprincessj]

<span style="font-family:Optima">

Day 190


Nick watches as Scott Wallace is led out of the office. The introspective defeated look on his face cuts like a shard into Nick's heart. He warns Scott not to speak to anyone and reminds the detective to honor the 6th amendment then rushes to his office, needing its familiarity and comfort. What a day he thinks as he sinks dejectedly onto the couch. His elbows rest on his knees but his hands are restless as he wills the pain inside to subside. He needs to be doing something, the anguish he's feeling leaves him wanting to destroy something. He wants power, ferocity, release. He'd trash the office if he felt it would do any good but he knows there has already been too much destruction. He needs to regain control not to give in to emotion.

His thoughts swirl. How could this have happened? Why didn't he see this coming? It was obvious Scott was upset, why didn't he pay more attention? Could he have stopped this? He can't keep doing this, hurting people he cares about because he's preoccupied with a client who is little more than scum. Why when Scott needed him did he get caught up defending that bastard Francis Lupino? It's so unbelievable. How the hell did this happen?

Nick hears the door shut and knows Jessica is there. He needs her so much right now. He needs to take her in his arms and let it all out. Take the comfort she can always give. Her soft words and gentle touch are a healing balm to his broken heart and psyche.

"You ok?" she asks as she perches on the arm of the couch. Her hand kneads his shoulder, then moves to rub over his back. He can already feel some of the anguish slipping away as a result of just having her near.

"I don't know ..." he admits He won't hide his pain from her, he needs her too much right now to do that. "How could..." he begins to ask but she answers before he has to voice the horrible truth.

"He was on the edge Nick."

"Should I ... should we have seen this coming?" He corrects himself. Knowing she won't want to hear him to take on any blame.

"No I mean how could anybody...." her voice trails off and he's not sure why. The comforting tone is gone when she again speaks "What's that?"

He looks up and notices a parcel on his desk. When did that arrive he thinks as he says "I don't know." He stands and walks to it, sensing her hesitancy and concern as she follows him. There is a card attached which he takes off and reads aloud "To Jessica with affection."

He looks at her, offering her the chance to take over, but she doesn't need to say in words that she wants nothing to do with this gift. Nick can see by the set of her shoulders and jaw she's afraid. As she makes no further move towards him or the parcel he takes it on himself to open it. His curiosity is quickly replaced with surprise by what he finds. Lifting the restless puppy out of the box he says amazed "It's a little dog ..." he looks at her unimpressed face and asks "Who's sending you a dog?"

Jessica knows exactly who would have sent such a gift and she wants nothing to do with it. She backs away slowly and concerned Nick walks around the desk towards her. She doesn't want it near her and looks up at him and says "It's from him" her voice alerting him to how distasteful the idea is.

He stops advancing on her and is about to ask 'him who?' when he remembers the last time they were together in this office and how angry he was she hadn't told him of William Hinks' return.

"How do you know?" he asks not seeing the connection.

"He met his victims walking dogs Nick."

The implication that this is signaling she is the next victim hits him and he immediately leaves the room. Jessica hears the squeal of delight from Lea and sinks onto the couch. Nick is by her side almost immediately and drawing her close to him.

"I'm ok" she says "It was just an unpleasant surprise that's all."

"Well get rid of the dog" he says.

"I'd like to see you try" Jessica says and smiles at him. He looks at her confused so she says "Just listen."

He does and hears lively chatter outside his office walls. He rises annoyed by them but Jessica pulls him back down to her side "They need this baby leave them ... it's ok."

"You sure?"

"Yes ... It was a cute puppy I just ... just right now I didn't want to see him."

"I won't let Hinks hurt you" Nick says caressing her cheek.

Jessica knows he needs to believe that. She also knows he needs to deal with his emotions over Scott Wallace before he bottles them too tight to ever be released. "I know you won't Nick" she says then looks at him "And with Scott you can't start blaming yourself. Nobody could have seen this coming."

Nick slumps against the back of the couch. His head thrown back as he expels a deep breath "What a day" he sighs. After a moment of silence he quietly states "Drew says it's time I get out of criminal law."

"What? Why? What's got into him?" Jessica practically shouts, fury rising in her at the perceived insult to Nick.

Nick looks over at her and smiles amused at Jessica's indignation with Drew "Hey hey shhhhhhh it's ok I agreed with him."

This surprises her more than Drew’s statement. "You did? ... Nick? Why?"

"I couldn't do it today Jessica. I couldn't put the victim out of my mind and concentrate only on the client." His hand strokes over her arm but his eyes drop to her abdomen. "It was a child ... and ... I couldn't put her out of my mind ... I lied to Francis, tricked him into giving her location. They knew he had her but they had nothing on him. Whether they would ever have proved it beyond reasonable doubt is debatable but I was more concerned with getting the girl back ..." he looks back up at her his eyes hesitant and concerned "I couldn't put her out of my mind."

Jessica looks at him. Honestly none of this comes as a surprise to her. He's been struggling for a while now. Something she first noticed when he worked to get Stanton Pierce convicted. At the time she thought it was a one time thing, a totally unexplainable random act of indignation but since then she's realized it's more, the system is starting to grate on Nick. It's hard to stay noble when you have trouble facing yourself in the mirror each morning.

"Maybe he's right" Jessica says and Nick winces and turns away from her. She knows he was hoping for re[arse]urance from her but what she's promised him is honesty not platitudes. Jessica reaches for his hand "Baby look at me." The pain in his eyes when he does brings tears to hers. "I'm proud of you" she says emphatically.

"I lied to a client to elicit a confession ... so much for my obligation to protect his rights."

His voice is tinged with scorn so she reminds him of the reality of what he did. "Baby today you saved a child's life. Francis chose this situation Alyssa didn't and as far as I'm concerned her innocence supersedes any obligation you had. I'm proud of you!"

"It's not that black and white Jessica"

"Well it should be" she says decisively and he laughs. He loves the fact Jessica believes the system would be perfect if only it followed her rules. He's spent many a night getting her flustered playing devils advocate by coming up with hypotheticals to destroy her so called idyllic tenets. She smiles and moves to rest against his chest. Today they don't need one of Nick's abstract theories real life has them spinning enough as it is.

"I'm happy with the result Jessica I really am .. I couldn't have ... we got her back alive and that's great but ... the system can't work if no one adheres to it."

"Nick these were exceptional circumstances."

"And Scott's?"

She sits up and looks at him confused.

"He wanted to testify Jessica. I overrode that decision. I went against the rules and imposed my will on him and now look where he is."

"Baby.."

"No the system is there for a reason and if I can't see that anymore ... if I can't abide by it I shouldn't be here."

"Well under that theory we'd all have to go."

He nods accepting the truth behind her words but she doesn't think he believes them enough. Not willing to drop it until she removes that look of doubt from his eyes she says "Nick if every lawyer who ignored the rules quit, the system would fail because there'd be no one left to work it. We all do it. Sometimes it works out well and sometimes it doesn't but the test is what's in your heart ... Nick you did the right thing, you did what you thought was best ... and who's to say a different decision would have changed Scott's verdict but a different one would have definitely cost Alessa her life. You have good instincts Nick and we all trust them because they pay off more often than not ... we just have to learn to live with the failures as well as the successes."

"I know."

She's still not happy enough that he does "I broke the rules too Nick. I deceived the court so I could implement an insanity defense against my clients orders. I strong armed the judge into allowing it and as a result a serial killer is free to send me puppies. Should I quit Nick?"

"I'm not planning on quitting Jess I'm just rethinking things a little."

His eyes tell her everything is fine and he just needs time. She leans back against the couch, there in case he needs her but not intruding on his thoughts. After a while his head turns to look at her, she turns her face to him knowing he's going to speak. Sure enough he asks "How scared are you?"

"I don't know ... This little gift hasn't given me much confidence in the restraining order."

"Maybe he had it already organized before that and couldn't cancel."

"Maybe" she replies but they both know Nick's reaching and it's more likely Hinks doesn't care about the terms of the court order. "I think he's just taunting me. I mean logically if something happened to me now he'd be the prime suspect ... but with William who knows maybe to him that's a good thing. He seemed pretty unconcerned with the prospect of being convicted. He took a big risk insisting on his guilt so maybe deep down he's tired and wants to be caught. Maybe I am in danger and it isn't just a game ... I just don't know Nick he makes no sense."

"Nothing much does at the moment" Nick sighs.

"God we're morose" Jessica mumbles then stands and reaches for his hand "Let's go home, we'll solve the worlds problems tomorrow, I've had enough of this place for one day."

Nick accepts her hand and rises to gathers his things together. All ready he follows her out the door, eager to get home where the days dismal events always seem less severe. He knows the reason for that is the woman in front of him and the security he feels from having her in his life. Nothing is insurmountable when he holds her in his arms.

End of part 12.</span>

[littleprincessj]

<span style="font-family:Optima">

Day 197


"I met with Scott today" Nick says absentmindedly moving the food around on his plate.

Knowing this already, Jessica looks up and waits for Nick to say what he really wants to tell her.

Still focusing on the food he says "I asked him, if he hadn't run out of bullets would he have shot Drew or Justin?"

Jessica reaches over the table and offers him her hand. He takes it, staring first at their joined fingers then raising his eyes to hers. "What did he say?" she asks.

"He honestly couldn't say. He thought about it then turned to me and said maybe like he really didn't know." His hand grips hers tighter. She's unsure what it is he needs to hear from her. Her silence compels him to speak "He wasn't there that night Jessica ... it wasn't him in that room ... he just wasn't there. I don't ... I don't know if he'll ever be back."

That Nick needs her comfort is obvious to her but what isn't is how she can provide it. Truth be told she's sick of Scott Wallace, tired of watching him slowly destroy Nick and angry at herself for resenting him when he so desperately needs their help. None of this is Scott's fault. He's one of those people who slips through the cracks and is broken by the system. His case has been a comedy of errors since day one, the only thing is, nobody has been laughing.

Jessica is about to make the effort of commenting when the phone rings. She feels guilty about how quickly she jumps at the chance to leave the room. It isn't that she doesn't want to help Nick it's just that she had no idea what to say. She feels suitably punished for her flight when she answers the phone and is met with silence.

William Hinks doesn't need to speak for Jessica to know he is on the other end of the line. These calls have become as regular as clockwork. He uses various pay phones and as he never talks they have no way of legally proving it is him. She could stand in court and swear to the fact she knows the sound of his breathing but it would be of no use. Nothing they can do will stop him. She slams the phone down and paces back and forth furiously. The vision of his eyes reflected back in the rear view mirror earlier today still haunts her. So to the fact the police refused to do anything about it. They've lost patience with her. She knows they don't believe her anymore and what's more she guesses this is all part of William's plan.

Jessica has no idea how much time p[arse]es before Nick comes looking for her. Seeing her face he doesn't need to ask who was on the phone. He sighs and walks towards her. Drawing her into his arms he says "I'll get the next one."

"Dammit Nicholas!" She pulls away and begins pacing again "There shouldn't have to be a next one."

What can he say that hasn't already been said night after night since Hinks' return? They quickly fall into the conversation that has become so regular it is almost scripted. For each of her anguished demands he gives the required response. Night after night they go through this routine but tonight she's taking longer to settle than usual. He's not sure why. Have the words become so stale through time they no longer comfort her? Are his own thoughts making them sound hollow? Are they both just too weary of the situation to handle it anymore or was there something more to tonight's call than all the others?

Nick steps forward to ask "Jessica..."

"I'm so sick of this!" she says backing away "What's the use of a restraining order if he can't be made to keep it?" she asks the same thing she's been asking for the past hour, the past week even.

"Jessica for God's sake calm down" Nick says becoming frustrated. He's tried gentle persuasion, he's tried reasoning and cajoling. He's running out of options and the carpet is wearing thin.

She turns to face him and he sees pain. He's about to step forward again when she asks "What is it about me that attracts them?"

He's stunned by the sudden change of topic and can only respond with "Who? What?"

"Psychopaths Nick! Creeps, little men with big dysfunctions." She resumes her pacing "I'm like a magnet to them. All my life they're the only men who come near me. Just once couldn't I meet a decent man and have him be interested in me? No it's a string of one loser after another. Why? What is it about me that causes this?"

When no reply is forthcoming she turns and sees she's alone in the room. She's incensed by this and walks to the bedroom sure Nick will be there. He turns when he hears her enter the room and the hurt look on his face surprises her. It occurs to her what she just said and its implications.

She walks towards him apologetically "Oh baby, I didn't mean you."

"I know that" he says smiling wearily as he walks to the end of the bed and sits down.

She walks over and stands in front of him. Her hand strokes through his hair until he raises his face and looks at her. "I'm sorry."

"I know" he says and his hands raise and rub softly along her hips and thighs "I don't know what bothered me more, the idea I was just one of a string of losers or that you were still waiting for that decent guy."

"I don't need a decent guy baby I've got you!" she says emphatically.

He laughs and his hands raise to her lower back and draw her nearer as he rests his forehead against her stomach. He can feel it move as she chuckles and groans "That didn't come out right at all."

He sits up and looks at her pleased to see her smiling.

"No wonder I can't see my feet anymore they're so far in my mouth I've probably swallowed them." She says as she moves out of his arms so she can sit beside him. He watches her mirth disappear as she turns and looks at him asking "I'm serious though Nick why are they attracted to me?"

"If your looking for a psychopaths point of view Jessica I can't tell you, but for a guy ..." he grins at her and teasingly adds "decent or not ... well god Jessica you're everything ..."

Her hand rubs his chest gratefully but she's too preoccupied to be bogged down in sentiment "Kingston said I was virginal is that it? Do I ... am I ... is there some vibe I give off? Is there an 'I'm vulnerable target me' aura about me?"

"Jessica this isn't your fault don't start trying to blame yourself here."

She nods fairly unconvincingly and says "But Nick ... Kingston, Vogelman, Hinks why me? Even Chris to some extent saw me as a victim ... do I appear weak? Is that it?"

"First off, from what Lea said with Vogelman it was just a case of wrong place wrong time. You weren't his intended victim Jessica you were just the one who was there."

"I guess"

"And with Kingston and Hinks it isn't your weakness that intrigues them if anything it's the opposite. It's like you said, they are dysfunctional little men, they despise women and here you are brilliant, beautiful and not one bit intimidated by them. You stood up to them when they expected you to crumble ... it's your strength Jessica, not weakness."

"I won't be intimidated Nick" Jessica says and he senses it's more to remind herself of this than him.

"You think I don't know that? You think that doesn't terrify me?"

She's surprised by the desperation in his voice. "Why Nick? Do you want me to be weak?"

"Of course not, but he's still out there Jessica, and it scares me that neither of you are likely to back down."

"It was Hinks in the cab Nick, I know it."

"I believe you."

"Next time I won't run I'll..."

He turns her towards him and determinedly says "You'll run! Promise me that Jessica."

"Baby ... I ..."

"Standing up to him isn't important Jessica. Your safety is!" he places his hands on her belly "This is! Promise me you'll remember that."

"I promise" she says quietly. Her hand raises to smooth the worry out of his face. "I promise."

They stay that way. Letting the silence re[arse]ure each other. Their eyes seek out and try to ease their pain. Jessica moves closer to him and sinks against his body. 'I'm here I'm safe believe me' her actions say and Nick holds her tight, trying to ease his fear that he could ever lose her.

As she pulls out of his embrace and straightens up he says "You don't believe me do you?"

"About what?"

"That none of this is your fault" She looks away and turning her face back to his he says "Baby you are not weak."

"With Chris I was"

"He drugged you!"

"No I mean before that."

"What happened in high school?"

"Yeah"

"It wasn't weakness Jessica you just trusted too easily. He saw that in you and took advantage..."

"You did too"

"I never took..."

"No no" she calms him down with her hand on his cheek "I meant you saw I trusted too easily. You put a lot of time and effort into drilling that out of me."

Nick smiles remembering the fresh faced, eager to please, rookie she used to be. It wasn't so much her trust in others he wanted to curb, he worked hard at bolstering her trust in herself. He hates witnessing how easily that can be destroyed.

"I bet that's why you hired me to help y’all when I’m in town in the first place" Jessica says smiling.

"Why?"

"Well you had Lea and Drew who weren't going to be pushed around by anyone, not even you, so when I walked in you thought here's a sweet young thing I can get to do all my bidding."

"Biggest mistake of my life" Nick says grinning.

"Hiring me?"

"No believing I could 'make' you do anything."

"I don't know Nick you can be charmingly persuasive at times."

"Really?"

"I married you didn't I?"

"So if I used some of that charm now?" Nick asks with a leer.

"Never going to happen ... I've an early start tomorrow."

"Was worth a try" he mumbles pouting.

"Yeah it was" she laughs and standing kisses his head "goodnight" she walks to her side of the bed and reaches for her nightwear.

"You know" he says turning to look at her "a decent man would probably let you leave it at that."

She laughs and sits on the bed "You're never going to let me forget that are you?"

"I could be persuaded to" he waggles his eyebrows at her.

"Is that all you ever think about?" she laughs.

"Pretty much ... and chocolate cake ... now if I could just get you covered in chocolate cake..."

Jessica laughs and lays back on the bed giving him a 'you are crazy' look. He moves up the bed and draws her to him. Snuggled up behind her he whispers "Chocolate covered you that would make me a very happy man."

She giggles enjoying lying here with him like this and knowing she should really be in bed and not just on it. "You're feeling a little happy just from thinking about it" she teases.

He moves closer pressing the evidence of her words against her and whispers "There's nothing little about it?"

"Tell you what baby" she says in a serious voice "You go make the cake, don't forget the frosting, and I'll just wait here patiently until it's ready."

"Oooh" he says delighted "You're on"

Nick gets up and leaves and laughing Jessica rises to prepare for bed. When she's ready she's surprised to find he isn't back yet. She thought he would just be turning out the lights and then come straight back. She starts to think he couldn't possibly have taken her seriously could he and walks down the hallway in search of him. When she reaches the lounge and he isn't there she hesitantly calls out "Baby?"

He pops out of the kitchen, apron on and flour on his cheek and says "Yes?"

She looks at him in astonishment "You didn't!"

"I did" he replies.

She brushes past him as she rushes into the kitchen and he wraps his arms around her from behind and whispers "Fooled ya"

Wiggling out of his arms she mumbles "I think I may start looking for that decent man after all." She walks back to the bedroom, not believing it herself for even a second. Nick's laughter lets her know he didn't fall for the line either.

When Nick crawls into bed ten minutes later her arms are welcoming and her lips grateful. She enjoys his warmth spooned up behind her and the serenity and security his arms offer. Even if only for a brief time he can always make her forget her troubles. It's then she remembers she was supposed to be doing that for him.

"Nick you were saying something before Hinks rang."

"Don't worry about it now" he says with a little laugh.

"You sure?"

"Positive."

