littleprincessj
11-15-04, 07:21 PM
<span style="font-family:Optima">Author’s Note: This is few months after The Story of Us part 2/3 left
off
*********
"Jessica!!" A familiar voice calls for the blonde haired girl as she walks through the school hall, forcing her to turn around. It's Friday and she's expecting a relaxing weekend, away from school. Not that she hates school, but she needs time off once in a while.
"Danny, hi..." She greets the owner of the voice sweetly, a smile on her lips.
"Hi..." The green eyed blond guy smiles at her nervously. "Look Jessica, there's this party tonight...Peter's place...his parents are away...It's a great party...you know Peter he's...." Daniel stops as he notices he's been rambling. He had prepared this invitation so well, practice it even, but still, looking into her beautiful blue eyes and seeing that little smile played on her lips, he just forget his lines.
"Well... I just wonder if you would like to... you know... come... with me... there... to the party..." And he's kicking himself again mentally there; he realized that's just one of the worst if not really
the worst invitation to a girl for a date. He knows that for he has asked girls to go out, having them all saying yes, numerous time, most of the time, in fact the only girl, hasn't said yes is the golden blonde haired girl standing in front of him, with some books on her hand, a little smile on her lips. But worst thing is, she's the only girl he wants to be with
now...Jessica Simpson, the beautiful and smart icon of their school. He waits nervously for her answer....'please not a no again...' he wishes silently...
Jessica smiles at his nervousness.
"I'd love to, Danny, but I..." A pause, as Danny sighs, another fail attempts. "I have to finish this
essay about law and stuff...deadline's Monday... and I haven't even started yet." Jessica smiles sweetly, innocently, while making a gesture towards her bag to emphasis her point. 'Liar' she thought of herself, as she remembers that essay already stored neatly on her desk, another file on her computer. But a little white lie wouldn't hurt... she defends herself...
She can't go out with him, or any other guy for that matter, still feeling what she is feeling right now, still clinging for that one tiny hope that her love, would come to her someday.
"Oh, well... that's a shame." Danny responds, feeling disappointed… "Maybe next time..." He looks at her hopefully, a catch in his voice. He really wants this girl, and there is no word as giving up on his vocabulary when it comes to the one and only Jessica Simpson.
"Maybe next time..." Jessica answers and smiles, she doesn't have the heart to refuse him flat out. He's actually a good guy, great guy even. Look and personality wise. A popular yet down to earth boy, having all that it takes to be girl's favorite, though fortunately, not for this particular girl. This girl has her own favorite.
"I'll see you then..." He smiles weakly.
"Sure..."
He waves a little, and walks towards his basketball team friends. Jessica looks after him for a while before walking down the hall towards her locker.
"Turning down the good guy again, huh?" She hears another familiar voice, and turns to the owner, smiles at CaCee, the thin brown haired girl, who's also opening her locker, beside her.
"You know? For a girl as smart as you...you're pretty stupid at love and relationship department." CaCee teases, while Jessica raises her eyebrows questioningly.
"Well... let see... Daniel Rochdale, handsome, smart, diligent, athletic, rich, and really nice and kind too.... what more can a girl want?"
"I hear something there...If you like him so much, why don't you go for him?" Jessica shoots back, now walking to the front of the school together.
"I would...but he's too infatuated by you to notice me." CaCee looks at Jessica with her fake sad
expression.
Jessica just smiles and shakes her head. If only she knew, somehow Jessica hasn't found it in her a will to tell CaCee everything.
"You know, Jessica... If I were you I would just say yes... I mean that deep green eyes alone... hmmmm... really worth a try..." CaCee nods indulgently.
"And then... his arms... ooooh I can't even begin to imagine how great it would be being held by those strong muscular arms, his hard chest beneath me, his breath on my skin..." CaCee goes on with her sentences, describing reasons for Jessica to go with this 'hunk' as she calls him. Adding some extra effects on her already lustful description.
"Cacee...please stop..." Jessica stops suddenly, causing her friend to stop too. She looks at her surrounding, afraid someone might hear her friend's rather indecent talk, thankfully though, it's not really crowded in that uptown area of Waco that Friday afternoon.
"What? You're warming up to the idea?" Cacee winks at
her, smiling teasingly. Jessica shakes her head in
reply.
"Just be quiet!!!" Jessica says, and walks again.
They live nearby, only about fifteen minutes away from
the school if they walk. Cacee just moved there a
month ago, following her parents transfer here to
Waca, and they have been friends ever since, walking
to and from the school together, spending a lot of
time together.
"You know, what I just figured out, Jessica?" Cacee asks seriously after a while, looking at her friend, seemingly deep in thought. " I think your cold 'no way you're gonna get me I'm not that interested in you or attracted to you whatsoever' attitude is the one that has him keep going back for more..." She explains, nodding her head, satisfied with her finding.
"I mean, look at this for a fact, he's gorgeous,
having most girls in school go after him, but he still
not giving up on you... You know why? well not only
because of you I mean you are pretty... but i think
it's more for his ego as a man, a popular or even the
most popular guy in our school..."
Jessica can't hear her anymore and stop on her trance
as she recognizes the person standing on the corner of
the street, beside the car, looking at her. Their eyes
locked, and those eyes beckon her near.
"Listen, Cacee, why don't you go home first... I need
to do something..." Jessica says to her friend who
still rambling about man, competition, and
championship.
"Oh, what? I can accompany you... I mean it's not
like the captain of our school Basketball team a.k.a.
Danny will ask me out..." She teases.
"No... It's okay; I can do it by myself." Jessica
answers seriously.
"You're sure?" Cacee asks worriedly.
"Yes." Jessica answers firmly.
"Well... okay then... I'll see you, be careful!"
Cacee looks at her, a little worried by her serious
expression.
"Thanks. I will" Jessica smiles re[arse]uringly.
Jessica looks at Cacee until she sees her turns on the
next corner towards their house, and goes across the
street, and meet the person standing there.
“Nick..."
******
" Hey..." The man answers her a little shakily.
There was a long, awkward, uncomfortable silence, as
both of them don't know what to say to each other, too
busy dealing with their emotions.
"Jessica..."
"Nick..."
They says simultaneously, before Jessica is asked to
go first.
"What brings you by?" Is her short and first question… The main question swirling in her mind ever since she noticed his lone figure standing there, as if waiting for her on that quiet little street corner.
"Well, I came to see you and..." Nick answers truthfully, then opening his car door, getting a paper bag from inside.
"You left something..." He gives the paper bag to her. It took a lot of thoughts before he finally made the decision to give it back to her by himself, vetoing the idea of sending it in a bag, asking Lea’s help, or send it through Fed Ex, knowing how important the thing is to Jessica.
Jessica takes it, and looks inside, recognizing her coat. She had realized few weeks ago she had left that coat at Nick's place after her hurry exit. It's a coat that meant a lot for her, her grandmother bought it for her just before she p[arse]ed away less than a year ago. She had been wanting to take it back, but afraid of the repercussion if she meets him again.
"Thanks..." She looks up at him. She really appreciates his gesture, knowing it must have been
hard for him to come for her. She has hurt him badly. Again, silence enveloping them, as they don't know what to do, just staring at each other.
She notices his loosing weight, a shadow in his eyes, and not even a smile tracing his lips. He also studying her, seeing a vulnerable girl, so far from the strong woman, he has used to know. Her brown hair falls to her shoulder, gracing the beautiful face that has lost some of its brightness.
"How are you?" Nick asks after a while. Asking sincerely. He has been thinking about her, a lot, since their last meeting that night on a dinner in her parent's house. Feeling regret for knowing he had hurt her by his cold rejection towards her. He did that out of his hurt and pain too, but now, having more time to think, understand and forgiven her even, his love overshadows his pain and anger.
He understands where she came from, respects her and even loves her more for doing what she had done, but still too afraid to basks in those happiness again, knowing there are a lot of barrier on their way, a lot of things to overcome. He doesn't want to stand in her way of becoming the person he knows she meant to be, a successful woman, with a bright future. A future he's afraid he's not a part of it. A future he's afraid would not happen should he be with her.
"I'm... I'm fine..." Jessica smiles weakly to him, she's really a good liar, she thinks to herself.
She's not fine, she's still hurt, and the man standing in front of her is the cause, the pain she had caused in him, the change in him, because of her, is the cause. Nick smiles a little in reply, a pasted smile barely reaching his eyes. He knows the truth; she can't cover that sadness in her eyes, he always able to look into those eyes, straight to her soul.
"Don't lie to me Jessica... not again..." Nick says dejectedly. He doesn't even know why he said that. Jessica sees the contrition again, feeling him judging her again, by his words, and she hates it.
"So... what do you expect me to say... that I'm not fine... that I'm not okay... and is all because of YOU???" Jessica shoots back, all the hurt and pain resurface again, sick of him thinking of her like a child. "There... you have the truth, Nick, I'm not okay, satisfied?" She adds sarcastically, not even giving him time to respond.
"Now... I think I've said enough... Goodbye!" Jessica turns back, wanting to get away from him fast, feeling like she couldn't stand there one more minute without tears pouring down her cheek. And she doesn't want him to see her cry, see how much effects he has on her. That she is still hurts still, by all that has happened.
"Don't..." Nick grabs her arms. Feeling sorry for what he had caused in her, for hurting her again, that's the last thing he wants to do. "I'm sorry..."
"Just let me go... please..." Jessica looks at him, and sees his also feeling hurt, the same pain that she sees on her reflection every time she looks in the mirror.