He's barely finished saying the word before she falls asleep. Sleep is harder to come by for Nick though. Scott's answer of maybe still ringing loudly in his ears. Nick can't help feeling that had he been in the room, he would have been a deserving target. After all he's the friend who was supposed to help but who instead destroyed Scott's life.

End of part 13.</span>

[littleprincessj]

<span style="font-family:Optima">

Day 198


"The ayes have it!" Nick says before storming out of the room.

Jessica feels guilty as she watches him go knowing her actions hurt him. She looks around the table at the expectation on the faces around her. "I'll talk to him" she quietly says and leaves the room.

As she walks towards his office she prepares herself to endure his anger. The hurt betrayed look he gave her as she voted against him plays before her eyes. She takes a deep breath before opening the door. The glimpse of him as she steps through the door only heightens her apprehension, she really isn't looking forward to this conversation. She hopes he can see how sorry she is. Hopes he knows that she hated going against him and if there was any other option she would have taken it..

That he is furious and ready to lash out at her is evident in his posture. His hands grip the back of his chair as his eyes bore into her. "Nice ambush Jessica!"

She knows he'll never agree with her deceit she can only hope she can make him understand why she was forced to do it. "Can't you see how emotional you're getting?"

"I was worried about you for God's sake!"

She doesn't doubt that for a second but her concern right now is his over emotional reaction to Scott's case. She walks towards him intent on having the conversation he's avoided for so long. "Do you feel responsible for the shooting?"

He looks down with a sigh. He stands there shaking his head and she watches the anger drain away as it's replaced by sorrow. His body screams out guilt guilt guilt but he can't bring himself to say it.

It hurts her to see him like this. She doesn't believe for a second he should hold any guilt but how can she convince him to let it go. "Nick, look you believed his wife committed suicide."

He resignedly walks around the desk and towards her. All the animosity is gone from his voice when he says "I still do."

"In which case you couldn't possibly foresee that he would walk into a meeting with a gun."

"I know" he says accepting her point. He knows he isn't to blame but knowing it and believing it are vastly different concepts.

She steps right up to him and determinedly says "You can't put this thing on yourself Nick!"

"I'm not doing that Jessica! It's just ... I'm the only one who can help him here ... I can't pull out on him now ... You have to let me do it!"

She looks at him. His eyes plead with her. He's never so openly and honestly asked for her help before and she won't turn him down now. She could never turn her back on him. Her arms tell him what her voice finds it hard to say. "I'll help you do it ... whatever you need ... I'm there for you always."

Nick welcomes her embrace. Gains strength from her renewed support but there is a question that weighs heavy on his mind. He pulls out of the embrace a little and looks at Jessica. "Why didn't you warn me or at least talk to me about it first?"

"Because I was afraid this would happen." She drops her arms and takes a step backwards away from him.

Nick isn't concerned by her actions because he can read from the expression on her face she just needs space to talk. He is troubled by her words though. "Afraid of what?"

"This ..." her hands wave in the air between them. "... that you'd talk me into it. I guess I hoped you'd let them sway you. That if the vote went against you you'd let it go ... Nick I still wish you would."

"I can't Jessica."

"I know" her disheartened voice lets him know how much she wishes it were otherwise.

"You really don't want me to do it that much?" he asks surprised.

"I don't want you hurt Nick. I don't like what this case is doing to you. You're hurting and I can't help you and ... I don't like it!"

"You're here that helps" he steps closer to her.

"Yeah" she huffs in disbelief knowing there is nothing calming about her presence now, Hinks has seen to that. "You're worried about me, you're worried about Scott, you're ... the only person you're not taking care of is yourself and that scares me. I don't want to see you hurt."

"Jessica it's going to hurt whether I defend him or not but to sit back and watch someone else do it ... to lose that control, to lose the chance to put things right ... I need that chance."

"I know."

Pleased she's not going to argue with him he says "So we'll go back in there and..."

"NO!" Jessica replies vehemently.

"Jessica please!" he begs. He thought they'd agreed he was going to do it.

"You're going to wait here and I'm going back in" she explains.

"I'm not letting you take the heat on this."

"Nick if you want my vote you'll do it my way."

He opens his mouth to argue but she shoots him a warning look that stops him. She steps forward and picking up his hand entwines it in hers as she explains her reason.

"If you go in their you'll get defensive. You'll start arguing and shouting. Nick they don't want you doing it because they think you're too emotional, blowing your top is not going to convince them otherwise."

"But..."

"No buts! I'm going in alone and no matter what happens you don't leave this office until I come back ... Deal?"

"Jessica?"

"It's the only way it's going to be."

"Fine!" he turns and walks to his desk. He slumps into his chair and looks up at her a mix of anger and irritation.

"Wait here!" she reminds him as she walks to the door and he waves her away. Hating that he knows she is right and detesting the fact she's about to face their ire for him.

Jessica walks calmly into the conference room and announces she's changed her vote. She does a few deep breathing relaxation exercises as they all bombard her with protests. As the noise appears to be dying down she asks "You finished?"

There are times when being pregnant comes in handy. Use a weary voice, throw on a tired look, aimlessly stroke your abdomen and you can win many an argument as no one wants to overexert you. Has she ever used this tactic for her own benefit? No but for Nick she's willing to pull out all the stops. The fact they haven't seen her act this way before quickly silences all the dissenting voters. Pacified they listen, quickly overcoming her twinge of guilt for manipulating them this way she outlines why Nick needs to take the case and why he will receive everyone's full support.

Her captive audience soon accepts the inevitable. With Jessica's vote Nick already has the majority. They are obviously not going to be able to sway her so the best they can do is learn to live with it. They file out one by one but Jessica stops Lea before she can walk out the door. She has another set of instructions for her. "Take care of him. Watch him like a hawk and let me know the second it becomes too much for him."

Lea nods not really needing to be told this but knowing Jessica needs to say it. Lea's spent many a year nurturing Nick's state of mind and knows how concerned Jessica is right now. She squeezes Jessica's hand and watches relief cross over her face. Jessica turns and walks back to Nick's office leaving Lea feeling as if she's just shaken hands on a very important deal.

End of 14.</span>

[littleprincessj]

<span style="font-family:Optima">

Day 202


As Nick enters the bedroom he sees Jessica standing beside the bed, her hands caressing her stomach. She looks across at him and in answer to his unspoken concern whispers "The baby hasn't moved."

He walks slowly towards her, his eyes still questioning. Standing behind her his hands join hers mirroring their actions.

"I haven't ..." she takes a deep breath then leans back against him "I haven't felt movement all day ... normally it's ... Nick the baby hasn't moved!"

He can feel her concern just as clearly as he can see it. He remains silent as he thinks about the implications of what she said. Not liking where his thoughts are going he asks for clarification. "Is that ... should ... what does that mean?"

"I don't know!"

"But you're scared?"

"Yes."

"What about you? Do you feel ... sick or ..."

"No I feel fine ... I feel ok"

"And this has never happened before?"

"Not that I can recall"

His hand moves from her unresponsive belly to smooth along her arm. He steps until he is facing her, wanting her to see the sincerity in his eyes. "You're tired and ... and maybe the baby is too" she nods and his hand moves to her cheek. "I'm sure everything's fine ... if there's no 3 a.m. rumba tonight then ... then we'll call the doctor in the morning. Ok?"

"Ok" she nods again.

"Everything is fine Jessica ... the baby's just sleeping."

She nods again, wanting to believe him but unsure. Nick helps her into bed before preparing for bed himself. He fully expected her to still be awake when he was ready to get in because she hadn't appeared likely to relax enough for sleep but when he returned to the bedroom he found exhaustion had won out and she'd drifted off. Having climbed in beside her he lay there watching her, worrying about her and hoping his bravado of earlier would prove true. The exhaustion of the day finally wore him down and sleep consumed him too.

The third sharp kick to his shin wakes Nick. He hears Jessica mumbling and moaning and realizes she's having a nightmare. Turning on the lamp he calls to her, unsure if he should wake her or not but trying to calm her down. He softly strokes her arm saying "Baby it's ok ... you're just having a nightmare ... shhhh ... baby wake up ... it's ok"

Jessica sits up suddenly and breathing out heavily groans "Oooh ... Oh god!"

"You ok?" Nick asks running his hand over her back.

She turns and looks at him and he sees the terror still evident in her eyes. She climbs out of bed and hurries out of the room. Her gait unsteady from drowsiness but her flight reflex activated.

Nick immediately gets up and follows her. He was dismayed by the lack of recognition on her face. It's not the first time he's seen her troubled by nightmares but its the first time he's seen one make her run. Normally it's a case of 'I'm fine baby,' 'It was nothing baby,' "Go back to sleep baby' but tonight he's not even sure she realizes it was Nick in her bed. He finds her leaning over the sink in the kitchen, a gl[arse] of ice water in her hand.

"Hey" he says walking in "Are you ok?" She turns and looks at him. He can see how upset she is. Tears pool in her eyes. "Is it the baby?" he asks and is relieved when she shakes her head. "The nightmare?" This time she nods. "Tell me about it?" he asks soothingly.

She appears about to refuse then her body seems to collapse in on itself as she tonelessly recites her vision "I was dead ... Hinks was there and I was watching him, knowing what was about to happen to me. I was watching my body, unable to do anything and ... he'd never had a pregnant woman before ... I could only watch ... I knew what he was going to do but I couldn't stop him ... I could only watch .. I couldn't feel anything I could just see ... I wasn't alone ... there was death all around me ... millions of faces hovering around me ... angry at me ... victims who felt wronged but what I'd done and ... and ... and I remember faces ... lots of faces ... I saw Vogelman and Kingston and Eikman and ... Rooney and ... so many more and they were taunting me... telling me what Hinks was going to do and what they were going to do and ... and this was ... this was what eternity would be like..."

"No! God no" Nick walks towards her stopping a few steps away from her when his movement seemed to distress her. "It was just a nightmare Jessica ... that's not what it's like ... that's just a nightmare..."

"I still feel dead!" Jessica says her voice faltering. She looks Nick full in the eyes as her hands run over her face, wiping away her tears and trying to as easily brush off her fear. "I still feel dead!" she says again then reaches a hand out to him and pleads "Nick, please! Help me feel alive."

"Come here" he says and she takes the final steps and walks into his arms. His hands rub over her back as he whispers soothing [arse]urances. When she shows no relief from his actions he pulls away and takes her hand in his "God Jessica you're freezing" he rubs her hands and watching her face sees how shaky she is. He puts his arm around her and leads her back upstairs to their room.

"I need to feel alive" Jessica says again as Nick helps her into bed. He climbs in after her and wraps his body around hers. His warmth sinks into her, his breath tickling her skin and his hands hold and soothe but it's not enough. She pushes away and sits up. She can't just lie here when she feels nothing. She needs to feel again. Her hands rest where movement should be but there is none. She sobs.

Nick rises pushing back so he's sitting and leaning against the headboard. His face is concerned as he watches her. He calls her name when the tears come and she turns to look at him. She scrambles towards him. Her legs drape across his lap as she braces her body against his. Her cheek on his shoulder, nose nestled against his neck and arms tightly clinging to his torso. He feels so alive. She wants to feel alive too.

Nick holds her closely to him. He strokes her hair with his free hand while whispering re[arse]urances to her. The strength of her emotion and despair scares him. He doesn't know what she needs him to do. He's only playing catch up here and knows she deserves more than that.

"Help me" she begs quietly and his hand moves from her hair to her cheek.

He guides her head from his shoulder so he can look in her eyes. The fear he sees there stuns him.

"I need to feel alive" she implores, her still body trembling against his. Her mind caught in a terror that won't let go.

His fingers stroke over her cheek. His warm breath washes over her bringing with it treasured sensation. She moves her face closer seeking more and for the first time he senses he can help. His lips softly brush against hers. "You're alive" he whispers against her skin as his hand skims over her abdomen "You're full of life."

Jessica whimpers and burrows closer to Nick, her actions asking for more. His lips continue to caress her skin with kisses and affirmations as his hand moves to the buttons on her shirt. Once open fingers seek her out. A warm hand brushes against her side, she feels goose bumps rising on her flesh as it travels upwards. It encounters the soft rise of a breast and moves to encircle it. Testing its weight, cupping her, his thumb and forefinger close on her sensitive nipple and she gasps in pain.

"Sorry" he whispers and immediately moves his hand away.

"No!" she cries grasping his wrist trying to return his hand to her "Again! ... It's good ... I need it"

His hand resists her effort and rises to her cheek. His face moves away from hers and he looks deeply into her eyes "No" he emphatically avows "No!"

She wants to scream at him 'I felt it, it hurt but I felt it. I want to be able to feel again' She throws her head back in frustration hating the fear that's consuming her. Hating the numbness she feels. Nick’s face moves from her field of vision and she feels his lips tenderly brush against her chest. Her head shakes despondently, she doesn't want tender kisses, she wants fury, she wants frenzy, she wants to fight fire with fire. She needs to override her fear. She needs to feel alive. The pain was a jolt of life. She wants to feel it again.

Suddenly Nick's mouth is on her, suckling her, his tongue teases her nipple. His mouth is warm and moist and delightfully elicits a similar reaction from her. She feels her body succumbing to him. Its tension pooling and transforming to heat and exhilaration and she realizes how wrong she was. She didn't need pain to feel alive. Nick's hands Nick's mouth his heat his strength all conspire to bring life surging back in endless waves of pleasure. His p[arse]ion fills her with life. She can feel it coursing through her body, reclaiming her, igniting her.

"Better?" Nick asks as he moves his attention to her other breast.

"Hmmm yes" is her sibilant reply.

His hand moves from its supporting perch on her hip and slides between her thighs pushing her underwear out of the way. His fingers glide over her, teasing, touching, circling, entering while his thumb sets about inflaming her nerves. His mouth leaves her breast and makes its way back up her body to brush against her lips. Pulling away to watch the emotions play across her face he asks "Do you feel alive now?"

Her breath puffs against his face as she cries out "Yes"

He moves in kissing her again "I love you" he declares, his eyes boring into hers as his hand continues to create the frenzy she'd earlier craved.

"Yes" she again vows as her body thrusts against him.

He peppers her face with kisses "I won't let anything happen to you."

"Yes."

"You're alive."

"Yes."

Unsure if she's approving of his words or his actions he implores "Say it!"

"I'm alive."

"And?"

"You love me."

"Again."

"I'm ... alive ... and ... you love me."

"Believe it?" he pleads, his mouth pressed against her ear.

"Yes!" she cries as her release hits.

His mouth captures hers as her body seethes with life. He feels her pulsating around him. Her hand grips his forearm, holding him to her as her body burns. Her fingers loosen their grip as the fire simmers and her body sinks, sated and exhausted.

Nick's hand leaves her and raises to cup her face. His thumb traces over her lip imprinting her essence there. His forehead rests against hers. "You're alive" he whispers and she nods whispering in return "I'm alive." His lips meet hers drinking her in. Tasting her, loving her celebrating her life.

They move down the bed as they kiss until laying side by side. Their legs tangle and eyes immerse in each other. She holds his hand in both of hers and rests it against her chest. He caresses her hair with his free hand. She smiles at him, then her face stills in concentration before breaking into a look of pure bliss. She drags his hand down and places it over her undulating belly. Tears stream down her face. So much joy!

"Rumba time" he whispers drawing her lips to his "You're so full of life."

End of part 15.</span>

[littleprincessj]

<span style="font-family:Optima">

Day 204


Nick hears Jessica cry out his name and rushes out of his office to see what is wrong. Jessica is still seated at her desk but she has pushed her chair away and is looking with distaste at the ringing phone. "It's our private line" she quietly says in response to his questioning gaze.

Striding purposefully to the phone Nick picks it up barking a gruff greeting. He waits for a response but is met with only silence. The faint sound of breathing slowly arises as he listens more intently. His eyes meet Jessica's and he's incensed by the pain and fear he encounters there. He rests his hand on her shoulder, squeezing it gently to [arse]ure her she is fine and so is he. With his eyes encouraging her to be unconcerned he makes promises and demands of the man he knows is on the other end of the line. Demands he leave Jessica alone and promises of what would occur to him if he did not.

The others in the office slowly draw near. Whether their approach is through curiosity or concern it is hard to tell. This is an imp[arse]ioned Nick, open before them like they've rarely seen before. Behind their surprise is the dread of the futility of Nick's threats to stop a man like William Hinks. They fear for Nick and Jessica should Hinks not be stopped.

Jessica's hand raises to capture Nick's as it rests upon her shoulder. With a soft squeeze she tells him he's said enough. Hanging up, Nick uses their joined hands to help Jessica rise and leads her into his office. Closing the door behind them he walks to the armchair drawing her onto his knees. Ignoring her protests she's too heavy now, he buries his face in her neck and shoulder and holds her close against him.

Understanding his need she relaxes into him as her hands smooth through his hair. "What did he say to you?" she asks but the shake of his head is his only reply. Jessica is unsure if it is because he can't or won't say but decides either way she doesn't need to know. She won't hurt Nick by making him say the words to her. She's sure she knows William Hinks well enough to be able to fill in the blanks.




Day 207-09


Nick is afraid to hold Jessica's hand. He's afraid the crushing fear he feels will be conveyed in his grip. He doesn't want to hurt or worry her and turns away so she can't see his face. Jessica is having a second sonogram. The circumstances so far beyond that of their first that it's hard to believe it is the same procedure. He remembers the joy and excitement as they prepared to hear their child's heartbeat for the first time. There is no excitement today, no, now all he feels is dread.

This time it isn't the first glimpse of a new life but a barrage of tests to decide if this life will continue. He can't believe they've come this far only to risk losing it all now. The sonogram shows the baby is a boy. A son. His son! A tiny precious boy fighting for life while his mother is hounded and har[arse]ed to the end of her tether by a psychotic maniac. A son. Nick questions a God that at this moment he despises.

Why give this child to them if He's only going to take him away? What lesson is this for them to learn? What have they done to deserve this? Why does everything good that happens to him have to be a life and death struggle? And how many more losses and near losses is he expected to take?

A son. Their baby is a son.

"Please God don't take him now" Nick prays.

"Nicholas"

There is a plea in her voice he cannot deny. He's by her side instantly. Walks with her as she's wheeled back to her room. "It's going to be ok Jessica, you'll see, it's going to be ok" he says as often as she needs to hear it, hoping his vice doesn't convey his fear. Jessica wants to believe him, he can see that in her eyes. Hell he wants to believe him. God please let it be true.

Where the hell are the damn doctors?