"Can we please talk?" Nick asks and pleads with his eyes, to which Jessica cannot refuse. He leads her to the p[arse]enger seat of the car, and drives them away.
******
" It's my first time here... after…†Nick breaks the silence as they are sitting in a bench on their
favorite park. Not able to finish his words. He remembered a time when they were there, few weeks before their fight. When he had told her he loved her, and how he still loves her still, now...
"Me too..." Jessica whispers. She hasn't been able to come again to this park, for it holds too many memories of them. That day when he told her he loved her, when he told her, she is his is life... that day seems to be too long ago... a lot has happened ever since.
"I can't seem to come here without remembering..." Nick trails off, and looks at Jessica.
"I know..." Jessica replies knowingly, feeling the same way about this. They were silence again, as they watch some children playing with their parents. Remembering a day long ago when they had shared their wish of having a family someday, arguing over how many children is the best in a family, and ending up without any conclusion. Each too stubborn to back down. They loved spending the whole evening there, enjoying the view, and the feeling of being together.
Nick takes a deep breath as all memories come rushing back again. Their first meeting there, all the meetings that followed afterwards. All those wonderful times when they had shared their everything... their dreams... their soul... their past... When all he felt was happiness and comfort...
And now, all of those are so different, still the same two person, in the same place, same bench, but very different. A lot has happened.
"Why?" He asks a question he has wanted to ask from her for a while. Not out of anger, but out of need to understand. "Why did you do that?"
Jessica knew full well what he meant. Truth to be told, she had been asking the same thing almost everyday since she met him. Why did she told him those pack of lies, why didn't she just tell him the truth, but she knew her answer, and he had told him about that too. She wanted to give them a chance, knowing, if he had known the truth about her, he would back down, thinking she's just a kid, she's too young and too fragile. Thinking that he wouldn't deserve her. She had told him, yet he didn't believe her.
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you... I told you everything, over and over again... How many times should I tell you until finally you would somehow believe me...†Jessica looks away. Remembering countless time when she had told him she loved him that she lied to him to give them a chance, that she did that out of love, trying to make him understand, and always having him doubts her and denies her in return. "I'm not a kid, Nick." Jessica feels the hurt over his words again, his rejection.
"You're sixteen..." Nick says the obvious truth. Having through this too many times, but it all still seems so surreal. Still believing he's having a nightmare, and that when he wakes up all will be okay with his world...Jessica will still be that woman that he had known, a 21 years old that she told him to be, a woman that has made him bent to his knee, finally able to open his heart, giving it warmth through her love... A woman that he wishes he could share his future with... but it's not a dream... it's real...
"We come to that thing again?" Jessica is sick of having this conversation, every time, he always brings up that stupid number, and she hates it. "Yes, Nick... I'm sixteen, so what?" She's ready to fight. All this time and he still somehow blame her; she hates it, why can't he understand...
Nick shakes his head, he doesn't want to fight anymore, he's also sick of fighting. He looks at Jessica and notices her books.
"How's school?" He confused himself with that question, where the hell did that coming from. He
hears Jessica laugh a little.
"What?" He asks confused.
"How's school?" Jessica echoes him, surprised, still laughing softly. Nick looks at her even more confused. Questioning her with his eyes...
"You never asked me about school before..." Jessica answers him, still laughing. "I just... it's funny..." Jessica says, not expecting that question; prepare for more condemnation from him, but having him surprised her. Nick looks at her and finally joins her laugh. She loves that they had been through the hard part, and now, having a more relaxing conversation.
"Well, I have never dated a sixteen year old before... not even when I was a teenager mind you... so I don't know the etiquette...." Nick tries to defend himself but only to have Jessica laugh even more.
"You never dated a sixteen year old???" Jessica asks surprised. "Where were you?" Jessica asks teasingly.
"No... When I was sixteen...my parent’s had just gone through with the divorce and..." He shakes his head, trying to ease the pain he still feels every time he remembers it. A hand finds its way to his, and entwine it tightly, squeezing it, giving comfort and strength. Nick looks up to her brown eyes, wondering how she always knows how to make him feel better. "Thank You..." Is all he can utter as even a simple gesture from her already makes him feel better, filling the gap on his heart. Jessica just smiles back in reply.
"You haven't answered me..." Nick says after a while, trying to lighten the mood again.
"What?" A pause "School…?" Jessica asks teasingly, before breaks into another laughter.
"Jessica..." Nick admonishes her playfully, smiling as he does. Feeling better than he has ever been in a long time, after that night when he found out the truth. How she always does that to him left him wondering.
"It's okay... just as usual..." She answers still smiling. They still have their hands tightly intertwined. “You know... homework, tests…guys..." She adds teasingly, they both smile.
They are silence as each engrossed in their own mind. Where will it go, they are together, they smile to each other, they laugh, they tease each other... what will happen next...
"Does this mean that we're dating?" Jessica asks breaking the silence. "Nick?" She looks up into his eyes, trying to find an answer. She sees his love for her; still, she's sure of it.