He watches the baby monitor, each beat of his tiny heart registering. To Nick the fact it's still beating must account for something but the grave faces around him scare him. He's tired of hearing 'we are doing everything we can Mr. Lachey, you need to be patient Mr. Lachey, these things take time.' He wants more constructive answers. He wants something they can pin their hopes on. Something to remove the ache in his heart

Finally he's told he can take Jessica home. 59 hours after she first collapsed in his arms he gingerly leads her to their car. That has got to be the worst experience of his life he thinks. Terrified he never left her side. He couldn't. Afraid for her safety, afraid for the baby. No one was getting to her without first going through him. He watched over her, her face pale and wan, her hands never left her belly, clutching it as if through sheer strength of will she could keep the baby safe and inside. 'Hold on Jessica' he'd prayed as he watched her sleep 'Hold on!'

They have a list of instructions as long as his arm that she is to follow. She's to avoid stress and most importantly she's to rest. Take it easy, they were told, but no where on that list does it explain how they are supposed to keep William Hinks out of their lives.

It isn't until they arrive home and he sees their tree that it occurs to him today is Christmas day. He wonders if Jessica knows as he helps her into bed but he doesn't say a word. He already has everything he needs. He has her home, he has renewed hope and he has his dreams. What she needs more than gifts is rest. Maybe tomorrow they will acknowledge it but for now Christmas is low on his list of priorities.

Jessica holds her hand out to him and Nick crawls onto the bed and spoons up behind her. She clasps his hand in hers, rests it over their child. Nick's her anchor and combined they'll keep their child safe.

Nick is grateful to hear Jessica's breath quickly even out and to feel her body relax in sleep. He holds her tight, hoping he will always be able to comfort her, love her and shield her from harm.




Day 215


Jessica showers first now, needing Nick's help to climb out of the tub. A week of him having to change out of his wet shirt and they worked this system out. Who says they aren't intelligent? She dreams of a house with a separate shower. They are looking to move in a completely disinterested way. One of these days it will happen. Her only demand so far is a separate shower. Having struggled through one pregnancy with a bath/shower combination she outright refuses to for another. Of course the days of a second pregnancy are a long way off when you consider she still has three months before this baby makes his appearance.

Her centre of gravity has changed and she finds herself needing help with a number of life's little obstacles. For such a fiercely independent person it took a little getting used to. The joy in Nick's expression whenever she turned to him for help reminds her she has a man who loves her and is desperate to be allowed to show her how much. Knowing it pleases him takes the sting out of needing to ask.

"Nick!" she calls heralding her white knight. He arrives brandishing a preheated towel and a piece of toast. She eyes them all hungrily. "Sunken lounge" she suggests as she accepts his supportive arm.

"Marble staircase?" he retorts.

"Landscaped gardens and a room for the maid?"

"Surround sound and a hot tub?"

"Ooh" she grins as her feet find the floor "You're on."

So far she's agreed to an indoor pool, a fish pond, a fountain and a hot tub. He senses a pattern emerging.

Nick watches her towel clad body waddle away before removing his damp clothing and entering the shower. He doesn't mind their small home (to them at), at least he knows she's never far away. With the dangers lurking right outside their door he finds comfort in having her always so near.

Being home with her this week has been a curse and a blessing. As terrified as he is about her health they've taken this Christmas/New Year break as a time of recovery and reconnection. They've held onto and opened up to one another out of fear but in doing so have found joy. This time alone with her has sought to remind him how precious she is to him and how much he wants for their future together.

Until now he's kept the outside world away from her but can only continue to do so for one more day. Tuesday by necessity he must return to the office and for safety's sake so must she. The house walls are not secure enough for him to risk leaving her here on her own. She's not keen on the idea of being cooped up and mothered in the office so the fact she's agreed to it is proof to him of the extent of her fear.

Today he'll do everything he can to keep that fear from consuming her. They'll herald in the new year together. The year in which their child will be born. He'll concentrate on the reasons they have to celebrate and hope the new year can bring with it an end to their pain.

End of part 16.</span>

[littleprincessj]

<span style="font-family:Optima">

Day 222


Jessica walks into the office and sees Nick sitting with a far away look in his eyes. She believes she could probably dance naked before him and he wouldn't even notice. It's a theory she'll leave untested though as she would hate to see it proved correct. She runs her hands across his shoulders and asks "What are you thinking about Nick?"

His head turns to her and he smiles as he says "You."

"Really?" she says pleased with the look of adoration on his face until it morphs into William Hinks' and he says "Yeah, and how much I'd love to kill you!"

Jessica sits up startled. She can't remember the last time she's slept without having a nightmare involving Hinks. As she tries to calm her breathing she hears a moan from behind her and turns to see Nick tossing his head from side to side. She leans towards him and places her hand softly on his cheek. Calming, he leans into it and nuzzles against her palm. His eyes slowly open and he mumbles "Hey" as he looks at her in concern.

"Bad dream?" she asks and he replies with a somewhat embarr[arse]ed smile. "What was it about?" she says moving to face him more.

"You.." he begins to reply then his face morphs again and she imagines Hinks' voice saying "killing you."

She shudders and a sob escapes as her hand pulls away from him.

Nick immediately sits up and pulls her towards him "Hey it's ok!" he says instinctively as he cradles her in his arms. Her shaking worries him and he asks "Baby, are you ok?"

"I had a dream too" she whispers, finding comfort in his arms and voice, but afraid to look at his face. Her eyes remain tightly closed, her face buried in his chest.

"Bad?" he asks even though he already knows the answer.

"Just one of those surreal ones it's hard to wake from."

"Want to talk about it?"

"Not really ... want to talk about yours?"

"No."

For some reason this makes her laugh and hearing his answering chuckle she finds the strength to look at him. He is there, the face she knows and loves with no sign of it changing again. She touches it reminding herself this is what's real. She sees the concern in his eyes and wonders if maybe they should talk about their dreams but she can't bring herself too. At first they'd cling to one another and share their visions but now the nightmares have almost become commonplace. She's tired of talking about them. She just wants to forget them.

"Does this make us dysfunctional?" Jessica asks.

"No ... it's late and what we need the most is sleep. Besides I doubt there is any great hidden meaning in our dreams."

She nods knowing he's right. The stress and fear of the day is merely carrying over into the night. It is late and Scott's trial starts tomorrow so she wants Nick as rested as he can be for that. She lays back down and Nick curls himself around her. She clutches his arm willing her mind to sense only his presence and not her fear.

Nick can feel the tension in her body and knows the dream still consumes her. He won't press her to talk about it, how can he when he isn't ready to face his own yet, but he wants to take her mind off it.

"I often dream about you Jessica" he whispers against her ear.

"Really?" she giggles.

"Not like that!" he laughs and then corrects himself "I mean I do but that's not what I'm talking about here."

He feels her grip ease and her fingers become more animated than agitated. As they softly play along the veins in his arm she asks "Tell me about one."

He smiles, knowing how susceptible she is to a bedtime story, and hoping tonight he can lull her back to sleep. Speaking softly he says "The other night I dreamt we were walking along a beach. It was freezing, middle of winter, we were so rugged up you could hardly tell it was us. You were walking so close to me you were practically super-glued to my side. My arm was around your shoulders, keeping you close, while yours was inside my overcoat snaked around my waist. We had the baby and I had one of those pouch things on so all I could see was these tiny legs hanging out from the bottom. You kept reaching out and playing with the nearest foot..." he peters off as he becomes lost in the memory of the dream.

Jessica who was becoming immersed in the image prompts him to continue "What happened next?"

"Oh ... uh ... we ... there was a dune and we sat there sheltered from the wind and ... um ..."

She senses his hesitation in both words and manner and says "It's ok if you don't want to tell me baby I just thought you did."

"I do ... it's just ..." he sighs then says "actually the dream was just us walking I uh ... tried to add something romantic but couldn't think of anything."

Jessica laughs "Now why doesn't that surprise me."

Hearing the tease in her voice he grins and says "Now if you're going to insult me you should at least do it to my face.

Jessica huffs and puffs as she rolls over. Her increased size and reduced mobility make a once simple task a production. "Better?" she asks when settled and in answer to his nod she softly presses her lips to his.

As she pulls away she says "I love you Nick but you don't have a romantic bone in your body."

"I do to" he protests.

Jessica rolls her eyes barely hiding her grin as she says "Your idea of romance is me sitting in on a case with you."

He gives her a sly smile and she smiles back remembering some of the 'romantic' moments during their past cases. "You know for a woman who supposedly loves me you do complain a lot."

"Not complaints Nick, observations" she vows then adds "and not supposedly either, definitely!"

He smiles and raises his hand to stroke over her cheek.

"Baby" she says, her voice serious again now. His eyes move from their focus on her mouth back to hers. "I'd rather hear the truth than have you make up something because you think it's what I want to hear."

He nods showing he already knows this.

"It sounded like a nice dream" she says trying to get him to tell her more.

He smiles "It was"

"So how did you feel?"

He looks at her confused.

"In the dream how did you feel?"

"Complete ... happy ... in love."

Jessica smiles and takes his hand in hers. She rests their joined hands on the pillow besides her face. "Thank you" she whispers, her breath warming his fingers.

Nick's not quite sure what she's thanking him for and as he watches her drift off to sleep he feels he's the one who should be giving thanks. He doesn't know what he did to deserve her love but he treasures it all the same. He smiles thinking when this case is over and won he'll show her how romantic he can be.

End of part 17.</span>

[littleprincessj]

<span style="font-family:Optima">

Day 225


Nick hears Alan Neal leave. Alan's promise, "I'll take care of it Nick," still echoes in his ears. He takes a few deep calming breaths pushing down his fear and uncertainty. He has to believe he's doing the right thing. Jessica hasn't returned to his office so with one final stabilizing breath he goes to find her, his insouciant mask again in place. All is well. There is nothing to worry about. I'm not concerned.

Jessica is in the conference room, looking out the window, her hands caressing their child. She's a vision of maternal love and devotion. So beautiful, so strong, so vulnerable.

"Jessica?" he calls softly and she immediately turns and walks towards him. He watches her each step of the way. Any belief he's doing the wrong thing evaporates. She's all that matters, whatever it takes; he'll do it to keep her safe.

Nick takes a step forward and engulfs her in his arms; his face buried deep against her shoulder. He's terrified of failing her. If this doesn't work he doesn't know what he'll do next. Jessica's hands run over his back and he hears her concerned "Baby? ...You ok?"

"Yeah I just missed you" he whispers as his arms hold her tighter. His mind churning with concern. He cannot lose her. He just can't.

Technically Jessica hasn't been working. She's on an enforced leave under doctor's orders but the horrendous circumstances make it necessary for her to be at the office. The idea of her at home, alone, unprotected is too much to bear. So she potters around at the office under the eagle eyes of six mother hens insisting she doesn't do too much. Guards who have banded together, differences put aside, willing to defend her with their every breath.

Today Lea surprised Nick when, knowing she was the only one who could be spared for the day, she immediately volunteered to accompany Jessica to the hospital upon hearing of Jeannie's death. They all know how close Jessica came to losing the baby and will do anything to ensure it doesn't happen. He can only pray their vigilance will succeed.

All their efforts are useless though with Hinks still running her around in an endless cycle of terror. If Nick could have had her in court with him he would have been far happier, as much for her expertise as the additional security of the courthouse, but physically she isn't up to it. Instead he has to trust that Lea is making her rest and Drew is keeping her safe. Knowing in reality she's out there fighting them every step of the way.

Jessica has rebelled against the imprisonment, hating the perceived notion that Hinks has already taken her life from her. Nick compromised and hired a guard. She can leave as long as she never leaves alone. Every moment he fears all these precautions won't be enough. He cannot lose her the mere thought of life without her is inconceivable.

Jessica knows there is more to Nick's embrace than just missing her but doesn't push him. His mind needs to be on his closing now and not her. He needs to see this through; he needs to win for both Scott's sake and his own. Jessica fears it will destroy him if he doesn't win and she won't be the cause of his destruction. She won't. Her problems will take a back seat until he is free to think of her again. She won't pressure him. She won't have him focused on her when he needs to be concentrating on Scott's trial now.

Her arms offer whatever comfort he needs. It's such an emotional time for them both. His guilt over Scott's welfare and his fear of the damage the case has caused to his relationship with Justin are reflected in his every haunted look. She knows he thinks he's protecting her by not burdening her with his pain. He may not share but that doesn't stop him needing her. Tonight is not the first time he's silently found his strength cradled in her arms. She hears him take a deep breath then his body tenses as he straightens up to look at her.

"How are you doing?" he asks.

Tears form in her eyes and she shakes her head. How is she expected to be when a friend has just been murdered? She needs to talk to him about her guilt over Jeannie but how can she? He's already in so much pain. Besides she already knows what he'll say "You warned her ... You told her more than you should have but she chose not to listen ... You did everything you could ... You 'cannot' blame yourself." But the words are hollow echoing in her brain. They lack the comfort she derives from his voice. She needs his voice but is willing to settle for his arms.

Nick looks at her and thinks what a great pair they make. They are both hurting but refusing to confide in the other. Locking it all in, hoping to protect the one they love. His hand rests on her cheek, his thumb gently stroking it. "Let's get you and the melon home" he says and is delighted to see her smile.

"We're back to melon again?"

"I kinda like that one."

She rolls her eyes and reaching up to take the hand resting against her cheek in hers, she leads him out the door.

End of part 18.</span>

[littleprincessj]

<span style="font-family:Optima">

Day 227


"Nick's been arrested in connection with William Hink's murder" a subdued Lea says hanging up the phone.

"What!!" Jessica screams her knees almost buckling under her.

"It just happened ... he's being arraigned this afternoon."

"I'm on my way" Drew grabs his coat and hurries to the door

Grabbing her bag Jessica follows saying "I'm going too"

Drew stops and turns looking at her "No Jessica your..."

"He's my husband I'm certainly entitled to..." Jessica begins to argue but Drew interrupts her.

"Your 7 months pregnant" he says as if that's all the explanation required.

"So what!" Jessica finds it hard to believe they are fighting her on this. Where should she be but by her husband's side?

"He's right Jessica" Lea says in a soothing voice as she places her hand on Jessica's arm.

"Lea!" Jessica's incredulous having expected Lea of all the people to support her.

"You don't want to stress yourself into miscarrying ... stay here" Lea continues calmly.

The dreaded word hits too close to home for Jessica and voices start to invade her mind. All the doctors constant warnings to avoid undue stress. Her promises to Nick she'll take things easy, she'll think of herself first above everyone else, she'll protect their baby at all costs. She knows if Nick had the choice he'd want her here, safe and resting. She can almost hear his insistent words. Looking at all the concerned faces staring at her she sees that same insistence and sighs giving in to their demands she stay.

Watching Drew and Justin leave Jessica feels like she's failing Nick. Lea and Jeff watch her every move as if expecting her to make a run for the door if they look away. Resigned to her new role of couch potato she sits at her desk. She feels trapped by the watchful eyes that never leave her, by the limitations of her body, by these walls that separate her from where she truly belongs.

She cannot stay seated for long. Needing to be near him she enters his office. Hating the fact he isn't there she leaves it again. The conference room is occupied by Jeff and his client. The library is free but she has no interest in its contents. Totally frustrated with being cooped up in the office Jessica's emotions finally explode. She can't believe she allowed her self to be talked into staying. Turning to Lea accusingly she declares "You should never have stopped me from going!"

"It's better for the baby..." Lea begins to say hoping to calm Jessica down but she isn't prepared to listen.

"This is insane Lea. How can pacing here worried sick about Nick be better for the baby? I'm more stressed now than I would be had I gone. I need to see him! I should have gone! I should be..."

"No what you should do is sit down..." Lea's calming tone only grates on Jessica's already frazzled nerves.

"He's my husband Lea! I should be with him. I need to know he's ok... God! I need to see him." She turns away from Lea, works desperately to keep in her tears as she voices her greatest concern "What the hell did he do?"

Lea and Cacee exchange glances. They know they need to calm Jessica down but really what can be done to achieve that. They are all on edge here waiting for news, so how can they expect Jessica not to be? Lea, surprisingly, is the one who comes up with a plan first.

"What should I do about today's appointments?" she asks.

"What?" Jessica says spinning around and glaring at her.

"Nick, Drew and Justin all have meetings scheduled for this morning and somebody needs to tell me who should be rescheduled and who needs to be seen today and who will see the ones who need to be seen? Does someone want to take a look at this list and tell me who's who?"

Suddenly Cacee has urgent calls she needs to make and Lea's woebegone face broadens in desperation. Jessica looks around the office at them and then in frustration says "Oh give it here." Snatching the list from Lea she walks into Nick's office. Cacee and Lea exchange relieved looks. They know they've only bought themselves a little time but hopefully it will be enough for some good news to have filtered back.

With something other than her concern for Nick to focus on Jessica eases herself into his chair and begins the first of many phone calls. It's all quiet in the outer office when Lea whispers "Cacee she hasn't made a call in over ten minutes, should someone check on her?"

Jeff who has just walked his own client out of the office exchanges a look with Cacee, each asking the other who should go in.

"Have we heard anything from Drew?" Jeff asks and Lea sadly shakes her head. Sighing Lea decides she should talk to Jessica and quietly enters Nick's office.

Jessica is sitting in Nick's chair with her eyes closed and arms spread over his desk as if trying to channel him there. She barely notices Lea walking towards her until her hand strokes slowly across Jessica's back and in a re[arse]uring voice she says "Nick always manages to fall on his feet ... you know that ... you'll see this will all turn out ok too."

"I think it's the not knowing that's the hardest to deal with Lea. I should have gone. I need so much right now to see him. I need to know what's going on and mostly ... I need to know he's ok."

"Nick's ok!" Lea [arse]ures her "Drew and Justin are with him, he's ok."

Jessica's teary eyes look up at Lea hopefully and then she shakes her head "What did he do Lea? I can't believe this! I thought it was all over and we were finally free. What did he do?"

Before Lea can answer the phone rings and they overhear Cacee talking to Drew. Lea is almost run down by Jessica rushing to get out there and hear the news. Hanging up Cacee says "That was Drew. It looks like Nick's being charged with solicitation."

"And?" Jessica says walking determinedly to her desk and gathering her coat and bag. This time no one tries to stop her going.

End of part 19. </span>

[littleprincessj]

<span style="font-family:Optima">~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"Case 32899 Commonwealth v Nicholas Lachey ... breaking and entering with intent to commit felonious [arse]ault, conspiracy to commit murder and felony murder, and murder in the first degree."

Jessica watches Nick walk in as the charges are read. Although she can hear the clerks words and Drew's subsequent response, their meaning barely sinks in. Her attention is drawn to her husband. He looks defeated to her, shell shocked, scared. She remembers the last time Nick was arrested and how he was angered by it, but this time he looks resigned and ... guilty? Gone is his purposeful stride, gone is the head held high in self [arse]urance. With his jacket open, tie off, shirt rumpled, top buttons undone he shows no interest in portraying an outraged aggrieved appearance. There is no fight in him if anything he looks apathetic. This does nothing to [arse]uage Jessica's concern. She barely pays attention to the proceedings as she watches Nick, analyses him and waits for the moment she can run to him.

Jessica hears the judge set bail and sees Drew walk towards Nick. She rises and rushes towards him. Nick's eyes meet her as she approaches, stick to her hungrily, unable to look away.

"Hey" he says quietly, his tone apologetic and concerned.

Her hand finds its way to his chest and, through her touch, [arse]ures him she's fine and there for him. "You ok?" she asks feeling calm for the first time since they received the call. This is what she needed; contact. The chance to see him again, to feel him and know he is fine.

Nick gives a halfhearted nod and a quiet "Yeah"

"We gotta take him" the guard says tugging a little on Nick's shackled arms.

"I'm going with him" Jessica states determined they won't be separated again.

"I don't think that will..." the guard begins to object but Jessica cuts him off.

"Then don't think then ... I'm going!"

Sensing it's an argument he's never going to win the guard relents and leads them away. They silently walk down the long hallway and take a seat on the bench in Nick's cell to wait to be processed. The moment Nick is uncuffed Jessica reaches out and takes hold of his hand. They sit there in continued silence. The conversation they need to have being too sensitive to bring up where the walls have ears. She doesn't need to speak to console him. She doesn't need him to speak to allay her fears. Right now all she needs is to be by his side and all he wants is that too.

Drew filled Jessica in on the details but only Nick's presence could [arse]ure her he is ok. She looks at him. His head resting against the wall, his eyes closed, one foot perched on the edge of the bench while the other leg stretches across the cell. He looks relaxed, composed, like he's leaning against a tree, stretched out enjoying the sunshine on a glorious spring day. She isn't fooled for a second.

The hand entwined with hers tells her more truthfully how he feels. It's there for her but it takes nothing from her. He's afraid, guilt ridden and wanting to run. She fears he's closing himself off to her as each second ticks by. Believing he owes her comfort while he himself deserves only condemnation. She knows him well enough to know he's punishing himself now, she certainly doesn't need to. All she needs is to hear from him why. To understand what he went through, what she fears she drove him to, and why he insisted on doing it alone.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Nick walks slowly into his office knowing that the conversation he dreaded can no longer be avoided. Jessica hasn't spoken to him yet but her mere presence in the cell screamed at him to explain his actions. She was by his side, supportive, silent and strong but it terrified him. How could he tell her the terror he went through, the nightmares he had without giving her more pain?

He sits in the chair prepared for a lecture. He knows he deserves it. The irony isn't lost on him that he sat here less than a month ago and berated her for not being honest with him, for making decisions without consulting him. Angry at himself he finds it difficult to meet her eye. He looks up and sees her looking at him expectantly but he immediately looks away. After the morning he's had he isn't ready for this now. He needs some time to compose himself, he chuckles to himself thinking that what he really needs is time to compose a defense.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jessica asks.

Nick hears the sorrow in her tone. He hears the hurt and knows he's the cause. He's not ready for tears, he's had enough of being treated like he's a disappointment for one day and hears himself mumble "Please don't start" before he has time to think of what he's saying. He regrets it instantly. Adds it to the long list of sins he's committed of late.

Jessica looks surprised, hurt by his tone. Nick's guilt only accentuates as she leans forward and says "I'm not trying to start Nick but ... you bring this Neal guy in, you tell him to scare Hinks, Hinks ends up dead and you say nothing to me! .. It had to have been eating you?"

She waits for him to speak but he can't bring himself to. Everything she says is true, he should have told her, but he knew it would only upset her more. She wouldn't have approved, it would have distressed her and that's the last thing he wanted to do. Again he's failed because the way she's looking at him now is pained, betrayed, disappointed. He hates the look he sees in her eyes. The censure he knows he deserves.

Drew enters the room and asks for some time with Nick. Jessica shoots him one more pained look and her words cut straight to his heart "Sure, why should I know what the hell's going on, I'm only married to him."

He winces knowing every second he's only causing her more pain but right now he's too lost to help her. He's angry with himself for what he's done to her, angry that he's got himself into this situation and determined that when this debacle is over he'll take a step back and make it up to her Drew starts speaking but Nick's not ready to hear it. First he needs to get the office organized, hand over the reigns until he's again able to take control. Then he needs to find a way to repair his personal life. A way to make it up to Jessica. He knows he'll have to start with honesty and can only hope that will be enough.

End of 20.</span>

[littleprincessj]

<span style="font-family:Optima">
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Jessica stands in front of the mirror. Her eyes drawn to the expanse of her waist. Their child, created in an act of love, is a testament to their bond. Lately she's started silently talking with him at night. Standing there looking at the changes he's made to her body, feeling him under her hand and inside her. She promises him things, ensures him of her eternal love and imagines him in her arms. She remembers the joy of discovering his existence and now ... with so much going on ... he's all she feels she has left to hold onto.

Nick is drawing away from her. Silent and sullen he no longer shares his hopes his fears his joy and sorrow. She fears their bond is breaking, believes she'll have to fight him to let her back in and hopes that she'll have the strength to succeed. She hoped they would have spoken by now but he's avoided her all afternoon. Having fled from his office, Lea followed her, held her and reminded her Nick needs time. He needs to know himself before he can tell her how he feels. Jessica accepts this but what she cannot understand is that he can forget he is her husband. He's forgotten the vows they made. Forgotten they promised in good times and in bad to turn to each other. It's not enough they share this child when they'd promised to share their lives.

Jessica recalls the pain she felt emanating off him as they sat around the conference table devising their team plan. He was quite, reserved and she watched him retreat further into himself as he witnessed Drew fill the position that had always been his. So much of who Nick feels he is can be ascribed to the office and the role he played there. It hurt Jessica to see him so lost. Pulling away from her, separating himself from everything that had once defined who he was.

That the office now needed Drew's leadership was not in doubt but what Jessica feared was that Nick needed to be the one who filled that position more than he even knew. She couldn't sit back and watch him hurting, floundering for his place and purpose. She needed to do something to bring him back. Needed to find him so he could then find her. The moment the meeting ended she rushed to Cacee, made unreasonable demands of her, pleas from a desperate woman watching her life crumble around her.

She wants to run into Nick's arms, cry against his chest and beg him to love her but she can't. This time she needs him to come to her. She needs to know they are together because he too wants them to be. Her arms will be open to him but he must journey to them.

Jessica's alerted to Nick's arrival through his reflection in the mirror. She sees him pause in the bathroom doorway to watch her actions. Normally she's finished her ritual before he arrives but tonight she had a lot to think and say. Jessica finds hope in the openness of Nick's stance. His shoulders no longer rigid appear ready to release their load. She can't help a little smile at the fact he too may want to make peace. He hasn't retreated completely away now she just needs him to step forward. That he makes no further movement towards her unnerves her though and she self consciously asks "What?"

"I'm just looking" Nick says and Jessica hears the awe that used to surface whenever they were together. Fear sent that away. His mission became to protect her, comfort her, console her and in doing so she wonders if he forgot how to love her.

With one final promise to her son she sighs and turns to face his father. Whatever will become of them she needs to know now. Her body betrays her and her hands raise unconsciously to rub her aching back. Everything she wants is in this room yet she feels lonely, isolated, afraid. Her eyes raise to meet his and hope increases the beating of her heart when she witnesses the mix of pride and fear in his eyes as he walks towards her.

"I'm sorry ... He ... I got so afraid that he really might hurt you ... and the reason I didn't tell you is because ... I knew this is not the kind of stress you need right now."

"Nick ... I'm your wife!"

"I know this" he vows and walks forward taking her in his arms.

She delights in the feel of him, his warmth, his strength and knows she could happily stay there all night if she didn't need so much for him to open up to her. For too long now she's accepted his comfort without insisting on his honesty. No more. Tonight he needs to talk to her. She needs to know where they stand. She doesn't know what was organized in his meeting with Drew while she made her desperate attempt to garner Cacee’s help. She'll ease him into a conversation by starting with the facts and hope he'll then offer emotions. Pulling out of his arms she asks "What happens tomorrow" as she moves to sit on the bed. She watches him change roles from comforter to counselor.

"We have a motion to dismiss the felony murder count."

"If you lose?" The question hits him harder than she expected.

"Jessica their whole case is the word of a career criminal. They can't satisfy their burden with that. They just can't" he replies with increasing emotion and doubt.

Jessica isn't used to seeing him this way. Nick has always been the strong one, the one to [arse]uage her doubts. She only hopes she can do it half as well for him as he's always done for her. "I've never seen you look so scared" she hears herself say and the look he offers all but tells her he's never been so scared. He looks broken and she doesn't like it. She needs him to know he isn't alone. "We'll beat this Nick! We'll put the whole firm on it if we have to."

He sinks to the floor, crouching beside the foot of the bed. His face a mirror of concern. He looks at her, ready to speak but the words won't come. There is too much pain, too much regret. He looks at the bed cover, his fingers pick at it, scratching away the stain in his heart.

She doesn't like to see him this way, supplicating himself, pulling further away from her with each guilt filled breath. "Nick please" she begs and his eyes rise to her "Please don't shut me out. We need to do this together" her hand reaches out as she says "I'm here Nick I'm right here."

At her behest he rises and sits beside her on the bed but his eyes cannot stay with hers. They roam over her unclothed body, over their child, safe within her womb. He knows why he did what he did, he couldn't lose them. What terrifies him is, he still might. He'd do it again if he had to; his regret is that he hurt her. Jessica's hand raises and her thumb caresses his lip. 'I love you' it says and he drinks thirstily its words. He looks into eyes beseeching for love and remembers what it is he's fighting for. Them, together, always.

Sinking back onto the bed he draws her down beside him supporting her with a mound of pillows. Their child is cushioned snugly between them, Nick's hands bracing Jessica's back. With her breath warming his soul he finds the strength to say the words "I never wanted to hurt you." He sees her denial spring forth but steals the words with his mouth. He kisses them away. He has hurt her, he knows it, and won't be told otherwise. When the need for air outweighs his wish for silence he loosens his hold. His hands move to her face, thumbs gently caressing cheeks now wet with tears.

"Baby" her soft voice implores "I understand. You're forgetting I did the same thing."

He's confused by her statement and rises up so he's looking down at her. Her hand plays over his arm as her own guilt is expressed

"I turned to someone I thought could help, Cacee ... I sent her to intimidate him but it just encouraged him. Nick if I hadn't done that well ... maybe then none of this would have happened. All you did was what I did, you turned to someone you thought could help."

"It's not the same Jessica. Because of me a man is dead."

"Did you send Alan Neal to kill Hinks?"

"No!" His eyes implore her as his shoulders sink under the weight of the implication "I didn't. I need you to believe that!"

"I do. Do you?"

He looks away but her hand draws his face back. Talk to me her eyes beg.

"I didn't plan for it Jessica but I'm not sorry he's dead. You're safe now and that's what's important" he says quietly then closes his eyes "I just ... I never expected this." His eyes open again, moist with sorrow "I'm sorry I hurt you."

"Nick I'm not angry" he looks at her in disbelief so she continues more forcefully "I'm not! Maybe one day words will pour out in anger but it will be fear talking not me." Her hand runs over her body "I don't want to do this without you, I'm scared of what will happen but I'm not angry at you for what you did. I understand ... I do! I love you and ... I'm grateful Nick. I'm not sorry he's dead either ... I'm disappointed you never talked to me but I'm not angry with you. I know you never planned for this to happen. I know that. I just ... I wish you'd talked to me."

He sees the truth in her words but all the response he can think to say is he's sorry. Seeing tears in her eyes he wants to take them away. They are about to have a child. This should be a time of joy not pain. His lips caress her eyelids then move down to cover more of her face. His body hovers above her but mindful of their child his lips and one hand is all he allows to touch. Fingers linger where lips have blessed. Her mouth responds under his and he whispers his love into it before moving down further. Her chin and neck are loved as his thumb is suckled. He moves on back to her mouth his words coming stronger now "Love you."

Her hands frame his face, her eyes sink into his soul, he finds words pouring out of him he didn't know were there. "I'm scared ... I'm so scared" his hand glides down resting on her abdomen, "I don't want to miss any of this, I don't want to lose you, my life is here, with you ... I'm so scared" The words hurt as they issue forth, their implications too much to bear, that soon he may be torn from her grasp, their child will grow up without a father, his arms and life will be empty without her. No, this cannot be. She's here beside him. She will always be beside him, for him to love as he's doing now.

He moves away from her face and those eyes that mirror his fear. Her face is too expressive, his dreams shatter in those eyes. Her body knows no fear. It tastes and feels and smells the same as she always has. It responds to him, she responds to him, this is where he belongs. His mouth travels to her breast barely contained by its black silk sheath. He kisses the skin revealed to him, rubs his cheek there, her skin is softer, more luxurious than any silk. He moves down to caress the home of his child. He slides off the bed, his hands and mouth desperate to cover every inch of her stretched tight skin. The baby moves inside and his eyes rise to meet hers. They smile at one another. There is still joy to be found. Life goes on and so will their love.

His hands continue their journey. As they again reach silk he motions for her to rise. No barriers shall come between them. The weight of her hips against the mattress is eased enough for him to slide the material down until only she is there. From knees to thighs his hands gently run over and over her skin while his cheek rests against their son. With eyes closed he can believe today is just another day. Her sounds, her smells, her warmth, are his to be cherished. And cherish them he does. His mouth travels over her body, his heart poured out in the words his tongue leaves there, stroking her over and over again "I'm sorry, I love you, I'm so, so sorry" he spells against her skin. His entreaties bring her closer and closer to the brink with each swipe of his tongue.

He feels her body shatter around him and hears her cries. He loves her. He will show her that nothing will ever tear him away. He rests his head against her thigh. His breath fans her sensitized skin. Whatever she needs, he'll do, because what he needs is her. This he knows. She is his world, his life, his love.

Jessica's eyes catch a flash of light. Moving slowly to see better she tries to find its origin. As she scans the room she realizes what she saw was their mirror. Her eyes widen in amazement as she sits up straighter and views her reflection. The wanton expression on her face as her husband and lover rests his cheek on her bare thigh. "Baby" she says in awe, barely audible, an exclamation of wonder not a statement. He raises his face to see hers. Following the direction of her gaze he smiles at the woman in the mirror. Rising he climbs on the bed behind her. Brushing away from her ear the hair his delving fingers had earlier torn from its tie, he whispers to her "This is me loving you."

She watches his hands as they trail over her shoulders and down her arms. They reappear again as they slide smoothly over her belly "This is us" he whispers his hands ever active "I love you so much Jessica" they disappear from view again and she feels him at the clasp of her bra. It opens and she feels her breasts, heavy with impending motherhood, sink painfully from loss of support. Her moan elicits a re[arse]uring kiss to her neck. His hands rise again to her shoulders sliding the straps down.

"Show me how" Nick whispers as his hands rise to her breasts. Resting her hands on his, Jessica guides his motions, showing him how to ease the strain without causing pain. Her eyes never leave their reflection, enraptured by the vision of them together like this. She's never seen that look on her face before and it fascinates her. Who is this woman? Nick knows her thoughts.

"This is what I see" he whispers "you are so beautiful."

Whimpering Jessica turns her face to his. Her mouth telling him she likes what she sees, what he can make her feel.

Nick pulls away and moving back on the bed helps her cumbersome body slide across until they are together. Jessica lays down in his arms, her back to his chest. His body supporting her, his hands glorying her. The emotion, the sensation, it's almost too much and yet it isn't enough. She slides her hand between their bodies and pushing his pajamas down releases him. Her hand relishes the hot, hard, silky skin that seeks her out but the action twists her back uncomfortably. The waves of pain washing over her cause her to gasp, alerting him to it. In horror he pulls away from her.

"Don't" he implores. He won't be a source of her pain. Removing the tangled pajama pants from around his knees he soothes away her apology and moves forward again. His body again cradles hers. His hands return to their task. "Let me love you" he whispers "just let me love you."

Jessica wants to ask the same of him but knows he needs to do this and acquiesces. His needs tonight are as much about fear as love. His misguided sense of guilt won't allow him to take pleasure, only to give it. She'll bide her time, she'll take what he needs to give and when he's ready she'll show him what's in her heart. She'll show him love doesn't judge or condemn. Love is a celebration she wants to share with him.

As Nick's hands find their rhythm again, he unwittingly finds a haven between her thighs. Feeling him Jessica makes a small adjustment, then closing her thighs traps him there. His eyes close at the sensation and his ensuing gasp sounds in her ear. She presses even tighter concentrating on giving him maximum friction. It isn't enough, it isn't where he so wants to be but by God it feels good. Instinctively he rocks against her, testing the sensation. His skin feels as if on fire from its contact with her. It's so long since they've been as close as this. His thrusts begin hitting her in just the right spot and he has to grip her hips tight when they begin undulating in reaction. He can't allow her to move; he can't risk a change of angle that may result in penetration.

She hasn't yet been given the go ahead by her doctor. Until then, intercourse is still out of the question. Nothing is worth risking their baby for. This isn't perfect but it is more than he expected. It feels so good he can almost convince himself it's more than what it really is. He takes it back, it is perfect. Her body washes over him. Her heat bathing him. Her cheers mingle with his tears as he vows he'll never lose her. He'll never let her go. He needs her. He loves her. They'll never be apart.

She grips him tighter, spurring him on and on. Finally they are doing this together. Her body trembles as sensation begins to override intent. She wants to stay with him, here in this moment, but feels the steady thrum of nerves unleashed begin to take control. She can't stay, the most she can hope for is that she can take him with her. With one last intense clench before her body explodes she calls his name praying he'll follow.

He hears her cry out and feels her body shuddering against him. It's enough to cause his to spring forth with its futile offering. He clings to her, riding out his frenzied thrusts. The white noise echoing in his head soon settles into her whispered [arse]urances "We'll win. Nick, we'll win! We will. We will!" He holds her tight, hiding the onset of despair in the curve of her neck. She feels him slip away from her. She feels his body tense, his breath hitch and knows his heart is breaking. She grasps desperately for his hand and clasps it against her heart, trapped under the weight of her breast. She calls his name urging him to come back to her.

His lips press against her shoulder, asking for a minute. She raises his hand to her lips promising him a lifetime. He finds comfort in the slick warmth of her back, the tight clasp of her hand, and the tender kisses she bestows on his palm. Knowing words can only offer empty promises she doesn't give them but her body hums to him. Soft sighs and murmurs as she plays with the hand he allows her to keep and she feels his reverent kisses.

With a final soft kiss to her ear he pulls away from her and rising off the bed walks into the bathroom. His departure surprises her until he returns with a dampened towel. She accepts it gratefully and reaches up until he lowers his face for a kiss. No pressure just an affirmation of love. Nick stands again and unbuttons his shirt smiling at Jessica's eyes as they watch his deft fingers in action. He hands it to her and with a self deprecating grin says "It's probably a little more sweaty now than you'd expected."