"It would be hard, Jessica..." Nick answers her; his mind is overruling his heart. He has been contemplating the idea more than he wants him to be, or wants to admit to anybody, battling with himself, thinking over all the worst case scenarios should they resume their relationship, but missing all those wonderful feeling he feels when they're together with each p[arse]ing moment.
"I don't care..." Jessica tries to convince him, she knows the way he
thinks, and how sometime he thinks too much. She used to do that also, but now, for this one particular thing... she just wants to go with her heart... to bask in the happiness, she just wishes he would do the same.
"I won't be able to pay that Harvard tuition for you..." Nick looks at her, reminding her of one dream that he's not sure he would be able to give her. He is still scratching from bottom; he barely survives on his own. He barely manages his office, how can he give her all that she deserves.
"I'll get a scholarship...." Jessica challenges him, feeling that she's winning him over by each step they take. She's sure of her feeling, and looking through his eyes, she's sure of his too. He just needs some convincing.
"Your parents will kill me if they know..." Nick sighs, looking away.
"I'll die with you..." Jessica smiles at him, turning his face to hers with the hand that’s not holding his tight, so that he would see her.
"It's not funny, Jess...." Nick shoos her hand away from his face, holding both of her hands in his, looking at her.
"I know..." A sigh, as Jessica looks down at their joined hands.
"Do you love me, Nick?" Jessica asks seriously, looking up at him, loosing the playful mood she had few minutes back.
"Do you even have to ask that?" Nick answers her sarcastically.
"Answer me, Nick..." Jessica pleads. Nick looks at her as he tells her his answer.
"I love you... more than anything...†He replies wholeheartedly.
"Then why don't you fight for us, I love you, you said you love me... what the hell do we care with the world..." Jessica tries to reason.
"It's not that simple..." Nick breaks at his last word. No, it's not simple at all. He could just follow his heart but the entire barrier on their way... He doesn't care what will happen to him, but he's petrified of what will happen to her... she's young and as much as she thinks she is strong enough and mature enough... he still worried about her. If her parents and her families know, they will be angry and upset. It would tear the already torn family, a family that has just stumbling back, finding its way to survive. He knows how much she cares for them, no matter what they had done. And it would be hard for her, knowing she had let her parents down. He knows they would be upset if they know about their relationship.
And her friends, what would they think of her, her education, her future, her life... she could loose everything...
"You can loose everything you have now, Jessica..." Nick is trying to explain to her his reason. Jessica listens to him, knowing he has a reason to his action. He thinks too much, and he thinks too much of her. So, it's her that he is worried about. But somehow, she just has to make him see, that all those things meant nothing without him. After knowing and tasting that piece of haven when they're together, she realizes how empty her life is now. No matter how hard she tried, she never felt complete.
"I already lost everything when I lost you..." Jessica says in whisper, letting go of his hand. It's true; she lost one thing that made her world complete. Nick turns to see her head bent down, a tear sliding down her cheek. She is sincere and honest. He puts his hand over hers, calling her name softly. Jessica is not one to give up too easily. "We can keep this a secret... nobody will know... and when the time is right... we will tell them..." Jessica offers hopefully, turning to look at him. How can she make him see, that nothing is worth without him...
"It's too risky..." Nick shakes his head, loving that she wants to be with him more than anything, but afraid that she would get hurt eventually, that they would get hurt eventually.
"Life is full of risk." A pause… "We'll never know till we try...Let's try Nicky..."
Nick looks at Jessica, still sees, the woman he fell in love with, yes, she wears her school uniform then, making her look so young, but still, she's that woman. He looks into her eyes; seeing her determination and love there in those beautiful blues that always get to him. He can't deny what she wants, what he wants, he wants this as much as she does, if not more...
He knows he's crazy for doing this, he has come simply to just give her back her coat, knowing how important that is to her, and seeing how she's doing, and here he is about to make the craziest decision of his life... but for once... he's going with his heart...
"Let's try..." He says firmly.
"Really…?" Jessica cannot believe her ears.
"Really..." Nick nods firmly, as Jessica throws her arms around him, smiling wildly. Nick gets them both to their feet, still holding each other tight, smiling, laughing, crying, madly. After a while though, Jessica pulls away. Feeling that she needs to tell him something…
"I never meant to hurt you, Nick..." She says softly, sincerely. "I'm sorry..."
"I know... me too." Nick wipes the tears she didn't even realize she has shed. She holds his hands, kisses them one after another, and reaches up to kiss him softly, full of promise of what days to come will bring.
"I love you..." Jessica whispers shakily, hoping this time he would believe her fully.
"I love you too...†He smiles; finally letting go of all his worries and doubts, to really basks in the happiness. They hold each other tight, feeling complete again. They know there would be a long way ahead of them, and certain there would be barrier on their way, a lot to overcome, but together... they would fight everything....