Shaking her head Jessica smiles and slides her arms into the sleeves. "It's perfect" she vows as she buttons it snugly over her protruding waistline. She holds the collar to her face and takes in a deep breath. With eyes closed her other hand smoothes over the pre-warmed fabric. She looks up at him with a look of pure delight "Perfect" she declares again. Throwing the towel to the ground she lays back and opens her arms to him. He slides back into his pajama pants and again joins her on the bed. Two parts to a whole, complete only when they are together. He helps her settle comfortably, pillows and cushions supporting her where most needed, then spooning up behind her he pulls on the blankets until they cover their sweaty bodies. Their hands seek one another, finding their way home, soothing, lulling, until sleep spirits them away.



End of part 21.</span>

[littleprincessj]

<span style="font-family:Optima">

Day 235


"Nick are you awake?"

After the fourth none too subtle shove the answer becomes a mumbled "yes."

"Nick I need your help."

With eyes still closed he reaches out, strokes her arm and sleepily asks "You ok?"

"No I'm not ok!" she answers harshly and he immediately sits up concerned. "I need French fries" she pouts.

Laying back down he groans "Jessssiiiie it's late."

"Please!" she begs.

"Just try and sleep Jessica."

"Try and sleep! I've been lying here for hours trying to sleep. It's not going to happen. I need French fries!"

Through experience Nick knows that neither will be getting sleep until she has what she wants. So with a minimum of protest, he's also learnt to conserve the energy because no notice is ever taken of it when he argues, he climbs out of bed. For a second he's grateful he wore sweats to bed as it saves him changing then wonders if that gave her the idea he'd be receptive to a late night shopping run. He's slipping his feet into sneakers when he hears "And not Mc Donalds either I need Wendy's"

"Jessica that's another five blocks away" he whines.

"But you're already out so it's not really a big deal is it?" she so logically replies.

He trudges off thinking "Obviously not to some."

He can't wait for what he calls the terrible twos stage of pregnancy to be over. When everything is I need, I need and tantrums are thrown when these needs aren't speedily met. The most frustrating thing is, he's unable to say no to her. When she looks at him with those big mournful eyes and her hand softly caressing her precious but cumbersome cargo he's reminded of the daily sacrifices she's making in order to nurture this life inside her. How can he say no to anything she asks? Cravings are natural, infuriating but natural. Besides this is a partnership and they each have their roles. She's the carrier he's the fetcher.

So he drags himself out at 2 a.m. or 3 a.m. or whenever she wants, to buy her whatever her heart (stomach) desires. On the plus side he knows she'll look at him when he arrives home with such open adoration, at least he hopes that look is directed at him and not the bag in his hand. He doubts it but a guy can dream can't he? Then he'll get to watch her eat them with ravenous delight. He likes the look of pleasure on her face. Like all that is right with the world is captured in a soggy cold slice of deep fried potato. It amazes him every day the changes this pregnancy has caused in both of them.

They find themselves doing all sorts of things now that they'd never dreamed they'd do purely because it brings pleasure to the other. She even sat through a Bearcats game with him last week and remembered to cheer for the right team. All except for once but he suspects that was merely to gage his reaction. His 'I'll deal with you later' look certainly made her smile. Of course good too was the fact they were watching at home on the couch and later ended up being seven minutes later when half time came around. So really he should say she sat through half a Bearcats game with him last week. Nick suspects he makes quite a spectacle driving down practically deserted streets at 2 on a Monday morning with an enormous smile on his face. He doesn't care he'll take moments of happiness wherever he finds them these days and it's thinking over them that keeps him awake on these late night drives.

They've been living some kind of perverse form of normal lately. Taking time for little moments, doing all they can to please each other. Finding comfort and joy in sharing mind and soul. Whether it be reminiscing about who they were and where they've been or admissions of who they want to be and what they hope to still achieve. He wonders if it's the turmoil their live is in now making them open up or if it's a natural progression on their journey of love. Neither seems to admit it but he feels they are cramming as much as possible in now in case they soon run out of time. Lately they've admitted things to one another that have been clouded in secrecy for too long.





Day 243


Pleased to be home and out of the rain Nick opens the door to the apartment. His immediate impression is they've been burgled and the apartment ransacked. Then he notes that the chaos is bizarrely orderly. What on first glimpse looked to be a scattered mess is actually structured piles. He's known some pretty crazy criminals in his time but none warped enough to do this. No this looks more like the workings of his wife. The same person who was feeling tired and needed to rest so begged off accompanying him to visit his father. The person who had crawled into bed so he could give her a sleep well kiss before he left. He'd been worried about leaving her but she [arse]ured him all she needed was rest. He left her to give her some peace and quiet and now he arrives home to this.

A loud crash and an angry "dammit" startles him out of his musings and alerts him to the fact Jessica is in the kitchen. He finds her with every cupboard open and empty and intent on cleaning them inside and out.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asks astonished.

"This place is a mess Nicholas" she replies barely glancing his way.

'Yeah now' he thinks 'but it was neat when I left this morning'

"It's filthy, it's disorganized, it's cramped and it's no place for a baby" she says punctuating each word with a furious swipe of a soapy cloth.

"I thought you were tired."

"I am tired. I'm tired of this mess so if you don't mind I don't have time for this chit chat"

Nick stares at her wondering who this weird woman is. He shakes his head and leaves to go to the bedroom and change out of his rain soaked clothes.

Opening the bureau drawer his hand balks when it comes in contact with underwear and not his either. He shuts the drawer and stares at the bureau in confusion. He counts the drawers verifying it was his he'd opened. Shaking his head he steps forward and opens it again finding the same contents. Where the hell are his T-shirts?

Changing takes an additional ten minutes as he has to search for each article of clothing. Arriving back in the kitchen he says "You changed all the drawers."

"It's more practical this way."

"I hadn't noticed it was impractical before."

"You wouldn't."

He's about to hit back with a response when the phone rings.

"Get that would you" she says

He walks to and sits at his desk, gratified to note she hasn't touched that and answers the phone.

"Jessica Cacee's on the phone." He says walking back into the kitchen.

"Tell her I'll call tomorrow I'm too busy to talk now."

"Baby?"

"What?"

"What should I tell her you're doing?"

Jessica looks up at him as if he's insane and says "Gee I don't know Nick maybe that I'm painting my toenails."

He groans and walks back to the phone "Cacee she's on some bizarre cleaning kick and won't come to the phone. She says she'll call you tomorrow."

"Ah nesting instinct" Cacee says.

Nick replies with a confused "What?" as he wonders if it's something in the water making all women act strange.

"Nesting instinct Nick. She's preparing the nest for the new arrival it talks about this in chapter..."

"This is a pregnancy thing?" he says surprised.

Cacee laughs "I really should have bought you a book too so you'd have a clue what's going on. It's hormones Nick, perfectly normal.”

Nick's mind starts to wander over the myriad effects hormones have had on Jessica over the months, foremost in his mind the second trimester ones, "Nick are you ok?"

"Uh yeah sorry ... so um what does the book say to do about Jessica?"

"You do know there isn't a chapter about her in it don't you?" Cacee teases.

"Funny" he replies.

"Have you considered helping her?" Cacee asks and is met with silence. "Obviously not .. bye Nick" she laughs.

"Bye" He hangs up and walks into the kitchen "Can I uh ... help?"

Five hours later he crawls into bed. His ears still ringing from the barrage of instructions and his muscles screaming from overuse but it was worth it. It may take him six months to remember where everything is now kept because everything HAD to be changed but Jessica is happy. Happier than he's seen her in a long time and she's sleeping beside him now with a look of sweet contentment on her face.

End of part 22.</span>

[littleprincessj]

<span style="font-family:Optima">

Day 251


Lea sits at her desk picking at a carton of Chinese takeout long since gone cold. There really isn't much point in her still being in the office at this time of night but she needs to feel she's doing something productive, needs to feel part of the team. So she stays every night, ordering meals, providing drinks and at their beck and call should they call. They don't very often but she's there nonetheless. Tonight all but Nick and Jessica are there. Involved in the case or not no one felt it right to walk away. After all Nick has done for them over the years; his door always open, his shoulder strong enough to help carry any burden. How could they not try to give their support back in return?

Nick, having taken Jessica home an hour ago, is no longer there to see the flurry of activity and concern meted out on his behalf. Tomorrow would be a long day for Jessica, for all of them and they insisted tonight she rest. Reduce stress the doctor has continued to warn her and although the reality is that is impossible right now, they've done everything possible to shield and protect her as much as she'll allow. In other words they've fought a losing battle of wills with her. A strategic word in Jessica's ear by Drew convinced her it would be best if Nick went home early tonight and only concern for his welfare enabled them to have her gone at a reasonable hour.

The phone rings and Lea immediately picks up. Rising to walk to the conference room she says worriedly "Drew it's Jessica." He looks up then rises. 'She's crying' Lea mouths and he decides to take the call in his office. He listens to her, [arse]ures her there is no need for concern and then grabbing his jacket leaves the office ignoring the curious looks of the others. Jessica's frantic words still ringing in his ears.

"Nick's gone and I don't know where ... He hates this Drew he hates feeling so useless while everyone's working so hard for him ... he hates the loss of control ... He needs to talk about it but he won't talk to me ... He's broken inside and I'm scared ... Drew please find him ... please bring him home."

Drew knows how desperate Jessica must have felt to have turned to someone for help. Neither Nick nor Jessica are known for opening up when the pain is deep. He knows what this reticence can do to a relationship and hopes they'll have the strength to succeed where he failed. For now there is not much he can do to help them with that but he can and will bring Nick home to her. He's positive he knows just where to find him.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Nick stands staring out at the darkened courtroom. It had been a comfort to him in the past. A place where he felt in command, respected, important, part of a noble system. He remembered the wide eyed youth, who bumbled through his first cases, a little overawed to find himself in the place he'd dreamed of for so long. So many years later and the image is tarnished, not only is it not a perfect system but he's a far from perfect advocate.

He used to come here at night to regroup. To remind himself what he was fighting for, the greater good. Phrases like 'Liberty and justice for all', 'defend the guilty to protect the innocent', 'the system fails unless defense lawyers do their job' would comfort him, boost his spirit and pride. He hoped to get that comfort again today but instead he feels empty.

Many of the promises this room made him in youth he's since received. That's little comfort to him now. He'd thought, in the long run, his achievements would mean more. Right now they amount to nothing. The law has failed him. The system he's so ardently defended wasn't there to protect his wife, wasn't there when he needed it and is now perversely turned on him to punish him further. What happened to that noble cause he once fought for? He closes his eyes and again relives the events of the day. Sitting at the defense table as the jury was whittled down to the final twelve.

Twelve strangers, six men and six women, morals and beliefs unknown, who have the power to destroy his life. One word from them and he'll lose the right to hold Jessica in his arms, their child will grow up without him, his freedom lost due to an act of desperation. An act inspired by love and fear. Twelve people who tonight are going on with their lives while his is slipping away.

They'd opted for an immediate trial but now he rues that decision. Delay delay delay he feels himself wish. He's stood strong in his belief he'd take this to trial and win but now as the day draws nigh he has doubts. Is it arrogance that makes him see it as all so simple? Is he missing something here through blind refusal to accept the facts? Is he about to make the worst mistake of his life? Normally he'd turn to Jessica to answer these questions for him but he can't do that now. She needs him to be strong. He's been certain all along but it's hard to stay that way now.

It's too soon, he's not ready for trial. Surely they could tie this up indefinitely buying him more time with her. He needs to be with her. He wants to see his son born. He wants to hold them both in his arms and delight in their child's every achievement with her. Parenthood, he's dreamed of that for so long. Sitting in a jail cell getting intermittent reports of a child who is a virtual stranger to him, that isn't his dream, that isn't parenthood.

He isn't surprised to see Drew walk into the room. They've stood here shoulder to shoulder often enough yet he hears himself ask "How did you know I was here?"

"You always used to come here. Me too for that matter." Drew listens as Nick talks of long ago and the dreams of their idealistic youth. He sees what Jessica warned him of, a man broken, searching for purpose. He decides to talk strategy about the case to remind Nick he's part of the team. Nick appears to be listening but when he responds its obvious it was his own thoughts that were occupying his mind.

"I'm not missing anything am I? It's my word against Neal's. He's a felon, what's his word? We've got to be able to make reasonable doubt all they have is a convicted felon with a huge incentive to lie!"

He reminds Nick of the tape. Nick's focus has always been on the incredulity of Neal, Drew is more afraid of the tape.

"Can we win Drew?" Nick asks and Drew sees the first hint of doubt.

Drew wants to say 'Of course Nick, we'll win Nick, there's nothing to worry about Nick' but he can't lie. Nick isn't asking him for empty platitudes. He's asking for the truth and the truth is that Drew is scared.

"An outright acquittal? I don't know ... felony murder count all they have to prove is that you sent him there to break in Nick. That's what scares me ... their offer is still on the table."

"No!" Nick's certainty returns with that word. He'd need a lot more than doubt to make a deal.

Drew fears this decision is made through obstinacy and not foresight. He tries a different tactic "Have you spoken to Jessica about this?"

"She knows my decision and she agrees."

"Are you sure?" Nick doesn't answer but Drew sees a flash of anger cross his face he knows his question has hit its mark. "Jessica just called me."

"Why? Is she ok? Did something happened?" Nick is looking around for his jacket ready to rush out of the room. "Calm down, she's fine. She was pretty upset though. She's scared, she's worried about you and asked me to find you and bring you home."

"I just needed some time to think."

"Did you tell her that before you walked out?"

Nick answers with silence.

"From one who knows, if you start shutting her out sooner or later she'll stop trying to get back in."

Nick nods "I know."

"Do you need a ride?"

"No" he starts to walk away then turns back "Thanks."

Drew nods hoping Nick really did hear him. Hoping come tomorrow he won't fail his best friend.

Nick arrives home and finds Jessica waiting on the couch. She looks up when he enters and he thinks he sees her mouth 'thank God.' He wonders what it was she was thinking. What was she afraid he'd do? He sits beside her and softly brushes her cheek "I just needed to think" he begins but her arms are around him before another word is said. The strength of her emotion has overwhelmed him. "I was just at the courthouse" he hears himself say apologetically. He doesn't really know what to say.

Her head is buried in his chest but he hears her tearfully say "You're here now."

He nods but realizing she can't see this rests his chin against her head drawing her closer. "I'm here now" he whispers quietly, wishing he could promise to always be here.

End of part 23.</span>

[littleprincessj]

<span style="font-family:Optima">

Day 253


Jessica feels the anger taking over her completely. She knows it is misplaced. She knows it's really fear making her lash out at their friends and stops herself. Taking a second to regain control she shoots them one last disdainful look then walks to Nick's office. He's on the couch with his head in his hands when she walks in. He straightens when she sits down and although she knows it's the last thing he needs to hear she finds herself saying "I thought they were terrible." Her hand caresses him, trying to offer comfort, while her words wound.

Nick's voice when he replies is calm, controlled and frighteningly devoid of hope. "There was nothing they could do Jessica. Twomey had an easy cross because he had the facts. The truth hurts me ... lets face it the line between my innocence and guilt here is a thin one and I probably crossed it."

Jessica over the years has helped counsel many a client to stand strong and not allow their spirit to be broken on the witness stand but it's far harder to heed this when it's someone you love's life on the line. She hates that she sees her own fear in Nick's eyes. Hates that she may never get to sit with him like this again. Tomorrow they'll get up, just like every other day. They'll dress and go to the office, just like every other day. From there they'll travel to the courthouse, a perfectly normal occurrence, listen to closing arguments then sit and wait for a verdict, all so normal. They could be the details of almost a quarter of the day's in her working life. Only this time the verdict could mean she leaves the courthouse alone, she travels home alone to live the greater part of the rest of her life without him. That is not normal.

She wants normal.

"Nick take me home please?" Jessica asks and he immediately rises.

Together they walk out. The others merely watch them go. It was silent in the office as they entered, all eyes were glued to them but no one knew what to say. The fact this could be Nick's last night of freedom was not lost on any of them. The mood left behind was subdued and slightly defeated.

"It's not over yet!" Lea says firmly and they nod, going their separate ways, determined to make a difference.

After arriving home Nick and Jessica sat down to eat a meal. Another vain attempt at normality. The food was merely pushed around their plates as they sat their silent and withdrawn. So much to say, so little time to say it and too much fear to try.

The phone rings, as it has been doing all night and Nick reluctantly rises to answer it. Seeing the futility of sitting to a meal neither are going to eat Jessica tidies it all away and walks to the lounge and Nick. She cannot bear to have him out of her sight. She sees him hang up the phone then drop his head into his hands. The only word that could adequately describe him now is despair. She knows people mean well and only wish to show their support but the constant reminder this could be his last night of freedom is too much. She's seen his composure crumble with each well meaning call. She walks to him and runs her fingers through his hair.

"You ok?"

His arms immediately rise and pull her near. His face buried against her. "I can't do this anymore Jessica ... it's too much ... I just can't do this anymore."

"I know I know" she says leaning down to kiss his head.

She pulls away and turns on the answering machine, she turns the volume down so they won’t hear the phone ring and taking his hand leads him to the bedroom.

He helps her get settled in her fortress of pillows and wonders how she'll do this alone tomorrow. She hears the thought just as clearly as if he'd voiced it. She watches his last ounce of strength crumble and draws him to her.

"I need you to promise me something baby" he says as his hands brush through her hair.

"Anything."

He pulls away to look at her "If it happens..." her head shakes not wanting to hear more but his eyes plead with her to listen. "I need you to tell my father and mother Jessica. I need you to promise you'll be the one to tell them don't let them hear it from a stranger. I need you to call them right away."

She nods not willing to voice the words, not willing to accept the possibility but promising him she will..

"I'll need you to look after my mom Jess ... Drew, Issac and I we’re really all she’s got and with me gone..."

"Nicholas no! Please don't! Don't give up yet. Anything could happen. Drew closes well, Neal wasn't that convincing and ..."

"Baby?"

She stops and looks at him. "If they offer a deal..." she looks away and he draws her face back "I won't take it" he says steadfastly.

"Baby?"

"No I can't Jessica I just can't. There is no way I'll choose to be apart from you. No way. If it involves time served ... no I won't ... I can't."

She draws him down and holds him close. His next words are spoken to her heart. "They'll have to drag me away Jessica. I won't ever agree to time away from you. I just can't"

"Ok" she says over and over as her fingers soothe him "Ok"

In truth she's torn by the decision. Part of her wants to tell him to take the chance, to be strong and believe they'll win, but then she thinks of the consequence if they lose. One year or worse case two compared to life, the risk is too great. As strange as it seems in the circumstances she thinks Nick's is still the cooler head. She'll live with his decision. His face rises to hers and she kisses him. Tenderly, re[arse]uringly, they savor each other, reinforcing their newfound resolve.

"I want to see you" he says and his fingers reach for the buttons on her clothes "I need to see you."

No words need to be spoken as he begins to undress her. His fingers are gentle as they move from button to button. His eyes riveted to their motion. She watches him, takes in his every action. He may have been the one to put voice to his need but hers is just as strong. She wants to see him, all of him, if this is to be her last chance she wants it all now. His face is open to her tonight. Words are too painful, they hold such weight, such conviction, it's so much easier to believe something isn't so if you never put voice to it. So instead of empty platitudes and promises they give themselves.

See me and know how I feel. See how much I love you, eyes declare. Believe in me when I say forever. Know this is where I'll always belong.

Jessica rises so Nick can slide her shirt off her shoulders. She'd changed into comfort clothes the moment she arrived home but is just as happy now to have them removed. Before he can go any further though she reaches for his buttons. She knows he's watching her as she watched him. She lets all her love, desire, hunger and pain show. There will be no secrets tonight. No half truths. No holding back. She slides the shirt off his shoulder, guides it down his arms only to find it catch on his wrists. A sob leaves her and he gathers her to him laying them back down. Their foreheads touch as they lay face to face. Her legs tangle in his as much for balance as for her need to connect. His hands brush the hair from her face and he kisses her tears away.

She reaches up grasping each wrist and undoing its cuff in turn. His kisses continue as he divests himself of the shirt. He throws it off the bed with distaste. Easier to blame her tears on a piece of tailored cotton than a horror he no longer wants to acknowledge. Her hands have glided up his chest and are now hooked around his neck. Grasping, almost painfully, the hair that resides there. He slides the strap of her bra off her shoulder then reaches behind to undo it clasp. She shakes her head no and in different circumstances he would have laughed at the Eskimo kisses she just gave him. Instead his hand just moves forward and finds the clasp nestled between her breasts. A flick of his fingers and it is released. As he slides the strap down her arm, drawing it away from its perch on his neck, his chest briefly brushes her breasts.

A thousand memories of the two of them skin to skin rush through his mind.

Her body slithering up his as he lies under her. The tickle of her nipples as they brush through his chest hair, the grin this act always brings to her face. Her body crushed beneath his as frenzied kisses lead to them falling onto the couch, the bed, the wall, the floor. Image after image. Dancing chest to chest, her body so sensuous against his, sweat slicked in the bedroom, soapy in the shower, semi clothed in the lounge. His hands resting on her hips as she sways with him. Images he treasures. Memories that may now have to last him a lifetime.

Nick's brought back to the present by the feel of Jessica's fingers brushing against his cheeks. He realizes she's wiping his tears away. The act only reinforces how much he loves her. How much he wants to express this to her now. How much he wants to feel her strength, her warmth, her touch.

He wants to roll over and feel her body under him. To know she's safe and secure in his embrace, her body open, inviting, guiding him home. He wants her above him. Taking him with her, their hands clasped together, eyes locked tighter than bodies. He'll follow wherever she leads. He wants to watch her body as it begins to tremble, quivering limbs as emotion pools through her, ridding her of strength and control. He wants to listen to her breaths, almost non existent, as she succumbs then calls his name with such p[arse]ion, fervency and love. He wants all of this and none of it.

If this is to be their last night he doesn't want to waste any of it lost in oblivion.

Each second is too precious. Every moment a joy to be cherished. His hand rests on her hip. Finding a zipper there he draws it down. He watches the ever increasing v of skin as the material separates. He moves out of her embrace so he can remove the remainder of her clothing. Unable to let him go her hand rests on his thigh as he kneels before her. She watches him. Feels his hand stroking over her hip where she's cradled him so often. She holds precious so many memories of him there.

His head in her lap as he talks a mile an hour, enjoying making her laugh. Or him opening her, eyes brimming with delight as she unfolds before him, kissing her deeply, tasting her, his spice of life. Or while perched on a cold ledge, his hips sliding against her thighs with each deep thrust while her legs cling to him and fight to offer a counter resistance. Her hands gripping the hard surface for leverage but wanting desperately to reach out and feel his pectoral muscles rippling under her hand. Or hips softly rocking together as he holds her tight. Long and slow and no place else to go. The joy held in the joining not the flurry. Their hips, together, barely moving. Rolling and rubbing as mouths make love.

Soon she's unclothed and open before him. Her eyes ask him for the same. He moves up the bed and helps her rise. She sinks on knees spread wide to accommodate her girth and reaches for him. Her hands slide up his thighs rising to the button on his waistband. Her hands shake as she tries to undo it. He cups her cheek with his hand and leaning into it she looks up and into his eyes. She can be strong when he looks at her like that. Moments of doubt become certainty under the power of his gaze. She remembers what it felt like to pledge her life to him as his eyes bored into her. As much as the vows were sacred it was the spirit and promise in his eyes that spoke strongest to her of his undying love. She tries to convey that to him now. To remind him she's his for life. No matter what, she will be his, always.

Her fingers strengthened by her resolve easily slip the button from its catch and carefully slide the zipper down. Moving the material apart, she slides her hands across his stomach and to his hips, then pushes his pants down. His boxers are next to go and when both items are bunched at his knees Nick sits back so she can remove them the rest of the way. Their eyes devour each other. From the tips of his toes to the hair her fingers messed earlier he's exquisite. Every inch precious to her. For him she is the embodiment of perfection. Beauty, virtue, intelligence, love, warmth and joy, she gives these all to him.

Jessica rises on her knees and shuffles forward towards him. Her movements far from graceful but to Nick they are elegance personified. His arms reach out to her and ease her down beside him. Once again they lay with foreheads touching. Naked and raw their hands share stories. His fingers lightly brush over her scars and his eyes tell her he's treasured every additional day they've been blessed with. 'I would have died without you' she thinks she hears them say and kisses him before he can put such a thought into words. She will not think of loss tonight. Not with him here, so close, so alive, so beautiful.

His hands make love to her. Traveling every valley and rise of her body. Hers hold him, cherish him. 'Remember when' each touch says. As minds and bodies tire kisses become essential. Though the room had been silent save for soft sighs and beating hearts, kisses reawaken tongues. Lips separate and travel over faces, necks, fingers, chests and shower them with soft words "I love you" "I love you" "I love you"

Whispered promises and devotions herald in the new day.

Nick insists she sleep and for the sake of their child Jessica complies. She clasps his hand tightly in hers unwilling to let him go. He watches over her, unprepared to lose a moment, listens to her breathe and sigh. To never be able to lie like this again is a nightmare he's afraid to never wake from. Jessica's face is at peace even if her heart is not. Nick's fingers play through her hair as it graces her pillow. So soft so silky. He counts the freckles that lightly adorn her face and promises to kiss each one, one last time. Her mouth moves and he suspects he heard his name. He's not sure whose dream is sweeter his or hers.

He plans to wake her at dawn and make love to her, gentle and slow. He won't let her cry. They'll face the day, heads held high, a team with spirits unbroken.




End of part 24.</span>

[littleprincessj]

<span style="font-family:Optima">Day 254


They sit in silence, words being too trite for the situation. Too much emotion, too much fear and no one's willing to contemplate what may be about to occur. A knock on the door disturbs their musings and Twomey enters calling for Drew. Drew begins to rise but Nick decides it's his life and he won't be treated like he has no role to play here.

"No, we're all lawyers here" Nick says rising and challenging Twomey to look him in the eye as he continues this vendetta.

"The offers on the table, aiding and abetting a felonious [arse]ault, two and a half years."

"Give us a second" Drew says wanting to step in before Nick makes a decision through pride and not reason. He sees Jeff reach out to comfort Jessica as Twomey leaves and knows she's going to need it after he has his say. As much as he hates what he's about to say he has to say what he believes. Calmly, hoping to dispel a storm, he quietly states "I think we should take it."

Jessica looks at Drew not with the animosity he expected but with fear, believing in his judgment and questioning if he's sure. The idea he believes they should take the deal is obviously distressing to Jessica but he can see she doesn't resent him for doing so. Her trust strengthens him and he turns to Nick and asks "Can I go take it?" unable to hide the apologetic tone in his voice. Drew feels he has let Nick down, after all Nick has done for him over the years he hasn't been able to repay him now.

"No" Nick says decisively then turns to Jessica. His voice softens and begs for understanding "I just can't Jessica." Her eyes pierce into him and he needs to look away. He can't watch as he hurts her this way. Maybe he is wrong he thinks and decides it's time he listened to the opinions of those he trusts. "Jeff?" he asks hoping he sees it as he does but deep down he fears his response will be the same as Drew's. His consolation is that he too seems undecided.

"I don't know Nick" Jeff says, hating that he may be about to inflict even more pain, "I feel good on murder one and conspiracy ... but on felony murder I ... I just don't know."

Jessica's eyes have watched Nick this whole time. He may not have been able to meet them but he can feel them. He sees her wipe the tears he's placed there away and takes a deep breath. It's not just about him anymore, it's her life too. He wants to do the right thing by her but what is that? Twomey knocks and reenters before Nick has come to a decision.

"Look we, we need another minute" Drew says annoyed with the intrusion.

"Well we haven't got it. The jury's back. They have a verdict so either you take the deal now or we go in there."

Nick quickly looks at Jessica and her eyes tell him 'I trust you, I'll support you, do what you need to.' He looks away with his decision made. "We go in there" Nick says strong and firm. He hears Jessica expel a long breath and when he looks at her again she seems to have sunk in on herself. The strong composure she's held so long diminishes as she looks despondently at him now.

Jessica looks up at him, wanting to believe he knows he's right but the look he offers her in return is apologetic. The decision having been made she sees doubt creep in. When she most needs his strength he appears to be losing it. His words from last night echo through her mind 'There is no way I'll choose to be apart from you ... They'll have to drag me away ... I won't ever agree to time away from you ... I just can't.'

The sentiment she approves of but the reality tears her apart. Is he sacrificing his future because of her? Can he really risk life imprisonment for the sake of two and a half years? Doesn't he know she'll wait forever if needs be? Take the deal she suddenly wants to scream but then considers him spending time imprisoned and she cannot entertain the thought of agreeing to it. Prison would destroy him. Nick already carries so much guilt; a lifetime of it. He needs to be surrounded with love, showered with love not imprisoned.

This past year he's doubted himself, he's struggled with his past, his insecurities and regrets have weighed heavy on his mind. Prison would only give him a chance to succumb to them. Choices he made as a struggling new lawyer and again as one now disheartened by the system, deceptions and misdeeds have all recently come to the fore leaving him reevaluating who he is. He won't find the man she knows he can be confined to a jail cell. No she cannot let him take the deal, not just for her but for him. He needs to be with her and their son.

Movement surrounds her but she cannot will herself to join in. She doesn't want to leave this room ... ever. She doesn't want to face this next terrifying step and the chance they may be making the worst mistake of their lives. They can't expect her to sit there and watch Nick's freedom be taken away. She can't be expected to be strong now ... no ... she won't do it.

Jessica hears Nick's voice, feels the weight of his hand on her shoulder, hears footsteps and a door closing. His hand runs along her arm as he squats down beside her chair. His knees crack and she turns to him and smiles. Ordinarily she'd tease him about his impending age but now doesn't feel the right time for it. She wants to be able to tease him. His eyes tell her he hears the joke all the same but it is not the same. Jessica wants their old life back. Nick's face becomes blurry as tears gather in her eyes. Furiously she swipes the tears away and looking up sees they are alone in the room. She has to accept it, there is no delaying it, it will happen whether she's ready or not.

Knowing they can't stay here forever Jessica rises from the chair and helps Nick to his feet. She stares at the chest now filling her eye line and of their own accord her hands raise and straighten his tie, smooth his lapels, feel once more his warmth, his strength, him.

Nick's hands reach out and still Jessica's, raising them to his lips he says "Baby if..."

Her head slowly shakes from side to side before garnering speed as she moans "No no no no no"

He pulls her to him gathering her fears into himself. His hands rub over her back and hers wrap around his neck, pulling his head down to rest on her shoulder. Their bodies mold into one another. Emotions swirling then settling as strength is regained.

A knock is heard on the door but no one enters. The message, however, is loud and clear. It's time to go. Nick raises his head from her shoulder and looks at her.

Finding strength and certainty from who knows where Jessica smiles [arse]uredly at him "This isn't goodbye" she says and watches a relief wash over him.

Taking in a long breath Nick looks away and then back at her and asks "Are you sure?"

"Baby you've believed all along. If you're doubting now it's only fear talking."

"I'm terrified" he confesses.

"I am too" she whispers.

"But we're doing this?" the plea 'please tell me it's right' is heard in his voice.

Nodding, Jessica's hands frame his face as she rises and softly brushes her lips against his. The kiss holds no urgency but plenty of promise. Until later it says.

Jessica gathers her bag and their coats and Nick guides her out of the room to the relief of the anxiously waiting Jeff and Drew. En m[arse] they walk into the courtroom to hear the verdict. A confident composed facade belies the turmoil swirling within.

Nick holds Jessica's hand until the very last moment. He gives it one last squeeze as she sits and then she's left to watch him walk away flanked by Drew and Jeff.

'It is not going to happen, it is not going to happen, it is NOT going to happen' she chants over and over.

As he reaches his chair Nick turns to look at her. She smiles at him knowing what he's trying to say. She loves him too. Her chants have become such a part of her that she's actually starting to believe it and her smile broadens. He looks at her with such pride it's heartbreaking to her but she refuses to cry. 'I'll save that for the celebration' she thinks.

The clerk calls out "All rise" and Nick turns to face forwards. Jessica pushes out of her chair, watches as Judge Knapp walks towards the bench and takes his seat, sits as those around her sit and listens to him call for the jury to be brought in. Today Jessica finds the once comforting formalities of the courtroom perverse, designed merely to draw out their torment.

The jury begins to file into the courtroom and Jessica's eyes scan them eagerly for a sign they see Nick for the man he truly is. She finds herself taking heart in the craziest of details. The older woman is wearing a scarf similar to the one Jessica bought her mother in-law last Christmas, five of the jurors are in blue and the foreman's shirt would suit Nick's Dad. These have to be omens it will all be ok. If asked for a logical explanation she couldn't give it but she needs to believe in it to stop her urge to stand up and cry out in Nick's defense.

She wanted so much to testify but Nick wouldn't hear of it saying he couldn't put her through the stress. He reminded her that her testimony would only go to his character and she has a rather obvious bias where that is concerned. She knows he is right and she isn't needed to strengthen his case but to sit back and let his future be decided without having the chance to make her plea is tortuous. She wants a chance to tell them what a wonderful man he is, how much she needs him, loves him, admires and adores him. Keeping silent is hard for Jessica. She wants to fight for Nick too.

This morning she woke secure in Nick's arms. He made love to her, slow and sweet and as the pleasure coursed through her body she ran the gamut of emotions. The strength she'd fought so long to maintain for his sake finally crumbled. Clinging to him, fearing this moment could be their last, she cried as she spoke of having failed him, of having been his downfall but without the recourse to help him. She broke apart admitting she hated that their future would be decided on by twelve people who have no idea how she feels. Nick surprised her with his heartfelt words.

He [arse]ured her that what kept him going through this ordeal was the love radiating off her as she sat there day after day, the knowledge that from the very first moment he knew she supported him and would be there for him totally and his pride that no person in that courtroom could ever doubt the way she feels about him. He held her as his words forged her resolve. Finally [arse]ured of her importance to him she walked into court, by his side, proud and determined her message would continue to be heard.

Jessica can only hope he's right that the jury has received her silent message and that they can see the truth despite Twomey's lies. That Nick could be perceived as a murderer is abhorrent to her. They must be able to see the true essence of her man.

"Mr Lachey will you please rise" Judge Knapp says and Jessica takes in a deep breath knowing the time has come, finally, yet too soon.

'Not guilty not guilty not guilty' Jessica begins to chant as she watches the foreman stand and prepare to read the verdict. Her heart increases in speed as each "Not guilty" is spoken by him and when the final one is announced a strange calmness p[arse]es over her. Her breath is expunged as she thinks 'Thank God!" She expected she'd be exhilarated, she'd scream for joy, jump up wanting to hug everyone through sheer excitement but all she wants is to take Nick home.

Jessica grabs their coats and walks towards him. Nick's arm reaches out for her and he says "Get me out of here." She understands because she feels the same. She needs the security of something intimate, a place that feels normal and most of all him. The arms and voices reaching out to them are barely felt as they hurry towards the elevator. As the doors close behind them her forehead finds his chest. She feels numb, exhausted, delighted, but with a strange sense of apprehension. She's afraid to celebrate, afraid it's a dream and the moment she begins to believe in it she'll wake up.

It can't truly be over can it? She's believed that before only to have things turn from bad to worse. After hearing of Hinks' death she rejoiced. Hating herself as she did so but unable to stop nonetheless. She was appalled that she could offer prayers of thanks for the death of another person but at the same time was unable to lament his death. The next day when Nick was arrested she felt suitably punished for her lack of comp[arse]ion. Right now she feels a sense of de ja vu and wonders what catastrophe will occur if she allows joy to again creep in.

"That uh ... that went well" Jeff stammers stunned.

Jessica doesn't have the strength or desire to respond. The silence that follows suggests they are all in a state of introspection. The elevator doors open on the car park level and they slowly walk towards Jeff's car. He asks if Nick wants to p[arse] on the news but he merely shakes his head and mumbles "you can."

Jeff dials the office as they stand solemnly around the car. The excitement on the other end is in stark contrast to the sober mood of those who most should be celebrating. Jessica declines the offer of the front seat instead preferring to squeeze in the back with Nick. She's not yet ready to lose contact with him. The enormity of the situation seems to be slowly sinking in for all of them. When Jessica is settled Nick reaches out, turns her face to his and smiles.

'Is this really happening' his eyes seem to ask and her tears begin to fall as she nods that it is. His hand slides over her shoulder and draws her to him.

"You all set back there?" Jeff asks and Nick tells him they are right to go.

Jessica notices none of their changing surroundings. She knows only that she is with Nick, they are heading towards an undoubting future and she's never felt so relieved in her life. When she gets him home, when the incredulity wears off they will celebrate the return of their lives.

"What's going on?" Jessica hears Jeff ask fearfully and she turns from Nick to look out the window.

The office building is surrounded by emergency vehicles, fire trucks, police cars and paramedics all with lights flashing. The sidewalk is filled with people watching on.

Unable to drive closer Jeff stops allowing them to climb out while she finds somewhere to park. Nick and Drew rush ahead but are stopped by one of the police officers guarding the way. Jessica hears Nick argue animatedly and she calls to him as she hurries forward. His horrified face scares her. When she's again by his side he places his hands on her shoulders and somewhat shell shocked says "There's been an explosion ... it's our office and there's casualties but they don't know who or how bad ... they won't let us through."