******
End of part 1. </span>
off
*********
"Jessica!!" A familiar voice calls for the blonde haired girl as she walks through the school hall, forcing her to turn around. It's Friday and she's expecting a relaxing weekend, away from school. Not that she hates school, but she needs time off once in a while.
"Danny, hi..." She greets the owner of the voice sweetly, a smile on her lips.
"Hi..." The green eyed blond guy smiles at her nervously. "Look Jessica, there's this party tonight...Peter's place...his parents are away...It's a great party...you know Peter he's...." Daniel stops as he notices he's been rambling. He had prepared this invitation so well, practice it even, but still, looking into her beautiful blue eyes and seeing that little smile played on her lips, he just forget his lines.
"Well... I just wonder if you would like to... you know... come... with me... there... to the party..." And he's kicking himself again mentally there; he realized that's just one of the worst if not really
the worst invitation to a girl for a date. He knows that for he has asked girls to go out, having them all saying yes, numerous time, most of the time, in fact the only girl, hasn't said yes is the golden blonde haired girl standing in front of him, with some books on her hand, a little smile on her lips. But worst thing is, she's the only girl he wants to be with
now...Jessica Simpson, the beautiful and smart icon of their school. He waits nervously for her answer....'please not a no again...' he wishes silently...
Jessica smiles at his nervousness.
"I'd love to, Danny, but I..." A pause, as Danny sighs, another fail attempts. "I have to finish this
essay about law and stuff...deadline's Monday... and I haven't even started yet." Jessica smiles sweetly, innocently, while making a gesture towards her bag to emphasis her point. 'Liar' she thought of herself, as she remembers that essay already stored neatly on her desk, another file on her computer. But a little white lie wouldn't hurt... she defends herself...
She can't go out with him, or any other guy for that matter, still feeling what she is feeling right now, still clinging for that one tiny hope that her love, would come to her someday.
"Oh, well... that's a shame." Danny responds, feeling disappointed… "Maybe next time..." He looks at her hopefully, a catch in his voice. He really wants this girl, and there is no word as giving up on his vocabulary when it comes to the one and only Jessica Simpson.
"Maybe next time..." Jessica answers and smiles, she doesn't have the heart to refuse him flat out. He's actually a good guy, great guy even. Look and personality wise. A popular yet down to earth boy, having all that it takes to be girl's favorite, though fortunately, not for this particular girl. This girl has her own favorite.
"I'll see you then..." He smiles weakly.
"Sure..."
He waves a little, and walks towards his basketball team friends. Jessica looks after him for a while before walking down the hall towards her locker.
"Turning down the good guy again, huh?" She hears another familiar voice, and turns to the owner, smiles at CaCee, the thin brown haired girl, who's also opening her locker, beside her.
"You know? For a girl as smart as you...you're pretty stupid at love and relationship department." CaCee teases, while Jessica raises her eyebrows questioningly.
"Well... let see... Daniel Rochdale, handsome, smart, diligent, athletic, rich, and really nice and kind too.... what more can a girl want?"
"I hear something there...If you like him so much, why don't you go for him?" Jessica shoots back, now walking to the front of the school together.
"I would...but he's too infatuated by you to notice me." CaCee looks at Jessica with her fake sad
expression.
Jessica just smiles and shakes her head. If only she knew, somehow Jessica hasn't found it in her a will to tell CaCee everything.
"You know, Jessica... If I were you I would just say yes... I mean that deep green eyes alone... hmmmm... really worth a try..." CaCee nods indulgently.
"And then... his arms... ooooh I can't even begin to imagine how great it would be being held by those strong muscular arms, his hard chest beneath me, his breath on my skin..." CaCee goes on with her sentences, describing reasons for Jessica to go with this 'hunk' as she calls him. Adding some extra effects on her already lustful description.
"Cacee...please stop..." Jessica stops suddenly, causing her friend to stop too. She looks at her surrounding, afraid someone might hear her friend's rather indecent talk, thankfully though, it's not really crowded in that uptown area of Waco that Friday afternoon.
"What? You're warming up to the idea?" Cacee winks at
her, smiling teasingly. Jessica shakes her head in
reply.
"Just be quiet!!!" Jessica says, and walks again.
They live nearby, only about fifteen minutes away from
the school if they walk. Cacee just moved there a
month ago, following her parents transfer here to
Waca, and they have been friends ever since, walking
to and from the school together, spending a lot of
time together.
"You know, what I just figured out, Jessica?" Cacee asks seriously after a while, looking at her friend, seemingly deep in thought. " I think your cold 'no way you're gonna get me I'm not that interested in you or attracted to you whatsoever' attitude is the one that has him keep going back for more..." She explains, nodding her head, satisfied with her finding.
"I mean, look at this for a fact, he's gorgeous,
having most girls in school go after him, but he still
not giving up on you... You know why? well not only
because of you I mean you are pretty... but i think
it's more for his ego as a man, a popular or even the
most popular guy in our school..."
Jessica can't hear her anymore and stop on her trance
as she recognizes the person standing on the corner of
the street, beside the car, looking at her. Their eyes
locked, and those eyes beckon her near.
"Listen, Cacee, why don't you go home first... I need
to do something..." Jessica says to her friend who
still rambling about man, competition, and
championship.
"Oh, what? I can accompany you... I mean it's not
like the captain of our school Basketball team a.k.a.
Danny will ask me out..." She teases.
"No... It's okay; I can do it by myself." Jessica
answers seriously.
"You're sure?" Cacee asks worriedly.
"Yes." Jessica answers firmly.
"Well... okay then... I'll see you, be careful!"
Cacee looks at her, a little worried by her serious
expression.
"Thanks. I will" Jessica smiles re[arse]uringly.
Jessica looks at Cacee until she sees her turns on the
next corner towards their house, and goes across the
street, and meet the person standing there.
“Nick..."
******
" Hey..." The man answers her a little shakily.
There was a long, awkward, uncomfortable silence, as
both of them don't know what to say to each other, too
busy dealing with their emotions.
"Jessica..."
"Nick..."
They says simultaneously, before Jessica is asked to
go first.
"What brings you by?" Is her short and first question… The main question swirling in her mind ever since she noticed his lone figure standing there, as if waiting for her on that quiet little street corner.
"Well, I came to see you and..." Nick answers truthfully, then opening his car door, getting a paper bag from inside.
"You left something..." He gives the paper bag to her. It took a lot of thoughts before he finally made the decision to give it back to her by himself, vetoing the idea of sending it in a bag, asking Lea’s help, or send it through Fed Ex, knowing how important the thing is to Jessica.
Jessica takes it, and looks inside, recognizing her coat. She had realized few weeks ago she had left that coat at Nick's place after her hurry exit. It's a coat that meant a lot for her, her grandmother bought it for her just before she p[arse]ed away less than a year ago. She had been wanting to take it back, but afraid of the repercussion if she meets him again.
"Thanks..." She looks up at him. She really appreciates his gesture, knowing it must have been
hard for him to come for her. She has hurt him badly. Again, silence enveloping them, as they don't know what to do, just staring at each other.
She notices his loosing weight, a shadow in his eyes, and not even a smile tracing his lips. He also studying her, seeing a vulnerable girl, so far from the strong woman, he has used to know. Her brown hair falls to her shoulder, gracing the beautiful face that has lost some of its brightness.
"How are you?" Nick asks after a while. Asking sincerely. He has been thinking about her, a lot, since their last meeting that night on a dinner in her parent's house. Feeling regret for knowing he had hurt her by his cold rejection towards her. He did that out of his hurt and pain too, but now, having more time to think, understand and forgiven her even, his love overshadows his pain and anger.
He understands where she came from, respects her and even loves her more for doing what she had done, but still too afraid to basks in those happiness again, knowing there are a lot of barrier on their way, a lot of things to overcome. He doesn't want to stand in her way of becoming the person he knows she meant to be, a successful woman, with a bright future. A future he's afraid he's not a part of it. A future he's afraid would not happen should he be with her.
"I'm... I'm fine..." Jessica smiles weakly to him, she's really a good liar, she thinks to herself.
She's not fine, she's still hurt, and the man standing in front of her is the cause, the pain she had caused in him, the change in him, because of her, is the cause. Nick smiles a little in reply, a pasted smile barely reaching his eyes. He knows the truth; she can't cover that sadness in her eyes, he always able to look into those eyes, straight to her soul.
"Don't lie to me Jessica... not again..." Nick says dejectedly. He doesn't even know why he said that. Jessica sees the contrition again, feeling him judging her again, by his words, and she hates it.
"So... what do you expect me to say... that I'm not fine... that I'm not okay... and is all because of YOU???" Jessica shoots back, all the hurt and pain resurface again, sick of him thinking of her like a child. "There... you have the truth, Nick, I'm not okay, satisfied?" She adds sarcastically, not even giving him time to respond.
"Now... I think I've said enough... Goodbye!" Jessica turns back, wanting to get away from him fast, feeling like she couldn't stand there one more minute without tears pouring down her cheek. And she doesn't want him to see her cry, see how much effects he has on her. That she is still hurts still, by all that has happened.
"Don't..." Nick grabs her arms. Feeling sorry for what he had caused in her, for hurting her again, that's the last thing he wants to do. "I'm sorry..."
"Just let me go... please..." Jessica looks at him, and sees his also feeling hurt, the same pain that she sees on her reflection every time she looks in the mirror.
"Can we please talk?" Nick asks and pleads with his eyes, to which Jessica cannot refuse. He leads her to the p[arse]enger seat of the car, and drives them away.