Drew is questioning the officers trying to get more precise details but is having no luck. Nick again begins to argue to be let through and Jessica makes use of the officers distraction slips past him. She hears his angry protest but ignores it hurrying on her way. She hears Nick insist that's his wife and he won't be stopped from going after her and the next thing she knows they are all in the building. They're forced to take the stairs as the elevator is cordoned off for emergency use only. Half a flight away Jessica tells Nick she's fine and gives him permission to run on ahead. Nick and Drew rush past her and lack of breath and stamina soon causes Jessica to lag behind.

She arrives in the corridor in time to see a bloodied and battered Justin wheeled out with Nick by his side. When Justin's followed by an unconscious and obviously critical Lea the enormity of the situation hits. The stench of smoke and the severity of Lea's injuries are enough to knock the last ounce of breath out of Jessica's lungs. She watches as Nick and Drew leave with the paramedics and after a quick look in at the destruction of the office she turns to again tackle the stairs. She meets up with Jeff when she gets outside. Jeff's expression shows he saw the dire consequences of the explosion.

"They're headed to St Anne's let's go" Jeff says and they make their way back to the car fearful of the news they'll hear when they get to the hospital.

They arrive at the hospital to find a somewhat shell shocked Nick and Drew. Nick looks up as they enter. He rises and walks towards them. Jessica is in his arms immediately. His hold on her so tight she knows the news is bad.

"Tell me?" she pleads and he raises his head from her shoulder.

"I think Justin's ok ... he was talking on the way over but ..." his eyes close not wanting to face the thought. Jessica leans forward laying her forehead against his. Her hands rest in his hair, gently stroking, encouraging him to talk. "Drew says Lea isn't, they won't tell us anything, we're just waiting to hear."

Jessica turns and looks at Drew who has obviously just given Jeff the same news if his startled countenance is anything to go by.

"C'mon" Jessica says and leads Nick by the hand over to where the others are standing.

Hugs are exchanged all around as suddenly the need to acknowledge each other's importance has arisen. Unable to face their fear they talk of Lea's strength and courage, needing that glimmer of hope to hold onto.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not overly fond of hospitals and never one to sit and wait Nick was too restless to stay long. Needing to act he left for the office where he could oversee the cleanup and investigation as well as make a start on his motion to override Elaine's refusal of consent. Cooper and Jeff took Justin home while Cacee, wanting vengeance, went to har[arse] Mike into chasing down everyone who has any link to William Hinks. That left Drew, Elaine (Lea’s mom) and Jessica to sit vigil awaiting news on Lea's condition. Jessica was left with strict instructions to contact Nick the moment she heard anything.

Back aching, head aching, heart aching Jessica waits and waits. Conversation is kept to a minimum as each is focused on their own thoughts and prayers. As the hours wear on with no news forthcoming apprehension sets in. Drew becomes restless and leaves to collect refreshments. Jessica and Elaine take his offered drinks gratefully. They sip at them but finding no comfort in the act put them aside. Drew having walked off his unease slowly sits again.

Jessica rises to call Nick. Although she doesn't have news she needs to hear his voice. She hears his gratitude over the line and knows he's feeling just as lost in the office without her as she is feeling there. She asks if he has told his parents, she asks details about the state of the office, she asks about his research on consent and when she's run out of things to ask she just listens to him work because she can't ask of him what she most wants to. Come to me Nick, hold me, help make this nightmare go away.

She makes her way back to the chairs and clasps Elaine's hand as she sits. It's hard sitting here with her knowing come morning they will be seeking a court order to override her wishes…Lea needs the transplant why can’t her own mother see that? In all the years Jessica and Nick knew Lea not once did she discuss blood transfusions and transplants being against her religion…then why was her mother coming to the hospital and telling the doctor it was? Right now they are united in their desire for Lea to survive the surgery. Nothing else matters compared to the fact Lea must live.






End of part 25</span>

[littleprincessj]

<span style="font-family:Optima">Day 255


Nick had called and informed them Judge Fox wanted the motion presented in court, so leaving Drew to wait with Lea, Jessica rushed to Nick's side. Although only having a brief glance at the destruction the bomb caused yesterday she can see the considerable effort that's gone into making the office functional again so soon. She knows Nick is greatly responsible and walks into what's left of his office to find him.

He looks up when she enters and Jessica asks "Did you get any sleep at all?"

"Maybe ... a couple of hours ... I don't know ... This is what I have so far can you look over it for me?"

Jessica takes the files he's compiled and sits on the couch. She looks up at Nick and is surprised, considering the night he's been through, that he's able to make yesterday's suit so presentable. She hopes she looks better than she feels. Having read through his nights work she rises and begins to walk away.

"Is it ok?" he asks concerned.

"I just want to check on something."

As she begins to walk out the door he asks "Did you sleep?"

"I'm fine Nick" she says and rushes out before she has to admit hospital chairs are not conducive to an eight months pregnant woman sleeping.

Drew had tried to send her home, he'd even gone so far as offering to ride with her in the cab, claiming he needed a break anyway. Jessica knew it was a lie and he didn't want to leave. She refused his offer not only because of that but also because she didn't want to go home. She didn't want to leave Lea, she wanted to be there to hear whatever news there was immediately. As the one who had introduced Hinks to the firm Jessica felt she owed it to Lea to stay and she'd promised Nick she'd be here.

These weren't the only reasons she said no though. If she was completely honest with herself she'd admit she didn't want to go home alone. To walk into the house without Nick was too close to what she'd feared would be happening that night. It conjured up the nightmares she'd had of late of him being led away to spend his life in prison. She didn't want to face an empty house. So she couldn't leave the hospital and she wouldn't go home without Nick.

Jessica walks from Nick's office towards the library to verify an aspect of his research. Taking what she needs she settles herself in the conference room to work without distraction. A short time later she hears Nick talking with Justin in the library and rises to join them, telling him of her findings. "There's only a presumption in favor of family members it's not codified anywhere."

She can see Nick's relief as she hands the case numbers to Justin to print out. "The best cases are from New Jersey" she tells him moving to the printer to collect the data. Her back spasms again as it has been doing since about four o'clock that morning. She gives it a desperate rub willing the pain to go away.

Nick walks towards her and asks "Are you ok?"

Jessica looks up at him and sees the concern on his face. "It's just my stupid back" she tells him making light of it while mentally adding 'and head and feet and ankles and whole damn body.'

Not wanting to worry Nick, Jessica keeps the extent of her discomfort from him. She blames it on a night spent in uncomfortable hospital chairs devoid of his magic fingers working out the kinks and stresses of the day. What she wouldn't give for a m[arse]age and a good nights sleep now. As well as not wanting to worry him she keeps it to herself as she doesn't want Nick to have second thoughts about allowing her to accompany him into court today. She's excited to be working again, detests the circumstances but preparing to march into court by his side she feels like herself for the first time in a long time. A fairly standard 3rd trimester back ache is not going to stop her now.

"C'mon Jessica we should go" Nick says and Jessica hurries off to get her coat before he sees anything in her that gives him cause for concern.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"I believe with a short evidentiary hearing we could prove that she would want the transfusion, yes!" Nick says hoping against hope he sounds convincing.

"Lets go then." Judge Fox replies and Nick realizes he now has to back up his claims with evidence he doesn't have.

"Well we need an hour to..." Nick pauses thinking, I can't say make something up, then adds quickly "get our witnesses."

"You have an hour" Fox says and Nick's mind starts churning for ideas of what to do.

Jessica watches him throw everything into his briefcase and turn to walk out of the court. The concerned, protective Nick of the past two months is gone. His mind focused solely on saving Lea. Jessica doubts right now he even remembers she's pregnant. He is certainly making no concession for her in his stride. She hurries after him knowing she will not be able to keep up with this pace for long.

As they walk out the door she asks "What are you going to do?" Hoping getting him to talk will make his pace a little closer to manageable for her.

"I'm open to suggestions" he replies then abruptly stops and turns.

Jessica tries to hide her breath of relief. Although her hands crave again rubbing her aching back she won't while he's looking at her. She watches an idea arise on Nick’s face.

"Actually Lea told you once that she would want a transfusion right? ... No Fox would see through that, I think she told Justin."

She sees his desperation and has to stop him before he becomes too invested in the plan "Nicholas!"

He hears her censure in that one word and argues "I can't just let her die!"

"You're not going to suborn perjury" she insists.

"Everyone can sue me after she wakes up." Nick couldn't care less about the legalities at the moment. He's prepared to do whatever it takes and to hell with the consequences.

"No Nick!" Jessica knows he needs her now to be the one who thinks clearly, to keep his emotion in check. "I won't let you."

"What are we supposed to do Jessica? Sit back and..."

"You're not going to lie to the court!" Her eyes tell him that she's serious and will not be swayed. He knows she's right but he can't see any other way around this and he won’t give up. Jessica keeps her eyes glued to his until he sighs and she can see he's not going to press the issue anymore. "Think about Lea and what she'd want." she tells him and he looks at her as if she slapped him.

"Jessica don't ask me to give up ..."

"I'm not saying that Nick! I'm saying ... Do you know anyone who abhors dishonesty more than Lea?"

Nick shakes his head no. He knows Lea wouldn't approve of lying to the court but he doesn't have any other ideas. "So what do you suggest we do?" he asks.

"We know Lea" Jessica says "We know her better than anyone, better than Elaine I'm sure ... so we use that."

Nick looks interested. "How?"

"Negate the evidence. Fox wants proof Lea isn't Jehovah's Witness like Elaine is insisting well we'll go point by point and show her how she isn't. We know her Nick, we know her life, her beliefs and we'll show them that."

Jessica watches as the reality of the situation kicks in, as Nick realizes he doesn't have to lie because he already holds the truth. His eyes close as he takes a calming breath. He nods then opens his eyes to look at her again. He smiles and rests his arm across her shoulder "Let's go" he says and together they walk away.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


End of part 26.</span>

[littleprincessj]

<span style="font-family:Optima">
Jessica doesn't have to hear Judge Fox's ruling to know which way it will go. She sees the uncertainty in her eyes, can tell by her manner that she's unconvinced. Nick’s earlier imp[arse]ioned plea, his open and honest declaration of love has been in vain. Jessica knows he won't be able to accept this ruling. It's been difficult for her to keep him in check, to keep him from allowing emotion to override reason, and she knows she won't be able to contain him now when the ruling takes all his hope away.

She can feel the tension rising off of him. She knows he still believes the judge will see it his way. It's incomprehensible to Nick that someone could choose not to do everything possible to save a life. Jessica loves this about him, his comp[arse]ion and ability to love so completely. He gives his heart so deeply, opens himself to so much pain because the one thing Nick cannot accept in life is loss. It crushes him. He likes his world as it is, filled with those he holds dear and will fight tooth and nail to prevent any of them ever being taken away. Life is too precious to surrender, loss too painful to bear.

Jessica's body is thrumming with fear and despair. Nick's about to get hurt and she's incapable of preventing it happening. She feels heartsick, she feels ... strange. The ache in her back has increased in severity and right now she can barely stand to keep still. What she really wants to do is curl up and sleep for a week. Forget this nightmare they're in, forget the last two weeks and most of all forget this increasing pain. She tries to push it out of her mind and keep her concentration going long enough to hear the ruling but each second makes it even more difficult to cope.

The pain is distorting her perceptions. She feels strange, her body just doesn't feel right, nervous exhaustion she decides and with her last ounce of strength looks up as Judge Fox says "Petitioner's motion for a court order is denied."

Jessica feels Nick rise from his chair and hears him cry out desperately that Lea will die but she can't stop him, can't calm him, can't help him because suddenly she knows this back pain she's been fighting all day may not have been back pain after all. Her hand clutches the table for support as a flash of pain so intense buckles her. A thousand fears rush through her mind silencing Nick and Judge Fox as they argue. As she tries to get comfortable, tries to ride out the force of what she fears now is a contraction she tries to tell herself this cannot possibly be happening. Her body tells her it is. Her water breaks and immediately after she's hit with another spasm even more intense than the last. No longer able to keep control she cries out as she drops to the floor. There is no denying it now, her son is on his way and he isn't planning on waiting for anyone.

Jessica's cry cuts Nick off mid argument. He looks to her chair but she's gone. When he hears her cry out again he sees she's on the floor doubled over in pain. 'Oh God she's losing the baby' he immediately thinks. It's his worst nightmare all over again. They were told she needed to rest yet he's dragged her through hell these past weeks and now she's losing the baby.

His mind flashes back to her deathly white face in that hospital room mere weeks ago. He sees the doctors hovering, words he heard then but refused to allow to permeate his mind suddenly return full force, hemorrhage, unviable, lungs underdeveloped, severe complications, need more time. Where are those doctors now when he needs them?

Nick can't bear to see the fear on Jessica's face. To hear her cries and know there is nothing he can do. He's never felt so useless in his life. He's failed her. Failed his son before they even met. It's unforgivable. He finds himself shutting down, time seems to slow and the room spins.

This can't be happening. It's too soon!

He cries out for the doctors, he begs her to hold on as he watches the flurry of activity and just hopes they can help her until the paramedics arrive. He can't help her. All he seems to ever do is hurt her.

She should never have been in court today. They've been on an emotional roller coaster for so long. They've been going non stop now for 48 hours and it was crazy of him to let this happen. He should have sent her home to bed not let her wait all night in hospital chairs. He should have insisted she rest today not dragged her into court with him. He should have seen this coming he was supposed to be her protector. What happened to his promise never to let anybody hurt her again?

He feels displaced as if the activity around him is happening somewhere else. Was he more cognitive he'd recognize symptoms of shock but he doesn't and all he can hear are Jessica's plaintive cries. He winces from the pervasive sound. Prays for Jessica, prays for the baby, searches for hope in his breaking heart. He finds himself drawing nearer with no recollection of moving. As if his body knows even when his mind doesn't that he belongs by her side.

"I see the head"

Elaine's words sink in and it hits him that no matter how hard he prays this is going to happen. They can't stop it this time. He finds himself drawn forward curiosity beginning to override panic. The white noise rushing through his ears begins to recede and voices become clearer. "Where?" he hears himself say as he moves closer still. He looks at the faces of the three women and for the first time sees life not fear. Resolve, purpose and urgency but no alarm.

Could it be that the baby is ok? Can he really afford to believe it? Is this really going to happen? Is everything really going to be ok?

He wants so much to believe it could be true. He wishes he knew. Surely it's happening too fast. Babies are supposed to take forever aren't they. Twenty one hours his mother once said he took. He has no idea how much time has p[arse]ed but surely it hasn't even been twenty one minutes. If the paramedics still aren't here it can't have been a long time. Could everything be ok happening this fast? Isn't that a sign something must be wrong? Baby's are supposed to take forever aren't they?

Again he looks at the faces around him. Elaine's concentration shows no fear, even Judge Fox shows only excitement but then it's not like either of them have anything to loose. It's his life on the line, his world tearing apart here. He looks at Jessica as another cry from her wrenches through him and it hits him, her eyes, above the pain are hopeful, exhilarated, she hasn't given up. As distressed and distracted as she appears there is also a serenity about her. Maybe not in her words or her manner but he sees it there in her heart. This is a beginning not an ending. Her whole demeanor purveys hope and joy.

If she believes he can believe.

He looks down at the miracle of his child entering the world. The head slowly comes into view, the color strange, features obscured and Nick's mouth goes dry. 'Please God let him be alive' he chants unable to tear his eyes away. It's singularly the most amazing and terrifying vision he's ever seen. He sees their child and searches for signs of life.

He hears Elaine instructing Jessica to bear down and push and Jessica's ensuing intense cry again tears at his heart. "Here he comes" he hears as the shoulders emerge and the baby slides into Elaine's waiting arms. Her hands move like lightening, his face is cleaned, his mouth moves as a cry is emitted. It's the most glorious sound Nick's ever heard and it cures all his fear.

The baby's alive! They have a son, he's perfect!

Nick hears his name being called but can barely draw his eyes from the child. The need to share becomes too strong and his eyes tear themselves away to meet Jessica's. Her expression mirrors exactly what he feels if only he had the words to describe it.

"We have a son!" he hears himself say. He feels it course through his veins, the joy and amazement so strong, so overpowering. He tries to tell her how proud he is but when he opens his mouth "We have a son" is again all that comes out. The look on her face tells him no other words are needed.

"Can I see him please" Jessica longingly pleas and Nick snaps out of his trance.

Nick follows the baby as he is p[arse]ed to Jessica and his arms surround them both. He holds his family to him, no one else matters but these two people, his wife and his son. Tears cannot be held in and he doesn't even try to. Jessica's hands touch the child, her eyes, awed, meet his as she shows him each miraculous feature. He's incapable of action all he can do is hold them, treasure them, keep them near. He'd never felt such fear now he's never felt such joy.

He doesn't know how long they hold each other for but he doesn't let go until he feels hands clutching at his shoulders. Elaine's voice gently informs him "The paramedics are here Nick, let them do their work."

Hands reach out and take the baby from Jessica. Her eyes follow him covetously and concerned. She looks desperately to Nick and he rises to accompany the baby. He watches over him as he's checked then wrapped in a blanket. He returns to Jessica's side and places the baby back in her arms. He kisses her cheek and to the query in her expectant eyes he states "He's perfect!" Her hand reaches for his as she's wheeled out of the courtroom. He holds on tight as he walks proudly beside her. Her face again content with her child in her arms.

The act of being paraded through the courthouse and loaded into the ambulance breaks their trance like amazement. Suddenly they are again thrust into the real world. The magical spell they found themselves in reverting back to a just as delightful reality. He beams with pride at all the curious delighted faces but only one tiny face is graced with the sweep of Jessica's eyes. As the ambulance begins to move Nick takes hold of his son's hand and with delight in his eyes says to her "We did it!"

Jessica laughs at his use of 'we.' "Remind me again why I'd wanted you in the room" she teases.

"I'm sorry" he says, his face sinking in chagrin, "I was scared" he whispers.

"You think I wasn't?"

"I thought..." He looks away not finishing his thought.

Jessica reaches out and strokes Nick's cheek, bringing his attention back to her. "What did you think?" she asks gently.

"I thought you were losing him I thought it was like last time only this time I wasn't going to get you to the hospital in time." He says it in one breath, like he wants the thought out and gone before ever having to entertain it again.

"Oh baby, no." Jessica looks at the child in her arms "He is early Nick but he's strong."

"He's perfect" Nick says staring with wonder at the baby. "I panicked ... I had no idea what to do and they seemed to know.... I just wanted what was best for you..."

"Nicholas"

His eyes leave their son and raise to her "Yeah?"

"You are what's best for me."

"Still?"

"Always."

She draws his face down and tenderly kisses him. Hoping the truth of her words are evident in her actions. She's pleased to see the joy return to his face but can't help having another jab at him. "You realize if you hadn't kept putting off attending Lamaze cl[arse] you may have had a clue." Her eyes show there is no censure in her words. Fighting for Nick's acquittal had taken precedence over Lamaze. Preparations for the baby were put on hold. She should have known he'd have Nick's stubborn streak and make his appearance while they were unprepared.