******
" It's my first time here... after…†Nick breaks the silence as they are sitting in a bench on their
favorite park. Not able to finish his words. He remembered a time when they were there, few weeks before their fight. When he had told her he loved her, and how he still loves her still, now...
"Me too..." Jessica whispers. She hasn't been able to come again to this park, for it holds too many memories of them. That day when he told her he loved her, when he told her, she is his is life... that day seems to be too long ago... a lot has happened ever since.
"I can't seem to come here without remembering..." Nick trails off, and looks at Jessica.
"I know..." Jessica replies knowingly, feeling the same way about this. They were silence again, as they watch some children playing with their parents. Remembering a day long ago when they had shared their wish of having a family someday, arguing over how many children is the best in a family, and ending up without any conclusion. Each too stubborn to back down. They loved spending the whole evening there, enjoying the view, and the feeling of being together.
Nick takes a deep breath as all memories come rushing back again. Their first meeting there, all the meetings that followed afterwards. All those wonderful times when they had shared their everything... their dreams... their soul... their past... When all he felt was happiness and comfort...
And now, all of those are so different, still the same two person, in the same place, same bench, but very different. A lot has happened.
"Why?" He asks a question he has wanted to ask from her for a while. Not out of anger, but out of need to understand. "Why did you do that?"
Jessica knew full well what he meant. Truth to be told, she had been asking the same thing almost everyday since she met him. Why did she told him those pack of lies, why didn't she just tell him the truth, but she knew her answer, and he had told him about that too. She wanted to give them a chance, knowing, if he had known the truth about her, he would back down, thinking she's just a kid, she's too young and too fragile. Thinking that he wouldn't deserve her. She had told him, yet he didn't believe her.
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you... I told you everything, over and over again... How many times should I tell you until finally you would somehow believe me...†Jessica looks away. Remembering countless time when she had told him she loved him that she lied to him to give them a chance, that she did that out of love, trying to make him understand, and always having him doubts her and denies her in return. "I'm not a kid, Nick." Jessica feels the hurt over his words again, his rejection.
"You're sixteen..." Nick says the obvious truth. Having through this too many times, but it all still seems so surreal. Still believing he's having a nightmare, and that when he wakes up all will be okay with his world...Jessica will still be that woman that he had known, a 21 years old that she told him to be, a woman that has made him bent to his knee, finally able to open his heart, giving it warmth through her love... A woman that he wishes he could share his future with... but it's not a dream... it's real...
"We come to that thing again?" Jessica is sick of having this conversation, every time, he always brings up that stupid number, and she hates it. "Yes, Nick... I'm sixteen, so what?" She's ready to fight. All this time and he still somehow blame her; she hates it, why can't he understand...
Nick shakes his head, he doesn't want to fight anymore, he's also sick of fighting. He looks at Jessica and notices her books.
"How's school?" He confused himself with that question, where the hell did that coming from. He
hears Jessica laugh a little.
"What?" He asks confused.
"How's school?" Jessica echoes him, surprised, still laughing softly. Nick looks at her even more confused. Questioning her with his eyes...
"You never asked me about school before..." Jessica answers him, still laughing. "I just... it's funny..." Jessica says, not expecting that question; prepare for more condemnation from him, but having him surprised her. Nick looks at her and finally joins her laugh. She loves that they had been through the hard part, and now, having a more relaxing conversation.
"Well, I have never dated a sixteen year old before... not even when I was a teenager mind you... so I don't know the etiquette...." Nick tries to defend himself but only to have Jessica laugh even more.
"You never dated a sixteen year old???" Jessica asks surprised. "Where were you?" Jessica asks teasingly.
"No... When I was sixteen...my parent’s had just gone through with the divorce and..." He shakes his head, trying to ease the pain he still feels every time he remembers it. A hand finds its way to his, and entwine it tightly, squeezing it, giving comfort and strength. Nick looks up to her brown eyes, wondering how she always knows how to make him feel better. "Thank You..." Is all he can utter as even a simple gesture from her already makes him feel better, filling the gap on his heart. Jessica just smiles back in reply.
"You haven't answered me..." Nick says after a while, trying to lighten the mood again.
"What?" A pause "School…?" Jessica asks teasingly, before breaks into another laughter.
"Jessica..." Nick admonishes her playfully, smiling as he does. Feeling better than he has ever been in a long time, after that night when he found out the truth. How she always does that to him left him wondering.
"It's okay... just as usual..." She answers still smiling. They still have their hands tightly intertwined. “You know... homework, tests…guys..." She adds teasingly, they both smile.
They are silence as each engrossed in their own mind. Where will it go, they are together, they smile to each other, they laugh, they tease each other... what will happen next...
"Does this mean that we're dating?" Jessica asks breaking the silence. "Nick?" She looks up into his eyes, trying to find an answer. She sees his love for her; still, she's sure of it.
"It would be hard, Jessica..." Nick answers her; his mind is overruling his heart. He has been contemplating the idea more than he wants him to be, or wants to admit to anybody, battling with himself, thinking over all the worst case scenarios should they resume their relationship, but missing all those wonderful feeling he feels when they're together with each p[arse]ing moment.
"I don't care..." Jessica tries to convince him, she knows the way he
thinks, and how sometime he thinks too much. She used to do that also, but now, for this one particular thing... she just wants to go with her heart... to bask in the happiness, she just wishes he would do the same.
"I won't be able to pay that Harvard tuition for you..." Nick looks at her, reminding her of one dream that he's not sure he would be able to give her. He is still scratching from bottom; he barely survives on his own. He barely manages his office, how can he give her all that she deserves.
"I'll get a scholarship...." Jessica challenges him, feeling that she's winning him over by each step they take. She's sure of her feeling, and looking through his eyes, she's sure of his too. He just needs some convincing.
"Your parents will kill me if they know..." Nick sighs, looking away.
"I'll die with you..." Jessica smiles at him, turning his face to hers with the hand that’s not holding his tight, so that he would see her.
"It's not funny, Jess...." Nick shoos her hand away from his face, holding both of her hands in his, looking at her.
"I know..." A sigh, as Jessica looks down at their joined hands.
"Do you love me, Nick?" Jessica asks seriously, looking up at him, loosing the playful mood she had few minutes back.
"Do you even have to ask that?" Nick answers her sarcastically.
"Answer me, Nick..." Jessica pleads. Nick looks at her as he tells her his answer.
"I love you... more than anything...†He replies wholeheartedly.
"Then why don't you fight for us, I love you, you said you love me... what the hell do we care with the world..." Jessica tries to reason.
"It's not that simple..." Nick breaks at his last word. No, it's not simple at all. He could just follow his heart but the entire barrier on their way... He doesn't care what will happen to him, but he's petrified of what will happen to her... she's young and as much as she thinks she is strong enough and mature enough... he still worried about her. If her parents and her families know, they will be angry and upset. It would tear the already torn family, a family that has just stumbling back, finding its way to survive. He knows how much she cares for them, no matter what they had done. And it would be hard for her, knowing she had let her parents down. He knows they would be upset if they know about their relationship.
And her friends, what would they think of her, her education, her future, her life... she could loose everything...
"You can loose everything you have now, Jessica..." Nick is trying to explain to her his reason. Jessica listens to him, knowing he has a reason to his action. He thinks too much, and he thinks too much of her. So, it's her that he is worried about. But somehow, she just has to make him see, that all those things meant nothing without him. After knowing and tasting that piece of haven when they're together, she realizes how empty her life is now. No matter how hard she tried, she never felt complete.
"I already lost everything when I lost you..." Jessica says in whisper, letting go of his hand. It's true; she lost one thing that made her world complete. Nick turns to see her head bent down, a tear sliding down her cheek. She is sincere and honest. He puts his hand over hers, calling her name softly. Jessica is not one to give up too easily. "We can keep this a secret... nobody will know... and when the time is right... we will tell them..." Jessica offers hopefully, turning to look at him. How can she make him see, that nothing is worth without him...
"It's too risky..." Nick shakes his head, loving that she wants to be with him more than anything, but afraid that she would get hurt eventually, that they would get hurt eventually.
"Life is full of risk." A pause… "We'll never know till we try...Let's try Nicky..."
Nick looks at Jessica, still sees, the woman he fell in love with, yes, she wears her school uniform then, making her look so young, but still, she's that woman. He looks into her eyes; seeing her determination and love there in those beautiful blues that always get to him. He can't deny what she wants, what he wants, he wants this as much as she does, if not more...
He knows he's crazy for doing this, he has come simply to just give her back her coat, knowing how important that is to her, and seeing how she's doing, and here he is about to make the craziest decision of his life... but for once... he's going with his heart...
"Let's try..." He says firmly.
"Really…?" Jessica cannot believe her ears.
"Really..." Nick nods firmly, as Jessica throws her arms around him, smiling wildly. Nick gets them both to their feet, still holding each other tight, smiling, laughing, crying, madly. After a while though, Jessica pulls away. Feeling that she needs to tell him something…
"I never meant to hurt you, Nick..." She says softly, sincerely. "I'm sorry..."
"I know... me too." Nick wipes the tears she didn't even realize she has shed. She holds his hands, kisses them one after another, and reaches up to kiss him softly, full of promise of what days to come will bring.
"I love you..." Jessica whispers shakily, hoping this time he would believe her fully.
"I love you too...†He smiles; finally letting go of all his worries and doubts, to really basks in the happiness. They hold each other tight, feeling complete again. They know there would be a long way ahead of them, and certain there would be barrier on their way, a lot to overcome, but together... they would fight everything....
******
End of part 1. </span>