Nick groans continuing the charade, enjoying the mischief in Jessica's eyes. He knows her plan. This is a time of joy and she doesn't want him bogged down in guilt. He plays along not wanting to give her concern. With his puppy dog face he bows his head saying. "You're never going to forgive me for this are you?"

She grins "Oh you're forgiven Nicky but living it down is another story." Her hand runs over the baby's head "The story of his birth is one he'll get to hear and laugh over often."

Nick chuckles resting his chin on her shoulder. He too has stories he plans to tell his son. As if recognizing Nick's thought Jessica rolls her eyes and laughs. They turn their attention back to their son's angelic face. Jessica runs her finger over a nose she'd recognize anywhere and feels Nick smile.

"Poor kid" he chuckles and she turns and kisses the adult version.

Pulling away she says "I can't believe what I already feel for him Nicholas. I thought I already loved him I thought I knew what to expect but holding him in my arms..." her head shakes as the strength of her emotion makes words impossible to come by. Nick doesn't need the words though the emotions are buried just as deeply in his soul. "Nick we need to let it go now."

He looks at her not understanding what she means so she explains. "I know you don't want to give up the fight Nick but we need to." He looks away the grimace telling her he doesn't want to hear this. "Elaine should be with Lea now not in court fighting against us. Families should be together at times like this. Lea needs her mother, Elaine needs to be with her daughter." She looks at her own child and says "She's her mother Nick they should be together. It was wrong of us to keep them apart."

His hand plays with that of his son's and he knows, as a parent, by his child's side is where he belongs "I know" he says quietly.

Jessica hears the words but knows as much as Nick believes them he cannot let go. He can't give up on the fight with Lea's life still at stake. His emotional plea to the court aside Lea is more than just a person he loves. She's been an integral part of his life for so long. Since kindergarten they've been together now and their dedication and loyalty to each other is unparalleled. He relied on her for his emotional, moral and even physical well being back when he had no one else to turn to and she's never let him down.

What they share is more than love. It's a mutual respect and devotion, a friendship so deep it's imperative. Lea has always been able to get through to him when no one else can. She's an anchor to him. His link to the idealistic youth he used to be. She knows his history, his dreams and achievements. She's watched him grow, she knows him inside out and back to front and still has never turned away. In this time of upheaval he's needed her validation. He's needed to know he hadn't become so lost that he'd become unrecognizable. Lea was there for him now he needs to be there for her.

Jessica's never been jealous of this relationship her husband has with another woman because Lea fills a role in his life she never could and doesn't want to. Lea would probably be horrified at its implication seeing as how there is little difference in their ages but in many ways she has been a substitute mother for Nick. Her commanding attitudes and gentle yet firm ways have steered his course for years. She's never sugar coated her opinions and as such her approval needs to be won and is treasured when received. He will take advice from her that he won't listen to from anyone else. A relationship built over time, circumstance and trust have given her that right.

Jessica can see why he can never turn his back on her. She can see the fear in his eyes and knows for his own peace of mind he needs to have done everything possible to save her. As a mother she feels for Elaine, wants desperately to allow her this time with her daughter but as a wife she'll do anything to spare her husband pain. She cannot allow Nick to live with regret should the worst come to the worst.
So although Jessica believes what Nick is about to do is futile she will not hold him back. The courts will not grant them consent no matter how hard he tries but she knows he needs to try. She won't stop him, instead she'll pray for him with all of her being and wait for him to return to her. Her hand strokes his back as she offers him her continued support.

"Tell Lea we love her and she needs to wake up so she can see our son. Tell her how beautiful he is and tell her not to give up because we won't."

"I will"

"Then come back to us."

Nick rests his head against hers and his hand grips her tighter. "I will"

She knows he doesn't want to be apart from her, not now, not in these first glorious moments of their child's life. But what he wants and what he needs to do are two vastly different things. She runs her hand through his hair "Do what you have to do Nick, we'll be waiting."

"I ... I do want to be with you" he tells her.

"I know you do ... we'll be waiting"

"I don't deserve you."

"That's a shame because you're stuck with me now."

"I want to appeal."

"That you are stuck with me" she laughs

Smiling he sits up "No the ruling"

She nods and her attention is drawn again to their child. He takes her silence as permission and moving away a little his cell phone is brought out and immediately put into action.

As the ambulance pulls up into the hospital he hangs up. "The appeal had been lodged, they said they'd page me."

"Nick you don't have to take this all on yourself, let the others do some of it too."

The doors are opened and her gurney is being wheeled out before he can give any response. He's by her side again by the time they walk through the door. They share a delighted smile. This is it, time to share their son with the world.

"Oh my" they hear and look up to see Justin and Jeff, their faces enraptured, hurrying to see the baby.

Jessica [arse]ures Justin she's all right and then turns back to her son. The pleasantries being exchanged around her no competition for the wonder of her baby boy. Her eyes barely leave the face shining up at her but the conversation around her still sinks in. She hears Nick's voice switch to pure professional mode and knows he's in the mind frame he goes to when he knows what he's about to do isn't right. It's the same voice he uses to discuss breaking a victim on the stand. Lifeless, lets get the job done as quickly and painlessly as possible, whatever you do don't let yourself feel it. She doesn't need to see Nick to know he's emotionally just shut himself down.
These are exceptional circumstances, the life of a dear friend is at stake, she saw enough in his eyes to know if it weren't for that nothing could take him from her side now. She's surprised to hear him p[arse] off his beeper and research to Justin realizing her request earlier to let the others handle the brunt of it was heard. Maybe he will return to her shortly. She feels her gurney being wheeled away and calls "Nick" to warn him she's leaving.

"I'll be right there" he says and she's not surprised he doesn't meet her eye. She looks at the baby and knows she couldn't watch him be wheeled away without being compelled to follow either. She knows his words were more for his benefit then hers. He needs to believe he'll be joining them soon. She'll believe it for him.

Stroking her sons head she pleads 'Don't you die on us Lea. Don't you dare do this to him. Don't you let his suffering be in vain.' Her reasons may seem selfish but right now her greatest want is to have her family together strong and whole. She wants her husband at her side where he belongs, where she knows he too wants to be. She remembers the longing in his eyes as they traveled here. She remembers that last sweet smile they shared as they entered the hospital and then she remembers the underlying fear in his eyes. Her son deserves a father's eyes that can look at him purely with joy. Whatever Nick needs to do to ensure he can do that she'll accept even if it means for now they must be apart.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
End of part 27.</span>

[littleprincessj]

<span style="font-family:Optima">
After as a group praying over Lea's bedside Nick caught Cacee's eye and indicated he wanted to speak to her in the hall. She followed him out where he asked her to go sit with Jessica as he had some errands to run and didn't want Jessica to have to wait alone.

Cacee has since been sitting with Jessica. [arse]uring her Nick won't be long, fussing over the baby, being as upbeat and distracting as she can be but has failed to capture much of Jessica's attention. It is instead divided evenly between her sleeping son and the door through which her husband is due to come. Half way through a story Cacee sees Jessica's eyes again move towards the doorway. She's about to reach out and [arse]ure her Nick won't be much longer when Jessica's eyes sparkle in pure delight.

Walking towards her, behind an elaborate bouquet of flowers and teddies, are legs Jessica would recognize anywhere.

"Nick!" she utters amazed.

He peaks out behind the flowers and grins delighted with the surprise on her face. He slides the bag he was carrying off his shoulder and places the bag onto the bed beside her as he leans in and gives her a soft kiss.

"What's this?" she asks.

"Some things I thought you'd want from home."

"Thank you" She smiles knowing she'd planned to give him a list of things she wanted him to bring and wondering how many of them he got right.

"I'll just..." he indicates the flowers he's starting to feel awkward holding.

Cacee stands saying "Let me" and takes them from him before leaving the room.

Nick's eyes are bright with wonder, amazement and awe as he smiles down at the baby asleep in his crib. "Can you believe it?" he finally says looking up at her.

Jessica's hands play over the bag and she smiles back at him shaking her head a little in disbelief. "Pick him up Nick."

"Yeah?" he asks staring down at the tiny bundle.

"Yeah"

He reaches into the crib. His face a study of concentration as he gingerly raises the baby to his chest. "God he's like holding air." He walks forwards so he's perched on the bed beside her. "Open it" he says nodding towards the bag and she slowly draws the zipper open. She removes the first few items and smiles up at him with pleasure seeing the baby clothes she had set aside to bring.

Cacee reenters the room as Jessica is holding these up and immediately places the vased flowers on the bedside table and reaches for the tiny jumpsuits, fussing over their size and adorability. Jessica removes a camera from the bag which Cacee also commandeers. Nick and Jessica exchange amused smiles and Jessica returns to perusing the other items in the bag making note of what Nick has brought and what else she needs to get him to bring.

Flicking through the various items of clothing and toiletries her fingers come in contact with the unmistakable texture of flannel. A secret smile steals over her face as she seeks to uncover it and when she sees it's what she suspected she looks up at him "Oh Nicholas."

He leans in and whispers "In case you get cold."

"What is it?" ever curious Cacee asks edging closer to the bed.

"Nothing!" Jessica says firmly then cupping Nick's cheek whispers "thank you" and kisses him. The flash of the camera startles them out of it and in unison they cry "Cacee!"

"It was an accident! Totally! My finger slipped" she says smugly and sits in the chair grinning at them.

A nurse comes to the door and [friend]s an eyebrow at Jessica who nods at her. After she leaves Nick asks "What was that all about?"

"We've been waiting for you to arrive to give him his first bath."

Nick beams "Really?"

The smiles that have barely left their faces again emerge in full glory.

"Yeah" Jessica says stroking the baby's downy head.

"I'll just go sit with Lea for a while." Cacee says and kisses all three of them before leaving the room.

"Was it something I said?" Nick asks "If so let me know what so I can use it next time."

Jessica laughs but her response drops away unspoken when the nurse returns wheeling the trolley with all they need for the baby's bath. Grabbing some clothing from the bag Nick brought Jessica gingerly climbs from the bed and walks to the bathroom. Nick left holding the baby, who has began to make a noise, looks from the nurse to the bathroom door and wonders if it's obvious to her he's panicking. He rocks a little hoping that's what's required because if not he has no idea. His son soon settles again and the nurse smiles at him "You're a natural."

Jessica reenters in time to see Nick's proud grin. It's a beautiful sight to her. Her husband and their child, her family finally complete. Nick's eyes roam over her and she tilts her head questioningly.

"You still look..."

Shaking her head she says "Nick if you're thinking of saying pregnant I'd think again."

"Beautiful! I was going to say beautiful" he [arse]ures her as he moves towards the trolley set up with his son's bath.

He hands the baby to Jessica when she arrives by his side then rests his hand on her back watching and listening to the nurse's instructions. His eyes mesmerized by this tiny precious life laid bare before him. Looking at this child everything else pales into insignificance. His son, his future, he's a father now and the world will never be the same.

End of part 28.</span>

[littleprincessj]

<span style="font-family:Optima">

Day 256


Jessica wakes at 2 a.m. to the sound of an unhappy baby. Disorientated at first she finally focuses on the face of the nurse standing by the bed telling her someone is ready for a feed. She sees the baby in the nurse’s arms and, after raising herself into a sitting position, reaches out for him. As she moves the blanket slips away revealing the pajama top she'd been curled up with while sleeping.

Smiling the nurse asks "Dads?" and Jessica nods dropping her eyes to her son's face. "I bet it still smells like him" she says and Jessica blushes furiously. Chuckling she says "Believe me love I've seen it all before."

Jessica would have responded except her attention is suddenly otherwise occupied. This is only her third, and so far most successful, attempt at feeding the baby. He latched on this time without any prior coaxing and she looks at him with such pride and delight. All symptoms of fatigue have disappeared as she feels the soft pull of his lips.

"So does he look like Dad?"

Jessica appraises her son, "He has his eyes" she says and the nurse smiles at how pleased Jessica sounds.

"Dad wouldn't be tall, dark, incredibly handsome, fills out a dark grey suit wonderfully but has a tendency to snore would he?"

Jessica tears her eyes away from her son and looks at her perplexed.

"There's a guy in the waiting area who was pouring over paper work of some sort until he fell asleep about an hour ago."

Tears of concern spring to Jessica's eyes "He hasn't slept in three days I thought he went home. Could you wake him and send him in please?"

"You have a friend in ICU too don't you?"

Jessica nods and brushes a tear away.

"I could accidentally rustle up a blanket for that chair too if you'd like."

"Please?" Jessica says overcome by her kindness.
Handing Jessica a tissue the nurse says as she departs "Of course legally we aren't covered for someone who isn't actually admitted sleeping here but as long as none of those pesky lawyers find out it should be ok"

Jessica chuckles as she watches her walk away and wipes the tears from her eyes. She finds her composure again watching over her son. Five minutes later Nick sheepishly shuffles in ravishingly disheveled. "Come here" Jessica says and gives him a quick kiss when he complies. She then points to the chair saying "Sit. Sleep. We'll talk in the morning."

Watching him trudge over without argument she thinks he may actually be asleep before he hits the cushioning. She tests the theory as he sits by saying "Nick?" One eye opens in response and smiling she teases "The nurse says you snore."

He chuckles as he mumbles "She's lying" and then he's asleep and proving the nurse spoke only the truth.

Jessica smiles indulgently at him, glad to have both her men safe and close at hand. Lea too has survived another day giving them all renewed hope she'll continue to fight for more. Jessica looks down at her increasingly sleepy son. Soon to embark on his first full day, meeting all those who've eagerly awaited his arrival. Ingraining himself into their hearts with his steely glance and dimpled smile.





Day 259

They slowly make their way towards the house. Jessica carrying the baby, Nick laden down with bags, flowers, balloons, gifts and enough [arse]orted junk to last them a lifetime. It's slow going as he tries desperately to keep hold of it all.

"Leave some in the car and come back for it later" Jessica had suggested as he started dragging it all out.

She received his patented 'you're a crazy woman' stare in response. She huffed and he replied "I don't want to spend another moment without you." He was forgiven, instantly and completely.

They reach their door and he drops the most cumbersome items.

"Gently!" she warns and he has the grace to look apologetic. He opens the door but before walking through stops and looks at her "Shouldn't I carry you over the threshold or something?"

"Nick that's when you're married" she laughs.

"Did I do it then?"

"No"

"So how about now then?"

"Not on your life!"

His eyes twinkle at her and she smiles. She can't believe how incredibly blessed she feels. She has her family close at hand, complete and unthreatened. Together to be enjoyed and adored. Her friends are safe and well, or if not quite well recovering. The future looks good and she's eager to live it.

They walk into the apartment and Nick carries, kicks and slides all the items through the door. Jessica's sure most will stay exactly where he's left them until she deems it necessary to act but right now she doesn't care. They look at one another as he closes the door and Nick laughs.

"What?" Jessica asks.

Chuckling he says "I feel like my whole life has been leading to this moment."

"And?"

"And I haven't a clue what to do."

"I know" she smiles at him "I keep waiting for someone to tell me what now."

Nick looks at his wife and child. He steps towards her. "Can I hold him?"

Her smile erupts in reaction to the expression on his face as he holds the baby.

"He's so ..." his head shakes at a loss for words.

"Perfect?" she offers and he has to agree.

He suddenly looks away from the baby and up at her "I uh ... I set up some things in the bedroom for him."

"You did?"

"Yeah I had to prove I wasn't completely inept."

She walks forward and lays her head against his arm "Nick you don't have anything to prove to me."

He smiles at her then says "Come see"

She follows him down the hallway eager and afraid. Nick is as good a decorator as she is a linebacker. With his eclectic tastes and I'll leave it here for now manner she hasn't high hopes for what she'll find. Whatever he's done she'll praise wholeheartedly then if possible over time slowly, subtly fix. She steps through the door and gives a startled "Oh Nicholas!"

"It's not much" he says nervously "Just what I figured we'd need for the day. The rest I left until I had supervision." He gives her a look which has her wondering if she spoke her little anti-decorator Nick tirade out loud.

She walks into the room and looks around her and allows the new essence of the room to sink in. Surprised that with so few changes it can feel so different. She runs her hand along the change table and he says "I thought close to the bathroom was best." She nods her approval and moves to sit in the rocking chair. Her eyes raise to his and he grins "I saw your mouth water whenever you looked through the catalogue. I've been storing it at my dad's " She smiles and leans back allowing the chair's sway to flow through her. Her eyes close and the smile and contentment spreads over her features.

Nick looking on feels pride surge at the thought of having pleased her this much. He's nervous though, there's another item that he's not sure will be so warmly received. He doesn't want to interrupt her reverie or call attention to the remaining item but he's curious to know her reaction. As if she senses his unease her eyes open again and she looks at his face. "Thank you" she says with a smile and rises walking towards the b[arse]inet. He follows close behind and she feels a tension emanate from his body.

Knowing this final item is of importance to him she takes the time to truly see it before showing him a reaction. It's a tiny white wood and wicker b[arse]inet. Exquisite but obviously not new. One of the things they'd had trouble deciding on was an appropriate cot. They'd had no idea there was such an enormous range and finding one that suited both their current cramped apartment and the growing needs of a child was not as easy as they'd [arse]umed. Jessica had been surprised when she brought the topic up in the hospital to hear him say it was all under control. His subsequent responses had been evasive so she'd guessed he wanted to surprise her. This he had done.

"Nick where did you get this?"

He steps up next to her "Would you believe I once fit into that?"

After a sharp intake of breath she says "This was yours!?"

"Yeah ... almost every Lachey baby has slept in this at one time or other."

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asks in amazement.

"I wanted to surprise you" he looks at her and the smile on his face drops "You don't like it ... It's ok we don't have to use it I just thought..."

"Nick, Nick no I do like it. I love it! Of course we'll use it. You just surprised me that's all." As she's speaking she takes the baby from Nick and places him in the cot "From father to son ... Nicholas it's perfect."

He smiles "You've been saying that a lot lately."

"Only because it's true" she counters and he walks up behind her and wraps his arms around her. They look down at the sleeping baby, this precious bundle they still find hard to believe is theirs and relish in the pure joy of being home, safe and together.

After what could have been anywhere between five minutes or five hours considering their current concept of time they slowly move away from the baby. Nick watches as Jessica again scans the room, making note of all the additions he's made. "So I did ok?" he asks.

"You did better than ok baby" she squeezes the hand still clasped in hers and says "This is ..."

"Perfect?" he asks teasing.

"Well" she replies drawing out the word for effect "maybe a Nick kind of perfect."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asks grinning.

She lets go of his hand and allows her hands to snake up his chest before coming to rest at the back of his neck. Leaning against him, her mouth raised to his she says "It means I love it" before kissing him.

Nick's not sure what kind of perfect this is but he wouldn't trade it for any other kind in the world.

THE END! </span>